WHEN the general was sufficiently1 recovered from the effects of the fall, he began thanking heaven that it was no worse, and inquiring of the officers who stood around him, each trying to emulate3 the other in offering him consolation4, whether any of his predecessors5 had been thrown into the scuppers in this manner. "You may say there was a lack of skill, gentlemen; but I at least gave you a taste of my courage, which is something in these days." Thus he addressed them as he rose to his feet, with evident self-satisfaction, and believing in his heart that a man was as much to be praised for what he attempted as for what he achieved. "That you are a gentleman of courage no man with eyes in his head will dispute; and as our country is extremely fortunate in the possession of so brave a general, we have been saying among ourselves that the interests of the nation demand that you should be less prodigal6 of it!" replied one of the officers.
"It affords me no small pleasure that you can bear witness of what you have seen; for although this misfortune may not comport7 with my dignity as a minister sent to preserve friendly relations with a savage8 king, you will at least say it was an enterprise that tested the quality of my metal. As I have always said, a man had better stick to his functions; for if he mount strange horses, his head may prove so wanting in brain that he will certainly fall to the ground a great fool. But you have seen enough to satisfy you of my courage, and now I must hasten to my secretary, who is no small man, though unaccustomed to the perils10 we soldiers know so well how to enjoy." So making them a bow, the general proceeded to Mr. Tickler's cabin, where he found that gentleman busily engaged over a pot of Rushton's pomade, which, together with two bottles of Lubin's double extract, had been presented to him by the officers, as a balm to heal his injured dignity. "This is no joke, your excellency," said the discomfited11 critic; "you may smile at a man with his beard full of tar9; but let your excellency just try it with his own, and I wager12 he'll wish the devil had it before he gets it restored." The general laid his hand on Mr. Tickler's arm, encouragingly, and replied, "Friend Tickler, heaven has given you a good understanding, and it comforts me that you take this little affair no worse."
"How much worse your excellency would have it I know not. And it occurs to my mind that this mauling and scraping is no part of my mission. I am not a malefactor13, but a man sent abroad to serve his country, which it is my intention to do faithfully, if only they leave my dignity undamaged."
"It's not every one thinks so well of his dignity, friend Tickler," interposed the general.
"I am glad your excellency speaks in this way; for if a man bring his dignity to an end, pray what use is he to his country?"
"There your philosophy is at fault, Tickler; for many's the man now in the service of his country who has not so much dignity as my horse Battle. Console yourself, sir, and remember that hardships are the prop-sticks of a rising man's glory. And having borne your part in this ceremony with such consummate14 fortitude15, you must know that the officers set you down for a terrible fellow."
"Let them practice their pranks16 on some one else, or by the saints they shall suffer for it. But tell me, your excellency, is it a custom with secretaries to trick their landlords, undergo these batterings and bruisings, and go for weeks without a shilling? If it be, Orlando Tickler returns to his profession of a critic! And to tell you the truth, sir, it is not clear to me of whom I am to get pay for my services at this outlandish court. But pray where is this Kalorama? for I have puzzled my brain over it not a little. And while you are about it, please enlighten me further on the benefits this mission of yours will bestow17 upon mankind, that I may be instructed while I am getting this grease and tar out of my beard."
"A good diplomatist, I have heard it said, friend Tickler, never blurts18 out what he means to do, but keeps a still tongue until he has effected his ends. Keep then your faith square, ask no questions, watch closely, and the result shall come as clear as day to you when I am on the field." The secretary gradually became more reconciled to his fate, and soon renewed the labor19 of restoring his beard.
