Lalage’s come; aye
Come is she now, O!
—Hardy, “Timing Her”
He dismissed the cab at the bridge. It was the very last day of May, warm, affluent1, the fronts of houses embowered in trees, the sky half blue, half fleeced with white clouds. The shadow of one fell for a minute across Chelsea, though the warehouses2 across the river still stood in sunlight.
Montague had known nothing. The information had come through the post; a sheet of paper containing nothing beyond the name and address. Standing3 by the solicitor4’s desk, Charles recalled the previous address he had received from Sarah; but this was in a stiff copperplate. Only in the brevity could he see her.
Montague had, at Charles’s cabled command, acted with great care. No approach was to be made to her, no alarm— no opportunity for further flight—given. A clerk played de-tective, with the same description given to the real detectives in his pocket. He reported that a young lady conforming to the particulars was indeed apparently5 residing at the address; that the person in question went under the name of Mrs. Roughwood. The ingenuous6 transposition of syllables7 re-moved any lingering doubt as to the accuracy of the informa-tion; and removed, after the first momentary8 shock, the implications of the married tide. Such stratagems9 were quite common with single women in London; and proved the opposite of what was implied. Sarah had not married.
“I see it was posted in London. You have no idea ...”
“It was sent here, so plainly it comes from someone who knows of our advertisements. It was addressed personally to you, so the someone knows whom we were acting10 for, yet appears uninterested in the reward we offered. That seems to suggest the young lady herself.”
“But why should she delay so long to reveal herself? And besides, this is not her hand.” Montague silently confessed himself at a loss. “Your clerk obtained no further informa-tion?”
“He followed instructions, Charles. I forbade him to make inquiries11. By chance he was within hearing in the street when a neighbor wished her good morning. That is how we have the name.”
“And the house?”
“A respectable family residence. They are his very words.”
“She is presumably governess there.”
“That seems very likely.”
Charles had turned then to the window, which was just as well; for the way Montague had looked at his back suggested a certain lack of frankness. He had forbidden the clerk to ask questions; but he had not forbidden himself to question the clerk.
“You intend to see her?”
“My dear Harry14, I have not crossed the Atlantic ...” Charles smiled in apology for his exasperated15 tone. “I know what you would ask. I can’t answer. Forgive me, this matter is too personal. And the truth is, I don’t know what I feel. I think I shall not know till I see her again. All I do know is that . . . she continues to haunt me. That I must speak to her, I must. .. you understand.”
“You must question the Sphinx.”
“If you care to put it so.”
“As long as you bear in mind what happened to those who failed to solve the enigma16.”
Charles made a rueful grimace17. “If silence or death is the alternative—then you had better prepare the funeral ora-tion.”
“I somehow suspect that that will not be needed.”
They had smiled.
But he was not smiling now, as he approached the Sphinx’s house. He knew nothing of the area; he had a notion that it was a kind of inferior substitute for Greenwich—a place where retired18 naval19 officers finished their days. The Victorian Thames was a far fouler20 river than today’s, every one of its tides hideously21 awash with sewage. On one occasion the stench was so insupportable that it drove the House of Lords out of their chamber22; the cholera23 was blamed on it; and a riverside house was far from having the social cachet it has in our own deodorized century. For all that, Charles could see that the houses were quite handsome; perverse24 though their inhabitants must be in their choice of environment, they were plainly not driven there by poverty.
At last, and with an inner trembling, a sense of pallor, a sense too of indignity—his new American self had been swept away before the massive, ingrained past and he was embarrassedly conscious of being a gentleman about to call on a superior form of servant—he came to the fatal gate. It was of wrought25 iron, and opened onto a path that led briefly26 to a tall house of brick—though most of that was hidden to the roof by a luxuriant blanket of wisteria, just now beginning to open its first pale-blue pendants of bloom.
He raised the brass27 knocker and tapped it twice; waited some twenty seconds, and knocked again. This time the door was opened. A maid stood before him. He glimpsed a wide hall behind her—many paintings, so many the place seemed more an art gallery.
“I wish to speak to a Mrs.... Roughwood. I believe she resides here.”
The maid was a slim young creature, wide-eyed, and without the customary lace cap. In fact, had she not worn an apron28, he would not have known how to address her.
“Your name, if you please?”
He noted29 the absence of the “sir”; perhaps she was not a maid; her accent was far superior to a maid’s. He handed her his card.
“Pray tell her I have come a long way to see her.”
She unashamedly read the card. She was not a maid. She seemed to hesitate. But then there was a sound at the dark far end of the hall. A man some six or seven years older than Charles stood in a doorway30. The girl turned gratefully to him.
“This gentleman wishes to see Sarah.”
“Yes?”
He held a pen in his hand. Charles removed his hat and spoke31 from the threshold.
“If you would be so good ... a private matter ... I knew her well before she came to London.”
There was something slightly distasteful in the man’s intent though very brief appraisal32 of Charles; a faintly Jewish air about him, a certain careless ostentation33 in the clothes; a touch of the young Disraeli. The man glanced at the girl.
“She is ... ?”
“I think they talk. That is all.”
“They” were apparently her charges: the children.
“Then take him up, my dear. Sir.”
With a little bow he disappeared as abruptly34 as he had appeared. The girl indicated that Charles should follow her. He was left to close the door for himself. As she began to mount the stairs he had time to glance at the crowded paint-ings and drawings. He was sufficiently36 knowledgeable37 about modern art to recognize the school to which most of them belonged; and indeed, the celebrated38, the notorious artist whose monogram39 was to be seen on several of them. The furore he had caused some twenty years before had now died down; what had then been seen as fit only for burning now commanded a price. The gentleman with the pen was a collector of art; of somewhat suspect art; but he was no less evidently a man of some wealth.
Charles followed the girl’s slender back up a flight of stairs; still more paintings, and still with a predominance of the suspect school. But he was by now too anxious to give them any attention. As they embarked40 on a second flight of stairs he ventured a question.
“Mrs. Roughwood is employed here as governess?”
The girl stopped in midstair and looked back: an amused surprise. Then her eyes fell.
“She is no longer a governess.”
Her eyes came up to his for a moment. Then she moved on her way.
They came to a second landing. His sibylline41 guide turned at a door.
“Kindly wait here.”
