Larry Burlew was a big guy. He was over six feet tall, weighed maybe 230 pounds, and had hands like hamhocks. He wasn't bad looking, and he wasn't good looking. Mostly he looked like a butcher… possibly because his white butcher's apron1 was decorated with meat marinade and chicken guts2.
The butcher shop was empty of customers when we en-tered. Burlew was the lone3 butcher, and he was slicing ribs4 and arranging them in the display case.
I introduced myself as Annie's assistant, and Burlew blushed red from the collar of his white T-shirt to the roots of his buzz-cut hair.
"Real nice to meet you," he said softly. "I hope this isn't too much trouble. I feel kind of silly asking for help like this, but Ms. Hart came into the shop and left her card, and I just thought…"
"Don't worry about it," Lula said. "It's what we do. We're the fixer-upper bitches. We live to fix shit."
"I understand you want to get together with someone?" I asked Burlew.
"There's this girl that I like. I think she's around my age. I see her every day and she's nice to me, but in a profes-sional way. And sometimes I try to talk to her, but there's always lots of people around, and I never know what to say. I'm a big dummy5 when it comes to girls."
"Okay," I said, "give me all the necessary information. Who is she?"
"She's right across the street," Burlew said. "She works in the coffee shop. Every morning I go in to get coffee and she always gets it just right. She always gives me the per-fect amount of cream. And it's never too hot. Her name is Jet. That's what it says on her name tag. I don't know more than that. She's the one with the shiny black hair."
I looked at the coffee shop. It had big plate-glass win-dows in the front, making it possible to check out the ac-tion inside. There were three women working behind the counter and a bunch of customers lined up waiting for service. I shifted my attention back to Burlew and saw he was watching Jet, mesmerized6 by the sight of her.
I excused myself and swung across the street to the cof-fee shop. Jet was at the register, ringing up a customer. She was a tiny little thing with short, spiky7 black hair. She was dressed in a black T-shirt, a short black skirt, black tights, and black boots. She wore a wide black leather belt with silver studs, and she had a red rose tattooed8 on her arm.
She looked to be in her early to mid-twenties. No wedding band or engagement ring on her left hand.
I ordered a coffee. "It's for my cousin across the street," I said. "Maybe you know him… Larry Burlew."
"Sorry, no."
"He's a butcher. And he said you always give him perfect coffee."
"Omigod, are you talking about the big huge guy with the buzz cut? He comes in here every morning. He talks so soft I can hardly hear him, and then he goes across the street, and he stares in here all day. I'm sorry because he's your cousin and all, but he's kind of creepy."
"He's shy. And he stares in here because… he'd like more coffee, but he can't leave the shop."
"Omigod, I had no idea. That's so sweet. That's so sad. The poor guy is over there wishing he had a cup of coffee, and I thought he was one of those pervert9 stalkers. He should just call over here. Or he could wave, and I'd bring him a cup."
"Really? He'd love that. He's such a nice guy, but he's al-ways worried about imposing10."
Jet leaned on the counter and did a little finger wave at Larry Burlew. Even from this distance I could see Burlew's cheeks flush red.
I brought the coffee across the street and gave it to Larry Burlew.
"I've got it all set," I told him. "All you have to do is wave at Jet, and she'll bring you a cup of coffee. Then you'll have a chance to talk to her."
"I can't talk to her! What would I say? She's so pretty, and I'm so…" Burlew looked down at himself. He didn't have words.
"You're a nice-looking guy" I told him. "Okay, maybe the chicken guts are a turnoff, but you can fix that by changing your butcher apron before she gets here. And try not to stare at her so much. Only stare when you want a cup of coffee. Staring sometimes can be misconstrued as, um, rude."
Burlew was bobbing his head up and down. "I'll remem-ber all that. Wave for coffee. Don't stare so much. Change my apron before she gets here."
"And talk to her!"
"Talk to her," he repeated.
I didn't actually have a lot of confidence that this would work, so I wrote my cell phone number on a scrap11 of paper and left it with him.
"Call me if you have a problem," I said.
Burlew did some vigorous head nodding. "Yes, ma'am."
"Before we go I need to buy some pork chops," Lula said. "I have a taste for pork chops."
Diesel12 was on the couch watching television when Bob and I got home. There was a six-pack of beer and a pizza box on the coffee table in front of him. Some of the beer and pizza were missing.
"I brought dinner," Diesel said. "How'd it go today?"
"What are you doing here?"
"I'm living here."
"No, you're not."
"Sure I am. I have my shoes off and everything."
"Okay but I'm not sleeping with you."
"No problemo. You're not my type anyway" Diesel said.
"What's your type?"
"Easy"
I rolled my eyes.
"I'm a jerk," Diesel said, "but I'm lovable."
This was true.