Several days now passed with so much pleasantry that the general and his secretary became the admiration20 of all on board. Not a man, from the commander down to the humblest "ordinary," but was eager to pay them homage21, minister to their comfort, or afford them amusement. They were thus happily pursuing their voyage when the commander, one pleasant evening, having entertained the general with various sea stories, was approached by one of his officers, who reported that Spark Island had been sighted from aloft. This news sent a thrill of joy into the hearts of all on board, for Spark Island lay ten leagues off the coast of Kalorama. Every eye was now fixed22 in the direction indicated, and many were the glasses brought into use. After various scannings, what seemed a mere23 speck24 on the horizon was pronounced by the commander to be nothing less than the famous Spark Island, a bit of land quite resembling the steeple of one of our fashionable churches, and which nature, in one of her strange freaks had ejected from the bottom of the sea, that certain gulls25 and other sea-birds, having no other convenient place to build their nests, might take advantage of its solitude26. "Verily, your excellency," said the commander, addressing General Potter with great suavity27 of manner, "there is so curious a history connected with this pitiful little island, that I feel you would be deeply interested with a recital28 of it."
"Indeed, sir," returned the general, "as this history concerns me as a diplomatist, I should be delighted to hear it from your lips."
"You must know, then," resumed the commander, "that the natives along the coast have a tradition they firmly believe in, and which sets forth29 that this island was thrown up by a special act of providence30 as a place of refuge for a poor priest, a good and holy man, who, being admitted to the confidence of the court of a Chief then ruling over Kalorama, was discovered, by a keen-sighted attendant, in an amour with one of his daughters, a girl of so much beauty that various chiefs had come from the east, and the west, and the north, and the south, to lay their offerings at her feet. But to none of them would she give her hand and heart. And although the priest protested his innocence31 before heaven, and the girl, whose name was Matura, declared her chastity as unsullied as the driven snow, the father was not to be moved, but per-emptorily ordering them both into a canoe, sent them to drift at the mercy of the waves, a merited banishment32-in his eyes. Many years passed, and nothing being heard of the priest and Matura, it was thought the sea had swallowed them up, when they were discovered on this lonely island by some Spanish adventurers from a neighboring coast. The priest at once gave the visitors an account of how the island rose from the ocean by special providence for his protection, together with a minute description of all that had taken place since their banishment. He had chanted vespers regularly three times a day, while Matura had confessed to him, sang to him, and made him garments of the feathers of birds, the flesh of which furnished them with food. What seemed most singular, was that although their locks were whitened with the cares of fourscore years, both stood ready to swear before an inquisition of saints that neither in thought nor deed had they sinned against the commandments.
"Meanwhile the servant, instrumental in procuring34 the banishment of the priest and Matura, was brought to his death-bed, and as he was troubled about leaving this world with so deep a crime in his heart, he came out and declared that the charge he had brought against the priest and Matura was a tissue of lies which he had been bribed35 to promulgate36 by another priest, to whom he was in the habit of confessing. But the innocence thus revealed was of no avail; for the priest and Matura died on the island, and there was an end of it as far as that went.
"The Spaniards returned and reported the discovery to their people, as also the story of the priest and Matura. Whereupon the Spaniards laid claims to Spark Island, they being, as they asserted, the first discoverers. But the story, together with the discovery, was not long in coursing down the coast to the ears of the Kaloramas, who immediately fitted out a fleet of seven canoes, and dispatched them in charge of twenty stalwarth natives and a priest, who had taken high orders, such an one being held necessary to the safety of the expedition. Well, they descried37 the island, and having landed, found the bones of the priest and Matura in a cave, on the side of a steep bluff38. And when these were brought home, the people of Kalorama went into deep mourning, and had them buried with great ceremony in a grove39 of cocoanut trees, where all girls of tender years were taught to go at early morning and lay offerings of flowers upon the grave of Matura the innocent.
