“Well, you see,” said Edward, bidding her good-bye, “I told you that I should make you stay longer than a week.”
“You’re a wonderful person, Edward,” said Miss Ley, drily. “I have never doubted it for an instant.”
He was pleased seeing no irony10 in the compliment. Miss Ley took leave of Bertha with a suspicion of awkward tenderness that was quite unusual; she hated to show her feelings, and found it difficult, yet wanted to tell Bertha that if she was ever in difficulties she would always find in her an old friend and a true one. All she said was—
“If you want to do any shopping in London, I can always put you up, you know. And for the matter of that, I don’t see why you shouldn’t come and stay a month or so with me—if Edward can spare you. It will be a change.”
When Miss Ley drove with Edward to the station, Bertha felt suddenly an extreme loneliness. Her aunt had been a barrier between herself and her husband, coming opportunely11 when, after the first months of mad passion, she was beginning to see herself linked to a man she did not know. A third person in the house had been a restraint. She looked forward already to the future with something like terror; her love for Edward was a bitter heartache. Oh yes, she loved him well, she loved him passionately13; but he—he was fond of her, in his placid14, calm way; it made her furious to think of it.
The weather was rainy, and for two days there was no question of tennis. On the third, however, the sun came out again, and the lawn was soon dry. Edward had driven over to Tercanbury, but returned towards evening.
“Hulloa!” he said, “you haven’t got your tennis things on. You’d better hurry up.”
This was the opportunity for which Bertha had been looking. She was tired of always giving way, of humbling15 herself; she wanted an explanation.
“You’re very good,” she said, “but I don’t want to play tennis with you any more.”
“Why on earth not?”
She burst out furiously—“Because I’m sick and tired of being made a convenience by you. I’m too proud to be treated like that. Oh, don’t look as if you didn’t understand. You play with me because you’ve got no one else to play with. Isn’t that so? That is how you are always with me. You prefer the company of the veriest fool in the world to mine. You seem to do everything you can to show your contempt for me.”
“Why, what have I done now?”
“Oh, of course, you forget. You never dream that you are making me frightfully unhappy. Do you think I like to be treated before people as a sort of poor idiot that you can laugh and sneer16 at?”
Edward had never seen his wife so angry, and this time he was forced to pay her attention. She stood before him, at the end of her speech, with teeth clenched17, her cheeks flaming.
“It’s about the other day, I suppose. I saw at the time you were in a passion.”
“And didn’t care two straws.”
“You’re too silly,” he said, with a laugh. “We couldn’t play together when we had people here. They laugh at us as it is for being so devoted18 to one another.”
“If they only knew how little you cared for me!”
“I might have managed a set with you later on, if you hadn’t sulked and refused to play at all.”
“It would never have occurred to you, I know you better than that. You’re absolutely selfish.”
“Come, come, Bertha,” he cried good-humouredly, “that’s a thing I’ve not been accused of before. No one has ever called me selfish.”
“Oh no, they think you charming. They think because you’re cheerful and even-tempered, because you’re hail-fellow-well-met with every one you know, that you’ve got such a nice character. If they knew you as well as I do, they’d understand it was merely because you’re perfectly19 indifferent to them. You treat people as if they were your bosom20 friends, and then, five minutes after they’ve gone, you’ve forgotten all about them.... And the worst of it is, that I’m no more to you than anybody else.”
“Oh, come, I don’t think you can really find such awful things wrong with me.”
“You can’t expect me to do things which I think unreasonable22.”
“If you loved me, you’d not always be asking if the things I want are reasonable. I didn’t think of reason when I married you.”
Edward made no answer, which naturally added to Bertha’s irritation23. She was arranging flowers for the table, and broke off the stalks savagely24. Edward, after a pause, went to the door.
“Where are you going?” she asked.
“Since you won’t play, I’m just going to do a few serves for practice.”
“Why don’t you send for Miss Glover to come and play with you?”
A new idea suddenly came to him (they came at sufficiently25 rare intervals26 not to spoil his equanimity), but the absurdity27 of it made him laugh.
“Surely you’re not jealous of her, Bertha?”
“I?” began Bertha, with tremendous scorn, and then changing her mind: “You prefer to play with her than to play with me.”
He wisely ignored part of the charge. “Look at her and look at yourself. Do you think I could prefer her to you?”
“I think you’re fool enough.”
The words slipped out of Bertha’s mouth almost before she knew she had said them, and the bitter, scornful tone added to their violence. They frightened her, and turning very white, she glanced at her husband.
“Oh, I didn’t mean to say that, Eddie.”
Fearing now that she had really wounded him, Bertha was entirely28 sorry; she would have given anything for the words to be unsaid. Edward was turning over the pages of a book, looking at it listlessly. She went up to him.
