9:30 PM
THE weather was getting worse. Toni's drive to the old folks' home had been protracted1, but the return journey was even slower. There was a thin layer of snow on the road, beaten hard by car tires, frozen too solid to turn into slush. Nervous drivers went at a crawl, delaying everyone else. Toni's red Porsche Boxster was the perfect car for overtaking sluggards, but it was not at its best in slippery conditions, and there was little she could do to shorten her journey.
Mother sat contentedly2 beside her, wearing a green wool coat and a felt hat. She was not in the least angry with Bella. Toni was disappointed by this, and was ashamed of feeling so. Deep inside, she wanted Mother to be furious with Bella, as Toni herself had been. It would have vindicated3 her. But Mother seemed to think it was Toni's fault she had been kept waiting so long. Toni had said irritably4, "You do realize that Bella was supposed to pick you up hours ago."
"Yes, dear, but your sister's got a family to take care of."
"And I've got a responsible job."
"I know, it's your substitute for children."
"So it's okay for Bella to let you down, but not for me."
"That's right, dear."
Toni tried to follow Mother's example and be magnanimous. But she kept thinking of her friends at the spa, sitting in the Jacuzzi, or acting5 charades6, or drinking coffee by a big log fire. Charles and Damien would become more hilariously7 camp as the evening progressed and they relaxed. Michael would tell stories about his Irish mother, a legendary8 spitfire in her hometown of Liverpool. Bonnie would reminisce about college days, the scrapes she and Toni had got into as the only two females in an engineering department of three hundred students. They would all be having so much fun, while Toni drove through the snow with her mother.
She told herself to stop being pathetic. I'm a grown-up, she thought, and grown-ups have responsibilities. Besides, Mother might not be alive for many more years, so I should enjoy having her with me while I can.
She found it harder to look on the bright side when she thought about Stanley. She had felt so close to him this morning, and now the gulf9 between them was bigger than the Grand Canyon10. She asked herself constantly whether she had pushed him too hard. Had she made him choose between his family and her? Perhaps if she had backed off he would not have felt forced into a decision. But she had not exactly thrown herself at him, and a woman had to give a man a little encouragement, otherwise he might never speak at all.
There was no point in regrets, she told herself. She had lost him, and that was that.
Up ahead she saw the lights of a petrol station. "Do you need the loilet, Mother?" she said.
"Yes, please."
Toni slowed down and pulled onto the forecourt. She topped up her tank, then took her mother inside. Mother went to the ladies' room while Toni paid. As Toni returned to the car, her mobile phone rang. Thinking it might be the Kremlin calling, she snatched the phone up hurriedly. "Toni Gallo."
"This is Stanley Oxenford."
"Oh." She was taken aback. She had not been expecting this.
"Perhaps I'm phoning at an inconvenient11 time," he said politely.
"No, no, no," she said quickly, sliding behind the wheel. "I imagined the call was from the Kremlin, and I was worried that something might have gone wrong there." She closed the car door.
"Everything's fine, as far as I know. How's your spa?"
"I'm not there." She told him what had happened.
"How terribly disappointing," he said.
Her heart was beating faster, for no very good reason. "What about you—is everything all right?" She was wondering why he had phoned. At the same time, she watched the brightly lit pay booth. It would be a while before her mother emerged.
"Family dinner ended in an upset. It's not exactly unknown—we do have rows sometimes."
"What was it about?"
"I probably shouldn't tell you."
Then why have you phoned me? she thought. It was extraordinary for Stanley to make a pointless call. He was usually so focused that she sensed he had in front of him a list of topics he needed to cover.
"In brief, Kit12 revealed that Miranda had slept with Hugo—her sister's husband."
"Good God!" Toni pictured each of them: handsome, malicious13 Kit; plump, pretty Miranda; Hugo, a pint-size charmer; and the formidable Olga. It was a ripe tale, but what was more surprising was that Stanley should repeat it to her, Toni. Once again, he was treating her as if they were intimate friends. But she mistrusted that impression. If she allowed her hopes to rise, he would crush her again. All the same, she did not want to end the conversation. "How do you feel about it?" she said.
"Well, Hugo was always a bit flaky. Olga knows him by now, after almost twenty years of marriage. She's humiliated14, and mad as hell—in fact I can hear her yelling at this very moment—but I think she'll forgive him. Miranda explained the circumstances to me. She didn't have an affair with Hugo, just slept with him once, when she was depressed15 after the breakup of her marriage; and she's been feeling ashamed of herself ever since. I think eventually Olga will forgive her, too. It's Kit who bothers me." His voice became sad. "I always wanted my son to be courageous16 and principled, and grow into an upright man who could be respected by everyone; but he's sly and weak."