"But there soon sprung up a great dispute as to the possession of this island. The Spaniards claimed it in virtue40 of their discovery, while the Kaloramas, with no less plausibility41, asserted a priority by virtue of its having been first inhabited by the priest and Matura, whom they claimed as citizens of Kalorama. And, notwithstanding a manuscript written by the priest while in his lonely exile, and describing how an All-wise Providence had created this island solely42 for his preservation43, was by an intriguing44 Spaniard placed in the hands of the King of the Kaloramas as proof against his own countrymen, the question of possession rose into such gigantic proportions that a great war broke out between the disputants. And although neither could ever hope to derive45 the slightest benefit from its possession, the contest was bloody46 enough on both sides. And when they had fought many battles, involved various other nations, and desolated47 each other's dominions48, they agreed that each should send a deputation of not less than three priests, who, when they had visited the island, should declare upon the merits of the case. Whereupon two expeditions were fitted out at great cost of time and treasure; but after cruising for more than thirty days, not a vestige49 of Spark Island could they find. Therefore, it was agreed among the priests that as a visitation of providence had created the island for a holy purpose, so also had God in his wisdom caused it to sink into the sea, that an end might be put to the savage wars waged for its possession. And as neither party could dispute this solemn verdict of the priests, both cheerfully accepted it, and were for ever after inalienable friends. And there is an end to that, as far as it goes.
"It was generally agreed that Spark Island had vanished, for nearly a century passed, and not a mariner50 could be found to say he had seen it, though several were ready to swear by their buttons that they had heard mermaids51 singing precisely52 where it once stood. And so matters remained until a few years ago, when two of our enterprising countrymen, who were cruising down this way in search of adventures, came upon it, and finding it covered with a rich and valuable manure53, fancied it a new discovery, laid claim to it in the name of our government, and, blinded by their enthusiasm, declared it one of the greatest islands history had any account of, though truly it was but six furlongs long and four wide. Many and wonderful were the representations made to our government by these adventurers concerning this great discovery, and the benefits that were to flow from it to our country. The humblest husbandman was to get a mere pinch of its rich deposits, and, having sprinkled it over his broad acres, would immediately find them transferred into fields of luxuriant corn. Mere ounces were to make fertile the most sterile54 lands; and even old Virginia put on her spectacles, and began looking forward to the time when every bald hill, from the Rappahannock to the Blue Ridge55, would wear a rich carpet of green.
"It was curious enough to see with what an open ear the government listened to these wonderful stories, and the agility56 with which it sent a great fleet, and a terrible commodore, to enforce our claim to the possession of this island. A dispute now arose between the Kaloramas and our government, regarding the nature of the discovery by these adventurers, and many learned and very profound opinions were given, describing its exact history and boundaries. When, however, we were on the point of declaring war against the Kaloramas, as the most sure way of getting the island, it turned out that all these authorities, discovering such profound knowledge, were wide off the mark. In addition to this, the fleet, after a long and pleasant cruise, which afforded the officers amusement enough to last them a life-time, at length found the island, which was so small that even the most reliable chart makers57 had neglected to locate it. They were, therefore, so much diverted at its apparent insignificance58 that they came to the very sensible conclusion that the few birds having their nests in it had the best claim to it; and, indeed, that to disturb them would be to inflict59 a great cruelty. After coming to this conclusion they returned home in excellent humor, and reported the result of the expedition (the report covered some sixteen folios) to the government at Washington, presenting it at the same time with a casket containing four ounces of the rich and highly-scented treasure found thereon. And I am informed that the government was so pleased with the result of this costly60 expedition that it has ever since remained profoundly silent on the subject-even refusing an enormous sum offered by a Philadelphia bookseller for the report, which he was anxious to publish, out of sheer love for the public. However, open questions of the smallest kind being indispensable to great governments, inasmuch as they afford occupation to diplomatists, and such idlers as follow the trade of politics, I must not forget to mention here that our government still continues secretly to dispute the point with the Kaloramas; even threatening to thrash them right soundly, unless they relinquish61 their claim. And here Spark Island stands, like the lone33 steeple of some forsaken62 church." Thus the commander concluded, when General Potter, who declared the history had deeply interested him, laid his hand confidentially63 on the arm of the speaker, saying: "There is, I verily believe, something said in my instructions concerning this Island. Just let me alone, and I warrant to have it safe in the possession of our government, (and a dozen more just like it!) in less time than you have been talking about it. As for the priest, though he never did me any harm, I hold it well that the amorous64 rascal65 was banished66 in a canoe, that being an easy way of getting rid of him. But my heart is tender, and you speak in such praise of this Matura's beauty, and chastity, that I shall surely go to bed weeping, if, indeed, I do not dream of hand to hand combats with her hard-hearted father. I shall not forget this affair, Mr. Commander! and shall give King Nebo to understand that I know all about the dirty tricks of his ancestors."
