"Look at those spangles, Miss Bart--every one of 'em sewed on crooked1."
The tall forewoman, a pinched perpendicular2 figure, dropped the condemned4 structure of wire and net on the table at Lily's side, and passed on to the next figure in the line.
There were twenty of them in the work-room, their fagged profiles, under exaggerated hair, bowed in the harsh north light above the utensils5 of their art; for it was something more than an industry, surely, this creation of ever-varied settings for the face of fortunate womanhood. Their own faces were sallow with the unwholesomeness of hot air and sedentary toil6, rather than with any actual signs of want: they were employed in a fashionable millinery establishment, and were fairly well clothed and well paid; but the youngest among them was as dull and colourless as the middle-aged7. In the whole work-room there was only one skin beneath which the blood still visibly played; and that now burned with vexation as Miss Bart, under the lash8 of the forewoman's comment, began to strip the hat-frame of its over-lapping spangles.
To Gerty Farish's hopeful spirit a solution appeared to have been reached when she remembered how beautifully Lily could trim hats. Instances of young lady-milliners establishing themselves under fashionable patronage9, and imparting to their "creations" that indefinable touch which the professional hand can never give, had flattered Gerty's visions of the future, and convinced even Lily that her separation from Mrs. Norma Hatch need not reduce her to dependence10 on her friends.
The parting had occurred a few weeks after Selden's visit, and would have taken place sooner had it not been for the resistance set up in Lily by his ill-starred offer of advice. The sense of being involved in a transaction she would not have cared to examine too closely had soon afterward11 defined itself in the light of a hint from Mr. Stancy that, if she "saw them through," she would have no reason to be sorry. The implication that such loyalty12 would meet with a direct reward had hastened her flight, and flung her back, ashamed and penitent13, on the broad bosom14 of Gerty's sympathy. She did not, however, propose to lie there prone15, and Gerty's inspiration about the hats at once revived her hopes of profitable activity. Here was, after all, something that her charming listless hands could really do; she had no doubt of their capacity for knotting a ribbon or placing a flower to advantage. And of course only these finishing touches would be expected of her: subordinate fingers, blunt, grey, needle-pricked fingers, would prepare the shapes and stitch the linings16, while she presided over the charming little front shop--a shop all white panels, mirrors, and moss-green hangings--where her finished creations, hats, wreaths, aigrettes and the rest, perched on their stands like birds just poising17 for flight.
But at the very outset of Gerty's campaign this vision of the green-and-white shop had been dispelled18. Other young ladies of fashion had been thus "set-up," selling their hats by the mere19 attraction of a name and the reputed knack20 of tying a bow; but these privileged beings could command a faith in their powers materially expressed by the readiness to pay their shop-rent and advance a handsome sum for current expenses. Where was Lily to find such support? And even could it have been found, how were the ladies on whose approval she depended to be induced to give her their patronage? Gerty learned that whatever sympathy her friend's case might have excited a few months since had been imperilled, if not lost, by her association with Mrs. Hatch. Once again, Lily had withdrawn22 from an ambiguous situation in time to save her self-respect, but too late for public vindication24. Freddy Van Osburgh was not to marry Mrs. Hatch; he had been rescued at the eleventh hour--some said by the efforts of Gus Trenor and Rosedale--and despatched to Europe with old Ned Van Alstyne; but the risk he had run would always be ascribed to Miss Bart's connivance25, and would somehow serve as a summing-up and corroboration26 of the vague general distrust of her. It was a relief to those who had hung back from her to find themselves thus justified27, and they were inclined to insist a little on her connection with the Hatch case in order to show that they had been right.
Gerty's quest, at any rate, brought up against a solid wall of resistance; and even when Carry Fisher, momentarily penitent for her share in the Hatch affair, joined her efforts to Miss Farish's, they met with no better success. Gerty had tried to veil her failure in tender ambiguities28; but Carry, always the soul of candour, put the case squarely to her friend.
"I went straight to Judy Trenor; she has fewer prejudices than the others, and besides she's always hated Bertha Dorset. But what HAVE you done to her, Lily? At the very first word about giving you a start she flamed out about some money you'd got from Gus; I never knew her so hot before. You know she'll let him do anything but spend money on his friends: the only reason she's decent to me now is that she knows I'm not hard up.--He speculated for you, you say? Well, what's the harm? He had no business to lose. He DIDN'T lose? Then what on earth--but I never COULD understand you, Lily!"
The end of it was that, after anxious enquiry and much deliberation, Mrs. Fisher and Gerty, for once oddly united in their effort to help their friend, decided30 on placing her in the work-room of Mme. Regina's renowned31 millinery establishment. Even this arrangement was not effected without considerable negotiation32, for Mme. Regina had a strong prejudice against untrained assistance, and was induced to yield only by the fact that she owed the patronage of Mrs. Bry and Mrs. Gormer to Carry Fisher's influence. She had been willing from the first to employ Lily in the show-room: as a displayer of hats, a fashionable beauty might be a valuable asset. But to this suggestion Miss Bart opposed a negative which Gerty emphatically supported, while Mrs. Fisher, inwardly unconvinced, but resigned to this latest proof of Lily's unreason, agreed that perhaps in the end it would be more useful that she should learn the trade. To Regina's work-room Lily was therefore committed by her friends, and there Mrs. Fisher left her with a sigh of relief, while Gerty's watchfulness33 continued to hover34 over her at a distance.