I dragged Bob off to the kitchen, gave him fresh water, and filled his dog bowl with dog crunchies. I returned to the living room, helped myself to a piece of pizza, and joined Diesel on the couch.
"Eat up," Diesel said. "We need to work tonight. I've got a line on Beaner."
"No way. I'm the relationship person. I'm not the find-the-crazy- Unmentionable-nutcase person."
"I need cover. You're all I've got," Diesel said.
"What makes Beaner special? Can he whip up a tor-nado? Can he levitate13 a Hummer? Can he catch a bullet in his teeth?"
"No, he can't do any of those things."
"Well, what can he do?"
"I'm not telling you. Just try not to get too close to him."
Bob padded in from the kitchen and stood looking at the leftover14 pizza. I gave him a piece; he ate it in three gulps15 and put his head on Diesel's leg, leaving a smear16 of tomato sauce. Diesel scratched Bob behind the ear, the tomato sauce not worthy17 of registering on Diesel's slob-o-meter.
It was eight o'clock when I parked my yellow Ford18 Escape in the small lot attached to Ernie's Bar and Grill19. I'd been to Ernie's before, and I knew it was more bar than grill. The grill was mostly wasabi peas and pretzels. The bar was mostly middle-aged20 white guys who drank too much. It was just one block from the government complex, so it was a convenient watering hole for enslaved bureaucrats21 who were putting in their hours, waiting for death or retire-ment, whichever came first. At eightj o'clock the bar had emptied out the merely desperate and was left to console the truly hopeless.
"Beaner's been here for two nights running," Diesel said. "He's in there now. I can sense it. Problem is, I can't ap-proach him in a public place. I know he's holed up some-where nearby, but I can't get a fix on it. I want you to try to get him to talk to you. See if you can find out where he lives. Just don't let him touch you. And don't get too close."
"How close is too close?"
"If you can feel his breath on your neck, it's too close. He's five feet, eight inches tall, weighs 180 pounds, and looks late forties. He has brown hair, cut short, blue eyes, and he's got a raspberry birthmark on his forehead that ex-tends into his left eyebrow22."
"Why don't you follow him when he leaves the bar?"
"Not an option, unless he leaves with you." I gave Diesel a why not look, and Diesel mumbled23 some-thing.
"What?" I asked. "I can't." More mumbling24. "You want to run that mumbling by me again?" Diesel slumped25 in his seat and blew out a sigh. "I keep losing him. He's really sneaky. He turns a corner on me, and he's gone."
"The stealth Beaner."
"Something like that. He scrambles26 my radar27."
"You don't actually think you have radar, do you?"
"No, but I have GPS. And sometimes ESP. And Monday nights I get ESPN."
Okay, he was a little nutty, but at least he had a sense of humor. And hell, who was I to say whether or not he actu-ally had ESP. I mean, I sort of believe in ghosts. And I sort of believe in heaven. And I sort of believe in wishing on birthday candles. I guess Diesel and ESP aren't too far re-moved. Sort of in the area of radio waves, spontaneous combustion28, and electricity. After all, I don't understand any of those things, but they exist.
"Sometimes you just have to go with it," Diesel said. I left Diesel on that note and sashayed off to the bar. It was easy to spot Beaner in the lineup of losers. He was the only one with a raspberry birthmark on his forehead. The stool next to him was unoccupied, so I climbed onto it and made sure there was some air between us.
Beaner was drinking something amber29 on ice. Probably scotch30. I ordered a beer and smiled at him.
"Hi," I said. "How's it going?"
He didn't return the smile. "How much time do you have?" he asked.
"That bad?"
He threw back the liquid in his glass and signaled the bartender for more.
I took another stab at it. "Do you come here often?" I asked him.
"I live here."
"Must be hard to sleep on that barstool. How do you keep from falling off?"
That almost got a smile. "I don't sleep here," he said. "I just drink here. I'd drink at home but that might indicate alcoholism."
"Where's home?"
He made a vague gesture with his hand. "Out there."
"Out there is a big place."
"My wife kicked me out of the house," he said. "Changed the locks on the friggin' doors. Married for two hundred years, and she kicked me out of the house. Packed all my clothes in cardboard boxes and put them out on the front lawn."
"Jeez, I'm sorry"
"What am I supposed to do now? Things were different the last time I dated. It was simple back then. You found someone you liked, you asked their father if you could marry them, then you got married and climbed on board." He took possession of his new drink and tested it out. "Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm saying that was right. It's just the way it was. And I knew that way. Now it's all about talking and sensitivity. I've been married for all this time and suddenly she wants to talk. And it turns out we've been having bad sex, and now she wants to have good sex. Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to find out you've been doing it wrong for two hundred years? I mean, how friggin' annoying is that? She said I couldn't find my way south of the border with a road map."