She entered the room, leaving the door ajar. From outside Charles had a glimpse of an open window, a lace curtain blowing back lightly in the summer air, a shimmer42, through intervening leaves, of the river beyond. There was a low murmur43 of voices. He shifted his position, to see better into the room. Now he saw two men, two gentlemen. They were standing before a painting on an easel, which was set oblique44-ly to the window, to benefit from its light. The taller of the two bent45 to examine some detail, thereby46 revealing the other who stood behind him. By chance he looked straight through the door and into Charles’s eyes. He made the faintest inclination47, then glanced at someone on the hidden other side of the room.
For this was a face he knew; a face he had even once listened to for an hour or more, with Ernestina beside him. It was impossible, yet ... and the man downstairs! Those paint-ings and drawings! He turned hastily away and looked, a man woken into, not out of, a nightmare, through a tall window at the rear end of the landing to a green back-garden below. He saw nothing; but only the folly49 of his own assump-tion that fallen women must continue falling—for had he not come to arrest the law of gravity? He was as shaken as a man who suddenly finds the world around him standing on its head.
A sound.
He flashed a look round. She stood there against the door she had just closed, her hand on its brass knob, in the abrupt35 loss of sunlight, difficult to see clearly.
And her dress! It was so different that he thought for a moment she was someone else. He had always seen her in his mind in the former clothes, a haunted face rising from a widowed darkness. But this was someone in the full uniform of the New Woman, flagrantly rejecting all formal contem-porary notions of female fashion. Her skirt was of a rich dark blue and held at the waist by a crimson50 belt with a gilt51 star clasp; which also enclosed the pink-and white striped silk blouse, long-sleeved, flowing, with a delicate small collar of white lace, to which a small cameo acted as tie. The hair was bound loosely back by a red ribbon.
This electric and bohemian apparition52 evoked53 two immedi-ate responses in Charles; one was that instead of looking two years older, she looked two years younger; and the other, that in some incom-prehensible way he had not returned to England but done a round voyage back to America. For just so did many of the smart young women over there dress during the day. They saw the sense of such clothes—their simplicity54 and attractiveness after the wretched bustles56, stays and crinolines. In the United States Charles had found the style, with its sly and paradoxically coquettish hints at eman-cipation in other ways, very charming; now, and under so many other new suspicions, his cheeks took a color not far removed from the dianthus pink of the stripes on her shirt.
But against this shock—what was she now, what had she become!—there rushed a surge of relief. Those eyes, that mouth, that always implicit55 air of defiance57 ... it was all still there. She was the remarkable58 creature of his happier mem-ories—but blossomed, realized, winged from the black pupa.
For ten long moments nothing was spoken. Then she clutched her hands nervously59 in front of the gilt clasp and looked down.
“How came you here, Mr. Smithson?”
She had not sent the address. She was not grateful. He did not remember that her inquiry60 was identical to one he had once asked her when she came on him unexpectedly; but he sensed that now their positions were strangely reversed. He was now the suppliant61, she the reluctant listener.
“My solicitor was told you live here. I do not know by whom.”
“Your solicitor?”
“Did you not know I broke my engagement to Miss Freeman?”
Now she was the one who was shocked. Her eyes probed his a long moment, then looked down. She had not known. He drew a step closer and spoke in a low voice.
“I have searched every corner of this city. Every month I have advertised in the hope of ...”
Now they both stared at the ground between them; at the handsome Turkey carpet that ran the length of the landing. He tried to normalize his voice.
“I see you are ...” he lacked words; but he meant, altogether changed.
She said, “Life has been kind to me.”
“That gentleman in there—is he not... ?”
She nodded in answer to the name in his still incredulous eyes.
“And this house belongs to ...”
She took a small breath then, so accusing had become his tone. There lurked62 in his mind idly heard gossip. Not of the man he had seen in the room; but of the one he had seen downstairs. Without warning Sarah moved to the stairs that went yet higher in the house. Charles stood rooted. She gave him a hesitant glance down.
“Please come.”
He followed her up the stairs, to find she had entered a room that faced north, over the large gardens below. It was an artist’s studio. On a table near the door lay a litter of drawings; on an easel a barely begun oil, the mere63 ground-lines, a hint of a young woman looking sadly down, foliage64 sketched65 faint behind her head; other turned canvases by the wall; by another wall, a row of hooks, from which hung a multi-colored array of female dresses, scarves, shawls; a large pottery66 jar; tables of impedimenta—tubes, brushes, color-pots. A bas relief, small sculptures, an urn13 with bulrushes. There seemed hardly a square foot without its object.
Sarah stood at a window, her back to him.
“I am his amanuensis. His assistant.”
“You serve as his model?”
“I see.”
“Sometimes.”
But he saw nothing; or rather, he saw in the corner of his eye one of the sketches67 on the table by the door. It was of a female nude68, nude that is from the waist up, and holding an amphora at her hip69. The face did not seem to be Sarah’s; but the angle was such that he could not be sure.
“You have lived here since you left Exeter?”
“I have lived here this last year.”
If only he could ask her how; how had they met? On what terms did they live? He hesitated, then laid his hat, stick and gloves on a seat by the door. Her hair was now to be seen in all its richness, reaching almost down to her waist. She seemed smaller than he remembered; more slight. A pigeon fluttered to alight on the sill in front of her; took fright, and slipped away. Downstairs a door opened and closed. There was a faint sound of men’s voices as they made their way below. The room divided them. All divided them. The silence became unbearable70.
He had come to raise her from penury71, from some crabbed72 post in a crabbed house. In full armor, ready to slay73 the dragon—and now the damsel had broken all the rules. No chains, no sobs74, no beseeching75 hands. He was the man who appears at a formal soiree under the impression it was to be a fancy dress ball.
“He knows you are not married?”
“I pass as a widow.”
His next question was clumsy; but he had lost all tact76.
“I believe his wife is dead?”
“She is dead. But not in his heart.”
“He has not remarried?”
“He shares this house with his brother.” Then she added the name of another person who lived there, as if to imply that Charles’s scarcely concealed77 fears were, under this evi-dence of population, groundless. But the name she added was the one most calculated to make any respectable Victorian of the late 1860s stiffen79 with disapproval80. The horror evoked by his poetry had been publicly expressed by John Morley, one of those worthies81 born to be spokesmen (i.e., empty facades) for their age. Charles remembered the quintessen-tial phrase of his condemnation82: “the libidinous83 laureate of a pack of satyrs.” And the master of the house himself! Had he not heard that he took opium84? A vision of some orgiastic menage a quatre—a cinq if one counted the girl who had shown him up—rose in his mind. But there was nothing orgiastic about Sarah’s appearance; to advance the poet as a reference even argued a certain innocence85; and what should the famous lecturer and critic glimpsed through the door, a man of somewhat exaggerated ideas, certainly, but widely respected and admired, be doing in such a den12 of iniquity86?
