Chapter 18

MARTIN

 

I know what you're thinking, all you clever-clever people who read the Guardian¹ and shop in Waterstone's and would no more think of watching breakfast television than you would of buying your children cigarettes. You're thinking, Oh, this guy wasn't serious. He wanted a tabloid² photographer to capture his quote unquote cry for help so that he could sign a 'My Suicide Hell' exclusive for the Sun. 'SHARP TAKES THE SLEAZY WAY OUT'. And I can understand why you might be thinking that, my friends. I climb a stairwell, have a couple of nips of Scotch³ from a hip-flask while dangling⁴ my feet over the edge, and then when some dippy girl asks me to help find her ex-boyfriend at some party, I shrug⁵ and wander off with her. And how suicidal is that?

First of all, I'll have you know that I scored very highly on Aaron T. Beck's Suicide Intent Scale. I'll bet you didn't even know there was such a scale, did you? Well, there is, and I reckon I got something like twenty-one out of thirty points, which I was pretty pleased with, as you can imagine. Yes, suicide had been contemplated⁶ for more than three hours prior to the attempt. Yes, I was certain of death even if I received medical attention: it's fifteen storeys high, Toppers' House, and they reckon that anything over ten will do it for you pretty well every time. Yes, there was active preparation for the attempt: ladder, wire-cutters and so on. He shoots, he scores. The only questions where I might not have received maximum points are the first two, which deal with what Aaron T. Beck calls isolation⁷ and timing⁸. 'No one near by in visual or vocal⁹ contact' gets you top marks, as does 'Intervention¹⁰ highly unlikely'. You might argue that as we chose the most popular suicide spot in North London on one of the most popular suicide nights of the year, intervention was almost inevitable¹¹; I would counter by saying that we were just being dim. Dim or grotesquely¹² self-absorbed, take your pick.

And yet, of course, if it hadn't been for the teeming¹³ throng¹⁴ up there, I wouldn't be around today, so maybe old Beck is bang on the money. We may not have been counting on anyone to rescue us, but once we started bumping into each other, there was certainly a collective desire - a desire born more than anything out of embarrassment¹⁵ - to shelve the whole idea, at least for the night. Not one of us descended¹⁶ those stairs having come to the conclusion that life was a beautiful and precious thing; if anything, we were slightly more miserable¹⁷ on the way down than on the way up, because the only solution we had found for our various predicaments was not available to us, at least for the moment. And there had been a sort of weird¹⁸ nervous excitement up on the roof; for a couple of hours we had been living in a sort of independent state, where street-level laws no longer applied¹⁹. Even though our problems had driven us up there, it was as if they had somehow, like Daleks, been unable to climb the stairs. And now we had to go back down and face them again. But it didn't feel like we had any choice. Even though we had nothing in common beyond that one thing, the one thing was enough to make us feel that there wasn't anything else - not money, or class, or education, or age, or cultural interests - that was worth a damn; we'd formed a nation, suddenly, in that couple of hours, and for the time being we wanted only to be with our new compatriots. I had hardly exchanged a word with Maureen, and I didn't even know her surname; but she understood more about me than my wife had done in the last five years of our marriage. Maureen knew that I was unhappy, because of where she'd met me, and that meant she knew the most important thing about me; Cindy always professed²⁰ herself baffled by everything I did or said.

It would have been neat if I'd fallen in love with Maureen, wouldn't it? I can even see the newspaper headline: 'SHARP TURNED!' And then there'd be some story about how Old Sleazebag had seen the error of his ways and decided²¹ to settle down with nice homely²² older woman, rather than chase around after schoolgirls and C-list actresses with breast enlargements. Yeah, right. Dream on.

1 guardian   

n.监护人；守卫者，保护者

参考例句：

• The form must be signed by the child's parents or guardian. 这张表格须由孩子的家长或监护人签字。
• The press is a guardian of the public weal. 报刊是公共福利的卫护者。

2 tabloid   

adj.轰动性的，庸俗的；n.小报，文摘

参考例句：

• He launched into a verbal assault on tabloid journalism.他口头对小报新闻进行了抨击。
• He believes that the tabloid press has behaved disgracefully.他认为小报媒体的行为不太光彩。

3 scotch   

n.伤口，刻痕；苏格兰威士忌酒；v.粉碎，消灭，阻止；adj.苏格兰(人)的

参考例句：

• Facts will eventually scotch these rumours.这种谣言在事实面前将不攻自破。
• Italy was full of fine views and virtually empty of Scotch whiskey.意大利多的是美景，真正缺的是苏格兰威士忌。