Lily had taken up her work early in January: it was now two months later, and she was still being rebuked35 for her inability to sew spangles on a hat-frame. As she returned to her work she heard a titter pass down the tables. She knew she was an object of criticism and amusement to the other work-women. They were, of course, aware of her history--the exact situation of every girl in the room was known and freely discussed by all the others--but the knowledge did not produce in them any awkward sense of class distinction: it merely explained why her untutored fingers were still blundering over the rudiments36 of the trade. Lily had no desire that they should recognize any social difference in her; but she had hoped to be received as their equal, and perhaps before long to show herself their superior by a special deftness37 of touch, and it was humiliating to find that, after two months of drudgery38, she still betrayed her lack of early training. Remote was the day when she might aspire39 to exercise the talents she felt confident of possessing; only experienced workers were entrusted40 with the delicate art of shaping and trimming the hat, and the forewoman still held her inexorably to the routine of preparatory work.
She began to rip the spangles from the frame, listening absently to the buzz of talk which rose and fell with the coming and going of Miss Haines's active figure. The air was closer than usual, because Miss Haines, who had a cold, had not allowed a window to be opened even during the noon recess41; and Lily's head was so heavy with the weight of a sleepless42 night that the chatter43 of her companions had the incoherence of a dream.
"I TOLD her he'd never look at her again; and he didn't. I wouldn't have, either--I think she acted real mean to him. He took her to the Arion Ball, and had a hack44 for her both ways.... She's taken ten bottles, and her headaches don't seem no better--but she's written a testimonial to say the first bottle cured her, and she got five dollars and her picture in the paper.... Mrs. Trenor's hat? The one with the green Paradise? Here, Miss Haines--it'll be ready right off.... That was one of the Trenor girls here yesterday with Mrs. George Dorset. How'd I know? Why, Madam sent for me to alter the flower in that Virot hat--the blue tulle: she's tall and slight, with her hair fuzzed out--a good deal like Mamie Leach45, on'y thinner...."
On and on it flowed, a current of meaningless sound, on which, startlingly enough, a familiar name now and then floated to the surface. It was the strangest part of Lily's strange experience, the hearing of these names, the seeing the fragmentary and distorted image of the world she had lived in reflected in the mirror of the working-girls' minds. She had never before suspected the mixture of insatiable curiosity and contemptuous freedom with which she and her kind were discussed in this underworld of toilers who lived on their vanity and self-indulgence. Every girl in Mme. Regina's work-room knew to whom the headgear in her hands was destined46, and had her opinion of its future wearer, and a definite knowledge of the latter's place in the social system. That Lily was a star fallen from that sky did not, after the first stir of curiosity had subsided47, materially add to their interest in her. She had fallen, she had "gone under," and true to the ideal of their race, they were awed48 only by success--by the gross tangible49 image of material achievement. The consciousness of her different point of view merely kept them at a little distance from her, as though she were a foreigner with whom it was an effort to talk.
"Miss Bart, if you can't sew those spangles on more regular I guess you'd better give the hat to Miss Kilroy."
Lily looked down ruefully at her handiwork. The forewoman was right: the sewing on of the spangles was inexcusably bad. What made her so much more clumsy than usual? Was it a growing distaste for her task, or actual physical disability? She felt tired and confused: it was an effort to put her thoughts together. She rose and handed the hat to Miss Kilroy, who took it with a suppressed smile.
"I'm sorry; I'm afraid I am not well," she said to the forewoman.
Miss Haines offered no comment. From the first she had augured50 ill of Mme. Regina's consenting to include a fashionable apprentice51 among her workers. In that temple of art no raw beginners were wanted, and Miss Haines would have been more than human had she not taken a certain pleasure in seeing her forebodings confirmed.
"You'd better go back to binding52 edges," she said drily. Lily slipped out last among the band of liberated53 work-women. She did not care to be mingled54 in their noisy dispersal: once in the street, she always felt an irresistible55 return to her old standpoint, an instinctive56 shrinking from all that was unpolished and promiscuous57. In the days--how distant they now seemed!--when she had visited the Girls' Club with Gerty Farish, she had felt an enlightened interest in the working-classes; but that was because she looked down on them from above, from the happy altitude of her grace and her beneficence. Now that she was on a level with them, the point of view was less interesting.
She felt a touch on her arm, and met the penitent eye of Miss Kilroy. "Miss Bart, I guess you can sew those spangles on as well as I can when you're feeling right. Miss Haines didn't act fair to you."
Lily's colour rose at the unexpected advance: it was a long time since real kindness had looked at her from any eyes but Gerty's.
"Oh, thank you: I'm not particularly well, but Miss Haines was right. I AM clumsy."
"Well, it's mean work for anybody with a headache." Miss Kilroy paused irresolutely58. "You ought to go right home and lay down. Ever try orangeine?"
"Thank you." Lily held out her hand. "It's very kind of you--I mean to go home."
She looked gratefully at Miss Kilroy, but neither knew what more to say. Lily was aware that the other was on the point of offering to go home with her, but she wanted to be alone and silent--even kindness, the sort of kindness that Miss Kilroy could give, would have jarred on her just then.