I am overemphasizing the worse, that is the time-serving, Morley-ish half of Charles’s mind; his better self, that self that once before had enabled him to see immediately through the malice87 of Lyme to her real nature, fought hard to dismiss his suspicions.
He began to explain himself in a quiet voice; with another voice in his mind that cursed his formality, that barrier in him that could not tell of the countless88 lonely days, lonely nights, her spirit beside him, over him, before him ... tears, and he did not know how to say tears. He told her of what had happened that night in Exeter. Of his decision; of Sam’s gross betrayal.
He had hoped she might turn. But she remained staring, her face hidden from him, down into the greenery below. Somewhere there, children played. He fell silent, then moved close behind her.
“What I say means nothing to you?”
“It means very much to me. So much I...”
He said gently, “I beg you to continue.”
“I am at a loss for words.”
And she moved away, as if she could not look at him when close. Only when she was beside the easel did she venture to do so.
She murmured, “I do not know what to say.”
Yet she said it without emotion, without any of the dawn-ing gratitude89 he so desperately90 sought; with no more, in cruel truth, than a baffled simplicity.
“You told me you loved me. You gave me the greatest proof a woman can that ... that what possessed91 us was no ordinary degree of mutual92 sympathy and attraction.”
“I do not deny that.”
There was a flash of hurt resentment93 in his eyes. She looked down before them. Silence flowed back into the room, and now Charles turned to the window.
“But you have found newer and more pressing affec-tions.”
“I did not think ever to see you again.”
“That does not answer my question.”
“I have forbidden myself to regret the impossible.”
“That still does not—“
“Mr. Smithson, I am not his mistress. If you knew him, if you knew the tragedy of his private life ... you could not for a moment be so ...” But she fell silent. He had gone too far; and now he stood with rapped knuckles94 and red cheeks. Silence again; and then she said evenly, “I have found new affections. But they are not of the kind you suggest.”
“Then I don’t know how I am to interpret your very evident embarrassment95 at seeing you again.” She said nothing.
“Though I can readily imagine you now have ... friends who are far more interesting and amusing than I could ever pretend to be.” But he added quickly, “You force me to express myself in a way that I abhor96.” Still she said nothing. He turned on her with a bitter small smile. “I see how it is. It is I who have become the misanthropist.”
That honesty did better for him. She gave him a quick look, one not without concern. She hesitated, then came to a decision.
“I did not mean to make you so. I meant to do what was best. I had abused your trust, your generosity97, I, yes, I had thrown myself at you, forced myself upon you, knowing very well that you had other obligations. A madness was in me at that time. I did not see it clearly till that day in Exeter. The worst you thought of me then was nothing but the truth.” She paused, he waited. “I have since seen artists destroy work that might to the amateur seem perfectly98 good. I remonstrat-ed once. I was told that if an artist is not his own sternest judge he is not fit to be an artist. I believe that is right. I believe I was right to destroy what had begun between us. There was a falsehood in it, a—“
“I was not to blame for that,”
“No, you were not to blame.” She paused, then went on in a gentler tone. “Mr. Smithson, I remarked a phrase of Mr. Ruskin’s recently. He wrote of an inconsistency of concep-tion. He meant that the natural had been adulterated by the artificial, the pure by the impure99. I think that is what hap-pened two years ago.” She said in a lower voice, “And I know but too well which part I contributed.”
He had a reawoken sense of that strange assumption of intellectual equality in her. He saw, too, what had always been dissonant100 between them: the formality of his language— seen at its worst in the love letter she had never received— and the directness of hers. Two languages, betraying on the one side a hollowness, a foolish constraint—but she had just said it, an artificiality of conception—and on the other a substance and purity of thought and judgment101; the difference between a simple colophon, say, and some page decorated by Noel Humphreys, all scrollwork, elaboration, rococo102 horror of void. That was the true inconsistency between them, though her kindness—or her anxiety to be rid of him—tried to conceal78 it.
“May I pursue the metaphor103? Cannot what you call the natural and pure part of the conception be redeemed104—be taken up again?”
“I fear not.”
But she would not look at him as she said that.
“I was four thousand miles from here when the news that you had been found came to me. That was a month ago. I have not passed an hour since then without thinking of this conversation. You ... you cannot answer me with observa-tions, however apposite, on art.”
“They were intended to apply to life as well.”
“Then what you are saying is that you never loved me.”
“I could not say that.”
She had turned from him. He went behind her again.
“But you must say that! You must say, ‘I was totally evil, I never saw in him other than an instrument I could use, a destruction I could encompass105. For now I don’t care that he still loves me, that in all his travels he has not seen a woman to compare with me, that he is a ghost, a shadow, a half-being for as long as he remains106 separated from me.’” She had bowed her head. He lowered his voice. “You must say, ‘I do not care that his crime was to have shown a few hours’ indecision, I don’t care that he has expiated107 it by sacrificing his good name, his ...’ not that that matters, I would sacrifice everything I possess a hundred times again if I could but know ... my dearest Sarah, I...”
He had brought himself perilously108 near tears. He reached his hand tentatively towards her shoulder, touched it; but no sooner touched it than some imperceptible stiffening109 of her stance made him let it fall.
“There is another.”
“Yes. There is another.”
He threw her averted110 face an outraged111 look, took a deep breath, then strode towards the door.
“I beg you. There is something else I must say.”
“You have said the one thing that matters.”
“The other is not what you think!”
Her tone was so new, so intense, that he arrested his movement towards his hat. He glanced back at her. He saw a split being: the old, accusing Sarah and one who begged him to listen. He stared at the ground.
“There is another in the sense that you mean. He is ... an artist I have met here. He wishes to marry me. I admire him, I respect him both as man and as artist. But I shall never marry him. If I were forced this moment to choose between Mr.... between him and yourself, you would not leave this house the unhappier. I beg you to believe that.” She had come a little towards him, her eyes on his, at their most direct; and he had to believe her. He looked down again. “The rival you both share is myself. I do not wish to marry. I do not wish to marry because ... first, because of my past, which habituated me to loneliness. I had always thought that I hated it. I now live in a world where loneliness is most easy to avoid. And I have found that I treasure it. I do not want to share my life. I wish to be what I am, not what a husband, however kind, however indulgent, must expect me to become in marriage.”
