TWO DAYS AFTER my arrival, Baldwin announced a great feast at court, with counts, knights2, and other noble-born invited from all over the region. The duke knew how to waste what had been earned by his poor serfs.
I was instructed by the lord's chamberlain that I would be a main act at the festivities. Baldwin's wife, the lady Heloise, had heard of my audition3 and was eager to see my act.
This would be my first real test!
The day of the gathering4, the entire castle bustled5 with activity. An endless army of servants wearing their finest uniforms, tunics6 of the same purple and white, marched dishware and elaborate candelabras into the great hall. Minstrels practiced on the lawn. Giant logs were loaded into the hearths7. The luscious8 aroma9 of roasting goose, pig, and sheep permeated10 the castle.
I spent the day polishing my routine. This was my coming out, my first real performance. I had to shine, to remain in Baldwin's good graces. I juggled11, twirled my staff, practiced my flips12 back and forth14, went over my tales and jokes.
Finally, the evening of the feast was at hand. Nervous as a groom15, I made my way to the banquet hall. Four long tables filled the room, each covered in the finest linen16 cloth and set with candelabras engraved17 with the duke's lion shield.
Arriving guests were greeted with a flourish of horns. I sauntered up to each, announcing them with playful epithets18. His bawdiness19, the duke of Loire, and his lovely niece, er...wife , the lady Kate. It was all meant to trump20 the husband and praise his wife, no matter how plain she might be. Everyone played along.
Only when the room filled did Baldwin and his lady, Heloise, make their entrance. One glance made it obvious to me that Baldwin had not married for looks. The couple waded21 through the room, Baldwin hugging and joking with the men, Heloise curtsying and receiving lavish22 praise. They took seats at the head of the largest table.
When their guests were all seated, Baldwin stood and raised a goblet23. Welcome, everyone. Tonight we have much to cheer. The court has been enriched by a new flock. And the arrival of a fool from Bor俥. Hugh will make us laugh, or else.
I have heard my husband's new pet is quite the rage, Lady Heloise announced. Perhaps he will set the tone with a few jests.
I took a deep breath, then I hopped24 around to the head table. I'll do my best, my lady.
I scampered25 toward her but then threw myself into the lap of a fat old man seated down the row. I grinned, stroking his beard. I would be honored to perform for you, Your Grace. I...
Here, fool, Lady Heloise called. I am over here.
Gads26. I shot out of the man's lap. Of course, my lady. I must've been blinded by your beauty. So much so, I could not see.
There was a trickle27 of laughter.
Surely, fool, Lady Heloise called, you did not have the crowd shouting your name the other day with such mild flattery. Perhaps it is I who am blinded. Is that Hugh I see there or Palimpost?
The room chuckled28 at the hostess's wit. Even I bowed, warming to the challenge.
At the end of the table, a potbellied priest was sucking down a mug of ale. I hopped onto the table in front of him, plates and mugs clattering29. There's thisone , then.... A man went to a priest to confess his many sins. He said he had much to share.
The priest looked up. To me?
We'll see, Father, how you feel about it at the end. First, the man confessed he had stolen from a friend, but added that this friend had stolen something back of equal value. `One thing cancels out another,' the priest replied. `You are absolved30.'
It is true. The priest nodded.
Next, I went on, the fellow said he had beaten the man with a stick, but had received equal blows in return. `Again, these both cancel each other out,' the priest replied. `You owe God nothing.'
Now this penitent31 sensed he could get away with anything. He said there was something else to confess, one more sin, but he was too ashamed. When the priest encouraged him, he said. `Once, Father, I had your sister.'
`My sister!'the priest bellowed32. The man was sure he was about to feel a holy wrath33. `And I have had your mother on several occasions,' the priest said. `Again, they cancel each other out. So we areboth absolved.'
The guests clapped and laughed. The embarrassed priest looked around the room and clapped as well.
More, fool, Lady Heloise shouted, in the same temper. She turned to Baldwin. Where have you been hiding this treasure?
The room bubbled with good cheer. Food was served-swan and goose and pig. Goblets34 and mugs were filled by servants scurrying35 about.