"Thank you," she repeated as she turned away.
She struck westward60 through the dreary61 March twilight62, toward the street where her boarding-house stood. She had resolutely59 refused Gerty's offer of hospitality. Something of her mother's fierce shrinking from observation and sympathy was beginning to develop in her, and the promiscuity63 of small quarters and close intimacy64 seemed, on the whole, less endurable than the solitude65 of a hall bedroom in a house where she could come and go unremarked among other workers. For a while she had been sustained by this desire for privacy and independence; but now, perhaps from increasing physical weariness, the lassitude brought about by hours of unwonted confinement66, she was beginning to feel acutely the ugliness and discomfort67 of her surroundings. The day's task done, she dreaded68 to return to her narrow room, with its blotched wallpaper and shabby paint; and she hated every step of the walk thither70, through the degradation71 of a New York street in the last stages of decline from fashion to commerce.
But what she dreaded most of all was having to pass the chemist's at the corner of Sixth Avenue. She had meant to take another street: she had usually done so of late. But today her steps were irresistibly72 drawn23 toward the flaring73 plate-glass corner; she tried to take the lower crossing, but a laden74 dray crowded her back, and she struck across the street obliquely75, reaching the sidewalk just opposite the chemist's door.
Over the counter she caught the eye of the clerk who had waited on her before, and slipped the prescription76 into his hand. There could be no question about the prescription: it was a copy of one of Mrs. Hatch's, obligingly furnished by that lady's chemist. Lily was confident that the clerk would fill it without hesitation77; yet the nervous dread69 of a refusal, or even of an expression of doubt, communicated itself to her restless hands as she affected78 to examine the bottles of perfume stacked on the glass case before her.
The clerk had read the prescription without comment; but in the act of handing out the bottle he paused.
"You don't want to increase the dose, you know," he remarked. Lily's heart contracted.
What did he mean by looking at her in that way?
"Of course not," she murmured, holding out her hand.
"That's all right: it's a queer-acting drug. A drop or two more, and off you go--the doctors don't know why."
The dread lest he should question her, or keep the bottle back, choked the murmur79 of acquiescence80 in her throat; and when at length she emerged safely from the shop she was almost dizzy with the intensity81 of her relief. The mere touch of the packet thrilled her tired nerves with the delicious promise of a night of sleep, and in the reaction from her momentary82 fear she felt as if the first fumes83 of drowsiness84 were already stealing over her.
In her confusion she stumbled against a man who was hurrying down the last steps of the elevated station. He drew back, and she heard her name uttered with surprise. It was Rosedale, fur-coated, glossy85 and prosperous--but why did she seem to see him so far off, and as if through a mist of splintered crystals? Before she could account for the phenomenon she found herself shaking hands with him. They had parted with scorn on her side and anger upon his; but all trace of these emotions seemed to vanish as their hands met, and she was only aware of a confused wish that she might continue to hold fast to him.
"Why, what's the matter, Miss Lily? You're not well!" he exclaimed; and she forced her lips into a pallid86 smile of reassurance87.
"I'm a little tired--it's nothing. Stay with me a moment, please," she faltered88. That she should be asking this service of Rosedale!
He glanced at the dirty and unpropitious corner on which they stood, with the shriek89 of the "elevated" and the tumult90 of trams and waggons91 contending hideously92 in their ears.
"We can't stay here; but let me take you somewhere for a cup of tea. The LONGWORTH is only a few yards off, and there'll be no one there at this hour."
A cup of tea in quiet, somewhere out of the noise and ugliness, seemed for the moment the one solace93 she could bear. A few steps brought them to the ladies' door of the hotel he had named, and a moment later he was seated opposite to her, and the waiter had placed the tea-tray between them.
"Not a drop of brandy or whiskey first? You look regularly done up, Miss Lily. Well, take your tea strong, then; and, waiter, get a cushion for the lady's back."
Lily smiled faintly at the injunction to take her tea strong. It was the temptation she was always struggling to resist. Her craving94 for the keen stimulant95 was forever conflicting with that other craving for sleep--the midnight craving which only the little phial in her hand could still. But today, at any rate, the tea could hardly be too strong: she counted on it to pour warmth and resolution into her empty veins96.
As she leaned back before him, her lids drooping97 in utter lassitude, though the first warm draught98 already tinged99 her face with returning life, Rosedale was seized afresh by the poignant100 surprise of her beauty. The dark pencilling of fatigue101 under her eyes, the morbid102 blue-veined pallour of the temples, brought out the brightness of her hair and lips, as though all her ebbing103 vitality104 were centred there. Against the dull chocolate-coloured background of the restaurant, the purity of her head stood out as it had never done in the most brightly-lit ball-room. He looked at her with a startled uncomfortable feeling, as though her beauty were a forgotten enemy that had lain in ambush105 and now sprang out on him unawares.
To clear the air he tried to take an easy tone with her. "Why, Miss Lily, I haven't seen you for an age. I didn't know what had become of you."
As he spoke106, he was checked by an embarrassing sense of the complications to which this might lead. Though he had not seen her he had heard of her; he knew of her connection with Mrs. Hatch, and of the talk resulting from it. Mrs. Hatch's MILIEU107 was one which he had once assiduously frequented, and now as devoutly108 shunned109.