“And your second reason?”
“My second reason is my present. I never expected to be happy in life. Yet I find myself happy where I am situated113 now. I have varied114 and congenial work—work so pleasant that I no longer think of it as such. I am admitted to the daily conversation of genius. Such men have their faults. Their vices115. But they are not those the world chooses to imagine. The persons I have met here have let me see a community of honorable endeavor, of noble purpose, I had not till now known existed in this world.” She turned away towards the easel. “Mr. Smithson, I am happy, I am at last arrived, or so it seems to me, where I belong. I say that most humbly116. I have no genius myself, I have no more than the capacity to aid genius in very small and humble117 ways. You may think I have been very fortunate. No one knows it better than myself. But I believe I owe a debt to my good fortune. I am not to seek it elsewhere. I am to see it as precarious118, as a thing of which I must not allow myself to be bereft119.” She paused again, then faced him. “You may think what you will of me, but I cannot wish my life other than it is at the moment. And not even when I am besought120 by a man I esteem121, who touches me more than I show, from whom I do not deserve such a faithful generosity of affec-tion.” She lowered her eyes. “And whom I beg to compre-hend me.”
There had been several points where Charles would have liked to interrupt this credo. Its contentions122 seemed all heresy123 to him; yet deep inside him his admiration124 for the heretic grew. She was like no other; more than ever like no other. He saw London, her new life, had subtly altered her; had refined her vocabulary and accent, had articulated intuition, had deepened her clarity of insight; had now anchored her, where before had been a far less secure mooring125, to her basic conception of life and her role in it. Her bright clothes had misled him at first. But he began to perceive they were no more than a factor of her new self-knowledge and self-possession; she no longer needed an outward uniform. He saw it; yet would not see it. He came back a little way into the center of the room.
“But you cannot reject the purpose for which woman was brought into creation. And for what? I say nothing against Mr. ...” he gestured at the painting on the easel “... and his circle. But you cannot place serving them above the natural law.” He pressed his advantage. “I too have changed. I have learned much of myself, of what was previously126 false in me. I make no conditions. All that Miss Sarah Woodruff is, Mrs. Charles Smithson may continue to be. I would not ban you your new world or your continuing pleasure in it. I offer no more than an enlargement of your present happiness.”
She went to the window, and he advanced to the easel, his eyes on her. She half turned.
“You do not understand. It is not your fault. You are very kind. But I am not to be understood.”
“You forget you have said that to me before. I think you make it a matter of pride.”
“I meant that I am not to be understood even by myself. And I can’t tell you why, but I believe my happiness depends on my not understanding.”
Charles smiled, in spite of himself. “This is absurdity127. You refuse to entertain my proposal because I might bring you to understand yourself.”
“I refuse, as I refused the other gentleman, because you cannot understand that to me it is not an absurdity.”
She had her back turned again; and he began to see a glimmer128 of hope, for she seemed to show, as she picked at something on the white transom before her, some of the telltale embarrassment of a willful child.
“You shan’t escape there. You may reserve to yourself all the mystery you want. It shall remain sacrosanct129 to me.”
“It is not you I fear. It is your love for me. I know only too well that nothing remains sacrosanct there.”
He felt like someone denied a fortune by some trivial phrase in a legal document; the victim of a conquest of irrational130 law over rational intent. But she would not submit to reason; to sentiment she might lie more open. He hesi-tated, then went closer.
“Have you thought much of me in my absence?”
She looked at him then; a look that was almost dry, as if she had foreseen this new line of attack, and almost wel-comed it. She turned away after a moment, and stared at the roofs of the houses across the gardens.
“I thought much of you to begin with. I thought much of you some six months later, when I first saw one of the notices you had had put in—“
“Then you did know!”
But she went implacably on. “And which obliged me to change my lodgings131 and my name. I made inquiries. I knew then, but not before, that you had not married Miss Freeman.”
He stood both frozen and incredulous for five long sec-onds; and then she threw him a little glance round. He thought he saw a faint exultation132 in it, a having always had this trump133 card ready—and worse, of having waited, to produce it, to see the full extent of his own hand. She moved quietly away, and there was more horror in the quietness, the apparent indifference134, than in the movement. He followed her with his eyes. And perhaps he did at last begin to grasp her mystery. Some terrible perversion135 of human sexual des-tiny had begun; he was no more than a footsoldier, a pawn136 in a far vaster battle; and like all battles it was not about love, but about possession and territory. He saw deeper: it was not that she hated men, not that she materially despised him more than other men, but that her maneuvers137 were simply a part of her armory138, mere instruments to a greater end. He saw deeper still: that her supposed present happiness was another lie. In her central being she suffered still, in the same old way; and that was the mystery she was truly and finally afraid he might discover.
There was silence. “Then you have not only ruined my life. You have taken pleasure in doing so.”
“I knew nothing but unhappiness could come from such a meeting as this.”
“I think you lie. I think you reveled in the thought of my misery139. And I think it was you who sent that letter to my solicitor.” She looked him a sharp denial, but he met her with a cold grimace. “You forget I already know, to my cost, what an accomplished140 actress you can be when it suits your purpose. I can guess why I am now summoned to be given the coup141 de grace. You have a new victim. I may slake142 your insatiable and unwomanly hatred143 of my sex one last time ... and now I may be dismissed.”
“You misjudge me.”
But she said it far too calmly, as if she remained proof to all his accusations144; even, deep in herself, perversely145 savored146 them. He gave a bitter shake of the head.
“No. It is as I say. You have not only planted the dagger147 in my breast, you have delighted in twisting it.” She stood now staring at him, as if against her will, but hypnotized, the defiant148 criminal awaiting sentence. He pronounced it. “A day will come when you shall be called to account for what you have done to me. And if there is justice in heaven—your punishment shall outlast149 eternity150.”
Melodramatic words; yet words sometimes matter less than the depth of feeling behind them—and these came out of Charles’s whole being and despair. What cried out behind them was not melodrama151, but tragedy. For a long moment she continued to stare at him; something of the terrible outrage112 in his soul was reflected in her eyes. With an acute abruptness152 she lowered her head.
He hesitated one last second; his face was like the poised-crumbling wall of a dam, so vast was the weight of anathema153 pressing to roar down. But as suddenly as she had looked guilty, he ground his jaws154 shut, turned on his heel and marched towards the door.
