Chapter 30

JJ

 

That was the first time we knew anything about Jess's background, and I have to say that my first reaction was that it was pretty fucking hilarious¹. I was in my local store, buying some smokes, and Jess and Martin were staring at me from the counter, and I read the headline and whooped². Which, seeing as the headline was about their supposed suicide pact³, got me some strange looks. An Education minister! Holy shit! You've got to understand, this girl talked like she'd been brought up by a penniless, junkie welfare mother who was younger than her. And she acted like education was a form of prostitution, something that only the weird⁴ or the desperate would resort to.

But then when I read the story, it wasn't quite so funny. I didn't know anything about Jess's older sister Jennifer. None of us did. She disappeared a few years ago, when Jess was fifteen and she was eighteen; she'd borrowed her mother's car and they found it abandoned near a well-known suicide spot down on the coast. Jennifer had passed her test three days before, as if that had been the point of learning to drive. They never found a body. I don't know what that would have done to Jess - nothing good, I guess. And her old man… Jesus. Parents who only beget⁵ suicidal daughters are likely to end up feeling pretty dark about the whole child-raising scene.

And then, the next day, it became a whole lot less funny. There was another headline, and it read THERE WERE FOUR OF THEM!', and in the article underneath⁶ it there was a description of these two freaks that I eventually realized were supposed to be Maureen and me. And at the end of the article, there was an appeal for further information and a phone number. There was even like a cash reward. Maureen and I had prices on our heads, man!

The information had clearly come from that asshole Chas; you could hear the whine⁷ in his voice right through the weird British tabloid⁸ prose. You had to give the guy a little credit, though, I guess. To me, the evening had consisted of four miserable⁹ people, failing dismally¹⁰ to do something they had set out to do - something that is not, let's be honest, real hard to achieve. But Chas had seen something else: he'd seen that it was a story, something he might make a few bucks¹¹ off of. OK, he must have known about Jess's dad, but, you know, props¹² to the guy. He still needed to put it together.

I'll tell you the honest truth here: I got off on the story a little. It was kind of gratifying, in an ironic¹³ way, reading about myself, and that makes sense if you think about it. See, one of the things that had brought me down was my inability to leave my mark on the world through my music - which is another way of saying that I was suicidal because I wasn't famous. Maybe I'm being hard on myself, because I know there was a little more to it than that, but that was sure a part of it. Anyway, recognizing that I was all washed up had got me on to the front page of the newspaper, and maybe there's a lesson there somewhere.

So I was sort of enjoying myself, sitting in my flat, drinking coffee and smoking, taking pleasure from knowing that I was sort of famous and completely anonymous¹⁴, all at the same time. And then the fucking buzzer¹⁵ went, and I jumped out of my skin.

'Who is it?'

'Is that JJ?' A young woman's voice.

'Who is it?'

'I wondered if I could have a few words with you? About the other night?'

'How did you get this address?'

'I understand you were one of the people with Jess Crichton and Martin Sharp on New Year's Eve? When they tried to kill themselves?'

'You understand wrong, ma'am.' This was the first sentence from either of us that didn't have a question mark at the end. The low note at the end of mine was a relief, like a sneeze.

'Which bit have I got wrong?'

'All of it. You pressed the wrong buzzer.'

'I don't think I did.'

'How do you know?'

'Because you didn't deny you were JJ. And you asked how I'd got this address.'

Good point. They were professional, these people.

'I didn't say it was my address, though, did I?'

There was a pause, while we both allowed the complete stupidity of this observation to float around.

She didn't say anything. I imagined her standing¹⁶ out there in the street, shaking her head sadly at my pathetic attempts. I vowed¹⁷ not to say another word until she went away.

'Listen,' she said. 'Was there a reason you came down?'

'What kind of reason?'

'I don't know. Something that might cheer our readers up. Maybe, I don't know, you gave each other the will to go on.'

'I don't know about that.'

'The four of you looked down over London and saw the beauty of the world. Anything like that? Anything that might inspire our readers?'

Was there anything inspirational in our quest to find Chas? If there was, I couldn't see it.

'Did Martin Sharp say anything that gave you a reason to live, for example? People would want to know, if he did.'

I tried to think if Martin had offered us any words of comfort she could use. He'd called Jess a fucking idiot, but that was more of a spirit-lifting rather than life-saving moment. And he'd told us that a guest on his show had been married to someone who'd been in a coma¹⁸ for twenty-five years, but that hadn't helped us out much, either.

'I can't think of anything, no.'

'I'm going to leave a card with my numbers on it, OK? Ring me when you feel ready to talk about this.'

I nearly ran out after her - I was, as we say, missing her already. I liked being the temporary center of her world. Shit, I liked being the temporary center of my own, because there hadn't been too much there recently, and there wasn't much there after she'd gone, either.