Lily, to whom the tea had restored her usual clearness of mind, saw what was in his thoughts and said with a slight smile: "You would not be likely to know about me. I have joined the working classes."
He stared in genuine wonder. "You don't mean--? Why, what on earth are you doing?"
"Learning to be a milliner--at least TRYING to learn," she hastily qualified110 the statement.
Rosedale suppressed a low whistle of surprise. "Come off--you ain't serious, are you?"
"Perfectly111 serious. I'm obliged to work for my living."
"But I understood--I thought you were with Norma Hatch."
"You heard I had gone to her as her secretary?"
"Something of the kind, I believe." He leaned forward to refill her cup.
Lily guessed the possibilities of embarrassment112 which the topic held for him, and raising her eyes to his, she said suddenly: "I left her two months ago."
Rosedale continued to fumble113 awkwardly with the tea-pot, and she felt sure that he had heard what had been said of her. But what was there that Rosedale did not hear?
"Wasn't it a soft berth29?" he enquired114, with an attempt at lightness.
"Too soft--one might have sunk in too deep." Lily rested one arm on the edge of the table, and sat looking at him more intently than she had ever looked before. An uncontrollable impulse was urging her to put her case to this man, from whose curiosity she had always so fiercely defended herself.
"You know Mrs. Hatch, I think? Well, perhaps you can understand that she might make things too easy for one."
Rosedale looked faintly puzzled, and she remembered that allusiveness115 was lost on him.
"It was no place for you, anyhow," he agreed, so suffused116 and immersed in the light of her full gaze that he found himself being drawn into strange depths of intimacy. He who had had to subsist117 on mere fugitive118 glances, looks winged in flight and swiftly lost under covert119, now found her eyes settling on him with a brooding intensity that fairly dazzled him.
"I left," Lily continued, "lest people should say I was helping120 Mrs. Hatch to marry Freddy Van Osburgh--who is not in the least too good for her--and as they still continue to say it, I see that I might as well have stayed where I was."
"Oh, Freddy---" Rosedale brushed aside the topic with an air of its unimportance which gave a sense of the immense perspective he had acquired. "Freddy don't count--but I knew YOU weren't mixed up in that. It ain't your style."
Lily coloured slightly: she could not conceal121 from herself that the words gave her pleasure. She would have liked to sit there, drinking more tea, and continuing to talk of herself to Rosedale. But the old habit of observing the conventions reminded her that it was time to bring their colloquy122 to an end, and she made a faint motion to push back her chair.
Rosedale stopped her with a protesting gesture. "Wait a minute--don't go yet; sit quiet and rest a little longer. You look thoroughly123 played out. And you haven't told me---" He broke off, conscious of going farther than he had meant. She saw the struggle and understood it; understood also the nature of the spell to which he yielded as, with his eyes on her face, he began again abruptly124: "What on earth did you mean by saying just now that you were learning to be a milliner?"
"Just what I said. I am an apprentice at Regina's."
"Good Lord--YOU? But what for? I knew your aunt had turned you down: Mrs. Fisher told me about it. But I understood you got a legacy125 from her---"
"I got ten thousand dollars; but the legacy is not to be paid till next summer."
"Well, but--look here: you could BORROW on it any time you wanted."
She shook her head gravely. "No; for I owe it already."
"Owe it? The whole ten thousand?"
"Every penny." She paused, and then continued abruptly, with her eyes on his face: "I think Gus Trenor spoke to you once about having made some money for me in stocks."
She waited, and Rosedale, congested with embarrassment, muttered that he remembered something of the kind.
"He made about nine thousand dollars," Lily pursued, in the same tone of eager communicativeness. "At the time, I understood that he was speculating with my own money: it was incredibly stupid of me, but I knew nothing of business. Afterward I found out that he had NOT used my money--that what he said he had made for me he had really given me. It was meant in kindness, of course; but it was not the sort of obligation one could remain under. Unfortunately I had spent the money before I discovered my mistake; and so my legacy will have to go to pay it back. That is the reason why I am trying to learn a trade."
She made the statement clearly, deliberately126, with pauses between the sentences, so that each should have time to sink deeply into her hearer's mind. She had a passionate127 desire that some one should know the truth about this transaction, and also that the rumour128 of her intention to repay the money should reach Judy Trenor's ears. And it had suddenly occurred to her that Rosedale, who had surprised Trenor's confidence, was the fitting person to receive and transmit her version of the facts. She had even felt a momentary exhilaration at the thought of thus relieving herself of her detested129 secret; but the sensation gradually faded in the telling, and as she ended her pallour was suffused with a deep blush of misery130.
Rosedale continued to stare at her in wonder; but the wonder took the turn she had least expected.
"But see here--if that's the case, it cleans you out altogether?"
He put it to her as if she had not grasped the consequences of her act; as if her incorrigible131 ignorance of business were about to precipitate132 her into a fresh act of folly133.
"Altogether--yes," she calmly agreed.
He sat silent, his thick hands clasped on the table, his little puzzled eyes exploring the recesses134 of the deserted135 restaurant.
"See here--that's fine," he exclaimed abruptly.