“I haven’t offended you, have I, Eddie? I didn’t mean to say that.”
She put her arm in his; he did not answer.
“Don’t be angry with me,” she faltered29 again, and then breaking down, buried her face in his bosom. “I didn’t mean what I said—I lost command over myself. You don’t know how you humiliated30 me the other day. I haven’t been able to sleep at night, thinking of it.... Kiss me.”
He turned his face away, but she would not let him go; at last she found his lips.
“Say you’re not angry with me.”
“I’m not angry with you.”
“Oh, I want your love so much, Eddie,” she murmured. “Now more than ever.... I’m going to have a child.”
Then in reply to his astonished exclamation—
“I wasn’t certain till to-day.... Oh, Eddie, I’m so glad. I think it’s what I wanted to make me happy.”
“I’m glad too,” he said.
“But you will be kind to me, Eddie—and not mind if I’m fretful and bad tempered. You know I can’t help it, and I’m always sorry afterwards.”
He kissed her as passionately as his cold nature allowed, and peace returned to Bertha’s tormented31 heart.
Bertha had intended as long as possible to make a secret of her news; it was a comfort in her distress32, and a bulwark33 against her increasing disillusionment. She was unable to reconcile herself to the discovery, seen as yet dimly, that Edward’s cold temperament could not satisfy her ardent34 passions: love to her was a burning fire, a flame that absorbed the rest of life; love to him was a convenient and necessary institution of Providence35, a matter about which there was as little need for excitement as about the ordering of a suit of clothes. Bertha’s intense devotion for a while had obscured her husband’s coolness, and she would not see that his temperament was to blame. She accused him of not loving her, and asked herself distractedly how to gain his affection; her pride was humiliated because her love was so much greater than his. For six months she had loved him blindly; and now, opening her eyes, she refused to look upon the naked fact, but insisted on seeing only what she wished.
Yet, the truth, elbowing itself through the crowd of her illusions, tormented her. She was afraid that Edward neither loved her nor had ever loved her; and she wavered uncertainly between the old passionate12 devotion and a new, equally passionate hatred36. She told herself that she could not do things by halves; she must love or detest37, but in either case, fiercely. And now the child made up for everything. Now it did not matter if Edward loved or not, it no longer pained her to realise how foolish had been her hopes, how quickly her ideal had been shattered. She felt that the infantine hands of her son were already breaking, one by one, the links that bound her to her husband. When she divined her pregnancy38, she gave a cry not only of joy and pride, but also of exultation39 in her approaching freedom.
But when the suspicion was changed into a certainty, her feelings veered40 round; for her emotions were always unstable41 as the light winds of April. An extreme weakness made her long for the support and sympathy of her husband; she could not help telling him. In the hateful dispute of that very day, she had forced herself to say bitter things, but all the time she wished him to take her in his arms, saying he loved her. It needed so little to rekindle42 her dying affection; she wanted his help and she could not live without his love.
The weeks went on and Bertha was touched to see a change in Edward’s behaviour, more noticeable after his past indifference43. He looked upon her now as an invalid44, and as such entitled to some consideration; he was really very kind-hearted, and during this time did everything for his wife that did not involve a sacrifice of his own convenience. When the doctor suggested some dainty to tempt8 her appetite, Edward was delighted to ride over to Tercanbury to fetch it; and in her presence he trod more softly and spoke45 in a gentler voice. After a while he used to insist on carrying Bertha up and down stairs, and though Dr. Ramsay assured them it was a quite unnecessary proceeding46, Bertha would not allow Edward to give it up. It amused her to feel a little child in his strong arms, and she loved to nestle against his breast. Then, with winter, when it was too cold to drive out, Bertha would lie for long hours on a sofa by the window, looking at the line of elm-trees, now leafless again and melancholy47, watching the heavy clouds that drove over from the sea: her heart was full of peace.
One day of the new year she was sitting as usual at her window when Edward came prancing48 up the drive on horseback. He stopped in front of her and waved his whip.
“What d’you think of my new horse?” he cried.
At that moment the animal began to cavort49, and backed into a flower-bed. “Quiet, old fellow,” cried Edward. “Now then, don’t make a fuss; quiet!” The horse stood on its hind50 legs and laid its ears back viciously. Presently Edward dismounted and led him towards Bertha. “Isn’t he a stunner? Just look at him.”
“I only gave thirty-five quid for it,” he remarked. “I must just take him round to the stable and then I’ll come in.”
In a few minutes Edward joined his wife. The riding costume suited him well, and in his top-boots he had more than ever the appearance of the fox-hunting country squire52, which had always been his ideal. He was in high spirits over the new purchase.
