How often I sit, poring o’er
My strange distorted youth,
Seeking in vain, in all my store,
One feeling based on truth; . . .
So constant as my heart would be,
‘Twere well for others and for me
‘Twere dry as summer dust.
Excitements come, and act and speech
Flow freely forth:—but no,
Nor they, nor aught beside can reach
The buried world below.
—A. H. Clough, Poem (1840)
The door was opened by the housekeeper2. The doctor, it seemed, was in his dispensary; but if Charles would like to wait upstairs ... so, divested3 of his hat and his Inverness cape4 he soon found himself in that same room where he had drunk the grog and declared himself for Darwin. A fire burned in the grate; and evidence of the doctor’s solitary5 supper, which the housekeeper hastened to clear, lay on the round table in the bay window overlooking the sea. Charles very soon heard feet on the stairs. Grogan came warmly into the room, hand extended.
“This is a pleasure, Smithson. That stupid woman now— has she not given you something to counteract6 the rain?”
“Thank you ...” he was going to refuse the brandy decan-ter, but changed his mind. And when he had the glass in his hand, he came straight out with his purpose. “I have some-thing private and very personal to discuss. I need your advice.”
A little glint showed in the doctor’s eyes then. He had had other well-bred young men come to him shortly before their marriage. Sometimes it was gonorrhea, less often syphilis; sometimes it was mere7 fear, masturbation phobia; a wide-spread theory of the time maintained that the wages of self-abuse was impotence. But usually it was ignorance; only a year before a miserable8 and childless young husband had come to see Dr. Grogan, who had had gravely to explain that new life is neither begotten9 nor born through the navel.
“Do you now? Well I’m not sure I have any left—I’ve given a vast amount of it away today. Mainly concerning what should be executed upon that damned old bigot up in Marlborough House. You’ve heard what she’s done?”
“That is precisely10 what I wish to talk to you about.”
The doctor breathed a little inward sigh of relief; and he once again jumped to the wrong conclusion.
“Ah, of course—Mrs. Tranter is worried? Tell her from me that all is being done that can be done. A party is out searching. I have offered five pounds to the man who brings her back ...” his voice went bitter “... or finds the poor creature’s body.”
“She is alive. I’ve just received a note from her.”
Charles looked down before the doctor’s amazed look. And then, at first addressing his brandy glass, he began to tell the truth of his encounters with Sarah—that is, almost all the truth, for he left undescribed his own more secret feelings, He managed, or tried, to pass some of the blame off on Dr. Grogan and their previous conversation; giving himself a sort of scientific status that the shrewd little man opposite did not fail to note. Old doctors and old priests share one thing in common: they get a long nose for deceit, whether it is overt12 or, as in Charles’s case, committed out of embarrassment13. As he went on with his confession14, the end of Dr. Grogan’s nose began metaphorically15 to twitch16; and this invisible twitching17 signified very much the same as Sam’s pursing of his lips. The doctor let no sign of his suspicions appear. Now and then he asked questions, but in general he let Charles talk his increas-ingly lame11 way to the end of his story. Then he stood up.
“Well, first things first. We must get those poor devils back.” The thunder was now much closer and though the curtains had been drawn18, the white shiver of lightning trem-bled often in their weave behind Charles’s back.
“I came as soon as I could.”
“Yes, you are not to blame for that. Now let me see ...” The doctor was already seated at a small desk in the rear of the room. For a few moments there was no sound in it but the rapid scratch of his pen. Then he read what he had written to Charles.
“’Dear Forsyth, News has this minute reached me that Miss Woodruff is safe. She does not wish her whereabouts disclosed, but you may set your mind at rest. I hope to have further news of her tomorrow. Please offer the enclosed to the party of searchers when they return. ‘Will that do?”
“Excellently. Except that the enclosure must be mine.” Charles produced a small embroidered19 purse, Ernestina’s work, and set three sovereigns on the green cloth desk beside Grogan, who pushed two away. He looked up with a smile.
“Mr. Forsyth is trying to abolish the demon20 alcohol. I think one piece of gold is enough.” He placed the note and the coin in an envelope, sealed it, and then went to arrange for the letter’s speedy delivery.
