ALMOST the first words spoken by the recovering woman were, "Husband, now that I have collected my senses, and come to remember how it all happened, I feel you have done grievous wrong to the poor man, for truly it was no fault of his."
"Fault of his!" exclaimed the captain, interrupting her in surprise. "Pray, whose fault was it then? Did I not see him with my eyes, and in his shirt? The devil take me but if it was you who seduced2 such an ill begotten3 thing, I will soon wash my hands of such a wife, though she had borne me a score or more of children."
"Listen, dear husband," replied the good woman, her eyes swimming in tears, "and lay nothing wrong at my door, while your anger has got your reason; for I know you will suffer most when you come to know the cause of all the bruising4 you have given the poor man." The major now gave out a series of pitiful groans5, and so bemoaned6 his fate, that even the hardest heart must have dissolved into sympathy for him. And though he had no sooner gained the use of his tongue than he declared by all the saints in the calendar, not less than six of his ribs8 were broken, and that his skull9 had received, on a square guess, half that number of fractures, neither a rib7 was found disturbed, nor the slightest fracture in his skull. The blood had flowed from flesh cuts, which only required a little dressing10 to restore his head to its original good condition. Ordering a sheet brought, I threw it over the major, got him upon a seat near the companion way, and commenced dressing his wounds, while one of the sailors held the lantern. "Providence11, which directs all things, and more especially the movements of the soldier, must have ordained12 me this bruising, else I should not have got it," said the major, shaking his head admonishingly, and casting upon me a look of deep mortification14. Ever and anon wiping his nose, as if uncomfortable about that organ, he expressed considerable anxiety lest his face should have got scarred; for he was as vain of his personal appearance as a great New York general I have in my eye, but whose acts of heroism15 have never got beyond the columns of the almost pious16 newspaper he edits. Being assured he was in no way disfigured about the face, he raised his hands, and called heaven to bear witness that he never in all his life concerted wrong against his friend's wife, though he had had amours enough, God knows. He then commenced to give an account of how he came in the questionable17 predicament for which he got the bruising, saying, that in his anxiety to secure Duncan, who, he feared, might get overboard, he entirely18 overlooked the scanty19 nature of his raiment, for which he was ready to offer an apology, and swear that all beyond that arose from the great misfortune of having tripped his toe. All this the good woman was ready to confirm with an oath, if such had been necessary; but indeed it was not, for the very simplicity20 of the recital21 so affected22 Captain Luke Snider, that he would have gone upon his knees, and offered no end of atonement for the wrong he had done him, had not the major reached out his hand, and with a magnanimity truly wonderful, declared there could be no stronger evidence that they were both gentlemen, than by settling their differences in a quiet way. And if one condescended23 to offer an apology, the other ought at once to accept it condescendingly.
If, then, Captain Snider had shown great agility24 in seriously damaging the major, he now lost no time in bringing balms to heal his wounds, and rendering25 him such other services as his condition demanded. The good woman, too, was not a whit26 behind any of them; for on regaining27 her equanimity28, she busied herself bringing liquids and linen29, and so bound the major's head with plasters and bandages, (two of which were crossed over his nose,) as to make it present a pitiful picture. Indeed his whole stock of valor30 was gone, and no one would have recognized the head with the two little eyes blinking through the cross bands as that of so renowned31 a military man as Major Roger Sherman Potter was known to be. He now thanked heaven that it was no worse; and having asked several questions concerning the safety of his horse and pig, said, he verily believed greatness was better illustrated32 in what a man suffered than in what he did on the field of battle--an opinion which seems to be largely shared by the adventurous33 heroes of this day, since the more they are vanquished34 the more they value their own greatness. Notwithstanding this, it must be confessed he had a slight misgiving35 as to whether his military dignity remained undamaged, since the blows were inflicted36 with a club, and not a sword. And, again, it afforded him consolation37 to think that the greatest men known to history had suffered great rebuffs while doing the world service.