Lily rose from her seat with a deprecating laugh. "Oh, no--it's merely a bore," she asserted, gathering136 together the ends of her feather scarf.
Rosedale remained seated, too intent on his thoughts to notice her movement. "Miss Lily, if you want any backing--I like pluck---" broke from him disconnectedly.
"Thank you." She held out her hand. "Your tea has given me a tremendous backing. I feel equal to anything now."
Her gesture seemed to show a definite intention of dismissal, but her companion had tossed a bill to the waiter, and was slipping his short arms into his expensive overcoat.
"Wait a minute--you've got to let me walk home with you," he said.
Lily uttered no protest, and when he had paused to make sure of his change they emerged from the hotel and crossed Sixth Avenue again. As she led the way westward past a long line of areas which, through the distortion of their paintless rails, revealed with increasing candour the DISJECTA MEMBRA of bygone dinners, Lily felt that Rosedale was taking contemptuous note of the neighbourhood; and before the doorstep at which she finally paused he looked up with an air of incredulous disgust.
"This isn't the place? Some one told me you were living with Miss Farish."
"No: I am boarding here. I have lived too long on my friends."
He continued to scan the blistered137 brown stone front, the windows draped with discoloured lace, and the Pompeian decoration of the muddy vestibule; then he looked back at her face and said with a visible effort: "You'll let me come and see you some day?"
She smiled, recognizing the heroism138 of the offer to the point of being frankly139 touched by it. "Thank you--I shall be very glad," she made answer, in the first sincere words she had ever spoken to him.
That evening in her own room Miss Bart--who had fled early from the heavy fumes of the basement dinner-table--sat musing140 upon the impulse which had led her to unbosom herself to Rosedale. Beneath it she discovered an increasing sense of loneliness--a dread of returning to the solitude of her room, while she could be anywhere else, or in any company but her own. Circumstances, of late, had combined to cut her off more and more from her few remaining friends. On Carry Fisher's part the withdrawal141 was perhaps not quite involuntary. Having made her final effort on Lily's behalf, and landed her safely in Mme. Regina's work-room, Mrs. Fisher seemed disposed to rest from her labours; and Lily, understanding the reason, could not condemn3 her. Carry had in fact come dangerously near to being involved in the episode of Mrs. Norma Hatch, and it had taken some verbal ingenuity142 to extricate143 herself. She frankly owned to having brought Lily and Mrs. Hatch together, but then she did not know Mrs. Hatch--she had expressly warned Lily that she did not know Mrs. Hatch--and besides, she was not Lily's keeper, and really the girl was old enough to take care of herself. Carry did not put her own case so brutally144, but she allowed it to be thus put for her by her latest bosom friend, Mrs. Jack145 Stepney: Mrs. Stepney, trembling over the narrowness of her only brother's escape, but eager to vindicate146 Mrs. Fisher, at whose house she could count on the "jolly parties" which had become a necessity to her since marriage had emancipated147 her from the Van Osburgh point of view.
Lily understood the situation and could make allowances for it. Carry had been a good friend to her in difficult days, and perhaps only a friendship like Gerty's could be proof against such an increasing strain. Gerty's friendship did indeed hold fast; yet Lily was beginning to avoid her also. For she could not go to Gerty's without risk of meeting Selden; and to meet him now would be pure pain. It was pain enough even to think of him, whether she considered him in the distinctness of her waking thoughts, or felt the obsession148 of his presence through the blur149 of her tormented150 nights. That was one of the reasons why she had turned again to Mrs. Hatch's prescription. In the uneasy snatches of her natural dreams he came to her sometimes in the old guise151 of fellowship and tenderness; and she would rise from the sweet delusion152 mocked and emptied of her courage. But in the sleep which the phial procured153 she sank far below such half-waking visitations, sank into depths of dreamless annihilation from which she woke each morning with an obliterated154 past.
Gradually, to be sure, the stress of the old thoughts would return; but at least they did not importune155 her waking hour. The drug gave her a momentary illusion of complete renewal156, from which she drew strength to take up her daily work. The strength was more and more needed as the perplexities of her future increased. She knew that to Gerty and Mrs. Fisher she was only passing through a temporary period of probation157, since they believed that the apprenticeship158 she was serving at Mme. Regina's would enable her, when Mrs. Peniston's legacy was paid, to realize the vision of the green-and-white shop with the fuller competence159 acquired by her preliminary training. But to Lily herself, aware that the legacy could not be put to such a use, the preliminary training seemed a wasted effort. She understood clearly enough that, even if she could ever learn to compete with hands formed from childhood for their special work, the small pay she received would not be a sufficient addition to her income to compensate160 her for such drudgery. And the realization161 of this fact brought her recurringly face to face with the temptation to use the legacy in establishing her business. Once installed, and in command of her own work-women, she believed she had sufficient tact162 and ability to attract a fashionable CLIENTELE; and if the business succeeded she could gradually lay aside money enough to discharge her debt to Trenor. But the task might take years to accomplish, even if she continued to stint163 herself to the utmost; and meanwhile her pride would be crushed under the weight of an intolerable obligation.