He came back, talking. “Now the girl—what’s to be done about her? You have no notion where she is at the moment?”
“None at all. Though I am sure she will be where she indicated tomorrow morning.”
“But of course you cannot be there. In your situation you cannot risk any further compromise.”
Charles looked at him, then down at the carpet.
“I am in your hands.”
The doctor stared thoughtfully at Charles. He had just set a little test to probe his guest’s mind. And it had revealed what he had expected. He turned and went to the book-shelves by his desk and then came back with the same volume he had shown Charles before: Darwin’s great work. He sat before him across the fire; then with a small smile and a look at Charles over his glasses, he laid his hand, as if swearing on a Bible on The Origin of Species.
“Nothing that has been said in this room or that remains21 to be said shall go beyond its walls.” Then he put the book aside.
“My dear Doctor, that was not necessary.”
“Confidence in the practitioner22 is half of medicine.”
Charles smiled wanly23. “And the other half?”
“Confidence in the patient.” But he stood before Charles could speak. “Well now—you came for my advice, did you not?” He eyed Charles almost as if he was going to box with him; no longer the bantering24, but the fighting Irishman. Then he began to pace his “cabin,” his hands tucked under his frock coat.
“I am a young woman of superior intelligence and some education. I think the world has done badly by me. I am not in full command of my emotions. I do foolish things, such as throwing myself at the head of the first handsome rascal25 who is put in my path. What is worse, I have fallen in love with being a victim of fate. I put out a very professional line in the way of looking melancholy26. I have tragic27 eyes. I weep without explanation. Et cetera. Et cetera. And now...” the little doctor waved his hand at the door, as if invoking28 magic “...enter a young god. Intelligent. Good-looking. A perfect specimen29 of that class my education has taught me to ad-mire. I see he is interested in me. The sadder I seem, the more interested he appears to be. I kneel before him, he raises me to my feet. He treats me like a lady. Nay30, more than that. In a spirit of Christian31 brotherhood32 he offers to help me escape from my unhappy lot.”
Charles made to interrupt, but the doctor silenced him.
“Now I am very poor. I can use none of the wiles33 the more fortunate of my sex employ to lure34 mankind into their power.” He raised his forefinger35. “I have but one weapon. The pity I inspire in this kindhearted man. Now pity is a thing that takes a devil of a lot of feeding. I have fed this Good Samaritan my past and he has devoured36 it. So what can I do? I must make him pity my present. One day, when I am walking where I have been forbidden to walk, I seize my chance. I show myself to someone I know will report my crime to the one person who will not condone37 it. I get myself dismissed from my position. I disappear, under the strong presumption38 that it is in order to throw myself off the nearest clifftop. And then, in extremis and de profundis—or rather de altis—I cry to my savior for help.” He left a long pause then, and Charles’s eyes slowly met his. The doctor smiled, “I present what is partly hypothesis, of course.”
“But your specific accusation—that she invited her own...”
The doctor sat and poked39 the fire into life. “I was called early this morning to Marlborough House. I did not know why—merely that Mrs. P. was severely40 indisposed. Mrs. Fairley—the housekeeper, you know—told me the gist41 of what had happened.” He paused and fixed42 Charles’s unhappy eyes. “Mrs. Fairley was yesterday at the dairy out there on Ware43 Cleeves. The girl walked flagrantly out of the woods under her nose. Now that woman is a very fair match to her mistress, and I’m sure she did her subsequent duty with all the mean appetite of her kind. But I am convinced, my dear Smithson, that she was deliberately44 invited to do it.”
“You mean ...” The doctor nodded. Charles gave him a terrible look, then revolted. “I cannot believe it. It is not possible she should—“
He did not finish the sentence. The doctor murmured, “It is possible. Alas45.”
“But only a person of ...” he was going to say “warped mind,” but he stood abruptly46 and went to the window, parted the curtains, stared a blind moment out into the teeming47
night. A livid flash of sheet lightning lit the Cobb, the beach, the torpid48 sea. He turned.
“In other words, I have been led by the nose.”
“Yes, I think you have. But it required a generous nose. And you must remember that a deranged49 mind is not a criminal mind. In this case you must think of despair as a disease, no more or less. That girl, Smithson, has a cholera50, a typhus of the intellectual faculties51. You must think of her like that. Not as some malicious52 schemer.”