The Two Marys was now well in shore, and being apprehensive38 lest the major's condition should take an unlucky turn, Captain Luke resolved to steer39 for Tarpaulin40 Cove1, where the aid of a physician could be called in, if necessary, and also a fresh stock of pumpkin41 pies procured42. For though the major had been got nicely into his berth43, his dosing was accompanied with sudden spasms44, arising from acute pain.
The sloop45 now continued on her course without anything remarkable46 occurring, and arrived at Tarpaulin Cove about nine o'clock on the following morning. And, notwithstanding the major was up and apparently47 quite comfortable, for he was suffering most from the wounds in his dignity, he refused either to go on shore, or to have a physician called to dress his wounds. Nor did he lisp a single word about having resided at the Cove not many years ago, where he pursued the business of a dealer48 in melons and onions, which he suddenly abandoned, whether for want of success or otherwise, was not generally known among his creditors49, who had remained ignorant of his whereabouts up to this day, though it was more than once given out, that he had taken to the trade of a "critic of books," and was in the employ of a New York publisher.
Indeed the major was not only silent on the subject of his residence at Tarpaulin Cove, but expressed great impatience50 to get away from it, saying, that as his friends in New York would be waiting his arrival in great suspense51, no time ought to be lost along the road. And when he saw the boat coming off with a stock of fresh provisions and the doctor, he retired52 to the cabin, and there quietly engaged his thoughts over an old newspaper. The doctor was a rough sort of man, and, although he had given much time to the study of medicine, and was celebrated53 for the purgatives54 with which he killed his patients, while preserving the gravest demeanor55, could not suppress a smile when brought to confront the major, at the sorry figure he cut in the bandages. "The case seems more serious than I had hoped to find it-an eighth of an inch only saved the cerebral56; but I hope there is no fracture, for that would incur57 one of those delicate and peculiarly dangerous operations it has not fallen to my lot to perform for so many years, that I fear it would not become me to undertake it, though I was at one time celebrated for my skill, and indeed made my reputation on these sort of cases," said the physician, taking a small packet from his pocket, and advancing a few steps toward the major, who moved away apace, and applied58 himself more assiduously to his newspaper. The doctor was at a loss how to account for this movement on the part of the invalid59, and turning round to the captain, begged he would say to the gentleman, that he came not of his own accord. In fine, that it was rather to pay his compliments to such distinguished60 persons as he had been informed were on board.
"As to that, Mr. Doctor," replied the major, who overheard what was said, "if you will but leave me your good will, I think I may venture to get along without your plasters and purgatives, for my constitution remains61 undamaged by such things." The doctor now came to the conclusion that he had been made the victim of a joke, and, quickly retreating to the deck, he demanded five dollars of the captain for the visit, admonishing13 him in no very amiable62 terms of the consequences, in case he refused. But the captain had not five dollars to his back, though, as he expressed it, he had good staunch property enough to buy a village in Rome. "Then put me ashore63!" said the doctor, "and I will see what virtue64 there is in the Squire65." He was soon set on shore, with the loss of nothing but his temper, which is either the cheapest or the dearest thing in the world to lose, but which may be regained66 at any time by applying to the village parson. The anchor was then got up, and with a fine, fair wind, the "Two Marys" continued on her voyage, to the great joy of the major, who now began to relate certain things concerning his residence in Tarpaulin Cove, where, according to his account, he had held the high office of Justice of the Peace, and given such eminent67 satisfaction in the administration of justice, that his name became famous all over the state. As to the doctor, whose name was Killsly, the major described him as as arrant68 a rascal69 as ever compounded nostrum70 or thrust pill down the throat of unwilling71 patient. "You may have thought my conduct toward that man unusual, considering the habitual72 courtesy of my profession," said the major, addressing the captain, "but I hold it right, that a man of honor should treat a great knave73, which I knew him to be, precisely74 in the manner I did. Killsly, it was found, shortly after he came to live at the Cove, had been an abortionist in New York, where he dashed about in a livery of great brightness, and had a purloined75 crest76 of so curious a device that no one could make out what it meant, though several had applied to Mr. Hayes, of Broadway, who supplied the wives of grocers and linen drapers with arms and crests77, (as the dwellers78 in Snob79 Avenue have it,) charging only four shillings and sixpence for his services, including advice as to what color the livery ought to be. Killsly was in high favor with what is there called fashionable society, which, out of sheer respect for his skill, afforded him no few opportunities for the exercise of it. At length he got mixed up in a singularly delicate but very common difficulty, which rendered it desirable to make a change of residence. Well, he came to the Cove, and here might have lived as every good man ought to live, loving God and keeping his fingers out of his neighbor's affairs; but a damsel, who tossed her feathers at the rustics80 of the village, and would coquette only with city beaux, chanced to be overtaken by a by-blow and had need of his skill, it being necessary to protect her virtue, which her friends described as being whiter than snow. But death, which scruples81 not in such matters, betrayed the secret, and sent the whole village into a fever. There being no doubt of Killsly's guilt82 in the matter, I thereupon had him arrested and brought before me; and, being the guardian83 of public morality, I ordered him to prison, there to await the sitting of the County Court. Believe me, gentlemen, I would, as I failed not to tell him, have had him well hanged, had the case been left entirely with me. But I leave it to others to speak of the justice of my judgments84. Now, though I say it, he called me a fool; and for that it would have gone hard with him, since society can well afford to lose all such vagabonds. But justice was weak in the screws, and he at last escaped between what is called a flaw in the indictment85 and the ingenuity86 of his lawyer, as is generally the case with such knowing fellows." All this and much more, the major said, and would have sworn it true. The sailors listened with grave demeanor, and were surprised and amazed at what they considered his extraordinary wisdom.
