Five or six days after this Mr. Lawrence paid us the honour of a call; and when he and I were alone together - which I contrived1 as soon as possible by bringing him out to look at my cornstacks - he showed me another letter from his sister. This one he was quite willing to submit to my longing2 gaze; he thought, I suppose, it would do me good. The only answer it gave to my message was this:-
'Mr. Markham is at liberty to make such revelations concerning me as he judges necessary. He will know that I should wish but little to be said on the subject. I hope he is well; but tell him he must not think of me.'
I can give you a few extracts from the rest of the letter, for I was permitted to keep this also - perhaps, as an antidote3 to all pernicious hopes and fancies.
* * * * *
He is decidedly better, but very low from the depressing effects of his severe illness and the strict regimen he is obliged to observe - so opposite to all his previous habits. It is deplorable to see how completely his past life has degenerated4 his once noble constitution, and vitiated the whole system of his organization. But the doctor says he may now be considered out of danger, if he will only continue to observe the necessary restrictions5. Some stimulating6 cordials he must have, but they should be judiciously7 diluted8 and sparingly used; and I find it very difficult to keep him to this. At first, his extreme dread9 of death rendered the task an easy one; but in proportion as he feels his acute suffering abating10, and sees the danger receding11, the more intractable he becomes. Now, also, his appetite for food is beginning to return; and here, too, his long habits of self-indulgence are greatly against him. I watch and restrain him as well as I can, and often get bitterly abused for my rigid12 severity; and sometimes he contrives13 to elude14 my vigilance, and sometimes acts in opposition15 to my will. But he is now so completely reconciled to my attendance in general that he is never satisfied when I am not by his side. I am obliged to be a little stiff with him sometimes, or he would make a complete slave of me; and I know it would be unpardonable weakness to give up all other interests for him. I have the servants to overlook, and my little Arthur to attend to, - and my own health too, all of which would be entirely16 neglected were I to satisfy his exorbitant17 demands. I do not generally sit up at night, for I think the nurse who has made it her business is better qualified18 for such undertakings19 than I am; - but still, an unbroken night's rest is what I but seldom enjoy, and never can venture to reckon upon; for my patient makes no scruple20 of calling me up at an hour when his wants or his fancies require my presence. But he is manifestly afraid of my displeasure; and if at one time he tries my patience by his unreasonable21 exactions, and fretful complaints and reproaches, at another he depresses me by his abject22 submission23 and deprecatory self-abasement when he fears he has gone too far. But all this I can readily pardon; I know it is chiefly the result of his enfeebled frame and disordered nerves. What annoys me the most, is his occasional attempts at affectionate fondness that I can neither credit nor return; not that I hate him: his sufferings and my own laborious24 care have given him some claim to my regard - to my affection even, if he would only be quiet and sincere, and content to let things remain as they are; but the more he tries to conciliate me, the more I shrink from him and from the future.
'Helen, what do you mean to do when I get well?' he asked this morning. 'Will you run away again?'
'It entirely depends upon your own conduct.'
'Oh, I'll be very good.'
'But if I find it necessary to leave you, Arthur, I shall not "run away": you know I have your own promise that I may go whenever I please, and take my son with me.'
'Oh, but you shall have no cause.' And then followed a variety of professions, which I rather coldly checked.
'Will you not forgive me, then?' said he.
'Yes, - I have forgiven you: but I know you cannot love me as you once did - and I should be very sorry if you were to, for I could not pretend to return it: so let us drop the subject, and never recur25 to it again. By what I have done for you, you may judge of what I will do - if it be not incompatible26 with the higher duty I owe to my son (higher, because he never forfeited27 his claims, and because I hope to do more good to him than I can ever do to you); and if you wish me to feel kindly28 towards you, it is deeds not words which must purchase my affection and esteem29.'
His sole reply to this was a slight grimace30, and a scarcely perceptible shrug31. Alas32, unhappy man! words, with him, are so much cheaper than deeds; it was as if I had said, 'Pounds, not pence, must buy the article you want.' And then he sighed a querulous, self-commiserating sigh, as if in pure regret that he, the loved and courted of so many worshippers, should be now abandoned to the mercy of a harsh, exacting33, cold-hearted woman like that, and even glad of what kindness she chose to bestow34.
'It's a pity, isn't it?' said I; and whether I rightly divined his musings or not, the observation chimed in with his thoughts, for he answered - 'It can't be helped,' with a rueful smile at my penetration35.
* * * * *
I have I seen Esther Hargrave twice. She is a charming creature, but her blithe36 spirit is almost broken, and her sweet temper almost spoiled, by the still unremitting persecutions of her mother in behalf of her rejected suitor - not violent, but wearisome and unremitting like a continual dropping. The unnatural37 parent seems determined38 to make her daughter's life a burden, if she will not yield to her desires.
