For we see whither it has brought us ... the insisting on perfection in one part of our nature and not in all; the singling out of the moral side, the side of obedi-ence and action, for such intent regard; making strict-ness of the moral conscience so far the principal thing, and putting off for hereafter and for another world the care of being complete at all points, the full and harmonious1 development of our humanity.
—Matthew Arnold, Culture and Anarchy (1869)
“She is ... recovered?”
“I have put her to sleep.”
The doctor walked across the room and stood with his hands behind his back, staring down Broad Street to the sea.
“She ... she said nothing?”
The doctor shook his head without turning; was silent a moment; then he burst round on Charles.
“I await your explanation, sir!”
And Charles gave it, baldly, without self-extenuation. Of Sarah he said very little. His sole attempt at an excuse was over his deception2 of Grogan himself; and that he blamed on his conviction that to have committed Sarah to any asylum3 would have been a gross injustice4. The doctor listened with a fierce, intent silence. When Charles had finished he turned again to the window.
“I wish I could remember what particular punishments Dante prescribed for the Antinomians. Then I could prescribe them for you.”
“I think I shall have punishment enough.”
“That is not possible. Not by my tally5.”
Charles left a pause.
“I did not reject your advice without much heart-searching.”
“Smithson, a gentleman remains6 a gentleman when he rejects advice. He does not do so when he tells lies.”
“I believed them necessary.”
“As you believed the satisfaction of your lust7 necessary.”
“I cannot accept that word.”
“You had better learn to. It is the one the world will attach to your conduct.”
Charles moved to the central table, and stood with one hand resting on it. “Grogan, would you have had me live a lifetime of pretense8? Is our age not full enough as it is of a mealy-mouthed hypocrisy9, an adulation of all that is false in our natures? Would you have had me add to that?”
“I would have had you think twice before you embroiled10 that innocent girl in your pursuit of self-knowledge.”
“But once that knowledge is granted us, can we escape its dictates11? However repugnant their consequences?”
The doctor looked away with a steely little grimace12. Charles saw that he was huffed and nervous; and really at a loss, after the first commination, how to deal with this mon-strous affront13 to provincial14 convention. There was indeed a struggle in progress between the Grogan who had lived now for a quarter of a century in Lyme and the Grogan who had seen the world. There were other things: his liking15 for Charles, his private opinion—not very far removed from Sir Robert’s—that Ernestina was a pretty little thing, but a shallow little thing; there was even an event long buried in his own past whose exact nature need not be revealed beyond that it made his reference to lust a good deal less impersonal16 than he had made it seem. His tone remained reproving; but he sidestepped the moral question he had been asked.
“I am a doctor, Smithson. I know only one overriding17 law. All suffering is evil. It may also be necessary. That does not alter its fundamental nature.”
“I don’t see where good is to spring from, if it is not out of that evil. How can one build a better self unless on the ruins of the old?”
“And the ruins of that poor young creature across the way?”
“It is better she suffers once, to be free of me, than ...” he fell silent.
“Ah. You are sure of that, are you?” Charles said nothing. The doctor stared down at the street. “You have committed a crime. Your punishment will be to remember it all your life. So don’t give yourself absolution yet. Only death will give you that.” He took off his glasses, and polished them on a green silk handkerchief. There was a long pause, a very long pause; and at the end of it his voice, though still reproving, was milder.
“You will marry the other?”
Charles breathed a metaphorical19 sigh of relief. As soon as Grogan had come into the room he had known that his previous self-assertions—that he was indifferent to the opin-ion of a mere20 bathing-place doctor—were hollow. There was a humanity in the Irishman Charles greatly respected; in a way Grogan stood for all he respected. He knew he could not expect a full remission of sins; but it was enough to sense that total excommunication was not to be his lot.
“That is my most sincere intent.”
“She knows? You have told her?”
“Yes.”
“And she has accepted your offer, of course?”
“I have every reason to believe so.” He explained the circumstances of Sam’s errand that morning.
The little doctor turned to face him.
“Smithson, I know you are not vicious. I know you would not have done what you have unless you believed the girl’s own account of her extraordinary behavior. But I warn you that a doubt must remain. And such a doubt as must cast a shadow over any future protection you extend to her.”
“I have taken that into consideration.” Charles risked a thin smile. “As I have the cloud of obfuscating21 cant22 our sex talks about women. They are to sit, are they not, like so many articles in a shop and to let us men walk in and tarn23 them over and point at this one or that one—she takes my fancy. If they allow this, we call them decent, respectable, modest. But when one of these articles has the impertinence to speak up for herself—“
“She has done rather more than that, I gather.”