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cove
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| n.小海湾，小峡谷 | |
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seduced
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| 诱奸( seduce的过去式和过去分词 )； 勾引； 诱使堕落； 使入迷 | |
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begotten
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| v.为…之生父( beget的过去分词 )；产生，引起 | |
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bruising
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| adj.殊死的；十分激烈的v.擦伤(bruise的现在分词形式) | |
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groans
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| n.呻吟，叹息( groan的名词复数 )；呻吟般的声音v.呻吟( groan的第三人称单数 )；发牢骚；抱怨；受苦 | |
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bemoaned
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| v.为（某人或某事）抱怨( bemoan的过去式和过去分词 )；悲悼；为…恸哭；哀叹 | |
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rib
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| n.肋骨，肋状物 | |
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ribs
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| n.肋骨( rib的名词复数 )；（船或屋顶等的）肋拱；肋骨状的东西；（织物的）凸条花纹 | |
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skull
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| n.头骨；颅骨 | |
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dressing
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| n.(食物)调料；包扎伤口的用品，敷料 | |
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providence
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| n.深谋远虑，天道，天意；远见；节约；上帝 | |
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ordained
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| v.任命（某人）为牧师( ordain的过去式和过去分词 )；授予（某人）圣职；（上帝、法律等）命令；判定 | |
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admonishing
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| v.劝告( admonish的现在分词 )；训诫；（温和地）责备；轻责 | |
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mortification
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| n.耻辱，屈辱 | |
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heroism
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| n.大无畏精神，英勇 | |
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pious
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| adj.虔诚的；道貌岸然的 | |
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questionable
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| adj.可疑的，有问题的 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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scanty
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| adj.缺乏的，仅有的，节省的，狭小的，不够的 | |
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simplicity
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| n.简单，简易；朴素；直率，单纯 | |
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recital
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| n.朗诵，独奏会，独唱会 | |
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affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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condescended
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| 屈尊，俯就( condescend的过去式和过去分词 )； 故意表示和蔼可亲 | |
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agility
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| n.敏捷，活泼 | |
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rendering
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| n.表现，描写 | |
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whit
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| n.一点，丝毫 | |
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regaining
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| 复得( regain的现在分词 )； 赢回； 重回； 复至某地 | |
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equanimity
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| n.沉着，镇定 | |
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linen
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| n.亚麻布，亚麻线，亚麻制品；adj.亚麻布制的，亚麻的 | |
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valor
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| n.勇气，英勇 | |
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renowned
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| adj.著名的，有名望的，声誉鹊起的 | |
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illustrated
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| adj. 有插图的，列举的 动词illustrate的过去式和过去分词 | |
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adventurous
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| adj.爱冒险的；惊心动魄的，惊险的，刺激的 | |
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vanquished
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| v.征服( vanquish的过去式和过去分词 )；战胜；克服；抑制 | |
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misgiving
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| n.疑虑，担忧，害怕 | |
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inflicted
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| 把…强加给，使承受，遭受( inflict的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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consolation
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| n.安慰，慰问 | |
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apprehensive
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| adj.担心的，恐惧的，善于领会的 | |
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steer
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| vt.驾驶，为…操舵；引导；vi.驾驶 | |
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tarpaulin
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| n.涂油防水布，防水衣，防水帽 | |
