CHAPTER 2

 You become reserved. Perhaps not exceptionally so, but as all children become reserved. Already you understand that your heart is very preciously your own. You keep it from me and everyone, so much so, so justifiably¹ so, that when by virtue² of our kindred and all that we have in common I get sudden glimpses right into your depths, there mixes with the swift spasm³ of love I feel, a dread—lest you should catch me, as it were, spying into you and that one of us, I know not which, should feel ashamed.

 

Every child passes into this secret stage; it closes in from its first frankness; it carries off the growing jewel of its consciousness to hide from all mankind.... I think I can see why this should be so, but I cannot tell why in so many cases no jewel is given back again at last, alight, ripened⁴, wonderful, glowing with the deep fires of experience. I think that is what ought to happen; it is what does happen now with true poets and true artists. Someday I think it will be the life of all normal human souls. But usually it does not seem to happen at all. Children pass out of a stage—open, beautiful, exquisitely⁵ simple—into silences and discretions beneath an imposed and artificial life. And they are lost. Out of the finished, careful, watchful⁶, restrained and limited man or woman, no child emerges again....

 

I remember very distinctly how I myself came by imperceptible increments⁷ of reservation to withdraw those early delicacies⁸ of judgments⁹, those original and personal standards and appreciations¹⁰, from sight and expression. I can recall specific moments when I perceive now that my little childish figure stood, as it were, obstinately¹¹ and with a sense of novelty in a doorway¹² denying the self within.

 

It was partly, I think, a simple instinct that drew that curtain of silences and concealments, it was much more a realization¹³ that I had no power of lucidity¹⁴ to save the words and deeds I sought to make expressive¹⁵ from complete misunderstanding. But most of all it was the perception that I was under training and compulsion for ends that were all askew¹⁶ and irrelevant¹⁷ to the trend of my imaginations, the quality of my dreams. There was around me something unfriendly to this inner world—something very ready to pass from unfriendliness to acute hostility¹⁸; and if, indeed, I succeeded in giving anything of my inner self to others, it was only, as people put it, to give myself away.

 

My nurses, my governess, my tutor, my father, the servants about me, seemed all bent¹⁹ upon imposing²⁰ an artificial personality upon me. Only in a very limited sense did they want me. What they wanted was something that could be made out of me by extensive suppressions and additions. They ignored the fact that I had been born with a shape of my own; they were resolved I should be pressed into a mould and cast.

 

It was not that they wanted outer conformity²¹ to certain needs and standards—that, I think, would be a reasonable thing enough to demand—but they wanted me to subdue²² my most private thoughts to their ideals. My nurses and my governesses would rate me for my very feelings, would clamor for gratitude²³ and reproach me bitterly for betraying that I did not at some particular moment—love.

 

(Only yesterday I heard Mademoiselle Potin doing that very same thing to you. "It is that you do not care, Master Steve. It is that you do not care. You do not want to care.")

 

They went too far in that invasion of my personal life, but I perceive quite clearly the present need for most of the process of moulding and subjugation²⁴ that children must undergo. Human society is a new thing upon the earth, an invention of the last ten thousand years. Man is a creature as yet not freely and instinctively²⁵ gregarious²⁶; in his more primordial²⁷ state he must have been an animal of very small groups and limited associations, an animal rather self-centred and fierce, and he is still but imperfectly adapted either morally or physically²⁸ to the wider social life his crowding interactions force upon him. He still learns speech and computation and civility and all the devices of this artificially extended and continually broadening tribal²⁹ life with an extreme reluctance³⁰. He has to be shaped in the interests of the species, I admit, to the newer conditions; the growing social order must be protected from the keen edge of his still savage³¹ individuality, and he must be trained in his own interests to save himself from the destruction of impossible revolts. But how clumsily is the thing done! How we are caught and jammed and pressed and crippled into citizenship³²! How excessive and crushing is the suppression, and how inadequate³³!

 

Every child feels that, even if every child does not clearly know it. Every child presently begins to hide itself from the confused tyrannies of the social process, from the searching inspections³⁴ and injunctions and interferences of parent and priest and teacher.

 

"I have got to be so," we all say deep down in ourselves and more or less distinctly according to the lucidities of our minds; "but in my heart I am this."