'Mamma does all she can,' said she, 'to make me feel myself a burden and incumbrance to the family, and the most ungrateful, selfish, and undutiful daughter that ever was born; and Walter, too, is as stern and cold and haughty39 as if he hated me outright40. I believe I should have yielded at once if I had known, from the beginning, how much resistance would have cost me; but now, for very obstinacy's sake, I will stand out!'
'A bad motive41 for a good resolve,' I answered. 'But, however, I know you have better motives42, really, for your perseverance43: and I counsel you to keep them still in view.'
'Trust me I will. I threaten mamma sometimes that I'll run away, and disgrace the family by earning my own livelihood44, if she torments45 me any more; and then that frightens her a little. But I will do it, in good earnest, if they don't mind.'
'Be quiet and patient a while,' said I, 'and better times will come.'
Poor girl! I wish somebody that was worthy46 to possess her would come and take her away - don't you, Frederick?
* * * * *
If the perusal47 of this letter filled me with dismay for Helen's future life and mine, there was one great source of consolation48: it was now in my power to clear her name from every foul49 aspersion50. The Millwards and the Wilsons should see with their own eyes the bright sun bursting from the cloud - and they should be scorched51 and dazzled by its beams; - and my own friends too should see it - they whose suspicions had been such gall52 and wormwood to my soul. To effect this I had only to drop the seed into the ground, and it would soon become a stately, branching herb: a few words to my mother and sister, I knew, would suffice to spread the news throughout the whole neighbourhood, without any further exertion53 on my part.
Rose was delighted; and as soon as I had told her all I thought proper - which was all I affected54 to know - she flew with alacrity55 to put on her bonnet56 and shawl, and hasten to carry the glad tidings to the Millwards and Wilsons - glad tidings, I suspect, to none but herself and Mary Millward - that steady, sensible girl, whose sterling57 worth had been so quickly perceived and duly valued by the supposed Mrs. Graham, in spite of her plain outside; and who, on her part, had been better able to see and appreciate that lady's true character and qualities than the brightest genius among them.
As I may never have occasion to mention her again, I may as well tell you here that she was at this time privately58 engaged to Richard Wilson - a secret, I believe, to every one but themselves. That worthy student was now at Cambridge, where his most exemplary conduct and his diligent59 perseverance in the pursuit of learning carried him safely through, and eventually brought him with hard- earned honours, and an untarnished reputation, to the close of his collegiate career. In due time he became Mr. Millward's first and only curate - for that gentleman's declining years forced him at last to acknowledge that the duties of his extensive parish were a little too much for those vaunted energies which he was wont60 to boast over his younger and less active brethren of the cloth. This was what the patient, faithful lovers had privately planned and quietly waited for years ago; and in due time they were united, to the astonishment61 of the little world they lived in, that had long since declared them both born to single blessedness; affirming it impossible that the pale, retiring bookworm should ever summon courage to seek a wife, or be able to obtain one if he did, and equally impossible that the plain-looking, plain-dealing, unattractive, unconciliating Miss Millward should ever find a husband.
They still continued to live at the vicarage, the lady dividing her time between her father, her husband, and their poor parishioners, - and subsequently her rising family; and now that the Reverend Michael Millward has been gathered to his fathers, full of years and honours, the Reverend Richard Wilson has succeeded him to the vicarage of Linden-hope, greatly to the satisfaction of its inhabitants, who had so long tried and fully62 proved his merits, and those of his excellent and well-loved partner.
If you are interested in the after fate of that lady's sister, I can only tell you - what perhaps you have heard from another quarter - that some twelve or thirteen years ago she relieved the happy couple of her presence by marrying a wealthy tradesman of L-; and I don't envy him his bargain. I fear she leads him a rather uncomfortable life, though, happily, he is too dull to perceive the extent of his misfortune. I have little enough to do with her myself: we have not met for many years; but, I am well assured, she has not yet forgotten or forgiven either her former lover, or the lady whose superior qualities first opened his eyes to the folly63 of his boyish attachment64.
As for Richard Wilson's sister, she, having been wholly unable to recapture Mr. Lawrence, or obtain any partner rich and elegant enough to suit her ideas of what the husband of Jane Wilson ought to be, is yet in single blessedness. Shortly after the death of her mother she withdrew the light of her presence from Ryecote Farm, finding it impossible any longer to endure the rough manners and unsophisticated habits of her honest brother Robert and his worthy wife, or the idea of being identified with such vulgar people in the eyes of the world, and took lodgings65 in - the county town, where she lived, and still lives, I suppose, in a kind of close-fisted, cold, uncomfortable gentility, doing no good to others, and but little to herself; spending her days in fancy-work and scandal; referring frequently to her 'brother the vicar,' and her 'sister, the vicar's lady,' but never to her brother the farmer and her sister the farmer's wife; seeing as much company as she can without too much expense, but loving no one and beloved by none - a cold-hearted, supercilious66, keenly, insidiously67 censorious old maid.