"I would like to know," inquired Mr. Tickler, "if there was anything said in the manuscript left by the priest, about his seeing Spark Island rise from the sea with his own eyes?"
"Nothing could have been more minutely described," replied the commander. "One moment there was only a broad sea-plain before him, in the next he saw it shoot up like a spark, which was why he called it Spark Island." Mr. Tickler declared himself entirely67 satisfied with this explanation, and was sure the priest could not have been mistaken.
When the night was far advanced the general and his secretary retired68 to their cabins, where they slept soundly, and awoke on the following morning, to find the ship safely moored69 in a snug70 little cove2 or harbor, opposite the Village of Buzabub, a seaport71 on the Coast of Kalorama, and so buried in Mango and Pride of India trees, as nearly to conceal72 the few shabby dwellings73 it contained. The general was up before the monkeys began to chatter74, and anxiously paced the deck, in his new uniform, seeming to care for no one but old Battle, whom he every few minutes stopped to congratulate on the termination of the voyage, all of which the faithful animal seemed perfectly75 to understand. In truth, the general had evinced so much solicitude76 for his horse during the passage, that the officers and men were quite as much diverted with the proofs of affection displayed by the faithful animal, as they were at the eccentricities77 of his master.
When then the general had paced the deck a sufficient length of time, he repaired to the cabin of his secretary, saying: "Friend Tickler, my learned secretary, get speedily up, for this is to be the most important day of my life, outshining, by far, the day of my reception in New York. Get up, write me a speech that shall become this remarkable78 event, and so mix it up with Latin sentences, that these savages79 will take me for a profound scholar, and pay me courtesy accordingly; for I have a fear of their knives, which, I am told, have terminated the existence of several ambassadors."
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1
sufficiently
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| adv.足够地，充分地 | |
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cove
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| n.小海湾，小峡谷 | |
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emulate
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| v.努力赶上或超越，与…竞争；效仿 | |
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consolation
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| n.安慰，慰问 | |
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predecessors
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| n.前任( predecessor的名词复数 )；前辈；（被取代的）原有事物；前身 | |
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prodigal
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| adj.浪费的，挥霍的，放荡的 | |
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comport
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| vi.相称，适合 | |
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savage
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| adj.野蛮的；凶恶的，残暴的；n.未开化的人 | |
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tar
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| n.柏油，焦油；vt.涂或浇柏油/焦油于 | |
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perils
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| 极大危险( peril的名词复数 )； 危险的事（或环境） | |
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discomfited
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| v.使为难( discomfit的过去式和过去分词)；使狼狈；使挫折；挫败 | |
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wager
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| n.赌注；vt.押注，打赌 | |
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malefactor
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| n.罪犯 | |
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consummate
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| adj.完美的；v.成婚；使完美 [反]baffle | |
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fortitude
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| n.坚忍不拔；刚毅 | |
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pranks
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| n.玩笑，恶作剧( prank的名词复数 ) | |
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bestow
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| v.把…赠与，把…授予；花费 | |
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blurts
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| v.突然说出，脱口而出( blurt的第三人称单数 ) | |
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labor
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| n.劳动，努力，工作，劳工；分娩；vi.劳动，努力，苦干；vt.详细分析；麻烦 | |
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admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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homage
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| n.尊敬，敬意，崇敬 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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speck
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| n.微粒，小污点，小斑点 | |
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gulls
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| n.鸥( gull的名词复数 )v.欺骗某人( gull的第三人称单数 ) | |
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solitude
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| n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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suavity
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| n.温和；殷勤 | |
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recital
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| n.朗诵，独奏会，独唱会 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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providence
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| n.深谋远虑，天道，天意；远见；节约；上帝 | |
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innocence
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| n.无罪；天真；无害 | |
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banishment
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| n.放逐，驱逐 | |
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lone
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| adj.孤寂的，单独的；唯一的 | |
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procuring