Gathering155 her skirt in one hand, she ran after him. He spun156 round at the sound, she stood lost a moment. But before he could move on she had stepped swiftly past him to the door. He found his exit blocked.
“I cannot let you go believing that.”
Her breast rose, as if she were out of breath; her eyes on his, as if she put all reliance on stopping him in their direct-ness. But when he made an angry gesture of his hand, she spoke.
“There is a lady in this house who knows me, who under-stands me better than anyone else in the world. She wishes to see you. I beg you to let her do so. She will explain ... my real nature far better than I can myself. She will explain that my conduct towards you is less blame-worthy than you suppose.”
His eyes blazed upon hers; as if he would now let that dam break. He made a visibly difficult effort to control himself; to lose the flames, regain157 the ice; and succeeded.
“I am astounded158 that you should think a stranger to me could extenuate159 your behavior. And now—“
“She is waiting. She knows you are here.”
“I do not care if it is the Queen herself. I will not see her.”
“I shall not be present.”
Her cheeks had grown very red, almost as red as Charles’s. For the first—and last—time in his life he was tempted160 to use physical force on a member of the weaker sex.
“Stand aside!”
But she shook her head. It was beyond words now; a matter of will. Her demeanor161 was intense, almost tragic162; and yet something strange haunted her eyes—something had hap-pened, some dim air from another world was blowing imper-ceptibly between them. She watched him as if she knew she had set him at bay; a little frightened, uncertain what he would do; and yet without hostility163. Almost as if, behind the surface, there was nothing but a curiosity: a watching for the result of an experiment. Something in Charles faltered164. His eyes fell. Behind all his rage stood the knowledge that he loved her still; that this was the one being whose loss he could never forget. He spoke to the gilt clasp.
“What am I to understand by this?”
“What a less honorable gentleman might have guessed some time ago.”
He ransacked165 her eyes. Was there the faintest smile in them? No, there could not be. There was not. She held him in those inscrutable eyes a moment more, than left the door and crossed the room to a bellpull by the fireplace. He was free to go; but he watched her without moving. “What a less honorable gentleman ...” What new enormity was threat-ened now! Another woman, who knew and understood her better than ... that hatred of man ... this house inhabited by ... he dared not say it to himself. She drew back the brass button and then came towards him again.
“She will come at once.” Sarah opened the door; gave him an oblique look. “I beg you to listen to what she has to say ... and to accord her the respect due to her situation and age.”
And she was gone. But she had, in those last words, left an essential clue. He divined at once whom he was about to meet. It was her employer’s sister, the poetess (I will hide names no more) Miss Christina Rossetti. Of course! Had he not always found in her verse, on the rare occasions he had looked at it, a certain incomprehensible mysticism? A pas-sionate obscurity, the sense of a mind too inward and femi-ninely involute; to be frank, rather absurdly muddled166 over the frontiers of human and divine love?
He strode to the door and opened it. Sarah was at a door at the far end of the landing, about to enter. She looked round and he opened his mouth to speak. But there was a quiet sound below. Someone was mounting the stairs. Sarah raised a finger to her lips and disappeared inside the room.
Charles hesitated, then went back inside the studio and walked to the window. He saw now who was to blame for Sarah’s philosophy of life—she whom Punch had once called the sobbing167 abbess, the hysterical168 spinster of the Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood169. How desperately he wished he had not returned! If only he had made further inquiries before casting himself into this miserable170 situation! But here he was; and he suddenly found himself determining, and not without a grim relish171, that the lady poetess should not have it all her own way. To her he might be no more than a grain of sand among countless millions, a mere dull weed in this exotic garden of...
There was a sound. He turned, and with a very set-cold face. But it was not Miss Rossetti, merely the girl who had shown him up, and holding a small child crooked172 in her arm. It seemed she had seen the door ajar, and simply peeped in on her way to some nursery. She appeared surprised to see him alone.
“Mrs. Roughwood has left?”
“She gave me to understand ... a lady wishes to have a few words in private with me. She is rung for.”
The girl inclined her head. “I see.”
But instead of withdrawing, as Charles had expected, she came forward into the room and set the child down on a carpet by the easel. She felt in the pocket of her apron and handed down a rag doll, then knelt a brief moment, as if to make sure the child was perfectly happy. Then without warn-ing she straightened and moved gracefully173 towards the door. Charles stood meanwhile with an expression somewhere be-tween offense174 and puzzlement.
“I trust the lady will come very shortly?”
The girl turned. She had a small smile on her lips. Then she glanced down at the child on the carpet.
“She is come.”
For at least ten seconds after the door closed Charles stared. It was a little girl, with dark hair and chubby175 arms; a little more than a baby, yet far less than a child. She seemed suddenly to realize that Charles was animate176. The doll was handed up towards him, with a meaningless sound. He had an impression of solemn gray irises177 in a regular face, a certain timid doubt, a not being quite sure what he was ... a second later he was kneeling in front of her on the carpet, helping178 her to stand on her uncertain legs, scanning that small face like some archaeologist who has just unearthed179 the first example of a lost ancient script. The little girl showed unmistakable signs of not liking180 this scrutiny181. Perhaps he gripped the fragile arms too tightly. He fumbled182 hastily for his watch, as he had once before in a similar predicament. It had the same good effect; and in a few moments he was able to lift the infant without protest and carry her to a chair by the window. She sat on his knees, intent on the silver toy; and he, he was intent on her face, her hands, her every inch.
And on every word that had been spoken in that room. Language is like shot silk; so much depends on the angle at which it is held.
He heard the quiet opening of the door. But he did not turn. In a moment a hand lay on the high backrail of the wooden chair on which he sat. He did not speak and the owner of the hand did not speak; absorbed by the watch, the child too was silent. In some distant house an amateur, a lady with time on her hands—not in them, for the execution was poor, redeemed only by distance—began to play the piano: a Chopin mazurka, filtered through walls, through leaves and sunlight. Only that jerkily onward183 sound indicated progres-sion. Otherwise it was the impossible: History reduced to a living stop, a photograph in flesh.
But the little girl grew bored, and reached for her mother’s arms. She was lifted, dandled, then carried away a few steps. Charles remained staring out of the window a long moment. Then he stood and faced Sarah and her burden. Her eyes were still grave, but she had a little smile. Now, he was being taunted184. But he would have traveled four million miles to be taunted so.