 

And in the outcome we all try to seem at least to be so, while an ineffectual rebel struggles passionately³⁵, like a beast caught in a trap, for ends altogether more deep and dangerous, for the rose and the star and the wildfire,—for beauty and beautiful things. These, we all know in our darkly vital recesses³⁶, are the real needs of life, the obediences³⁷ imposed upon us by our crude necessities and jostling proximities, mere³⁸ incidentals on our way to those profounder purposes....

 

And when I write thus of our selves I mean our bodies quite as much as our imaginations; the two sides of us are covered up alike and put alike into disguises and unnatural³⁹ shapes, we are taught and forced to hide them for the same reasons, from a fear of ourselves and a fear of the people about us. The sense of beauty, the sense of one's body, the freedom of thought and of desire and the wonder of life, are all interwoven strands⁴⁰. I remember that in the Park of Burnmore one great craving⁴¹ I had was to take off my clothes there altogether, and bathe in a clear place among loosestrife and meadowsweet, and afterwards lie wet and naked upon the soft green turf with the sun shining upon me. But I thought also that that was a very wicked and shameful⁴² craving to have, and I never dared give way to it.

 

1 justifiably   

adv.无可非议地

参考例句：

• There General Walters would come aboard to greet me, justifiably beaming with pride at his arrangement. 在那儿沃尔特斯将军会登上飞机来接我，理所当然为他们的安排感到洋洋得意。 来自辞典例句
• The Chinese seemed justifiably proud of their economic achievements. 中国人似乎为他们的经济成就感到自豪，这是无可非议的。 来自互联网

2 virtue   

n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力

参考例句：

• He was considered to be a paragon of virtue.他被认为是品德尽善尽美的典范。
• You need to decorate your mind with virtue.你应该用德行美化心灵。

3 spasm   

n.痉挛，抽搐；一阵发作

参考例句：

• When the spasm passed,it left him weak and sweating.一阵痉挛之后，他虚弱无力，一直冒汗。
• He kicked the chair in a spasm of impatience.他突然变得不耐烦，一脚踢向椅子。

4 ripened   

v.成熟，使熟( ripen的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• They're collecting the ripened reddish berries. 他们正采集熟了的淡红草莓。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The branches bent low with ripened fruits. 成熟的果实压弯了树枝。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

5 exquisitely   

adv.精致地；强烈地；剧烈地；异常地

参考例句：

• He found her exquisitely beautiful. 他觉得她异常美丽。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• He wore an exquisitely tailored gray silk and accessories to match. 他穿的是做工非常考究的灰色绸缎衣服，还有各种配得很协调的装饰。 来自教父部分

6 watchful   

adj.注意的，警惕的

参考例句：

• The children played under the watchful eye of their father.孩子们在父亲的小心照看下玩耍。
• It is important that health organizations remain watchful.卫生组织保持警惕是极为重要的。

7 increments   

n.增长( increment的名词复数 )；增量；增额；定期的加薪

参考例句：

• These increments were mixed and looked into the 5.56mm catridge case. 将各种药粒进行混和，装在5．56毫米的弹壳中。 来自辞典例句
• The Rankine scale has scale increments equal to the FahrenheIt'scale. 兰氏温标的温度间距与华氏温标的相同。 来自辞典例句

8 delicacies   

n.棘手( delicacy的名词复数 )；精致；精美的食物；周到

参考例句：

• Its flesh has exceptional delicacies. 它的肉异常鲜美。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• After these delicacies, the trappers were ready for their feast. 在享用了这些美食之后，狩猎者开始其大餐。 来自英汉非文学 - 民俗

9 judgments   

判断( judgment的名词复数 )； 鉴定； 评价； 审判

参考例句：

• A peculiar austerity marked his judgments of modern life. 他对现代生活的批评带着一种特殊的苛刻。
• He is swift with his judgments. 他判断迅速。

10 appreciations   

n.欣赏( appreciation的名词复数 )；感激；评定；（尤指土地或财产的）增值

参考例句：

• Do you usually appreciations to yourself and others? Explain. 你有常常给自己和别人称赞吗？请解释一下。 来自互联网
• What appreciations would you have liked to receive? 你希望接受什么样的感激和欣赏？ 来自互联网