Toni realized, in a flash of revelation, that Stanley was talking to her as he would have talked to Marta. After a row such as this, the two of them would have gone to bed and discussed the role of each of their children. He was missing his wife and making Toni a substitute. But this thought no longer enthralled17 her. Quite the reverse: she was resentful. He had no right to use her in this way. She felt exploited. And she really ought to make sure her mother was all right in the petrol station toilet.
She was about to tell him so when he said, "But I shouldn't burden you with all this. I called to say something else."
That was more like Stanley, she thought. And Mother would be okay for a few minutes more.
He went on, "After Christmas, will you have dinner with me one evening?"
What now? she thought. She said, "Of course." What did this mean?
"You know how I disapprove18 of men who make romantic advances towards their employees. It puts the employee in such a difficult position— she's bound to feel that if she refuses, she may suffer in her career."
"I have no such fears," she said, a bit stiffly. Was he saying that this invitation was not a romantic advance, so she did not need to worry? She found herself short of breath, and strove to sound normal. "I'd be delighted to have dinner with you."
"I've been thinking about our conversation this morning, on the cliff."
So have I, she thought.
He went on: "I said something to you then that I've been regretting ever since."
"What..." She could hardly breathe. "What was that?"
"That I could never start another family."
"You didn't mean it?"
"I said it because I had become . . . frightened. Strange, isn't it? At my time of life, to be scared."
"Scared of what?"
There was a long pause, then he said, "Of my feelings."
Toni almost dropped the phone. She felt a flush spread from her throat to her face. "Feelings," she repeated.
"If this conversation is embarrassing you dreadfully, you just have to say so, and I'll never refer to it again." "Go on."
"When you told me that Osborne had asked you out, I realized you wouldn't be single forever, probably not much longer. If I'm making a complete fool of myself, please tell me right away, and put me out of my misery19."
"No—" Toni swallowed. He was finding this extraordinarily20 difficult, she realized. It must be forty years since he had spoken this way to a woman. She ought to help him. She should make it clear that she was not offended. "No, you're not making a fool of yourself, not at all."
"I thought this morning that perhaps you might feel warmly towards me, and that's what scared me. Am I right to tell you all this? I wish I could see your face."
"I'm very glad," she said in a low voice. "I'm very happy."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"When can I see you? I want to talk some more."
"I'm with my mother. We're at a petrol station. She's just coming out of the toilet. I can see her now." Toni got out of the car, still holding the phone to her ear. "Let's talk tomorrow morning."
"Don't hang up yet. There's so much to say."
Toni waved at her mother and called: "Over here!" Mother saw her and turned. Toni opened the passenger door and helped her in, saying, "I'm just finishing off this phone call."
Stanley said, "Where are you?"
She closed the door on Mother. "Only about ten miles from Inverburn, but progress is painfully slow."
"I want us to meet tomorrow. We've both got family obligations, but we're entitled to some time to ourselves."
"We'll work something out." She opened the driver's door. "I must go—Mother's getting cold."
"Goodbye," he said. "Call me anytime you feel like it. Anytime."
"Goodbye." She flipped21 the phone shut and got into the car.
"That's a big smile," Mother said. "You've cheered up. Who was on the phone—someone nice?"
"Yes," Toni said. "Someone very nice indeed."
收听单词发音 |
1
protracted
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| adj.拖延的；延长的v.拖延“protract”的过去式和过去分词 | |
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contentedly
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| adv.心满意足地 | |
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vindicated
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| v.澄清（某人/某事物）受到的责难或嫌疑( vindicate的过去式和过去分词 )；表明或证明（所争辩的事物）属实、正当、有效等；维护 | |
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irritably
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| ad.易生气地 | |
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acting
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| n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的 | |
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6
charades
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| n.伪装( charade的名词复数 )；猜字游戏 | |
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hilariously
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legendary
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| adj.传奇（中）的，闻名遐迩的；n.传奇（文学） | |
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9
gulf
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| n.海湾；深渊，鸿沟；分歧，隔阂 | |
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10
canyon
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| n.峡谷，溪谷 | |
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11
inconvenient
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| adj.不方便的，令人感到麻烦的 | |
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12
kit
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| n.用具包，成套工具；随身携带物 | |
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13
malicious
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| adj.有恶意的，心怀恶意的 | |
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14
humiliated
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| 感到羞愧的 | |
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15
depressed
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| adj.沮丧的，抑郁的，不景气的，萧条的 | |
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16
courageous
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| adj.勇敢的，有胆量的 | |
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17
enthralled
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| 迷住，吸引住( enthrall的过去式和过去分词 )； 使感到非常愉快 | |
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18
disapprove
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| v.不赞成，不同意，不批准 | |
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19
misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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20
extraordinarily
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| adv.格外地；极端地 | |
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21
flipped
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| 轻弹( flip的过去式和过去分词 )； 按（开关）； 快速翻转； 急挥 | |
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