CHAPTER 4

 One day late in February I found myself in Vevey. I had come down with the break-up of the weather from Montana, where I had met some Oxford¹ men I knew and had learned to ski. I had made a few of those vague acquaintances one makes in a winter-sport hotel, but now all these people were going back to England and I was thrown back upon myself once more. I was dull and angry and unhappy still, full of self-reproaches and dreary² indignations, and then very much as the sky will sometimes break surprisingly through storm clouds there began in me a new series of moods. They came to me by surprise. One clear bright afternoon I sat upon the wall that runs along under the limes by the lake shore, envying all these people who were going back to England and work and usefulness. I thought of myself, of my career spoilt, my honor tarnished³, my character tested and found wanting. So far as English politics went my prospects⁴ had closed for ever. Even after three years it was improbable that I should be considered by the party managers again. And besides, it seemed to me I was a man crippled. My other self, the mate and confirmation⁵ of my mind, had gone from me. I was no more than a mutilated man. My life was a thing condemned⁶; I had joined the ranks of loafing, morally-limping, English exiles.

 

I looked up. The sun was setting, a warm glow fell upon the dissolving mountains of Savoy and upon the shining mirror of the lake. The luminous⁷, tranquil⁸ breadth of it caught me and held me. "I am done for." The light upon the lake and upon the mountains, the downward swoop⁹ of a bird over the water and something in my heart, gave me the lie.

 

"What nonsense!" I said, and felt as if some dark cloud that had overshadowed me had been thrust back.

 

I stared across at Savoy as though that land had spoken. Why should I let all my life be ruled by the blunders and adventures of one short year of adventure? Why should I become the votary¹⁰ of a train of consequences? What had I been dreaming of all this time? Over there were gigantic uplands I had never seen and trodden; and beyond were great plains and cities, and beyond that the sea, and so on, great spaces and multitudinous things all round about the world. What did the things I had done, the things I had failed to do, the hopes crushed out of me, the tears and the anger, matter to that? And in some amazing way this thought so took possession of me that the question seemed also to carry with it the still more startling collateral¹², what then did they matter to me? "Come out of yourself," said the mountains and all the beauty of the world. "Whatever you have done or suffered is nothing to the inexhaustible offer life makes you. We are you, just as much as the past is you."

 

It was as though I had forgotten and now remembered how infinitely¹³ multitudinous life can be. It was as if Tarvrille's neglected words to me had sprouted¹⁴ in the obscurity of my mind and borne fruit....

 

I cannot explain how that mood came, I am doing my best to describe it, and it is not easy even to describe. And I fear that to you who will have had I hope no experience of such shadows as I had passed through, it is impossible to convey its immense elation¹⁵.... I remember once I came in a boat out of the caves of Han after two hours in the darkness, and there was the common daylight that is nothing wonderful at all, and its brightness ahead there seemed like trumpets¹⁶ and cheering, like waving flags and like the sunrise. And so it was with this mood of my release.

 

There is a phrase of Peter E. Noyes', that queer echo of Emerson whom people are always rediscovering and forgetting again, a phrase that sticks in my mind,—"Every living soul is heir to an empire and has fallen into a pit." It's an image wonderfully apt to describe my change of mental attitude, and render the contrast between those intensely passionate¹⁷ personal entanglements¹⁸ that had held me tight and that wide estate of life that spreads about us all, open to all of us in just the measure that we can scramble¹⁹ out of our individual selves—to a more general self. I seemed to be hanging there at the brim of my stale and painful den¹¹, staring at the unthought-of greatness of the world, with an unhoped-for wind out of heaven blowing upon my face.

 

I suppose the intention of the phrase "finding salvation," as religious people use it, is very much this experience. If it is not the same thing it is something very closely akin²⁰. It is as if someone were scrambling²¹ out of a pit into a largeness—a largeness that is attainable²² by every man just in the measure that he realizes it is there.

 

I leave these fine discriminations to the theologian. I know that I went back to my hotel in Vevey with my mind healed, with my will restored to me, and my ideas running together into plans. And I know that I had come out that day a broken and apathetic²³ man.

1 Oxford   

n.牛津（英国城市）

参考例句：

• At present he has become a Professor of Chemistry at Oxford.他现在已是牛津大学的化学教授了。
• This is where the road to Oxford joins the road to London.这是去牛津的路与去伦敦的路的汇合处。

2 dreary   

adj.令人沮丧的，沉闷的，单调乏味的

参考例句：

• They live such dreary lives.他们的生活如此乏味。
• She was tired of hearing the same dreary tale of drunkenness and violence.她听够了那些关于酗酒和暴力的乏味故事。

3 tarnished   

（通常指金属）（使）失去光泽，（使）变灰暗( tarnish的过去式和过去分词 )； 玷污，败坏

参考例句：

• The mirrors had tarnished with age. 这些镜子因年深日久而照影不清楚。
• His bad behaviour has tarnished the good name of the school. 他行为不轨，败坏了学校的声誉。

4 prospects   

n.希望，前途(恒为复数)

参考例句：

• There is a mood of pessimism in the company about future job prospects. 公司中有一种对工作前景悲观的情绪。
• They are less sanguine about the company's long-term prospects. 他们对公司的远景不那么乐观。

5 confirmation   

n.证实，确认，批准

参考例句：

• We are waiting for confirmation of the news.我们正在等待证实那个消息。
• We need confirmation in writing before we can send your order out.给你们发送订购的货物之前，我们需要书面确认。

