CHAPTER XX

 Fru Adelheid sat, book in hand, without reading.

 

It was late. Finn had been with her and had said good-night and Cordt was not at home. It was silent in the house and silent outside.

 

She had a feeling as though she were alone in the world.

 

Fru Adelheid was not happy.

 

The peace which the good grey years had brought had departed from the house. She could not see her way anywhere: not with Finn, not when she was alone, least of all when Cordt was in the room.

 

She did not feel safe even at church. It would happen to her that she left[242] church heavier in mind than when she entered. It also happened that she simply dared not go in, but turned back, when the organ pealed¹ to her in the porch.

 

She sat and stared, with her white hands folded in her lap. She wanted to try if she could think the thing out to the end. But she had tried before, with ever-decreasing success.

 

First, there was the going back to the old room.

 

This was the beginning and she could not but think that it was the whole matter, for, in truth, she had never got over it. She could not defend herself against the memories that came crowding one upon the other. Her blood grew hot, her eyes moist, without her knowing why.

 

She suffered from a constant terror which she could neither explain nor shake off. Now it was Finn, whose pale[243] face frightened her. Now it was Cordt, who was silent and ever more silent and brooded over his thoughts.

 

Then she was overcome as by a despairing remorse² and she could not see how she had offended. Then she went in a secret dread³ of revenge and she knew of no one who meant her any harm.

 

There were days on which every step she took gave a dull and threatening echo of the old days. She felt as though she were living in a house whose walls were full of secret recesses⁴ with old documents which would upset everything that existed, if they came to light ... she felt as though she were walking over mysterious vaults⁶ that concealed⁷ the traces of mysterious crimes.

 

Wearily, Fru Adelheid leant her head upon her hand and let her hand fall again. She half rose in her chair and hid her face in the roses that stood on the table before[244] her. She took up the book and put it down at once.

 

Then Cordt came.

 

He nodded to her, went to the farther side of the room and sat down with a book.

 

She looked at him timidly. She heard him turn the pages and wondered what book it was. She asked him. He answered, without looking up, and the silence increased twofold.

 

Fru Adelheid sighed and rose to go to bed:

 

“Good-night, Cordt.”

 

He closed the book and tossed it on the table. She stopped and looked at him. Then he asked:

 

“Has Hans been here to-day?”

 

She sat down in her chair again. He had got up and was pacing the room. She waited and listened to his footsteps.

 

Then she could bear it no longer:

 

[245]“Cordt!”

 

He stopped and looked at her.

 

“Cordt ... Finn will die, if Hans is always with him.”

 

“Yes,” he said, softly and sorrowfully. “Finn will die and you will die and I shall die. But Hans will live.”

 

“What are you trying to do with him, Cordt?”

 

“Have you forgotten what I want?”

 

He looked at her and his eyes hurt her.

 

“I wonder if your wish is also mine, Cordt,” she asked.

 

“No.”

 

He said that calmly, without anger, but also without hesitation⁸.

 

Then she leapt up:

 

“Your wish was never mine ... never! You have been able to persuade me and frighten me and force me.... I never meant it, Cordt, never ... even when I agreed.”

 

[246]“Let the dead days be, Adelheid.”

 

“And now ... Cordt.... Now I am farther away from you ... now you understand me less than ever ... there is something in me now that is a thousand times stronger than what parted us then.”

 

Cordt looked at her with a tempest in his strong eyes:

 

“So there is in me, Adelheid.”

 

He stood before her, drawn⁹ up to his full height. She thought he seemed taller than usual and his face looked strangely young.

 

“There is Finn,” he said.

 

Fru Adelheid sat in her chair, because she could not stand.

 

“You speak as if he were your son and not mine,” she said.

 

She did not take her eyes from his face. She could not get rid of the thought that he looked so young. His hair had not a sign of grey, his walk was easy and erect[247] as in the old days, his eyes glowed with the same strength and the same confidence.

 

She bent¹⁰ forward and stared and sought. Surely she must be able to find the wounds which sorrow had given him, the marks which age had brought.

 

Cordt did not look at her. He stood with his hands folded about his neck and with strangely distant eyes:

 

“You have said it, Adelheid ... it is as you say ... there is something now that is a thousand times greater than what parted us then. We mortals always think, when misfortunes come, that no more will come now ... that it must be over now. And so there is no difference between the child with its lost doll and the man with his dead love ... none except time, which comes and goes, comes and goes, puts out a light and kindles¹¹ a pyre and puts out the pyre also.”

 

[248]He dropped his arms and stood silent for a while:

 

“Adelheid....”

 

He said no more. He looked round the room and at her, as though he were waking from his thoughts. Then he went to the window and looked across the square, where the lights were being put out.

 

Fru Adelheid stared with great fixed¹² eyes at where he stood.

 

She had not seen him during many years ... where had she been all those years ... what had she been doing?

 

Then she had seen him again, distantly and dimly at first, like the memory of a fight, a pain, on the day when she stood once more in the old room. He had come closer ... the time he warned her about Finn. And, little by little, he had approached her through Finn ... through his fears and his love, through his[249] every word, constantly closer and more effectively.