The child reached towards the floor, having seen its doll there. Sarah stooped a moment, retrieved185 it and gave it to her. For a moment she watched the absorption of the child against her shoulder in the toy; then her eyes came to rest on Charles’s feet. She could not look him in the eyes.
“What is her name?”
“Lalage.” She pronounced it as a dactyl, the g hard. Still she could not raise her eyes. “Mr. Rossetti approached me one day in the street. I did not know it, but he had been watching me. He asked to be allowed to draw me. She was not yet born. He was most kind in all ways when he knew of my circumstances. He himself proposed the name. He is her godfather.” She murmured, “I know it is strange.”
Strange certainly were Charles’s feelings; and the ultimate strangeness was only increased by this curious soliciting186 of his opinion on such, in such circumstances, a trivial matter; as if at the moment his ship had struck a reef his advice was asked on the right material for the cabin upholstery. Yet numbed187, he found himself answering.
“It is Greek. From lalageo, to babble188 like a brook189.”
Sarah bowed her head, as if modestly grateful for this etymological190 information. Still Charles stared at her, his masts crashing, the cries of the drowning in his mind’s ears. He would never forgive her.
He heard her whisper, “You do not like it?”
“I...” he swallowed. “Yes. It is a pretty name.”
And again her head bowed. But he could not move, could not rid his eyes of their terrible interrogation; as a man stares at the fallen masonry191 that might, had he passed a moment later, have crushed him to extinction192; at hazard, that element the human mentality193 so habitually194 disregards, dismisses to the lumber195 room of myth, made flesh in this figure, this double figure before him. Her eyes stayed down, masked by the dark lashes196. But he saw, or sensed, tears upon them. He took two or three involuntary steps towards her. Then again he stopped. He could not, he could not ... the words, though low, burst from him.
“But why? Why? What if I had never ...”
Her head sank even lower. He barely caught her answer.
“It had to be so.”
And he comprehended: it had been in God’s hands, in His forgiveness of their sins. Yet still he stared down at her hidden face.
“And all those cruel words you spoke ... forced me to speak in answer?”
“Had to be spoken.”
At last she looked up at him. Her eyes were full of tears, and her look unbearably197 naked. Such looks we have all once or twice in our lives received and shared; they are those in which worlds melt, pasts dissolve, moments when we know, in the resolution of profoundest need, that the rock of ages can never be anything else but love, here, now, in these two hands’ joining, in this blind silence in which one head comes to rest beneath the other; and which Charles, after a com-pressed eternity, breaks, though the question is more breathed than spoken.
“Shall I ever understand your parables198?”
The head against his breast shakes with a mute vehe-mence. A long moment. The pressure of lips upon auburn hair. In the distant house the untalented lady, no doubt seized by remorse199 (or perhaps by poor Chopin’s tortured ghost), stops playing. And Lalage, as if brought by the merciful silence to reflect on the aesthetics200 of music and having reflected, to bang her rag doll against his bent cheek, reminds her father—high time indeed—that a thousand violins cloy201 very rapidly without percussion202.
1 affluent | |
adj.富裕的,富有的,丰富的,富饶的 | |
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2 warehouses | |
仓库,货栈( warehouse的名词复数 ) | |
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3 standing | |
n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的 | |
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4 solicitor | |
n.初级律师,事务律师 | |
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5 apparently | |
adv.显然地;表面上,似乎 | |
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6 ingenuous | |
adj.纯朴的,单纯的;天真的;坦率的 | |
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7 syllables | |
n.音节( syllable的名词复数 ) | |
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8 momentary | |
adj.片刻的,瞬息的;短暂的 | |
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9 stratagems | |
n.诡计,计谋( stratagem的名词复数 );花招 | |
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10 acting | |
n.演戏,行为,假装;adj.代理的,临时的,演出用的 | |
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11 inquiries | |
n.调查( inquiry的名词复数 );疑问;探究;打听 | |
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12 den | |
n.兽穴;秘密地方;安静的小房间,私室 | |
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13 urn | |
n.(有座脚的)瓮;坟墓;骨灰瓮 | |
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14 harry | |
vt.掠夺,蹂躏,使苦恼 | |
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15 exasperated | |
adj.恼怒的 | |
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16 enigma | |
n.谜,谜一样的人或事 | |
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17 grimace | |
v.做鬼脸,面部歪扭 | |
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18 retired | |
adj.隐退的,退休的,退役的 | |
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19 naval | |
adj.海军的,军舰的,船的 | |
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20 fouler | |
adj.恶劣的( foul的比较级 );邪恶的;难闻的;下流的 | |
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21 hideously | |
adv.可怕地,非常讨厌地 | |
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22 chamber | |
n.房间,寝室;会议厅;议院;会所 | |
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23 cholera | |
n.霍乱 | |
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24 perverse | |
adj.刚愎的;坚持错误的,行为反常的 | |
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25 wrought | |
v.引起;以…原料制作;运转;adj.制造的 | |
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26 briefly | |
adv.简单地,简短地 | |
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27 brass | |
n.黄铜;黄铜器,铜管乐器 | |
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28 apron | |
n.围裙;工作裙 | |
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29 noted | |
adj.著名的,知名的 | |
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30 doorway | |
n.门口,(喻)入门;门路,途径 | |
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31 spoke | |
n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说 | |
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32 appraisal | |
n.对…作出的评价;评价,鉴定,评估 | |
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33 ostentation | |
n.夸耀,卖弄 | |
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34 abruptly | |
adv.突然地,出其不意地 | |
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35 abrupt | |
adj.突然的,意外的;唐突的,鲁莽的 | |
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36 sufficiently | |
adv.足够地,充分地 | |
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37 knowledgeable | |
adj.知识渊博的;有见识的 | |
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38 celebrated | |
adj.有名的,声誉卓著的 | |
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39 monogram | |
n.字母组合 | |
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40 embarked | |
乘船( embark的过去式和过去分词 ); 装载; 从事 | |
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41 sibylline | |
adj.预言的;神巫的 | |
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42 shimmer | |
v./n.发微光,发闪光;微光 | |
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43 murmur | |
n.低语,低声的怨言;v.低语,低声而言 | |
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44 oblique | |
adj.斜的,倾斜的,无诚意的,不坦率的 | |
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45 bent | |