Charles came back into the room. “And what do you suppose her final intention to be?”
“I very much doubt if she knows. She lives from day to day. Indeed she must. No one of foresight53 could have be-haved as she has.”
“But she cannot seriously have supposed that someone in my position ...”
“As a man who is betrothed54?” The doctor smiled grimly. “I have known many prostitutes. I hasten to add: in pursu-ance of my own profession, not theirs. And I wish I had a guinea for every one I have heard gloat over the fact that a majority of their victims are husbands and fathers.” He stared into the fire, into his past. “ ‘I am cast out. But I shall be revenged.’”
“You make her sound like a fiend—she is not so.” He had spoken too vehemently56, and turned quickly away. “I cannot believe this of her.”
“That, if you will permit a man old enough to be your father to say so, is because you are half in love with her.”
Charles spun57 round and stared at the doctor’s bland58 face.
“I do not permit you to say that.” Grogan bowed his head. In the silence, Charles added, “It is highly insulting to Miss Freeman.”
“It is indeed. But who is making the insult?”
Charles swallowed. He could not bear these quizzical eyes, and he started down the long, narrow room as if to go. But before he could reach the door, Grogan had him by the arm and made him turn, and seized the other arm—and he was fierce, a terrier at Charles’s dignity.
“Man, man, are we not both believers in science? Do we not both hold that truth is the one great principle? What did Socrates die for? A keeping social face? A homage59 to de-corum? Do you think in my forty years as a doctor I have not learned to tell when a man is in distress60? And because he is hiding the truth from himself? Know thyself, Smithson, know thyself!”
The mixture of ancient Greek and Gaelic fire in Grogan’s soul seared Charles. He stood staring down at the doctor, then looked aside, and returned to the fireside, his back to his tormentor61. There was a long silence. Grogan watched him intently.
“I am not made for marriage. My misfortune is to have realized it too late.”
“Have you read Malthus?” Charles shook his head. “For him the tragedy of Homo sapiens is that the least fit to survive breed the most. So don’t say you aren’t made for marriage, my boy. And don’t blame yourself for falling for that girl. I think I know why that French sailor ran away. He knew she had eyes a man could drown in.”
Charles swiveled round in agony. “On my most sacred honor, nothing improper62 has passed between us. You must believe that.”
“I believe you. But let me put you through the old catechism. Do you wish to hear her? Do you wish to see her? Do you wish to touch her?”
Charles turned away again and sank into the chair, his face in his hands. It was no answer, yet it said everything. After a moment, he raised his face and stared into the fire.
“Oh my dear Grogan, if you knew the mess my life was in ... the waste of it ... the uselessness of it. I have no moral purpose, no real sense of duty to anything. It seems only a few months ago that I was twenty-one—full of hopes...all disappointed. And now to get entangled63 in this miserable business...”
Grogan moved beside him and gripped his shoulder. “You are not the first man to doubt his choice of bride.” “She understands so little of what I really am.” “She is—what?—a dozen years younger than yourself? And she has known you not six months. How could she understand you as yet? She is hardly out of the schoolroom.”
Charles nodded gloomily. He could not tell the doctor his real conviction about Ernestina: that she would never under-stand him. He felt fatally disabused64 of his own intelligence. It had let him down in his choice of a life partner; for like so many Victorian, and perhaps more recent, men Charles was to live all his life under the influence of the ideal. There are some men who are consoled by the idea that there are women less attractive than their wives; and others who are haunted by the knowledge that there are more attractive. Charles now saw only too well which category he belonged to. He murmured, “It is not her fault. It cannot be.”
“I should think not. A pretty young innocent girl like that.”
“I shall honor my vows65 to her.”
“Of course.”
A silence.
“Tell me what to do.”
“First tell me your real sentiments as regards the other.”
Charles looked up in despair; then down to the fire, and tried at last to tell the truth.
“I cannot say, Grogan. In all that relates to her, I am an enigma66 to myself. I do not love her. How could I? A woman so compromised, a woman you tell me is mentally diseased. But ... it is as if ... I feel like a man possessed67 against his will—against all that is better in his character. Even now her face rises before me, denying all you say. There is something in her. A knowledge, an apprehension68 of nobler things than are compatible with either evil or madness. Beneath the dross69 ... I cannot explain.”
