HAVING generously given up all hope of a tussle1 with the strange brig, the major sheathed2 his sword, and with a condescension3 worthy4 of our very noisy senator in Congress from Arkansas, betook himself to feeding his favorite pig, who was demanding his supper in the loudest squeals5 his lungs were capable of. "Wonderful as it may seem," whispered the major, confidentially6, "no great man, with a vigorous understanding, would hold these little kind acts damaging to his reputation as a politician; whereas history teaches that little men without reputation are for ever disturbed, lest the company they fall into be not equal to their condition. But one must not be surprised at this, since great mental powers are now exhausted7 over sausage suppers, and the smallest minds have got to managing Congress, and through Congress the nation, by mere8 stratagem9. You may think, sir, that I meddle10 with what does not concern me; but you must bear in mind that I am a man of the people; and though I have compassion11 for those little minds that so flit and flicker12 about Congress, I am not so well pleased when they play purse-mouse to the great rogues13 of the lobby, who would sell the nation's honor for gold enough to save them from honest labor15." Here the major patted his pig gently upon the head, as the animal seemed inclined to return such kindness. He then said it afforded him grateful satisfaction to contemplate16 an animal of such excellent qualities, especially when contrasted with that herd17 running about Congress devouring18 the vitals of the nation.
This strange speech took all on board by surprise, for not even Captain Luke, who had seen him perform some singular offices, would have believed him capable of such sound logic19. In truth, had he been any other than Major Roger Potter, the captain had set him down for a profound philosopher. But he had more than once heard it hinted that the major, when performing one of his political feats20, had himself played no very inconsiderable part as lobby agent to Congress, where his reputation as a great rogue14 caused his services to be in much demand.
It was now in the dusk of evening, the Two Marys was shaping her course for the north shore, the wind had subsided21, and the sea moved lazily along in unbroken swells22. Supper was announced, and Major Roger Potter hastened into the cabin, saying: "It is as well that we eat, for though I feel a qualm coming over me now and then, which seriously disturbs my temper, I must not forget that food may cure the ills of my head." Having cast several scrutinizing23 glances over the humble24 fare Luke's wife had prepared, and for the quality of which she offered innumerable excuses, saying they were yet poor, and could not afford better, the major rolled his little blinking eyes upwards25, laid his hat carefully upon the locker26, and with one of his best fashioned bows, and in obedience27 to what true gallantry demanded, bestowed29 upon Luke's wife a compliment which, I venture to say, there is nothing upon record to compare with it, though such things are exceedingly cheap with the profession of which he claimed to be so renowned30 a member. "Madam," said he, clasping his hands over his belly31, the globular of which had changed somewhat, "though I am a politician and a soldier, both of which professions require the exercise of great understanding, I can dispense32 courtesies when they are deserved. The supper you have here set out is fit for a prince, and worthy of you as the wife of our gallant28 commander. In truth, madam, I have long held that there is no office in which woman can so well display the greatness of her power, as in the preparation of a good supper, and this art I would have them perfect, instead of writing sensation novels for publishers, who think of nothing but setting the nation by the ears, and putting money in their pockets. If she be good at working a shirt, heavens! but she will be a blessing33 to the man who weds34 her, for our fashionable damsels can neither knit nor sew, and seem fit only for putting carefully away in glass cases." Captain Luke listened to the delivery of this speech with dogged silence. In truth, he harbored a suspicion that military men were a little too free with their courtesies to other men's wives, and that it was just as well to keep a jealous eye upon them. He therefore desired the major to sit down and eat such as was set before him, and thank God, for such was better than wasting so much ceremony.
"I see, sir," returned the major, "that you do not draw your logic from experience, for to praise that which is good, and not that which is bad, as our critics do, is to prove yourself a well bred gentleman." The major having concluded his reply, drew from his pocket a metal comb, and commenced combing his coarse red beard, when after he had arranged it to his satisfaction, he took a seat at the table, where he devoured35 the viands36 with such evident appetite as to surprise and astonish every one present. And this further increased the captain's dislike of him, for it concerned him much, lest his stores run out ere his voyage was at an end. As for the rest, it afforded them much amusement to see him play so active a part in devouring the food. "I am not a subject for jest, I would have you all know," said the major, with an air of much displeasure. "It never was charged upon me that I was a man of ill temper; or that I was a man easily given to quarrels; and as these things are surely true, so it will not do for you to trifle with my respectability. There must also be that difference between us which my military position demands." The sternness of these remarks, and the great gravity with which they were delivered, produced a silence that lasted for several minutes, and likewise so confounded me that I began to think his brain was not so much at fault after all. Each in turn now broke silence by offering an apology, and treated him with so much consideration, that he arose from his seat in the very best humor possible, saying that as they had set so good an example, he must acknowledge that he was sorry for what he had said, and hoped they would set it down to his quick impulses, which, though incident to the feelings of a good soldier, were marvelously apt to lead him astray. He now remembered that he had left his bridle37 and holsters upon old Battle, and repaired upon deck to relieve him of the burden, which he did with much care and many caresses38.