 

She clutched the arms of the chair so firmly that her knuckles¹³ turned white.

 

Now it had come ... now the doors of the mysterious cellars grated on their rusty¹⁴ hinges and the crime stood revealed ... now the secret recesses in the walls were opened and the old documents bore witness to the right....

 

Now there was no longer anything between her and him and there was nothing outside him and her. He stood beside her ... she could reach him with her hands. She had no son and no God. His words swept over her like a storm, his eyes were bent upon her....

 

She wanted to get up and run away, but could not. A sort of dizziness came over her and the ground retreated under her feet.

 

There were voices which told her that[250] it was surely a very old and forgotten story ... a legend preserved in the archives of the house for the entertainment and instruction of future times, which would possibly judge differently from the one who had set the legend down.

 

There were others, mocking and exultant¹⁵ voices, which whispered to her that it was all imagination and nothing else ... that Finn belonged to her and not to him, that all his confidence and all his strength would break like glass against that pale, quiet boy, who loved his mother.

 

There were hymns¹⁶ and psalms¹⁷ and organ-pealing and impressive words about sin and forgiveness and Christ’s heavenly glory. The cool air of the church-vault passed over her burning forehead ... all the bells rang, as though for a soul in need.

 

She heard it all and it vanished like a sound in the air.

 

[251]And all the voices were merged¹⁸ before her confused thoughts.

 

It turned into an evening in the old days ... an evening of lights and gayety. She saw the people of that time ... she heard her own voice....

 

Then, suddenly, it was quenched¹⁹ in the great silence of the old room.

 

The candles were burning on the mantelpiece.... She sat and stared into the red hearth²⁰. Now Cordt spoke²¹ ... Cordt in the old days:

 

“I will stake life and happiness to win you. I will talk to you and importune²² you and conquer you. I will take you in my arms and close my door to you and run after you and forgive you. And, if I do not win you, I shall cast you off.”

 

She sprang up and clasped her head in her two hands:

 

“Cordt ... Cordt....”

 

[252]He turned round and looked into her white face.

 

She raised her face to him and sought and stared after her portrait in his eyes ... only a thought from the old days ... a memory....

 

It was not there. For him there was nothing in the world except that which was his happiness and his fear and his struggle ... now as in the old days....

 

And it was no longer she.

 

“Adelheid ... are you ill?”

 

“No ... no....”

 

She laughed aloud. Cordt took her hands and led her to a chair. She let him do as he would and continued to look up in his face.

 

Then she suddenly thrust him from her.

 

She smiled and shook her head at her folly²³. She rose and walked round the room. She said she was quite well, told him to go away ... just to go away.

 

[253]And Cordt went.

 

She stared at the door, which closed after him, as though she had seen him for the last time. Then she turned round and looked into a mirror which showed her whole figure.

 

Slowly she walked up to the mirror, sat down before it, with her head in her hands, and stared into her own face.

 

The clock struck one and two from the church-steeples and she did not hear. Then some one shouted down in the square. She rose, took a candle and left the room.

 

She went through the long passages and up the stairs, softly and carefully, as if she were a thief. She listened at Cordt’s door and at Finn’s. Then she stood outside the old room. She listened ... there was no sound. She opened the door ajar and saw that it was dark.

 

She went in quickly and walked straight[254] up to the secret recess⁵ in the wall. She opened it and took the yellow document in her trembling hands.

 

Then she stared at Cordt’s name and her own, which were written down last and struck out again.

 

1 pealed   

v.（使）（钟等）鸣响，（雷等）发出隆隆声( peal的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• The bells pealed (out) over the countryside. 钟声响彻郊野。 来自辞典例句
• A gun shot suddenly pealed forth and shot its flames into the air. 突然一声炮响，一道火光升上天空。 来自辞典例句

2 remorse   

n.痛恨，悔恨，自责

参考例句：

• She had no remorse about what she had said.她对所说的话不后悔。
• He has shown no remorse for his actions.他对自己的行为没有任何悔恨之意。

3 dread   

vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧

参考例句：

• We all dread to think what will happen if the company closes.我们都不敢去想一旦公司关门我们该怎么办。
• Her heart was relieved of its blankest dread.她极度恐惧的心理消除了。

4 recesses   

n.壁凹( recess的名词复数 )；（工作或业务活动的）中止或暂停期间；学校的课间休息；某物内部的凹形空间v.把某物放在墙壁的凹处( recess的第三人称单数 )；将（墙）做成凹形，在（墙）上做壁龛；休息，休会，休庭

参考例句：

• I could see the inmost recesses. 我能看见最深处。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• I had continually pushed my doubts to the darker recesses of my mind. 我一直把怀疑深深地隐藏在心中。 来自《简明英汉词典》

5 recess   

n.短期休息，壁凹（墙上装架子，柜子等凹处）

参考例句：

• The chairman of the meeting announced a ten-minute recess.会议主席宣布休会10分钟。
• Parliament was hastily recalled from recess.休会的议员被匆匆召回开会。