“I did not lay evil at her door. But despair.”
No sound, but a floorboard or two that creaked as the doctor paced. At last Charles spoke again.
“What do you advise?”
“That you leave matters entirely70 in my hands.”
“You will go to see her?”
“I shall put on my walking boots. I shall tell her you have been unexpectedly called away. And you must go away, Smithson.”
“It so happens I have urgent business in London.”
“So much the better. And I suggest that before you go you lay the whole matter before Miss Freeman.”
“I had already decided71 upon that.” Charles got to his feet. But still that face rose before him. “And she—what will you do?”
“Much depends upon her state of mind. It may well be that all that keeps her sane72 at the present juncture73 is her belief that you feel sympathy—perhaps something sweeter— for her. The shock of your not appearing may, I fear, produce a graver melancholia. I am afraid we must antici-pate that.” Charles looked down. “You are not to blame that upon yourself. If it had not been you, it would have been some other. In a way, such a state of affairs will make things easier. I shall know what course to take.”
Charles stared at the carpet. “An asylum74.”
“That colleague I mentioned—he shares my views on the treatment of such cases. We shall do our best. You would be prepared for a certain amount of expense?”
“Anything to be rid of her—without harm to her.”
“I know a private asylum in Exeter. My friend Spencer has patients there. It is conducted in an intelligent and enlight-ened manner. I should not recommend a public institution at this stage.”
“Heaven forbid. I have heard terrible accounts of them.”
“Rest assured. This place is a model of its kind.”
“We are not talking of committal?”
For there had arisen in Charles’s mind a little ghost of treachery: to discuss her so clinically, to think of her locked in some small room...
“Not at all. We are talking of a place where her spiritual wounds can heal, where she will be kindly75 treated, kept occupied—and will have the benefit of Spencer’s excellent experience and care. He has had similar cases. He knows what to do.”
Charles hesitated, then stood and held out his hand. In his present state he needed orders and prescriptions76, and as soon as he had them, he felt better.
“I feel you have saved my life.”
“Nonsense, my dear fellow.”
“No, it is not nonsense. I shall be in debt to you for the rest of my days.”
“Then let me inscribe77 the name of your bride on the bill of credit.”
“I shall honor the debt.”
“And give the charming creature time. The best wines take the longest to mature, do they not?”
“I fear that in my own case the same is true of a very inferior vintage.”
“Bah. Poppycock.” The doctor clapped him on the shoul-der. “And by the bye, I think you read French?”
Charles gave a surprised assent78. Grogan sought through his shelves, found a book, and then marked a passage in it with a pencil before passing it to his guest.
“You need not read the whole trial. But I should like you to read this medical evidence that was brought by the de-fense.”
Charles stared at the volume. “A purge79?”
The little doctor had a gnomic smile.
“Something of the kind.”