n.爱好,癖好;adj.弯的;决心的,一心的 | |
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46 thereby | |
adv.因此,从而 | |
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47 inclination | |
n.倾斜;点头;弯腰;斜坡;倾度;倾向;爱好 | |
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48 stunned | |
adj. 震惊的,惊讶的 动词stun的过去式和过去分词 | |
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49 folly | |
n.愚笨,愚蠢,蠢事,蠢行,傻话 | |
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50 crimson | |
n./adj.深(绯)红色(的);vi.脸变绯红色 | |
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51 gilt | |
adj.镀金的;n.金边证券 | |
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52 apparition | |
n.幽灵,神奇的现象 | |
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53 evoked | |
[医]诱发的 | |
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54 simplicity | |
n.简单,简易;朴素;直率,单纯 | |
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55 implicit | |
a.暗示的,含蓄的,不明晰的,绝对的 | |
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56 bustles | |
热闹( bustle的名词复数 ); (女裙后部的)衬垫; 撑架 | |
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57 defiance | |
n.挑战,挑衅,蔑视,违抗 | |
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58 remarkable | |
adj.显著的,异常的,非凡的,值得注意的 | |
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59 nervously | |
adv.神情激动地,不安地 | |
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60 inquiry | |
n.打听,询问,调查,查问 | |
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61 suppliant | |
adj.哀恳的;n.恳求者,哀求者 | |
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62 lurked | |
vi.潜伏,埋伏(lurk的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
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63 mere | |
adj.纯粹的;仅仅,只不过 | |
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64 foliage | |
n.叶子,树叶,簇叶 | |
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65 sketched | |
v.草拟(sketch的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
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66 pottery | |
n.陶器,陶器场 | |
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67 sketches | |
n.草图( sketch的名词复数 );素描;速写;梗概 | |
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68 nude | |
adj.裸体的;n.裸体者,裸体艺术品 | |
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69 hip | |
n.臀部,髋;屋脊 | |
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70 unbearable | |
adj.不能容忍的;忍受不住的 | |
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71 penury | |
n.贫穷,拮据 | |
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72 crabbed | |
adj.脾气坏的;易怒的;(指字迹)难辨认的;(字迹等)难辨认的v.捕蟹( crab的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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73 slay | |
v.杀死,宰杀,杀戮 | |
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74 sobs | |
啜泣(声),呜咽(声)( sob的名词复数 ) | |
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75 beseeching | |
adj.恳求似的v.恳求,乞求(某事物)( beseech的现在分词 ) | |
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76 tact | |
n.机敏,圆滑,得体 | |
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77 concealed | |
a.隐藏的,隐蔽的 | |
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78 conceal | |
v.隐藏,隐瞒,隐蔽 | |
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79 stiffen | |
v.(使)硬,(使)变挺,(使)变僵硬 | |
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80 disapproval | |
n.反对,不赞成 | |
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81 worthies | |
应得某事物( worthy的名词复数 ); 值得做某事; 可尊敬的; 有(某人或事物)的典型特征 | |
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82 condemnation | |
n.谴责; 定罪 | |
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83 libidinous | |
adj.淫荡的 | |
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84 opium | |
n.鸦片;adj.鸦片的 | |
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85 innocence | |
n.无罪;天真;无害 | |
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86 iniquity | |
n.邪恶;不公正 | |
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87 malice | |
n.恶意,怨恨,蓄意;[律]预谋 | |
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88 countless | |
adj.无数的,多得不计其数的 | |
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89 gratitude | |
adj.感激,感谢 | |
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90 desperately | |
adv.极度渴望地,绝望地,孤注一掷地 | |
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91 possessed | |
adj.疯狂的;拥有的,占有的 | |
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92 mutual | |
adj.相互的,彼此的;共同的,共有的 | |
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93 resentment | |
n.怨愤,忿恨 | |
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94 knuckles | |
n.(指人)指关节( knuckle的名词复数 );(指动物)膝关节,踝v.(指人)指关节( knuckle的第三人称单数 );(指动物)膝关节,踝 | |
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95 embarrassment | |
n.尴尬;使人为难的人(事物);障碍;窘迫 | |
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96 abhor | |
v.憎恶;痛恨 | |
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97 generosity | |
n.大度,慷慨,慷慨的行为 | |
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98 perfectly | |
adv.完美地,无可非议地,彻底地 | |
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99 impure | |
adj.不纯净的,不洁的;不道德的,下流的 | |
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100 dissonant | |
adj.不和谐的;不悦耳的 | |
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101 judgment | |
n.审判;判断力,识别力,看法,意见 | |
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102 rococo | |
n.洛可可;adj.过分修饰的 | |
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103 metaphor | |
n.隐喻,暗喻 | |
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104 redeemed | |
adj. 可赎回的,可救赎的 动词redeem的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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105 encompass | |
vt.围绕,包围;包含,包括;完成 | |
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106 remains | |
n.剩余物,残留物;遗体,遗迹 | |
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107 expiated | |
v.为(所犯罪过)接受惩罚,赎(罪)( expiate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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108 perilously | |
adv.充满危险地,危机四伏地 | |
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109 stiffening | |
n. (使衣服等)变硬的材料, 硬化 动词stiffen的现在分词形式 | |
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110 averted | |
防止,避免( avert的过去式和过去分词 ); 转移 | |
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111 outraged | |
a.震惊的,义愤填膺的 | |
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112 outrage | |
n.暴行,侮辱,愤怒;vt.凌辱,激怒 | |
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113 situated | |
adj.坐落在...的,处于某种境地的 | |
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114 varied | |
adj.多样的,多变化的 | |
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115 vices | |
缺陷( vice的名词复数 ); 恶习; 不道德行为; 台钳 | |
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116 humbly | |
adv. 恭顺地,谦卑地 | |
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117 humble | |
adj.谦卑的,恭顺的;地位低下的;v.降低,贬低 | |
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118 precarious | |
adj.不安定的,靠不住的;根据不足的 | |
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119 bereft | |
adj.被剥夺的 | |
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120 besought | |
v.恳求,乞求(某事物)( beseech的过去式和过去分词 );(beseech的过去式与过去分词) | |
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121 esteem | |
n.尊敬,尊重;vt.尊重,敬重;把…看作 | |
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122 contentions | |
n.竞争( contention的名词复数 );争夺;争论;论点 | |
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123 heresy | |
n.异端邪说;异教 | |
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124 admiration | |