I leaped up to a server carrying a roast on a tray. I took a whiff of the meat. Superb. I sighed. Who knows the difference between medium and rare?
Diners at the tables looked around and shrugged36.
I went up to a blushing lady. Six inches is medium, my lady. But eight is rare.
Again, they roared. I had it going. I spotted37 Baldwin taking congratulations, seeming delighted with the performance.
To much fanfare38, a train of servers marched in from the kitchen carrying prepared plates. Baldwin stood. Lamb, guests, from our new flock.
Baldwin stuck a knife into a slice of lamb and chewed off a piece in front of his server. Delicious, server, wouldn't you say?
It is, my lord. The server bowed stiffly.
To my horror, I realized that the dejected servant was the same farmer from whom Baldwin had chiseled39 the flock just two days before. Suddenly my blood stirred in rage.
Please, jester, do continue, Baldwin said with a mouthful of meat.
I will, my lord. I bowed.
I spotted Norcross at the end of Baldwin's table, stabbing his meat among a row of other knights. Is that my lord Norcross I see stuffing his face over there?
Norcross looked up, then his eyes narrowed on me.
Tell me, I asked the crowd, who is a greater hero to our lord than the brave Norcross? Who among us could be more forgiven for conceit40? In fact, I have heard this good knight1 is so conceited41, that during climax42 he calls out his own name.
Norcross put his knife down. He stared at me, juice running through his beard. Laughter ensued, but as the knight's face tightened43, it trickled44 away.
And there are those who ask, I continued, what do a holiday decoration and my lord Norcross have in common?
This time there were no amused mutterings. A tense silence hung in the air.
You will find, I said, that their balls are just for decoration.
With that, the knight shot up, drawing his sword. He lunged around the crowded table toward me.
I pretended to flee. Help me, help me, my lord. I have no sword, yet I fear I have struck too deep.
I did a flip13 and ran around the table toward Baldwin. Norcross pursued, weighed down and slightly drunk.
I easily avoided him, circling the table to the merriment of the crowd, who almost seemed to be making bets as to whether the knight would catch me and cut my throat. Finally, I threw myself in the protection of Baldwin's lap. He will kill me, my lord.
He will not, Baldwin replied. Relax, Norcross. Our new fool has managed to get under your skin. A good laugh, not a killing45, should soothe46 the wound.
He insults me, my lord. I stand for that from no man.
This is no man. Baldwin cackled. He is but a fool. And he provides us much entertainment.
I have served you well. The red-faced knight seethed47. I demand to fight the fool.
You will not. Lady Heloise rose. The fool has acted on my bidding. If anything untimely happens to him, I will know the author. You may feel safe, Hugh.
Norcross exhaled48 a deep, frustrated49 breath, the object of all eyes in the room. Slowly he let his massive sword slip back into its sheath.
Next time, fool, he said, the laugh will be mine. He went back to his seat, never once removing his stare from me.
You have picked an adversary50 who is not one to anger. Baldwin chuckled as he ate his lamb. He tossed some bits of fat off his plate to the floor. Here. Help yourself.
I looked across the room at Norcross. I knew I had made an enemy for life.
But so had he.