11 obstinately   

ad.固执地，顽固地

参考例句：

• He obstinately asserted that he had done the right thing. 他硬说他做得对。
• Unemployment figures are remaining obstinately high. 失业数字仍然顽固地居高不下。

12 doorway   

n.门口，(喻)入门；门路，途径

参考例句：

• They huddled in the shop doorway to shelter from the rain.他们挤在商店门口躲雨。
• Mary suddenly appeared in the doorway.玛丽突然出现在门口。

13 realization   

n.实现；认识到，深刻了解

参考例句：

• We shall gladly lend every effort in our power toward its realization.我们将乐意为它的实现而竭尽全力。
• He came to the realization that he would never make a good teacher.他逐渐认识到自己永远不会成为好老师。

14 lucidity   

n.明朗，清晰，透明

参考例句：

• His writings were marked by an extraordinary lucidity and elegance of style.他的作品简洁明晰，文风典雅。
• The pain had lessened in the night, but so had his lucidity.夜里他的痛苦是减轻了，但人也不那么清醒了。

15 expressive   

adj.表现的，表达…的，富于表情的

参考例句：

• Black English can be more expressive than standard English.黑人所使用的英语可能比正式英语更有表现力。
• He had a mobile,expressive,animated face.他有一张多变的，富于表情的，生动活泼的脸。

16 askew   

adv.斜地；adj.歪斜的

参考例句：

• His glasses had been knocked askew by the blow.他的眼镜一下子被打歪了。
• Her hat was slightly askew.她的帽子戴得有点斜。

17 irrelevant   

adj.不恰当的，无关系的，不相干的

参考例句：

• That is completely irrelevant to the subject under discussion.这跟讨论的主题完全不相关。
• A question about arithmetic is irrelevant in a music lesson.在音乐课上，一个数学的问题是风马牛不相及的。

18 hostility   

n.敌对，敌意；抵制［pl.］交战，战争

参考例句：

• There is open hostility between the two leaders.两位领导人表现出公开的敌意。
• His hostility to your plan is well known.他对你的计划所持的敌意是众所周知的。

19 bent   

n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的

参考例句：

• He was fully bent upon the project.他一心扑在这项计划上。
• We bent over backward to help them.我们尽了最大努力帮助他们。

20 imposing   

adj.使人难忘的，壮丽的，堂皇的，雄伟的

参考例句：

• The fortress is an imposing building.这座城堡是一座宏伟的建筑。
• He has lost his imposing appearance.他已失去堂堂仪表。

21 conformity   

n.一致，遵从，顺从

参考例句：

• Was his action in conformity with the law?他的行动是否合法？
• The plan was made in conformity with his views.计划仍按他的意见制定。

22 subdue   

vt.制服，使顺从，征服；抑制，克制

参考例句：

• She tried to subdue her anger.她尽力压制自己的怒火。
• He forced himself to subdue and overcome his fears.他强迫自己克制并战胜恐惧心理。

23 gratitude   

adj.感激，感谢

参考例句：

• I have expressed the depth of my gratitude to him.我向他表示了深切的谢意。
• She could not help her tears of gratitude rolling down her face.她感激的泪珠禁不住沿着面颊流了下来。

24 subjugation   

n.镇压，平息，征服

参考例句：

• The Ultra-Leftist line was a line that would have wrecked a country, ruined the people, and led to the destruction of the Party and national subjugation. 极左路线是一条祸国殃民的路线，亡党亡国的路线。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• This afflicted German intelligence with two fatal flaws: inefficiency, and subjugation to a madman. 这给德国情报工作造成了两个致命的弱点，一个是缺乏效率，另一个是让一个疯子总管情报。 来自辞典例句

25 instinctively   

adv.本能地

参考例句：

• As he leaned towards her she instinctively recoiled. 他向她靠近，她本能地往后缩。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• He knew instinctively where he would find her. 他本能地知道在哪儿能找到她。 来自《简明英汉词典》

26 gregarious   

adj.群居的，喜好群居的

参考例句：

• These animals are highly gregarious.这些动物非常喜欢群居。
• They are gregarious birds and feed in flocks.它们是群居鸟类，会集群觅食。

27 primordial   

adj.原始的；最初的

参考例句：

• It is the primordial force that propels us forward.它是推动我们前进的原始动力。
• The Neanderthal Man is one of our primordial ancestors.的尼安德特人是我们的原始祖先之一.

