Chapter 29

JESS

 

It didn't take long for the papers to find out. A couple of days, maybe. I was in my room, and Dad called me downstairs and asked me what I'd been up to on New Year's Eve. And I went, Nothing much, and he went, Well, that isn't what the newspapers seem to think. And I was like, Newspapers? And he said, Yeah, there's apparently¹ going to be a story about you and Martin Sharp. Do you know Martin Sharp? And I was, you know, Yeah, sort of, only met him that night at a party, don't know him very well. And so Dad goes, What the hell kind of party is it where you meet someone like Martin Sharp? And I couldn't think what kind of party that would be, so I didn't say anything. And then Dad was like, And was there… Did anything… All tenterhooks² or whatever, kind of thing, so I just dived in. Did I fuck him? No I did not! Thanks a bunch! Bloody³ hell! Martin Sharp! Eeeeuch! And so on and so on until he got the idea.

It was fucking Chas, of course, who phoned up the newspapers. He'd probably tried before, the little shit, but he never had much to go on then, when it was just me. The Jess Crichton/Martin Sharp combo, though… unresistable. How much do you think you get for something like that? A couple of hundred quid? More? To be honest, I'd have done it if I were him. He's always skint. And I'm always skint. If he'd been anyone worth selling up the river, he'd be halfway⁴ out to sea by now.

Dad pulled back the curtain to sneak⁵ a look, and there was someone out there. I wanted to go out and have a go at him, but Dad wouldn't let me; he said that they'd take a mad picture of me, and I'd look stupid and regret it. And he said it was undignified to do that, and in our position we had to rise above it all and ignore them. And I was like, In whose position? I'm not in a position. And he went, Well, you are, whether you like it or not you are in a position, and I go, You're in a position not me, and he said, You're in a position too, and we went on like that for a while. But of course going on about it never changes anything, and I know he's right, really. If I wasn't in a position then the papers wouldn't be interested. In fact, the more I act as though I'm not in a position, then the more I'm in a position, if you see what I mean. If I just sat in my room and read, or got a steady boyfriend, there'd be no interest. But if I went to bed with Martin Sharp, or threw myself off a roof, then there would be the opposite of no interest. There'd be interest.

When I was in the papers a couple of years ago, just after the Jen thing, I think the feeling was I was Troubled rather than Bad. Anyway, shoplifting isn't murder, is it? Everyone goes through a shoplifting phase, don't they? By which I mean proper shoplifting, boosting Winona-style, bags and clothes and shit, not pens and sweets. It comes just after ponies⁶ and boy bands, and right before spliff and sex. But I could tell that it was different this time, and that was when I started to think things through. Yeah, yeah, I know. But better late than never, eh? What I thought was this: if it was going to be all over the papers, it was better for Mum and Dad to think that I'd slept with Martin than to know the real reason we were together. The real reason would kill them. Maybe literally⁷. Which would make me the only family member left alive, possibly, and even I'm making up my mind which way to go. So if the papers had got hold of the wrong end of the stick, it wouldn't be such a bad thing. Obviously it would be pretty humiliating at college, everyone thinking I'd fucked the sleaziest man in Britain, but it would be for the greater good, i.e. two alive parents.

The thing was, even though I'd started to think things through, I didn't think them through properly. I could have saved myself a lot of trouble if I'd just given it another two minutes before I'd opened my mouth, but I didn't. I just went, Da-ad. And he was like, Oh, no. And I just looked at him and he goes, You'd better tell me everything, and I said, Well, there isn't much to tell really. I just went to this party and he was there and I had too much to drink and we went back to his place and that's it. And he was like, That's it, as in end of story? And I went, Well, no, that's it as in dot dot dot you don't need to know the details. So he went, Jesus Christ, and he sat down in a chair.

But here's the thing: I didn't need to say I'd slept with him, did I? I could have said we'd snogged, or he tried it on, or anything at all like that, but I wasn't quick enough. I was like, Well if it's a choice between suicide and sex, better go sex, but those didn't have to be the choices. Sex was only a serving suggestion sort of thing, but you don't have to do exactly what it says on the packet, do you? You can miss the garnish⁸ out, if you want, and that's what I should have done. ('Garnish' - that's a weird⁹ word, isn't it? I don't think I've ever used it before.) But I didn't, did I? And the other thing I should have done but didn't: before I told him anything, I should have got Dad to find out what the story in the newspaper was. I just thought, Tabloids¹⁰, sex… I don't know what I thought, to tell you the truth. Not much, as usual.