At ten o'clock, the major, who was not a little anxious lest the "Two Marys" should come in collision with some larger craft, undressed and retired39 to his berth40, where the trouble of the nation ceased for a time to distract his brain. All now went smoothly41 on until midnight, when, it being Luke's wife's watch on deck, the major awoke from his first nap, and hearing his pig running about the deck, making divers42 noises, as if in great distress43, hastened to his relief in a condition not easily described in this history. The pig seeing the major in pursuit of him, ran aft with a mischievous44 grunt45, and was evidently inclined to seek a shelter under the honest woman's garments. And in fear of a liberty by no means sanctioned in books of true politeness, she gave out a loud scream just as the major, unconscious of the state he was in, for he was too gallant a soldier to have exposed himself to a female, not even in the starlight, tripped over a rope and fell against her with such force that both came to the deck, and with so much noise as to bring Captain Luke, (who would have sworn some strange craft was grinding the timbers out of the "Two Marys,") immediately to the rescue. Unfortunately for the gallant major, he had fallen uppermost, and in a position where the binnacle light threw a curious shadow over that part of his person he was most scrupulous46 in protecting, as are all military gentlemen of quality. I think it may be said, without disparagement47 to this history, that neither Alexander, nor Napoleon, nor Wellington, nor, indeed, any of the great warriors48, whose deeds historians have recorded with so much ostentation49, ever met with so strange an accident, or one which led to so many embarrassments50. And although Captain Luke had never had occasion to doubt the chastity of his wife, whose face, being as ugly as could well be conceived, he had always held to be an adequate protection, his first impulse now was to take summary revenge for what he considered an unwarrantable trespass51 upon his rights. Thereupon he seized a club, and in the heat of his passion, and without malice52 aforethought, or even giving the major time to extricate53 himself, he took what his eyes saw for granted, and so belabored54 him about the head and shoulders as to render him speechless.
"Base villain55!" exclaimed the Captain, "if your life was worth it, I-yes, I would think no more of taking it--you fish blooded vagabond! First attempt to make free with my poor wife, and then aggravate56 me by declaring your innocence57!" Being a man of great strength, the captain got his wife out from under the major, whose blood was running freely, and set her upon her feet, in an almost fainting condition. The affair, though singularly desperate, was but the work of a minute; and when I reached the deck, the "Two Marys" was in the wind, Captain Luke was consoling his wife, the pig was running about the deck in great tribulation58, and my companion in pursuit of fame lay weltering in his gore59. Even old Battle had given out signs of alarm, and such was the state of confusion prevailing60 on board, that it required no small stock of courage to bring matters to a requisite61 understanding. I stooped over the major to ascertain62 exactly how many bones were broken, and as I did so, Captain Luke commanded that he be thrown into the sea.
"Yes, and let his traps follow, for I verily believe his pig possessed63 of the devil, who has thrown an evil spell over the wind, of which we have scarce had a fair puff64 since we left," he exclaimed.
Hearing this command, the major began at once to give out signs of returning consciousness, and whispered that though he had received grievous damage to his head, and seriously believed there was not a whole bone in his body, he thought he might yet be sufficiently65 restored to settle his worldly concerns. Indeed he had during his whole life made it a point never to shut the door against life, but to so nurse the remaining vitality66 as to make it take its longest run, so that one's days in the land be as long as possible.