28 physically   

adj.物质上，体格上，身体上，按自然规律

参考例句：

• He was out of sorts physically,as well as disordered mentally.他浑身不舒服，心绪也很乱。
• Every time I think about it I feel physically sick.一想起那件事我就感到极恶心。

29 tribal   

adj.部族的，种族的

参考例句：

• He became skilled in several tribal lingoes.他精通几种部族的语言。
• The country was torn apart by fierce tribal hostilities.那个国家被部落间的激烈冲突弄得四分五裂。

30 reluctance   

n.厌恶，讨厌，勉强，不情愿

参考例句：

• The police released Andrew with reluctance.警方勉强把安德鲁放走了。
• He showed the greatest reluctance to make a reply.他表示很不愿意答复。

31 savage   

adj.野蛮的；凶恶的，残暴的；n.未开化的人

参考例句：

• The poor man received a savage beating from the thugs.那可怜的人遭到暴徒的痛打。
• He has a savage temper.他脾气粗暴。

32 citizenship   

n.市民权，公民权，国民的义务(身份)

参考例句：

• He was born in Sweden,but he doesn't have Swedish citizenship.他在瑞典出生，但没有瑞典公民身分。
• Ten years later,she chose to take Australian citizenship.十年后，她选择了澳大利亚国籍。

33 inadequate   

adj.(for,to)不充足的，不适当的

参考例句：

• The supply is inadequate to meet the demand.供不应求。
• She was inadequate to the demands that were made on her.她还无力满足对她提出的各项要求。

34 inspections   

n.检查( inspection的名词复数 )；检验；视察；检阅

参考例句：

• Regular inspections are carried out at the prison. 经常有人来视察这座监狱。
• Government inspections ensure a high degree of uniformity in the standard of service. 政府检查确保了在服务标准方面的高度一致。 来自《简明英汉词典》

35 passionately   

ad.热烈地，激烈地

参考例句：

• She could hate as passionately as she could love. 她能恨得咬牙切齿，也能爱得一往情深。
• He was passionately addicted to pop music. 他酷爱流行音乐。

36 recesses   

n.壁凹( recess的名词复数 )；（工作或业务活动的）中止或暂停期间；学校的课间休息；某物内部的凹形空间v.把某物放在墙壁的凹处( recess的第三人称单数 )；将（墙）做成凹形，在（墙）上做壁龛；休息，休会，休庭

参考例句：

• I could see the inmost recesses. 我能看见最深处。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• I had continually pushed my doubts to the darker recesses of my mind. 我一直把怀疑深深地隐藏在心中。 来自《简明英汉词典》

37 obediences   

服从，顺从，听话( obedience的名词复数 )

参考例句：

38 mere   

adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过

参考例句：

• That is a mere repetition of what you said before.那不过是重复了你以前讲的话。
• It's a mere waste of time waiting any longer.再等下去纯粹是浪费时间。

39 unnatural   

adj.不自然的；反常的

参考例句：

• Did her behaviour seem unnatural in any way?她有任何反常表现吗？
• She has an unnatural smile on her face.她脸上挂着做作的微笑。

40 strands   

n.（线、绳、金属线、毛发等的）股( strand的名词复数 )；缕；海洋、湖或河的)岸；（观点、计划、故事等的）部份v.使滞留，使搁浅( strand的第三人称单数 )

参考例句：

• Twist a length of rope from strands of hemp. 用几股麻搓成了一段绳子。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• She laced strands into a braid. 她把几股线编织成一根穗带。 来自《简明英汉词典》

41 craving   

n.渴望,热望

参考例句：

• a craving for chocolate 非常想吃巧克力
• She skipped normal meals to satisfy her craving for chocolate and crisps. 她不吃正餐，以便满足自己吃巧克力和炸薯片的渴望。

42 shameful   

adj.可耻的，不道德的

参考例句：

• It is very shameful of him to show off.他向人炫耀自己，真不害臊。
• We must expose this shameful activity to the newspapers.我们一定要向报社揭露这一无耻行径。