1 hilarious   

adj.充满笑声的，欢闹的；[反]depressed

参考例句：

• The party got quite hilarious after they brought more wine.在他们又拿来更多的酒之后，派对变得更加热闹起来。
• We stop laughing because the show was so hilarious.我们笑个不停，因为那个节目太搞笑了。

2 whooped   

叫喊( whoop的过去式和过去分词 )； 高声说； 唤起

参考例句：

• The bill whooped through both houses. 此提案在一片支持的欢呼声中由两院匆匆通过。
• The captive was whooped and jeered. 俘虏被叱责讥笑。

3 pact   

n.合同，条约，公约，协定

参考例句：

• The two opposition parties made an electoral pact.那两个反对党订了一个有关选举的协定。
• The trade pact between those two countries came to an end.那两国的通商协定宣告结束。

4 weird   

adj.古怪的，离奇的；怪诞的，神秘而可怕的

参考例句：

• From his weird behaviour,he seems a bit of an oddity.从他不寻常的行为看来，他好像有点怪。
• His weird clothes really gas me.他的怪衣裳简直笑死人。

5 beget   

v.引起；产生

参考例句：

• Dragons beget dragons,phoenixes beget phoenixes.龙生龙，凤生凤。
• Economic tensions beget political ones.经济紧张导致政治紧张。

6 underneath   

adj.在...下面，在...底下；adv.在下面

参考例句：

• Working underneath the car is always a messy job.在汽车底下工作是件脏活。
• She wore a coat with a dress underneath.她穿着一件大衣，里面套着一条连衣裙。

7 whine   

v.哀号，号哭；n.哀鸣

参考例句：

• You are getting paid to think,not to whine.支付给你工资是让你思考而不是哀怨的。
• The bullet hit a rock and rocketed with a sharp whine.子弹打在一块岩石上，一声尖厉的呼啸，跳飞开去。

8 tabloid   

adj.轰动性的，庸俗的；n.小报，文摘

参考例句：

• He launched into a verbal assault on tabloid journalism.他口头对小报新闻进行了抨击。
• He believes that the tabloid press has behaved disgracefully.他认为小报媒体的行为不太光彩。

9 miserable   

adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的

参考例句：

• It was miserable of you to make fun of him.你取笑他，这是可耻的。
• Her past life was miserable.她过去的生活很苦。

10 dismally   

adv.阴暗地，沉闷地

参考例句：

• Fei Little Beard assented dismally. 费小胡子哭丧着脸回答。 来自子夜部分
• He began to howl dismally. 它就凄凉地吠叫起来。 来自辞典例句

11 bucks   

n.雄鹿( buck的名词复数 )；钱；（英国十九世纪初的）花花公子；（用于某些表达方式）责任v.（马等）猛然弓背跃起( buck的第三人称单数 )；抵制；猛然震荡；马等尥起后蹄跳跃

参考例句：

• They cost ten bucks. 这些值十元钱。
• They are hunting for bucks. 他们正在猎雄兔。 来自《简明英汉词典》

12 props   

小道具； 支柱( prop的名词复数 )； 支持者； 道具； （橄榄球中的）支柱前锋

参考例句：

• Rescuers used props to stop the roof of the tunnel collapsing. 救援人员用支柱防止隧道顶塌陷。
• The government props up the prices of farm products to support farmers' incomes. 政府保持农产品价格不变以保障农民们的收入。

13 ironic   

adj.讽刺的，有讽刺意味的，出乎意料的

参考例句：

• That is a summary and ironic end.那是一个具有概括性和讽刺意味的结局。
• People used to call me Mr Popularity at high school,but they were being ironic.人们中学时常把我称作“万人迷先生”，但他们是在挖苦我。

14 anonymous   

adj.无名的；匿名的；无特色的

参考例句：

• Sending anonymous letters is a cowardly act.寄匿名信是懦夫的行为。
• The author wishes to remain anonymous.作者希望姓名不公开。

15 buzzer   

n.蜂鸣器；汽笛

参考例句：

• The buzzer went off at eight o'clock.蜂鸣器在8点钟时响了。
• Press the buzzer when you want to talk.你想讲话的时候就按蜂鸣器。

16 standing   

n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的

参考例句：

• After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
• They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。

17 vowed   

起誓，发誓（vow的过去式与过去分词形式）

参考例句：

• He vowed quite solemnly that he would carry out his promise. 他非常庄严地发誓要实现他的诺言。
• I vowed to do more of the cooking myself. 我发誓自己要多动手做饭。

18 coma   

n.昏迷，昏迷状态

参考例句：

• The patient rallied from the coma.病人从昏迷中苏醒过来。
• She went into a coma after swallowing a whole bottle of sleeping pills.她吃了一整瓶安眠药后就昏迷过去了。