So Dad got straight on the phone and talked to his office and told them what I'd told him, and then when he'd finished, he said he was going out and I wasn't to answer the phone or go anywhere or do anything. So I watched TV for a few minutes, and then I looked out the window to see if I could see that bloke, and I could, and he wasn't on his own any more.

And then Dad came back with a newspaper - he'd been out to get an early edition. He looked about ten years older than he had before he left. And he held up the paper for me to see, and the headline said, 'MARTIN SHARP AND JUNIOR MINISTER'S DAUGHTER IN SUICIDE PACT¹¹'.

So the whole sex confession¹² bit had been a complete and utter fucking waste of time.

1 apparently   

adv.显然地；表面上，似乎

参考例句：

• An apparently blind alley leads suddenly into an open space.山穷水尽，豁然开朗。
• He was apparently much surprised at the news.他对那个消息显然感到十分惊异。

2 tenterhooks   

n.坐立不安

参考例句：

• The students are on tenterhooks to hear the result of the examination.学生们烦躁不安地听考试结果。
• The mother was on tenterhooks until her little Laura came back.当小珞拉回来后，她母亲才放下心来。

3 bloody   

adj.非常的的；流血的；残忍的；adv.很；vt.血染

参考例句：

• He got a bloody nose in the fight.他在打斗中被打得鼻子流血。
• He is a bloody fool.他是一个十足的笨蛋。

4 halfway   

adj.中途的，不彻底的，部分的；adv.半路地，在中途，在半途

参考例句：

• We had got only halfway when it began to get dark.走到半路，天就黑了。
• In study the worst danger is give up halfway.在学习上，最忌讳的是有始无终。

5 sneak   

vt.潜行(隐藏,填石缝)；偷偷摸摸做；n.潜行；adj.暗中进行

参考例句：

• He raised his spear and sneak forward.他提起长矛悄悄地前进。
• I saw him sneak away from us.我看见他悄悄地从我们身边走开。

6 ponies   

矮种马，小型马( pony的名词复数 )； ￡25 25 英镑

参考例句：

• They drove the ponies into a corral. 他们把矮种马赶进了畜栏。
• She has a mania for ponies. 她特别喜欢小马。

7 literally   

adv.照字面意义，逐字地；确实

参考例句：

• He translated the passage literally.他逐字逐句地翻译这段文字。
• Sometimes she would not sit down till she was literally faint.有时候，她不走到真正要昏厥了，决不肯坐下来。

8 garnish   

n.装饰，添饰，配菜

参考例句：

• The turkey was served with a garnish of parsley.做好的火鸡上面配上芫荽菜做点缀。
• The sandwiches came with a rather limp salad garnish.三明治配着蔫软的色拉饰菜。

9 weird   

adj.古怪的，离奇的；怪诞的，神秘而可怕的

参考例句：

• From his weird behaviour,he seems a bit of an oddity.从他不寻常的行为看来，他好像有点怪。
• His weird clothes really gas me.他的怪衣裳简直笑死人。

10 tabloids   

n.小报，通俗小报（版面通常比大报小一半，文章短，图片多，经常报道名人佚事）( tabloid的名词复数 )；药片

参考例句：

• The story was on the front pages of all the tabloids. 所有小报都在头版报道了这件事。
• The story made the front page in all the tabloids. 这件事成了所有小报的头版新闻。

11 pact   

n.合同，条约，公约，协定

参考例句：

• The two opposition parties made an electoral pact.那两个反对党订了一个有关选举的协定。
• The trade pact between those two countries came to an end.那两国的通商协定宣告结束。

12 confession   

n.自白，供认，承认

参考例句：

• Her confession was simply tantamount to a casual explanation.她的自白简直等于一篇即席说明。
• The police used torture to extort a confession from him.警察对他用刑逼供。