Charles rode the rebuke24. “She has done what is almost a commonplace in high society. I do not know why the count-less wives in that milieu25 who dishonor their marriage vows26 are to be granted exculpation27, while . . . besides, I am far more to blame. She merely sent me her address. I was perfectly28 free to avoid the consequences of going to it.”
The doctor threw him a mute little glance. Honesty, now, he had to admit. He resumed his stare down at the street. After a few moments he spoke29, much more in his old manner and voice.
“Perhaps I am growing old. I know such breaches30 of trust as yours are becoming so commonplace that to be shocked by them is to pronounce oneself an old fogey. But I will tell you what bothers me. I share your distaste for cant, whether it be of the religious or the legal variety. The law has always seemed to me an ass18, and a great part of religion very little better. I do not attack you on those grounds, I will not attack you on any grounds. I will merely give you my opinion. It is this. You believe yourself to belong to a rational and scien-tific elect. No, no, I know what you would say, you are not so vain. So be it. Nonetheless, you wish to belong to that elect. I do not blame you for that. I have held the same wish myself all my life. But I beg you to remember one thing, Smithson. All through human history the elect have made their cases for election. But Time allows only one plea.” The doctor replaced his glasses and turned on Charles. “It is this. That the elect, whatever the particular grounds they advance for their cause, have introduced a finer and fairer morality into this dark world. If they fail that test, then they become no more than despots, sultans, mere seekers after their own pleasure and power. In short, mere victims of their own baser desires. I think you understand what I am driving at—and its especial relevance31 to yourself from this unhappy day on. If you become a better and a more generous human being, you may be forgiven. But if you become more selfish ... you are doubly damned.”
Charles looked down from those exacting32 eyes. “Though far less cogently33, my own conscience had already said as much.”
“Then amen. Jacta alea est.” He picked up his hat and bag from the table and went to the door. But there he hesitated— then held out his hand. “I wish you well on your march away from the Rubicon.”
Charles grasped the proffered34 hand, almost as if he were drowning. He tried to say something, but failed. There was a moment of stronger pressure from Grogan’s fingers, then he turned and opened the door. He looked back, a glint in his eyes.
“And if you do not leave here within the hour I shall be back with the largest horsewhip I can find.”
Charles stiffened35 at that. But the glint remained. Charles swallowed a painful smile and bowed his head in assent36. The door closed.
He was left alone with his medicine.
收听单词发音 |
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harmonious
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| adj.和睦的，调和的，和谐的，协调的 | |
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deception
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| n.欺骗，欺诈；骗局，诡计 | |
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asylum
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| n.避难所，庇护所，避难 | |
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injustice
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| n.非正义，不公正，不公平，侵犯（别人的）权利 | |
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tally
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| n.计数器，记分，一致，测量；vt.计算，记录，使一致；vi.计算，记分，一致 | |
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remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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lust
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| n.性(淫)欲；渴(欲)望；vi.对…有强烈的欲望 | |
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pretense
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| n.矫饰，做作，借口 | |
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hypocrisy
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| n.伪善，虚伪 | |
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embroiled
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| adj.卷入的；纠缠不清的 | |
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dictates
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| n.命令，规定，要求( dictate的名词复数 )v.大声讲或读( dictate的第三人称单数 )；口授；支配；摆布 | |
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grimace
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| v.做鬼脸，面部歪扭 | |
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affront
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| n./v.侮辱，触怒 | |
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provincial
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| adj.省的，地方的；n．外省人，乡下人 | |
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liking
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| n.爱好；嗜好；喜欢 | |
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impersonal
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| adj.无个人感情的，与个人无关的，非人称的 | |
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overriding
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| a.最主要的 | |
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ass
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| n.驴；傻瓜，蠢笨的人 | |
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metaphorical
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| a.隐喻的，比喻的 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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obfuscating
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| v.使模糊，使混乱( obfuscate的现在分词 )；使糊涂 | |
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cant
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| n.斜穿，黑话，猛扔 | |
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tarn
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| n.山中的小湖或小潭 | |
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rebuke
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| v.指责，非难，斥责 [反]praise | |
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milieu
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| n.环境；出身背景；(个人所处的)社会环境 | |
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vows
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| 誓言( vow的名词复数 )； 郑重宣布，许愿 | |
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exculpation
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| n.使无罪，辩解 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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breaches
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| 破坏( breach的名词复数 )； 破裂； 缺口； 违背 | |
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relevance
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| n.中肯，适当，关联，相关性 | |
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exacting
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| adj.苛求的，要求严格的 | |
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cogently
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| adv.痛切地，中肯地 | |
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proffered
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| v.提供，贡献，提出( proffer的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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stiffened
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| 加强的 | |
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assent
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| v.批准，认可；n.批准，认可 | |
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