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pumpkin
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| n.南瓜 | |
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procured
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| v.（努力）取得， （设法）获得( procure的过去式和过去分词 )；拉皮条 | |
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berth
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| n.卧铺，停泊地，锚位；v.使停泊 | |
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spasms
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| n.痉挛( spasm的名词复数 )；抽搐；（能量、行为等的）突发；发作 | |
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sloop
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| n.单桅帆船 | |
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remarkable
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| adj.显著的，异常的，非凡的，值得注意的 | |
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apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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dealer
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| n.商人，贩子 | |
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creditors
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| n.债权人，债主( creditor的名词复数 ) | |
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impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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suspense
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| n.（对可能发生的事）紧张感，担心，挂虑 | |
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retired
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| adj.隐退的，退休的，退役的 | |
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celebrated
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| adj.有名的，声誉卓著的 | |
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purgatives
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| 泻剂( purgative的名词复数 ) | |
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demeanor
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| n.行为；风度 | |
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cerebral
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| adj.脑的，大脑的；有智力的，理智型的 | |
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incur
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| vt.招致，蒙受，遭遇 | |
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applied
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| adj.应用的；v.应用，适用 | |
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invalid
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| n.病人，伤残人；adj.有病的，伤残的；无效的 | |
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distinguished
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| adj.卓越的，杰出的，著名的 | |
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remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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amiable
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| adj.和蔼可亲的，友善的，亲切的 | |
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ashore
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| adv.在(向)岸上，上岸 | |
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virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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squire
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| n.护卫, 侍从, 乡绅 | |
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regained
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| 复得( regain的过去式和过去分词 )； 赢回； 重回； 复至某地 | |
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eminent
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| adj.显赫的，杰出的，有名的，优良的 | |
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arrant
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| adj.极端的；最大的 | |
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rascal
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| n.流氓；不诚实的人 | |
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nostrum
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| n.秘方；妙策 | |
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unwilling
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| adj.不情愿的 | |
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habitual
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| adj.习惯性的；通常的，惯常的 | |
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knave
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| n.流氓；（纸牌中的）杰克 | |
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precisely
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| adv.恰好，正好，精确地，细致地 | |
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purloined
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| v.偷窃( purloin的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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crest
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| n.顶点；饰章；羽冠；vt.达到顶点；vi.形成浪尖 | |
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crests
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| v.到达山顶（或浪峰）( crest的第三人称单数 )；到达洪峰，达到顶点 | |
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dwellers
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| n.居民，居住者( dweller的名词复数 ) | |
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snob
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| n.势利小人，自以为高雅、有学问的人 | |
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rustics
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| n.有农村或村民特色的( rustic的名词复数 )；粗野的；不雅的；用粗糙的木材或树枝制作的 | |
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scruples
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| n.良心上的不安( scruple的名词复数 )；顾虑，顾忌v.感到于心不安，有顾忌( scruple的第三人称单数 ) | |
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guilt
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| n.犯罪；内疚；过失，罪责 | |
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guardian
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| n.监护人；守卫者，保护者 | |
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judgments
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| 判断( judgment的名词复数 )； 鉴定； 评价； 审判 | |
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indictment
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| n.起诉；诉状 | |
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ingenuity
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| n.别出心裁；善于发明创造 | |
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