1 tussle | |
n.&v.扭打,搏斗,争辩 | |
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2 sheathed | |
adj.雕塑像下半身包在鞘中的;覆盖的;铠装的;装鞘了的v.将(刀、剑等)插入鞘( sheathe的过去式和过去分词 );包,覆盖 | |
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3 condescension | |
n.自以为高人一等,贬低(别人) | |
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4 worthy | |
adj.(of)值得的,配得上的;有价值的 | |
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5 squeals | |
n.长而尖锐的叫声( squeal的名词复数 )v.长声尖叫,用长而尖锐的声音说( squeal的第三人称单数 ) | |
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6 confidentially | |
ad.秘密地,悄悄地 | |
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7 exhausted | |
adj.极其疲惫的,精疲力尽的 | |
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8 mere | |
adj.纯粹的;仅仅,只不过 | |
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9 stratagem | |
n.诡计,计谋 | |
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10 meddle | |
v.干预,干涉,插手 | |
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11 compassion | |
n.同情,怜悯 | |
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12 flicker | |
vi./n.闪烁,摇曳,闪现 | |
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13 rogues | |
n.流氓( rogue的名词复数 );无赖;调皮捣蛋的人;离群的野兽 | |
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14 rogue | |
n.流氓;v.游手好闲 | |
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15 labor | |
n.劳动,努力,工作,劳工;分娩;vi.劳动,努力,苦干;vt.详细分析;麻烦 | |
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16 contemplate | |
vt.盘算,计议;周密考虑;注视,凝视 | |
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17 herd | |
n.兽群,牧群;vt.使集中,把…赶在一起 | |
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18 devouring | |
吞没( devour的现在分词 ); 耗尽; 津津有味地看; 狼吞虎咽地吃光 | |
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19 logic | |
n.逻辑(学);逻辑性 | |
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20 feats | |
功绩,伟业,技艺( feat的名词复数 ) | |
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21 subsided | |
v.(土地)下陷(因在地下采矿)( subside的过去式和过去分词 );减弱;下降至较低或正常水平;一下子坐在椅子等上 | |
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22 swells | |
增强( swell的第三人称单数 ); 肿胀; (使)凸出; 充满(激情) | |
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23 scrutinizing | |
v.仔细检查,详审( scrutinize的现在分词 ) | |
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24 humble | |
adj.谦卑的,恭顺的;地位低下的;v.降低,贬低 | |
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25 upwards | |
adv.向上,在更高处...以上 | |
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26 locker | |
n.更衣箱,储物柜,冷藏室,上锁的人 | |
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27 obedience | |
n.服从,顺从 | |
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28 gallant | |
adj.英勇的,豪侠的;(向女人)献殷勤的 | |
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29 bestowed | |
赠给,授予( bestow的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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30 renowned | |
adj.著名的,有名望的,声誉鹊起的 | |
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31 belly | |
n.肚子,腹部;(像肚子一样)鼓起的部分,膛 | |
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32 dispense | |
vt.分配,分发;配(药),发(药);实施 | |
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33 blessing | |
n.祈神赐福;祷告;祝福,祝愿 | |
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34 weds | |
v.嫁,娶,(与…)结婚( wed的第三人称单数 ) | |
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35 devoured | |
吞没( devour的过去式和过去分词 ); 耗尽; 津津有味地看; 狼吞虎咽地吃光 | |
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36 viands | |
n.食品,食物 | |
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37 bridle | |
n.笼头,束缚;vt.抑制,约束;动怒 | |
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38 caresses | |
爱抚,抚摸( caress的名词复数 ) | |
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39 retired | |
adj.隐退的,退休的,退役的 | |
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40 berth | |
n.卧铺,停泊地,锚位;v.使停泊 | |
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41 smoothly | |
adv.平滑地,顺利地,流利地,流畅地 | |
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42 divers | |
adj.不同的;种种的 | |
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43 distress | |
n.苦恼,痛苦,不舒适;不幸;vt.使悲痛 | |
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44 mischievous | |
adj.调皮的,恶作剧的,有害的,伤人的 | |
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45 grunt | |
v.嘟哝;作呼噜声;n.呼噜声,嘟哝 | |
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46 scrupulous | |
adj.审慎的,小心翼翼的,完全的,纯粹的 | |
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47 disparagement | |
n.轻视,轻蔑 | |
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48 warriors | |
武士,勇士,战士( warrior的名词复数 ) | |
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49 ostentation | |
n.夸耀,卖弄 | |
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50 embarrassments | |
n.尴尬( embarrassment的名词复数 );难堪;局促不安;令人难堪或耻辱的事 | |
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51 trespass | |
n./v.侵犯,闯入私人领地 | |
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52 malice | |
n.恶意,怨恨,蓄意;[律]预谋 | |
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53 extricate | |
v.拯救,救出;解脱 | |
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54 belabored | |
v.毒打一顿( belabor的过去式和过去分词 );责骂;就…作过度的说明;向…唠叨 | |
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55 villain | |
n.反派演员,反面人物;恶棍;问题的起因 | |
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56 aggravate | |
vt.加重(剧),使恶化;激怒,使恼火 | |
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57 innocence | |
n.无罪;天真;无害 | |
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58 tribulation | |
n.苦难,灾难 | |
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59 gore | |
n.凝血,血污;v.(动物)用角撞伤,用牙刺破;缝以补裆;顶 | |
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60 prevailing | |
adj.盛行的;占优势的;主要的 | |
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61 requisite | |
adj.需要的,必不可少的;n.必需品 | |
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62 ascertain | |
vt.发现,确定,查明,弄清 | |
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63 possessed | |
adj.疯狂的;拥有的,占有的 | |
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64 puff | |
n.一口(气);一阵(风);v.喷气,喘气 | |
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65 sufficiently | |
adv.足够地,充分地 | |
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66 vitality | |
n.活力,生命力,效力 | |
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