6 vaults   

n.拱顶( vault的名词复数 )；地下室；撑物跳高；墓穴

参考例句：

• It was deposited in the vaults of a bank. 它存在一家银行的保险库里。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• They think of viruses that infect an organization from the outside.They envision hackers breaking into their information vaults. 他们考虑来自外部的感染公司的病毒，他们设想黑客侵入到信息宝库中。 来自《简明英汉词典》

7 concealed   

a.隐藏的，隐蔽的

参考例句：

• The paintings were concealed beneath a thick layer of plaster. 那些画被隐藏在厚厚的灰泥层下面。
• I think he had a gun concealed about his person. 我认为他当时身上藏有一支枪。

8 hesitation   

n.犹豫，踌躇

参考例句：

• After a long hesitation, he told the truth at last.踌躇了半天，他终于直说了。
• There was a certain hesitation in her manner.她的态度有些犹豫不决。

9 drawn   

v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的

参考例句：

• All the characters in the story are drawn from life.故事中的所有人物都取材于生活。
• Her gaze was drawn irresistibly to the scene outside.她的目光禁不住被外面的风景所吸引。

10 bent   

n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的

参考例句：

• He was fully bent upon the project.他一心扑在这项计划上。
• We bent over backward to help them.我们尽了最大努力帮助他们。

11 kindles   

（使某物）燃烧，着火( kindle的第三人称单数 )； 激起（感情等）； 发亮，放光

参考例句：

• And as kindles hope, millions more will find it. 他们的自由又将影响周围，使更多的人民得到自由。
• A person who stirs up trouble or kindles a revolt. 煽动叛乱者，挑动争端者挑起麻烦或引起叛乱的人。

12 fixed   

adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的

参考例句：

• Have you two fixed on a date for the wedding yet?你们俩选定婚期了吗？
• Once the aim is fixed,we should not change it arbitrarily.目标一旦确定，我们就不应该随意改变。

13 knuckles   

n.（指人）指关节( knuckle的名词复数 )；（指动物）膝关节，踝v.（指人）指关节( knuckle的第三人称单数 )；（指动物）膝关节，踝

参考例句：

• He gripped the wheel until his knuckles whitened. 他紧紧握住方向盘，握得指关节都变白了。
• Her thin hands were twisted by swollen knuckles. 她那双纤手因肿大的指关节而变了形。 来自《简明英汉词典》

14 rusty   

adj.生锈的；锈色的；荒废了的

参考例句：

• The lock on the door is rusty and won't open.门上的锁锈住了。
• I haven't practiced my French for months and it's getting rusty.几个月不用，我的法语又荒疏了。

15 exultant   

adj.欢腾的，狂欢的，大喜的

参考例句：

• The exultant crowds were dancing in the streets.欢欣的人群在大街上跳起了舞。
• He was exultant that she was still so much in his power.他仍然能轻而易举地摆布她，对此他欣喜若狂。

16 hymns   

n.赞美诗，圣歌，颂歌( hymn的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• At first, they played the hymns and marches familiar to them. 起初他们只吹奏自己熟悉的赞美诗和进行曲。 来自英汉非文学 - 百科语料821
• I like singing hymns. 我喜欢唱圣歌。 来自辞典例句

17 psalms   

n.赞美诗( psalm的名词复数 )；圣诗；圣歌；(中的)

参考例句：

• the Book of Psalms 《〈圣经〉诗篇》
• A verse from Psalms knifed into Pug's mind: "put not your trust in princes." 《诗篇》里有一句话闪过帕格的脑海：“不要相信王侯。” 来自辞典例句

18 merged   

（使）混合( merge的过去式和过去分词 )； 相融； 融入； 渐渐消失在某物中

参考例句：

• Turf wars are inevitable when two departments are merged. 两个部门合并时总免不了争争权限。
• The small shops were merged into a large market. 那些小商店合并成为一个大商场。

19 quenched   

解（渴）( quench的过去式和过去分词 )； 终止（某事物）； （用水）扑灭（火焰等）； 将（热物体）放入水中急速冷却

参考例句：

• He quenched his thirst with a long drink of cold water. 他喝了好多冷水解渴。
• I quenched my thirst with a glass of cold beer. 我喝了一杯冰啤酒解渴。

20 hearth   

n.壁炉炉床，壁炉地面

参考例句：

• She came and sat in a chair before the hearth.她走过来，在炉子前面的椅子上坐下。
• She comes to the hearth,and switches on the electric light there.她走到壁炉那里，打开电灯。

21 spoke   

n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说

参考例句：

• They sourced the spoke nuts from our company.他们的轮辐螺帽是从我们公司获得的。
• The spokes of a wheel are the bars that connect the outer ring to the centre.辐条是轮子上连接外圈与中心的条棒。

22 importune   

v.强求；不断请求

参考例句：

• It is not cost-efficient that sometimes we make ourselves exhausted just to importune something.有时候为了强求一样东西而令自己的身心都疲惫不堪，是很不划算的。
• One can no longer walk the streets without seeing beggars importuning passers by.走在街上总能看到乞丐纠缠行人乞讨。

23 folly   

n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话

参考例句：

• Learn wisdom by the folly of others.从别人的愚蠢行动中学到智慧。
• Events proved the folly of such calculations.事情的进展证明了这种估计是愚蠢的。