These were her superficial considerations; but under them lurked164 the secret dread that the obligation might not always remain intolerable. She knew she could not count on her continuity of purpose, and what really frightened her was the thought that she might gradually accommodate herself to remaining indefinitely in Trenor's debt, as she had accommodated herself to the part allotted165 her on the Sabrina, and as she had so nearly drifted into acquiescing166 with Stancy's scheme for the advancement167 of Mrs. Hatch. Her danger lay, as she knew, in her old incurable168 dread of discomfort and poverty; in the fear of that mounting tide of dinginess169 against which her mother had so passionately170 warned her. And now a new vista171 of peril21 opened before her. She understood that Rosedale was ready to lend her money; and the longing172 to take advantage of his offer began to haunt her insidiously173. It was of course impossible to accept a loan from Rosedale; but proximate possibilities hovered174 temptingly before her. She was quite sure that he would come and see her again, and almost sure that, if he did, she could bring him to the point of offering to marry her on the terms she had previously175 rejected. Would she still reject them if they were offered? More and more, with every fresh mischance befalling her, did the pursuing furies seem to take the shape of Bertha Dorset; and close at hand, safely locked among her papers, lay the means of ending their pursuit. The temptation, which her scorn of Rosedale had once enabled her to reject, now insistently176 returned upon her; and how much strength was left her to oppose it?
What little there was must at any rate be husbanded to the utmost; she could not trust herself again to the perils177 of a sleepless night. Through the long hours of silence the dark spirit of fatigue and loneliness crouched178 upon her breast, leaving her so drained of bodily strength that her morning thoughts swam in a haze179 of weakness. The only hope of renewal lay in the little bottle at her bed-side; and how much longer that hope would last she dared not conjecture180.
收听单词发音 |
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crooked
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| adj.弯曲的；不诚实的，狡猾的，不正当的 | |
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perpendicular
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| adj.垂直的，直立的；n.垂直线，垂直的位置 | |
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3
condemn
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| vt.谴责，指责；宣判(罪犯)，判刑 | |
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condemned
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| adj. 被责难的, 被宣告有罪的 动词condemn的过去式和过去分词 | |
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utensils
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| 器具，用具，器皿( utensil的名词复数 )； 器物 | |
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toil
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| vi.辛劳工作，艰难地行动；n.苦工，难事 | |
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7
middle-aged
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| adj.中年的 | |
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8
lash
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| v.系牢；鞭打；猛烈抨击；n.鞭打；眼睫毛 | |
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9
patronage
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| n.赞助，支援，援助；光顾，捧场 | |
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10
dependence
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| n.依靠，依赖；信任，信赖；隶属 | |
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11
afterward
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| adv.后来；以后 | |
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12
loyalty
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| n.忠诚，忠心 | |
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13
penitent
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| adj.后悔的；n.后悔者；忏悔者 | |
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14
bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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15
prone
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| adj.(to)易于…的，很可能…的；俯卧的 | |
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16
linings
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| n.衬里( lining的名词复数 )；里子；衬料；组织 | |
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17
poising
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| 使平衡( poise的现在分词 )； 保持（某种姿势）； 抓紧； 使稳定 | |
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18
dispelled
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| v.驱散，赶跑( dispel的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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19
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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20
knack
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| n.诀窍，做事情的灵巧的，便利的方法 | |
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21
peril
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| n.(严重的)危险；危险的事物 | |
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22
withdrawn
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| vt.收回；使退出；vi.撤退，退出 | |
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23
drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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24
vindication
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| n.洗冤，证实 | |
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25
connivance
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| n.纵容；默许 | |
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26
corroboration
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| n.进一步的证实，进一步的证据 | |
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27
justified
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| a.正当的，有理的 | |
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28
ambiguities
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| n.歧义( ambiguity的名词复数 )；意义不明确；模棱两可的意思；模棱两可的话 | |
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29
berth
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| n.卧铺，停泊地，锚位；v.使停泊 | |
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30
decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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31
renowned
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| adj.著名的，有名望的，声誉鹊起的 | |
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32
negotiation
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| n.谈判，协商 | |
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33
watchfulness
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| 警惕，留心； 警觉（性） | |
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34
hover
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| vi.翱翔，盘旋；徘徊；彷徨，犹豫 | |
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35
rebuked
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| 责难或指责( rebuke的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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36
rudiments
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| n.基础知识，入门 | |
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37
deftness
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38
drudgery
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| n.苦工，重活，单调乏味的工作 | |
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39
aspire
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| vi.(to，after)渴望，追求，有志于 | |
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40
entrusted
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| v.委托，托付( entrust的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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41
recess
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| n.短期休息，壁凹（墙上装架子，柜子等凹处） | |
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42
sleepless
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| adj.不睡眠的，睡不著的，不休息的 | |
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43
chatter
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| vi.／n.喋喋不休；短促尖叫；(牙齿)打战 | |
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44
hack
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| n.劈，砍，出租马车；v.劈，砍，干咳 | |
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45
leach
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| v.分离，过滤掉；n.过滤；过滤器 | |
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46
destined
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| adj.命中注定的；(for)以…为目的地的 | |
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47
subsided
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| v.（土地）下陷（因在地下采矿）( subside的过去式和过去分词 )；减弱；下降至较低或正常水平；一下子坐在椅子等上 | |
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48
awed
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| adj.充满敬畏的，表示敬畏的v.使敬畏，使惊惧( awe的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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49
tangible
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| adj.有形的，可触摸的，确凿的，实际的 | |
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50
augured
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| v.预示，预兆，预言( augur的过去式和过去分词 )；成为预兆；占卜 | |
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51
apprentice
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| n.学徒，徒弟 | |