4 dangling   

悬吊着( dangle的现在分词 )； 摆动不定； 用某事物诱惑…； 吊胃口

参考例句：

• The tooth hung dangling by the bedpost, now. 结果，那颗牙就晃来晃去吊在床柱上了。
• The children sat on the high wall,their legs dangling. 孩子们坐在一堵高墙上，摇晃着他们的双腿。

5 shrug   

v.耸肩(表示怀疑、冷漠、不知等)

参考例句：

• With a shrug,he went out of the room.他耸一下肩，走出了房间。
• I admire the way she is able to shrug off unfair criticism.我很佩服她能对错误的批评意见不予理会。

6 contemplated   

adj. 预期的 动词contemplate的过去分词形式

参考例句：

• The doctor contemplated the difficult operation he had to perform. 医生仔细地考虑他所要做的棘手的手术。
• The government has contemplated reforming the entire tax system. 政府打算改革整个税收体制。

7 isolation   

n.隔离，孤立，分解，分离

参考例句：

• The millionaire lived in complete isolation from the outside world.这位富翁过着与世隔绝的生活。
• He retired and lived in relative isolation.他退休后，生活比较孤寂。

8 timing   

n.时间安排，时间选择

参考例句：

• The timing of the meeting is not convenient.会议的时间安排不合适。
• The timing of our statement is very opportune.我们发表声明选择的时机很恰当。

9 vocal   

adj.直言不讳的；嗓音的；n.[pl.]声乐节目

参考例句：

• The tongue is a vocal organ.舌头是一个发音器官。
• Public opinion at last became vocal.终于舆论哗然。

10 intervention   

n.介入，干涉，干预

参考例句：

• The government's intervention in this dispute will not help.政府对这场争论的干预不会起作用。
• Many people felt he would be hostile to the idea of foreign intervention.许多人觉得他会反对外来干预。

11 inevitable   

adj.不可避免的，必然发生的

参考例句：

• Mary was wearing her inevitable large hat.玛丽戴着她总是戴的那顶大帽子。
• The defeat had inevitable consequences for British policy.战败对英国政策不可避免地产生了影响。

12 grotesquely   

adv. 奇异地,荒诞地

参考例句：

• Her arched eyebrows and grotesquely powdered face were at once seductive and grimly overbearing. 眉棱棱着，在一脸的怪粉上显出妖媚而霸道。 来自汉英文学 - 骆驼祥子
• Two faces grotesquely disfigured in nylon stocking masks looked through the window. 2张戴尼龙长袜面罩的怪脸望着窗外。

13 teeming   

adj.丰富的v.充满( teem的现在分词 )；到处都是；（指水、雨等）暴降；倾注

参考例句：

• The rain was teeming down. 大雨倾盆而下。
• the teeming streets of the city 熙熙攘攘的城市街道

14 throng   

n.人群，群众；v.拥挤，群集

参考例句：

• A patient throng was waiting in silence.一大群耐心的人在静静地等着。
• The crowds thronged into the mall.人群涌进大厅。

15 embarrassment   

n.尴尬；使人为难的人(事物)；障碍；窘迫

参考例句：

• She could have died away with embarrassment.她窘迫得要死。
• Coughing at a concert can be a real embarrassment.在音乐会上咳嗽真会使人难堪。

16 descended   

a.为...后裔的，出身于...的

参考例句：

• A mood of melancholy descended on us. 一种悲伤的情绪袭上我们的心头。
• The path descended the hill in a series of zigzags. 小路呈连续的之字形顺着山坡蜿蜒而下。

17 miserable   

adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的

参考例句：

• It was miserable of you to make fun of him.你取笑他，这是可耻的。
• Her past life was miserable.她过去的生活很苦。

18 weird   

adj.古怪的，离奇的；怪诞的，神秘而可怕的

参考例句：

• From his weird behaviour,he seems a bit of an oddity.从他不寻常的行为看来，他好像有点怪。
• His weird clothes really gas me.他的怪衣裳简直笑死人。

19 applied   

adj.应用的；v.应用，适用

参考例句：

• She plans to take a course in applied linguistics.她打算学习应用语言学课程。
• This cream is best applied to the face at night.这种乳霜最好晚上擦脸用。

20 professed   

公开声称的，伪称的，已立誓信教的

参考例句：

• These, at least, were their professed reasons for pulling out of the deal. 至少这些是他们自称退出这宗交易的理由。
• Her manner professed a gaiety that she did not feel. 她的神态显出一种她并未实际感受到的快乐。

21 decided   

adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的

参考例句：

• This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
• There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。

22 homely   

adj.家常的，简朴的；不漂亮的

参考例句：

• We had a homely meal of bread and cheese.我们吃了一顿面包加乳酪的家常便餐。
• Come and have a homely meal with us,will you?来和我们一起吃顿家常便饭，好吗？