n.钦佩,赞美,羡慕 | |
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125 mooring | |
n.停泊处;系泊用具,系船具;下锚v.停泊,系泊(船只)(moor的现在分词) | |
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126 previously | |
adv.以前,先前(地) | |
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127 absurdity | |
n.荒谬,愚蠢;谬论 | |
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128 glimmer | |
v.发出闪烁的微光;n.微光,微弱的闪光 | |
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129 sacrosanct | |
adj.神圣不可侵犯的 | |
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130 irrational | |
adj.无理性的,失去理性的 | |
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131 lodgings | |
n. 出租的房舍, 寄宿舍 | |
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132 exultation | |
n.狂喜,得意 | |
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133 trump | |
n.王牌,法宝;v.打出王牌,吹喇叭 | |
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134 indifference | |
n.不感兴趣,不关心,冷淡,不在乎 | |
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135 perversion | |
n.曲解;堕落;反常 | |
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136 pawn | |
n.典当,抵押,小人物,走卒;v.典当,抵押 | |
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137 maneuvers | |
n.策略,谋略,花招( maneuver的名词复数 ) | |
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138 armory | |
n.纹章,兵工厂,军械库 | |
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139 misery | |
n.痛苦,苦恼,苦难;悲惨的境遇,贫苦 | |
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140 accomplished | |
adj.有才艺的;有造诣的;达到了的 | |
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141 coup | |
n.政变;突然而成功的行动 | |
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142 slake | |
v.解渴,使平息 | |
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143 hatred | |
n.憎恶,憎恨,仇恨 | |
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144 accusations | |
n.指责( accusation的名词复数 );指控;控告;(被告发、控告的)罪名 | |
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145 perversely | |
adv. 倔强地 | |
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146 savored | |
v.意味,带有…的性质( savor的过去式和过去分词 );给…加调味品;使有风味;品尝 | |
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147 dagger | |
n.匕首,短剑,剑号 | |
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148 defiant | |
adj.无礼的,挑战的 | |
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149 outlast | |
v.较…耐久 | |
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150 eternity | |
n.不朽,来世;永恒,无穷 | |
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151 melodrama | |
n.音乐剧;情节剧 | |
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152 abruptness | |
n. 突然,唐突 | |
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153 anathema | |
n.诅咒;被诅咒的人(物),十分讨厌的人(物) | |
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154 jaws | |
n.口部;嘴 | |
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155 gathering | |
n.集会,聚会,聚集 | |
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156 spun | |
v.纺,杜撰,急转身 | |
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157 regain | |
vt.重新获得,收复,恢复 | |
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158 astounded | |
v.使震惊(astound的过去式和过去分词);愕然;愕;惊讶 | |
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159 extenuate | |
v.减轻,使人原谅 | |
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160 tempted | |
v.怂恿(某人)干不正当的事;冒…的险(tempt的过去分词) | |
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161 demeanor | |
n.行为;风度 | |
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162 tragic | |
adj.悲剧的,悲剧性的,悲惨的 | |
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163 hostility | |
n.敌对,敌意;抵制[pl.]交战,战争 | |
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164 faltered | |
(嗓音)颤抖( falter的过去式和过去分词 ); 支吾其词; 蹒跚; 摇晃 | |
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165 ransacked | |
v.彻底搜查( ransack的过去式和过去分词 );抢劫,掠夺 | |
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166 muddled | |
adj.混乱的;糊涂的;头脑昏昏然的v.弄乱,弄糟( muddle的过去式);使糊涂;对付,混日子 | |
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167 sobbing | |
<主方>Ⅰ adj.湿透的 | |
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168 hysterical | |
adj.情绪异常激动的,歇斯底里般的 | |
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169 brotherhood | |
n.兄弟般的关系,手中情谊 | |
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170 miserable | |
adj.悲惨的,痛苦的;可怜的,糟糕的 | |
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171 relish | |
n.滋味,享受,爱好,调味品;vt.加调味料,享受,品味;vi.有滋味 | |
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172 crooked | |
adj.弯曲的;不诚实的,狡猾的,不正当的 | |
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173 gracefully | |
ad.大大方方地;优美地 | |
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174 offense | |
n.犯规,违法行为;冒犯,得罪 | |
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175 chubby | |
adj.丰满的,圆胖的 | |
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176 animate | |
v.赋于生命,鼓励;adj.有生命的,有生气的 | |
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177 irises | |
n.虹( iris的名词复数 );虹膜;虹彩;鸢尾(花) | |
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178 helping | |
n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的,辅助的 | |
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179 unearthed | |
出土的(考古) | |
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180 liking | |
n.爱好;嗜好;喜欢 | |
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181 scrutiny | |
n.详细检查,仔细观察 | |
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182 fumbled | |
(笨拙地)摸索或处理(某事物)( fumble的过去式和过去分词 ); 乱摸,笨拙地弄; 使落下 | |
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183 onward | |
adj.向前的,前进的;adv.向前,前进,在先 | |
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184 taunted | |
嘲讽( taunt的过去式和过去分词 ); 嘲弄; 辱骂; 奚落 | |
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185 retrieved | |
v.取回( retrieve的过去式和过去分词 );恢复;寻回;检索(储存的信息) | |
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186 soliciting | |
v.恳求( solicit的现在分词 );(指娼妇)拉客;索求;征求 | |
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187 numbed | |
v.使麻木,使麻痹( numb的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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188 babble | |
v.含糊不清地说,胡言乱语地说,儿语 | |
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189 brook | |
n.小河,溪;v.忍受,容让 | |
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190 etymological | |
adj.语源的,根据语源学的 | |
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191 masonry | |
n.砖土建筑;砖石 | |
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192 extinction | |
n.熄灭,消亡,消灭,灭绝,绝种 | |
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193 mentality | |
n.心理,思想,脑力 | |
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194 habitually | |
ad.习惯地,通常地 | |
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195 lumber | |
n.木材,木料;v.以破旧东西堆满;伐木;笨重移动 | |
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196 lashes | |
n.鞭挞( lash的名词复数 );鞭子;突然猛烈的一击;急速挥动v.鞭打( lash的第三人称单数 );煽动;紧系;怒斥 | |
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197 unbearably | |
adv.不能忍受地,无法容忍地;慌 | |
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198 parables | |
n.(圣经中的)寓言故事( parable的名词复数 ) | |
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199 remorse | |
n.痛恨,悔恨,自责 | |
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200 aesthetics | |
n.(尤指艺术方面之)美学,审美学 | |
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201 cloy | |
v.(吃甜食)生腻,吃腻 | |
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202 percussion | |
n.打击乐器;冲突,撞击;震动,音响 | |
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