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52
binding
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| 有约束力的，有效的，应遵守的 | |
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53
liberated
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| a.无拘束的，放纵的 | |
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54
mingled
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| 混合，混入( mingle的过去式和过去分词 )； 混进，与…交往[联系] | |
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55
irresistible
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| adj.非常诱人的，无法拒绝的，无法抗拒的 | |
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56
instinctive
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| adj.(出于)本能的；直觉的；(出于)天性的 | |
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57
promiscuous
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| adj.杂乱的，随便的 | |
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58
irresolutely
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| adv.优柔寡断地 | |
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59
resolutely
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| adj.坚决地，果断地 | |
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60
westward
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| n.西方，西部；adj.西方的，向西的；adv.向西 | |
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61
dreary
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| adj.令人沮丧的，沉闷的，单调乏味的 | |
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62
twilight
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| n.暮光，黄昏；暮年，晚期，衰落时期 | |
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63
promiscuity
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| n.混杂，混乱；（男女的）乱交 | |
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64
intimacy
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| n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行 | |
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65
solitude
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| n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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66
confinement
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| n.幽禁，拘留，监禁；分娩；限制，局限 | |
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67
discomfort
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| n.不舒服，不安，难过，困难，不方便 | |
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68
dreaded
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| adj.令人畏惧的；害怕的v.害怕，恐惧，担心( dread的过去式和过去分词) | |
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69
dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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70
thither
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|
| adv.向那里；adj.在那边的，对岸的 | |
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71
degradation
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| n.降级；低落；退化；陵削；降解；衰变 | |
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72
irresistibly
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| adv.无法抵抗地，不能自持地；极为诱惑人地 | |
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73
flaring
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| a.火焰摇曳的，过份艳丽的 | |
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74
laden
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| adj.装满了的；充满了的；负了重担的；苦恼的 | |
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75
obliquely
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| adv.斜； 倾斜； 间接； 不光明正大 | |
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76
prescription
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| n.处方，开药；指示，规定 | |
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77
hesitation
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| n.犹豫，踌躇 | |
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78
affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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79
murmur
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| n.低语，低声的怨言；v.低语，低声而言 | |
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80
acquiescence
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| n.默许；顺从 | |
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81
intensity
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| n.强烈，剧烈；强度；烈度 | |
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82
momentary
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| adj.片刻的，瞬息的；短暂的 | |
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83
fumes
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| n.(强烈而刺激的)气味，气体 | |
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84
drowsiness
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| n.睡意；嗜睡 | |
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85
glossy
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| adj.平滑的；有光泽的 | |
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86
pallid
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| adj.苍白的，呆板的 | |
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87
reassurance
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| n.使放心，使消除疑虑 | |
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88
faltered
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| （嗓音）颤抖( falter的过去式和过去分词 )； 支吾其词； 蹒跚； 摇晃 | |
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89
shriek
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| v./n.尖叫，叫喊 | |
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90
tumult
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| n.喧哗；激动，混乱；吵闹 | |
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91
waggons
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| 四轮的运货马车( waggon的名词复数 )； 铁路货车； 小手推车 | |
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92
hideously
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| adv.可怕地，非常讨厌地 | |
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93
solace
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| n.安慰；v.使快乐；vt.安慰(物)，缓和 | |
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94
craving
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| n.渴望,热望 | |
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95
stimulant
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| n.刺激物，兴奋剂 | |
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96
veins
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| n.纹理；矿脉( vein的名词复数 )；静脉；叶脉；纹理 | |
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97
drooping
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| adj. 下垂的，无力的 动词droop的现在分词 | |
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98
draught
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| n.拉，牵引，拖；一网（饮，吸，阵)；顿服药量，通风；v.起草，设计 | |
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99
tinged
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| v.（使）发丁丁声( ting的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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100
poignant
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| adj.令人痛苦的，辛酸的，惨痛的 | |
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101
fatigue
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| n.疲劳，劳累 | |
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102
morbid
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| adj.病的；致病的；病态的；可怕的 | |
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103
ebbing
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| （指潮水）退( ebb的现在分词 )； 落； 减少； 衰落 | |
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104
vitality
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| n.活力，生命力，效力 | |
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105
ambush
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| n.埋伏(地点)；伏兵；v.埋伏；伏击 | |
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106
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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107
milieu
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| n.环境；出身背景；(个人所处的)社会环境 | |
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108
devoutly
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| adv.虔诚地，虔敬地，衷心地 | |
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109
shunned
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| v.避开，回避，避免( shun的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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110
qualified
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| adj.合格的，有资格的，胜任的，有限制的 | |
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111
perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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112
embarrassment
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| n.尴尬；使人为难的人(事物)；障碍；窘迫 | |
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113
fumble
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| vi.笨拙地用手摸、弄、接等，摸索 | |
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114
enquired
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| 打听( enquire的过去式和过去分词 )； 询问； 问问题； 查问 | |
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115
allusiveness
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116
suffused
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| v.（指颜色、水气等）弥漫于，布满( suffuse的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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117
subsist
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| vi.生存，存在，供养 | |