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| v.（努力）取得， （设法）获得( procure的现在分词 )；拉皮条 | |
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bribed
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| v.贿赂( bribe的过去式和过去分词 )；向（某人）行贿，贿赂 | |
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promulgate
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| v.宣布；传播；颁布（法令、新法律等） | |
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descried
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| adj.被注意到的，被发现的，被看到的 | |
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bluff
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| v.虚张声势，用假象骗人；n.虚张声势，欺骗 | |
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grove
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| n.林子，小树林，园林 | |
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virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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plausibility
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| n. 似有道理, 能言善辩 | |
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solely
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| adv.仅仅，唯一地 | |
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preservation
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| n.保护，维护，保存，保留，保持 | |
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intriguing
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| adj.有趣的；迷人的v.搞阴谋诡计(intrigue的现在分词)；激起…的好奇心 | |
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derive
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| v.取得；导出；引申；来自；源自；出自 | |
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bloody
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| adj.非常的的；流血的；残忍的；adv.很；vt.血染 | |
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desolated
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| adj.荒凉的，荒废的 | |
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dominions
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| 统治权( dominion的名词复数 )； 领土； 疆土； 版图 | |
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vestige
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| n.痕迹，遗迹，残余 | |
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mariner
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| n.水手号不载人航天探测器，海员，航海者 | |
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mermaids
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| n.（传说中的）美人鱼( mermaid的名词复数 ) | |
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precisely
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| adv.恰好，正好，精确地，细致地 | |
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manure
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| n.粪，肥，肥粒；vt.施肥 | |
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sterile
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| adj.不毛的，不孕的，无菌的，枯燥的，贫瘠的 | |
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ridge
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| n.山脊；鼻梁；分水岭 | |
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agility
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| n.敏捷，活泼 | |
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makers
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| n.制造者，制造商（maker的复数形式） | |
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insignificance
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| n.不重要；无价值；无意义 | |
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inflict
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| vt.(on)把…强加给，使遭受，使承担 | |
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costly
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| adj.昂贵的，价值高的，豪华的 | |
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61
relinquish
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| v.放弃，撤回，让与，放手 | |
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Forsaken
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| adj. 被遗忘的, 被抛弃的 动词forsake的过去分词 | |
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confidentially
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| ad.秘密地，悄悄地 | |
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amorous
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| adj.多情的；有关爱情的 | |
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rascal
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| n.流氓；不诚实的人 | |
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banished
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| v.放逐，驱逐( banish的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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retired
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| adj.隐退的，退休的，退役的 | |
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moored
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| adj. 系泊的 动词moor的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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70
snug
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| adj.温暖舒适的，合身的，安全的；v.使整洁干净，舒适地依靠，紧贴；n.（英）酒吧里的私房 | |
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71
seaport
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| n.海港，港口，港市 | |
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72
conceal
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| v.隐藏，隐瞒，隐蔽 | |
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73
dwellings
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| n.住处，处所( dwelling的名词复数 ) | |
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74
chatter
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| vi.／n.喋喋不休；短促尖叫；(牙齿)打战 | |
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75
perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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76
solicitude
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| n.焦虑 | |
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77
eccentricities
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| n.古怪行为( eccentricity的名词复数 )；反常；怪癖 | |
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78
remarkable
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| adj.显著的，异常的，非凡的，值得注意的 | |
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79
savages
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| 未开化的人，野蛮人( savage的名词复数 ) | |
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