"I might know someone who could help you."
"I don't need help. I need my wife to come to her senses. This whole mess is the result of someone trying to help. Things were fine until some meddler31 stuck her big fat nose into my marriage. If I get hold of her I'll fix her good. It'll be the last time she meddles32 in someone's marriage."
"But if she was trying to help—"
"She didn't help. She made things awful." He chugged his drink, dropped a twenty on the bar, and stood. "I've gotta go."
"So soon?"
"Things to do."
"Where are you going? Are you going home?"
My eyes flicked33 to the bartender when he took the twenty and the empty glass. A beat later, I turned my atten-tion back to Beaner, but he was gone.
"Where'd he go?" I asked the bartender. "Did you see him leave?"
"I saw him get off the stool, but then he got lost in the crowd."
I left money on the bar and went outside to Diesel.
"He's gone," I said. "We were talking, and he got agi-tated, and he split."
Diesel was lounging against my car. "I saw him for a sec-ond when he walked through the door. A couple people came out with him, and somehow he disappeared behind them before I could get to him." Diesel pushed off from the car, went to the drivers side door, angled himself in behind the wheel, and turned the key in the ignition. "Let's go-"
"Wait a minute. This is my car. I drive."
"Everybody knows the guy gets to drive."
"Especially in Jersey," Diesel said. "The testosterone level in Jersey is fifteen percent higher than it is in any other state."
收听单词发音 |
1
apron
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| n.围裙；工作裙 | |
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guts
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| v.狼吞虎咽，贪婪地吃，飞碟游戏（比赛双方每组5人，相距15码，互相掷接飞碟）；毁坏（建筑物等）的内部( gut的第三人称单数 )；取出…的内脏n.勇气( gut的名词复数 )；内脏；消化道的下段；肠 | |
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lone
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| adj.孤寂的，单独的；唯一的 | |
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ribs
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| n.肋骨( rib的名词复数 )；（船或屋顶等的）肋拱；肋骨状的东西；（织物的）凸条花纹 | |
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dummy
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| n.假的东西；(哄婴儿的)橡皮奶头 | |
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mesmerized
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| v.使入迷( mesmerize的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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spiky
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| adj.长而尖的，大钉似的 | |
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tattooed
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| v.刺青，文身( tattoo的过去式和过去分词 )；连续有节奏地敲击；作连续有节奏的敲击 | |
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pervert
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| n.堕落者，反常者；vt.误用，滥用；使人堕落，使入邪路 | |
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imposing
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| adj.使人难忘的，壮丽的，堂皇的，雄伟的 | |
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scrap
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| n.碎片；废料；v.废弃，报废 | |
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diesel
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| n.柴油发动机，内燃机 | |
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levitate
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| v.升在空中 | |
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leftover
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| n.剩货，残留物，剩饭；adj.残余的 | |
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gulps
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| n.一大口（尤指液体）( gulp的名词复数 )v.狼吞虎咽地吃，吞咽( gulp的第三人称单数 )；大口地吸（气）；哽住 | |
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smear
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| v.涂抹；诽谤，玷污；n.污点；诽谤，污蔑 | |
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worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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Ford
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| n.浅滩，水浅可涉处；v.涉水，涉过 | |
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grill
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| n.烤架，铁格子，烤肉；v.烧，烤，严加盘问 | |
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middle-aged
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| adj.中年的 | |
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bureaucrats
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| n.官僚( bureaucrat的名词复数 )；官僚主义；官僚主义者；官僚语言 | |
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eyebrow
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| n.眉毛，眉 | |
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mumbled
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| 含糊地说某事，叽咕，咕哝( mumble的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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mumbling
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| 含糊地说某事，叽咕，咕哝( mumble的现在分词 ) | |
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slumped
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| 大幅度下降，暴跌( slump的过去式和过去分词 )； 沉重或突然地落下[倒下] | |
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scrambles
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| n.抢夺( scramble的名词复数 )v.快速爬行( scramble的第三人称单数 )；攀登；争夺；（军事飞机）紧急起飞 | |
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radar
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| n.雷达，无线电探测器 | |
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combustion
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| n.燃烧；氧化；骚动 | |
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amber
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| n.琥珀；琥珀色；adj.琥珀制的 | |
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scotch
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| n.伤口，刻痕；苏格兰威士忌酒；v.粉碎，消灭，阻止；adj.苏格兰(人)的 | |
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meddler
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| n.爱管闲事的人，干涉者 | |
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meddles
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| v.干涉，干预（他人事务）( meddle的第三人称单数 ) | |
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flicked
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| （尤指用手指或手快速地）轻击( flick的过去式和过去分词 )； （用…）轻挥； （快速地）按开关； 向…笑了一下（或瞥了一眼等） | |
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jersey
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| n.运动衫 | |
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