1 knight | |
n.骑士,武士;爵士 | |
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2 knights | |
骑士; (中古时代的)武士( knight的名词复数 ); 骑士; 爵士; (国际象棋中)马 | |
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3 audition | |
n.(对志愿艺人等的)面试(指试读、试唱等) | |
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4 gathering | |
n.集会,聚会,聚集 | |
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5 bustled | |
闹哄哄地忙乱,奔忙( bustle的过去式和过去分词 ); 催促 | |
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6 tunics | |
n.(动植物的)膜皮( tunic的名词复数 );束腰宽松外衣;一套制服的短上衣;(天主教主教等穿的)短祭袍 | |
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7 hearths | |
壁炉前的地板,炉床,壁炉边( hearth的名词复数 ) | |
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8 luscious | |
adj.美味的;芬芳的;肉感的,引与性欲的 | |
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9 aroma | |
n.香气,芬芳,芳香 | |
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10 permeated | |
弥漫( permeate的过去式和过去分词 ); 遍布; 渗入; 渗透 | |
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11 juggled | |
v.歪曲( juggle的过去式和过去分词 );耍弄;有效地组织;尽力同时应付(两个或两个以上的重要工作或活动) | |
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12 flips | |
轻弹( flip的第三人称单数 ); 按(开关); 快速翻转; 急挥 | |
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13 flip | |
vt.快速翻动;轻抛;轻拍;n.轻抛;adj.轻浮的 | |
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14 forth | |
adv.向前;向外,往外 | |
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15 groom | |
vt.给(马、狗等)梳毛,照料,使...整洁 | |
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16 linen | |
n.亚麻布,亚麻线,亚麻制品;adj.亚麻布制的,亚麻的 | |
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17 engraved | |
v.在(硬物)上雕刻(字,画等)( engrave的过去式和过去分词 );将某事物深深印在(记忆或头脑中) | |
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18 epithets | |
n.(表示性质、特征等的)词语( epithet的名词复数 ) | |
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19 bawdiness | |
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20 trump | |
n.王牌,法宝;v.打出王牌,吹喇叭 | |
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21 waded | |
(从水、泥等)蹚,走过,跋( wade的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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22 lavish | |
adj.无节制的;浪费的;vt.慷慨地给予,挥霍 | |
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23 goblet | |
n.高脚酒杯 | |
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24 hopped | |
跳上[下]( hop的过去式和过去分词 ); 单足蹦跳; 齐足(或双足)跳行; 摘葎草花 | |
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25 scampered | |
v.蹦蹦跳跳地跑,惊惶奔跑( scamper的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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26 gads | |
v.闲逛( gad的第三人称单数 );游荡;找乐子;用铁棒刺 | |
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27 trickle | |
vi.淌,滴,流出,慢慢移动,逐渐消散 | |
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28 chuckled | |
轻声地笑( chuckle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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29 clattering | |
发出咔哒声(clatter的现在分词形式) | |
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30 absolved | |
宣告…无罪,赦免…的罪行,宽恕…的罪行( absolve的过去式和过去分词 ); 不受责难,免除责任 [义务] ,开脱(罪责) | |
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31 penitent | |
adj.后悔的;n.后悔者;忏悔者 | |
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32 bellowed | |
v.发出吼叫声,咆哮(尤指因痛苦)( bellow的过去式和过去分词 );(愤怒地)说出(某事),大叫 | |
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33 wrath | |
n.愤怒,愤慨,暴怒 | |
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34 goblets | |
n.高脚酒杯( goblet的名词复数 ) | |
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35 scurrying | |
v.急匆匆地走( scurry的现在分词 ) | |
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36 shrugged | |
vt.耸肩(shrug的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
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37 spotted | |
adj.有斑点的,斑纹的,弄污了的 | |
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38 fanfare | |
n.喇叭;号角之声;v.热闹地宣布 | |
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39 chiseled | |
adj.凿刻的,轮廓分明的v.凿,雕,镌( chisel的过去式 ) | |
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40 conceit | |
n.自负,自高自大 | |
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41 conceited | |
adj.自负的,骄傲自满的 | |
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42 climax | |
n.顶点;高潮;v.(使)达到顶点 | |
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43 tightened | |
收紧( tighten的过去式和过去分词 ); (使)变紧; (使)绷紧; 加紧 | |
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44 trickled | |
v.滴( trickle的过去式和过去分词 );淌;使)慢慢走;缓慢移动 | |
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45 killing | |
n.巨额利润;突然赚大钱,发大财 | |
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46 soothe | |
v.安慰;使平静;使减轻;缓和;奉承 | |
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47 seethed | |
(液体)沸腾( seethe的过去式和过去分词 ); 激动,大怒; 强压怒火; 生闷气(~with sth|~ at sth) | |
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48 exhaled | |
v.呼出,发散出( exhale的过去式和过去分词 );吐出(肺中的空气、烟等),呼气 | |
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49 frustrated | |
adj.挫败的,失意的,泄气的v.使不成功( frustrate的过去式和过去分词 );挫败;使受挫折;令人沮丧 | |
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50 adversary | |
adj.敌手,对手 | |
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