6 condemned   

adj. 被责难的, 被宣告有罪的 动词condemn的过去式和过去分词

参考例句：

• He condemned the hypocrisy of those politicians who do one thing and say another. 他谴责了那些说一套做一套的政客的虚伪。
• The policy has been condemned as a regressive step. 这项政策被认为是一种倒退而受到谴责。

7 luminous   

adj.发光的，发亮的；光明的；明白易懂的；有启发的

参考例句：

• There are luminous knobs on all the doors in my house.我家所有门上都安有夜光把手。
• Most clocks and watches in this shop are in luminous paint.这家商店出售的大多数钟表都涂了发光漆。

8 tranquil   

adj. 安静的, 宁静的, 稳定的, 不变的

参考例句：

• The boy disturbed the tranquil surface of the pond with a stick. 那男孩用棍子打破了平静的池面。
• The tranquil beauty of the village scenery is unique. 这乡村景色的宁静是绝无仅有的。

9 swoop   

n.俯冲，攫取；v.抓取，突然袭击

参考例句：

• The plane made a swoop over the city.那架飞机突然向这座城市猛降下来。
• We decided to swoop down upon the enemy there.我们决定突袭驻在那里的敌人。

10 votary   

n.崇拜者；爱好者；adj.誓约的，立誓任圣职的

参考例句：

• He was a votary of golf.他是高尔夫球忠实信徒。
• Akshay Babu,who had made the passion in English literature living to us,was himself a votary of the emotional life.阿卡什先生，这位使我们逼真地感到英国文学强烈情感的人，他自己就是一个性情中人。

11 den   

n.兽穴；秘密地方；安静的小房间，私室

参考例句：

• There is a big fox den on the back hill.后山有一个很大的狐狸窝。
• The only way to catch tiger cubs is to go into tiger's den.不入虎穴焉得虎子。

12 collateral   

adj.平行的；旁系的；n.担保品

参考例句：

• Many people use personal assets as collateral for small business loans.很多人把个人财产用作小额商业贷款的抵押品。
• Most people here cannot borrow from banks because they lack collateral.由于拿不出东西作为抵押，这里大部分人无法从银行贷款。

13 infinitely   

adv.无限地，无穷地

参考例句：

• There is an infinitely bright future ahead of us.我们有无限光明的前途。
• The universe is infinitely large.宇宙是无限大的。

14 sprouted   

v.发芽( sprout的过去式和过去分词 )；抽芽；出现；（使）涌现出

参考例句：

• We can't use these potatoes; they've all sprouted. 这些土豆儿不能吃了，都出芽了。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The rice seeds have sprouted. 稻种已经出芽了。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

15 elation   

n.兴高采烈，洋洋得意

参考例句：

• She showed her elation at having finally achieved her ambition.最终实现了抱负，她显得十分高兴。
• His supporters have reacted to the news with elation.他的支持者听到那条消息后兴高采烈。

16 trumpets   

喇叭( trumpet的名词复数 )； 小号； 喇叭形物； （尤指）绽开的水仙花

参考例句：

• A wreath was laid on the monument to a fanfare of trumpets. 在响亮的号角声中花圈被献在纪念碑前。
• A fanfare of trumpets heralded the arrival of the King. 嘹亮的小号声宣告了国王驾到。

17 passionate   

adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的

参考例句：

• He is said to be the most passionate man.据说他是最有激情的人。
• He is very passionate about the project.他对那个项目非常热心。

18 entanglements   

n.瓜葛( entanglement的名词复数 )；牵连；纠缠；缠住

参考例句：

• Mr. White threaded his way through the legal entanglements. 怀特先生成功地解决了这些法律纠纷。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• At dawn we broke through the barbed wire entanglements under the city wall. 拂晓我们突破了城墙的铁丝网。 来自《简明英汉词典》

19 scramble   

v.爬行，攀爬，杂乱蔓延，碎片，片段，废料

参考例句：

• He broke his leg in his scramble down the wall.他爬墙摔断了腿。
• It was a long scramble to the top of the hill.到山顶须要爬登一段长路。

20 akin   

adj.同族的，类似的

参考例句：

• She painted flowers and birds pictures akin to those of earlier feminine painters.她画一些同早期女画家类似的花鸟画。
• Listening to his life story is akin to reading a good adventure novel.听他的人生故事犹如阅读一本精彩的冒险小说。

21 scrambling   

v.快速爬行( scramble的现在分词 )；攀登；争夺；（军事飞机）紧急起飞

参考例句：

• Scrambling up her hair, she darted out of the house. 她匆忙扎起头发，冲出房去。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
• She is scrambling eggs. 她正在炒蛋。 来自《简明英汉词典》

22 attainable   

a.可达到的，可获得的

参考例句：

• They set the limits of performance attainable. 它们确定着可达到的运行限度。
• If objectives are to be meaningful to people, they must be clear, attainable, actionable, and verifiable. 如果目标对人们是具有意义的，则目标必须是清晰的，能达到的，可以行动的，以及可供检验的。

23 apathetic   

adj.冷漠的，无动于衷的

参考例句：

• I realised I was becoming increasingly depressed and apathetic.我意识到自己越来越消沉、越来越冷漠了。
• You won't succeed if you are apathetic.要是你冷淡，你就不能成功。