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contrived
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| adj.不自然的，做作的；虚构的 | |
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longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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antidote
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| n.解毒药，解毒剂 | |
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degenerated
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| 衰退，堕落，退化( degenerate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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restrictions
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| 约束( restriction的名词复数 )； 管制； 制约因素； 带限制性的条件（或规则） | |
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stimulating
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| adj.有启发性的，能激发人思考的 | |
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judiciously
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| adv.明断地，明智而审慎地 | |
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diluted
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| 无力的，冲淡的 | |
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dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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abating
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| 减少( abate的现在分词 )； 减去； 降价； 撤消（诉讼） | |
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receding
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| v.逐渐远离( recede的现在分词 )；向后倾斜；自原处后退或避开别人的注视；尤指问题 | |
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rigid
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| adj.严格的，死板的；刚硬的，僵硬的 | |
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13
contrives
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| （不顾困难地）促成某事( contrive的第三人称单数 )； 巧妙地策划，精巧地制造（如机器）； 设法做到 | |
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elude
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| v.躲避，困惑 | |
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opposition
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| n.反对，敌对 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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exorbitant
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| adj.过分的；过度的 | |
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qualified
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| adj.合格的，有资格的，胜任的，有限制的 | |
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undertakings
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| 企业( undertaking的名词复数 )； 保证； 殡仪业； 任务 | |
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scruple
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| n./v.顾忌，迟疑 | |
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unreasonable
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| adj.不讲道理的，不合情理的，过度的 | |
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abject
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| adj.极可怜的，卑屈的 | |
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submission
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| n.服从，投降；温顺，谦虚；提出 | |
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laborious
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| adj.吃力的，努力的，不流畅 | |
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recur
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| vi.复发，重现，再发生 | |
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incompatible
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| adj.不相容的，不协调的，不相配的 | |
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forfeited
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| （因违反协议、犯规、受罚等）丧失，失去( forfeit的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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28
kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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29
esteem
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| n.尊敬，尊重；vt.尊重，敬重；把…看作 | |
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30
grimace
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| v.做鬼脸，面部歪扭 | |
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31
shrug
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| v.耸肩(表示怀疑、冷漠、不知等) | |
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alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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exacting
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| adj.苛求的，要求严格的 | |
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bestow
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| v.把…赠与，把…授予；花费 | |
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penetration
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| n.穿透，穿人，渗透 | |
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blithe
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| adj.快乐的，无忧无虑的 | |
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unnatural
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| adj.不自然的；反常的 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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haughty
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| adj.傲慢的，高傲的 | |
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outright
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| adv.坦率地；彻底地；立即；adj.无疑的；彻底的 | |
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41
motive
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| n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的 | |
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motives
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| n.动机，目的( motive的名词复数 ) | |
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43
perseverance
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| n.坚持不懈，不屈不挠 | |
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livelihood
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| n.生计，谋生之道 | |
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torments
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| （肉体或精神上的）折磨，痛苦( torment的名词复数 )； 造成痛苦的事物[人] | |
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46
worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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47
perusal
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| n.细读，熟读；目测 | |
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consolation
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| n.安慰，慰问 | |
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49
foul
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| adj.污秽的；邪恶的；v.弄脏；妨害；犯规；n.犯规 | |
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aspersion
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| n.诽谤，中伤 | |
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51
scorched
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| 烧焦，烤焦( scorch的过去式和过去分词 )； 使（植物）枯萎，把…晒枯； 高速行驶； 枯焦 | |
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52
gall
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| v.使烦恼，使焦躁，难堪；n.磨难 | |
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53
exertion
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| n.尽力，努力 | |
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affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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55
alacrity
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| n.敏捷，轻快，乐意 | |
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bonnet
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| n.无边女帽；童帽 | |
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sterling
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| adj.英币的(纯粹的，货真价实的)；n.英国货币(英镑) | |
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58
privately
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| adv.以私人的身份，悄悄地，私下地 | |
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diligent
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| adj.勤勉的，勤奋的 | |
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wont
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| adj.习惯于；v.习惯；n.习惯 | |
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astonishment
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| n.惊奇，惊异 | |
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fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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63
folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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attachment
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| n.附属物，附件；依恋；依附 | |
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lodgings
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| n. 出租的房舍, 寄宿舍 | |
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66
supercilious
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| adj.目中无人的，高傲的；adv.高傲地；n.高傲 | |
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insidiously
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| 潜在地，隐伏地，阴险地 | |
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