收听单词发音 |
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fickle
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| adj.(爱情或友谊上)易变的，不坚定的 | |
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housekeeper
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| n.管理家务的主妇，女管家 | |
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divested
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| v.剥夺( divest的过去式和过去分词 )；脱去（衣服）；2。从…取去…；1。（给某人）脱衣服 | |
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cape
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| n.海角，岬；披肩，短披风 | |
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solitary
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| adj.孤独的，独立的，荒凉的；n.隐士 | |
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counteract
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| vt.对…起反作用，对抗，抵消 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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begotten
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| v.为…之生父( beget的过去分词 )；产生，引起 | |
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precisely
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| adv.恰好，正好，精确地，细致地 | |
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lame
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| adj.跛的，(辩解、论据等)无说服力的 | |
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overt
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| adj.公开的，明显的，公然的 | |
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embarrassment
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| n.尴尬；使人为难的人(事物)；障碍；窘迫 | |
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confession
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| n.自白，供认，承认 | |
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metaphorically
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| adv. 用比喻地 | |
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twitch
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| v.急拉，抽动，痉挛，抽搐；n.扯，阵痛，痉挛 | |
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twitching
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| n.颤搐 | |
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drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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embroidered
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| adj．绣花的 | |
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demon
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| n.魔鬼，恶魔 | |
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remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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practitioner
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| n.实践者，从事者；(医生或律师等)开业者 | |
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wanly
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| adv.虚弱地；苍白地，无血色地 | |
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bantering
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| adj.嘲弄的v.开玩笑，说笑，逗乐( banter的现在分词 )；（善意地）取笑，逗弄 | |
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rascal
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| n.流氓；不诚实的人 | |
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melancholy
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| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
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tragic
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| adj.悲剧的，悲剧性的，悲惨的 | |
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invoking
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| v.援引( invoke的现在分词 )；行使（权利等）；祈求救助；恳求 | |
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specimen
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| n.样本，标本 | |
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nay
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| adv.不；n.反对票，投反对票者 | |
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Christian
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| adj.基督教徒的；n.基督教徒 | |
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brotherhood
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| n.兄弟般的关系，手中情谊 | |
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wiles
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| n.（旨在欺骗或吸引人的）诡计，花招；欺骗，欺诈( wile的名词复数 ) | |
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lure
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| n.吸引人的东西，诱惑物；vt.引诱，吸引 | |
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forefinger
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| n.食指 | |
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devoured
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| 吞没( devour的过去式和过去分词 )； 耗尽； 津津有味地看； 狼吞虎咽地吃光 | |
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condone
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| v.宽恕；原谅 | |
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presumption
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| n.推测，可能性，冒昧，放肆，[法律]推定 | |
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poked
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| v.伸出( poke的过去式和过去分词 )；戳出；拨弄；与（某人）性交 | |
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severely
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| adv.严格地；严厉地；非常恶劣地 | |
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gist
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| n.要旨；梗概 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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ware
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| n.(常用复数)商品，货物 | |
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deliberately
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| adv.审慎地；蓄意地；故意地 | |
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alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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teeming
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| adj.丰富的v.充满( teem的现在分词 )；到处都是；（指水、雨等）暴降；倾注 | |
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torpid
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| adj.麻痹的，麻木的，迟钝的 | |
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deranged
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| adj.疯狂的 | |
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cholera
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| n.霍乱 | |
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faculties
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| n.能力( faculty的名词复数 )；全体教职员；技巧；院 | |
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malicious
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| adj.有恶意的，心怀恶意的 | |
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foresight
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| n.先见之明，深谋远虑 | |
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54
betrothed
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| n. 已订婚者 动词betroth的过去式和过去分词 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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vehemently
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| adv. 热烈地 | |
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spun
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| v.纺，杜撰，急转身 | |
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bland
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| adj.淡而无味的，温和的，无刺激性的 | |
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homage
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| n.尊敬，敬意，崇敬 | |
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60
distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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61
tormentor
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| n. 使苦痛之人, 使苦恼之物, 侧幕 =tormenter | |
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improper
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| adj.不适当的，不合适的，不正确的，不合礼仪的 | |
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entangled
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| adj.卷入的；陷入的；被缠住的；缠在一起的v.使某人（某物/自己）缠绕，纠缠于（某物中），使某人（自己）陷入（困难或复杂的环境中）( entangle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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64
disabused
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| v.去除…的错误想法( disabuse的过去式和过去分词 )；使醒悟 | |
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vows
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| 誓言( vow的名词复数 )； 郑重宣布，许愿 | |
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66
enigma
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| n.谜，谜一样的人或事 | |
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possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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68
apprehension
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| n.理解，领悟；逮捕，拘捕；忧虑 | |
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dross
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| n.渣滓；无用之物 | |
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70
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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sane
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| adj.心智健全的，神志清醒的，明智的，稳健的 | |
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73
juncture
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| n.时刻，关键时刻，紧要关头 | |
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asylum
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| n.避难所，庇护所，避难 | |
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kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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prescriptions
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| 药( prescription的名词复数 )； 处方； 开处方； 计划 | |
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inscribe
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| v.刻；雕；题写；牢记 | |
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assent
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| v.批准，认可；n.批准，认可 | |
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purge
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| n.整肃，清除，泻药，净化；vt.净化，清除，摆脱；vi.清除，通便，腹泻，变得清洁 | |
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