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118
fugitive
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| adj.逃亡的，易逝的；n.逃犯，逃亡者 | |
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119
covert
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| adj.隐藏的；暗地里的 | |
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120
helping
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| n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的，辅助的 | |
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121
conceal
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| v.隐藏，隐瞒，隐蔽 | |
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122
colloquy
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| n.谈话，自由讨论 | |
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123
thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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124
abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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125
legacy
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| n.遗产，遗赠；先人(或过去)留下的东西 | |
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126
deliberately
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| adv.审慎地；蓄意地；故意地 | |
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127
passionate
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
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128
rumour
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| n.谣言，谣传，传闻 | |
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129
detested
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| v.憎恶，嫌恶，痛恨( detest的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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130
misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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131
incorrigible
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| adj.难以纠正的，屡教不改的 | |
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132
precipitate
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| adj.突如其来的；vt.使突然发生；n.沉淀物 | |
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133
folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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134
recesses
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| n.壁凹( recess的名词复数 )；（工作或业务活动的）中止或暂停期间；学校的课间休息；某物内部的凹形空间v.把某物放在墙壁的凹处( recess的第三人称单数 )；将（墙）做成凹形，在（墙）上做壁龛；休息，休会，休庭 | |
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135
deserted
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| adj.荒芜的，荒废的，无人的，被遗弃的 | |
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136
gathering
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| n.集会，聚会，聚集 | |
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137
blistered
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| adj.水疮状的，泡状的v.（使）起水泡( blister的过去式和过去分词 )；（使表皮等）涨破，爆裂 | |
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138
heroism
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| n.大无畏精神，英勇 | |
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139
frankly
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| adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说 | |
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140
musing
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| n. 沉思，冥想 adj. 沉思的, 冥想的 动词muse的现在分词形式 | |
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141
withdrawal
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| n.取回，提款；撤退，撤军；收回，撤销 | |
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142
ingenuity
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| n.别出心裁；善于发明创造 | |
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143
extricate
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| v.拯救，救出；解脱 | |
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144
brutally
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| adv.残忍地，野蛮地，冷酷无情地 | |
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145
jack
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| n.插座，千斤顶，男人；v.抬起，提醒，扛举；n.（Jake）杰克 | |
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146
vindicate
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| v.为…辩护或辩解，辩明；证明…正确 | |
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147
emancipated
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| adj.被解放的，不受约束的v.解放某人（尤指摆脱政治、法律或社会的束缚）( emancipate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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148
obsession
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| n.困扰，无法摆脱的思想(或情感) | |
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149
blur
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| n.模糊不清的事物；vt.使模糊，使看不清楚 | |
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150
tormented
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| 饱受折磨的 | |
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151
guise
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| n.外表，伪装的姿态 | |
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152
delusion
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| n.谬见，欺骗，幻觉，迷惑 | |
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153
procured
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| v.（努力）取得， （设法）获得( procure的过去式和过去分词 )；拉皮条 | |
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154
obliterated
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| v.除去( obliterate的过去式和过去分词 )；涂去；擦掉；彻底破坏或毁灭 | |
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155
importune
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| v.强求；不断请求 | |
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156
renewal
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| adj.(契约)延期，续订，更新，复活，重来 | |
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157
probation
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| n.缓刑(期)，(以观后效的)察看；试用(期) | |
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158
apprenticeship
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| n.学徒身份；学徒期 | |
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159
competence
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| n.能力，胜任，称职 | |
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160
compensate
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| vt.补偿，赔偿；酬报 vi.弥补；补偿；抵消 | |
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161
realization
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| n.实现；认识到，深刻了解 | |
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162
tact
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| n.机敏，圆滑，得体 | |
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163
stint
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| v.节省，限制，停止；n.舍不得化，节约，限制；连续不断的一段时间从事某件事 | |
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164
lurked
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| vi.潜伏，埋伏（lurk的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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165
allotted
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| 分配，拨给，摊派( allot的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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166
acquiescing
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| v.默认，默许( acquiesce的现在分词 ) | |
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167
advancement
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| n.前进，促进，提升 | |
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168
incurable
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| adj.不能医治的，不能矫正的，无救的；n.不治的病人，无救的人 | |
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169
dinginess
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| n.暗淡，肮脏 | |
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170
passionately
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| ad.热烈地，激烈地 | |
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171
vista
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| n.远景，深景，展望，回想 | |
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172
longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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173
insidiously
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| 潜在地，隐伏地，阴险地 | |
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174
hovered
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| 鸟( hover的过去式和过去分词 )； 靠近（某事物）； （人）徘徊； 犹豫 | |
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175
previously
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| adv.以前，先前（地） | |
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176
insistently
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| ad.坚持地 | |
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177
perils
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| 极大危险( peril的名词复数 )； 危险的事（或环境） | |
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178
crouched
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| v.屈膝，蹲伏( crouch的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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179
haze
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| n.霾，烟雾；懵懂，迷糊；vi.(over)变模糊 | |
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180
conjecture
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| n./v.推测，猜测 | |
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