“It’s the beast that threw Arthur Branderton when we were out last week.... Arthur’s limping about now with a sprained53 ankle and a broken finger. He says the horse is the greatest devil he’s ever ridden; he’s frightened to use him again.” Edward laughed scornfully.
“But you haven’t bought him?” asked Bertha, with alarm.
“Of course I have,” said Edward. “I couldn’t miss a chance like that. Why, he’s a perfect beauty—only he’s got a temper, like we all have.”
“But is he dangerous?”
“A bit—that’s why I got him cheap. Arthur gave a hundred guineas for him, and he told me I could have him for seventy. ‘No,’ I said, ‘I’ll give you thirty-five—and take the risk of breaking my neck.’ Well, he just had to accept my offer! the horse has got a bad name in the county, and he wouldn’t get any one to buy it in a hurry. A man has got to get up early if he wants to do me over a gee54!”
By this time Bertha was frightened out of her wits.
“But, Eddie, you’re not going to ride it—supposing something should happen. Oh, I wish you hadn’t bought him.”
“He’s all right,” said Craddock. “If any one can ride him, I can—and, by Jove, I’m going to risk it. Why, if I bought him and then didn’t use him, I’d never hear the last of it.”
“To please me, Eddie, don’t! What does it matter what people say? I’m so frightened. And now of all times you might do something to please me. It’s not often I ask you to do me a favour.”
“Well, when you ask for something reasonable, I always try my best to do it—but really, after I’ve paid thirty-five pounds for a horse, I can’t cut him up for cat’s meat.”
“That means you’ll always do anything for me so long as it doesn’t interfere55 with your own likes and dislikes.”
“Ah, well, we’re all like that, aren’t we?... Come, come, don’t be nasty about it, Bertha.”
He pinched her cheek good-naturedly—women, we all know, would like the moon if they could get it; and the fact that they can’t doesn’t prevent them from persistently56 asking for it. Edward sat down beside his wife, holding her hand.
“Now, tell us what you’ve been up to to-day. Has any one been?”
Bertha sighed deeply. She had absolutely no influence over her husband. No prayers, no tears would stop him from doing a thing he had set his mind on—however much she argued he always managed to make her seem in the wrong, and then went his way rejoicing. But she had her child now.
“Thank God for that!” she murmured.
点击
收听单词发音
收听单词发音 |
1
hearty
|
|
| adj.热情友好的；衷心的；尽情的，纵情的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
2
wrath
|
|
| n.愤怒，愤慨，暴怒 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
3
inevitable
|
|
| adj.不可避免的，必然发生的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
4
onlooker
|
|
| n.旁观者，观众 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
5
undo
|
|
| vt.解开，松开；取消，撤销 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
6
unnaturally
|
|
| adv.违反习俗地；不自然地；勉强地；不近人情地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
7
temperament
|
|
| n.气质，性格，性情 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
8
tempt
|
|
| vt.引诱，勾引，吸引，引起…的兴趣 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
9
postpone
|
|
| v.延期，推迟 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
10
irony
|
|
| n.反语，冷嘲；具有讽刺意味的事，嘲弄 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
11
opportunely
|
|
| adv.恰好地，适时地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
12
passionate
|
|
| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
13
passionately
|
|
| ad.热烈地，激烈地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
14
placid
|
|
| adj.安静的，平和的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
15
humbling
|
|
| adj.令人羞辱的v.使谦恭( humble的现在分词 )；轻松打败（尤指强大的对手）；低声下气 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
16
sneer
|
|
| v.轻蔑；嘲笑；n.嘲笑，讥讽的言语 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
17
clenched
|
|
| v.紧握，抓紧，咬紧( clench的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
18
devoted
|
|
| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
19
perfectly
|
|
| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
20
bosom
|
|
| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
21
whim
|
|
| n.一时的兴致，突然的念头；奇想，幻想 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
22
unreasonable
|
|
| adj.不讲道理的，不合情理的，过度的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
23
irritation
|
|
| n.激怒，恼怒，生气 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
24
savagely
|
|
| adv. 野蛮地，残酷地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
25
sufficiently
|
|
| adv.足够地，充分地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
26
intervals
|
|
| n.[军事]间隔( interval的名词复数 )；间隔时间；[数学]区间；（戏剧、电影或音乐会的）幕间休息 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
27
absurdity
|
|
| n.荒谬，愚蠢；谬论 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
28
entirely
|
|
| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
29
faltered
|
|
| （嗓音）颤抖( falter的过去式和过去分词 )； 支吾其词； 蹒跚； 摇晃 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
30
humiliated
|
|
| 感到羞愧的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
31
tormented
|
|
| 饱受折磨的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
32
distress
|
|
| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
33
bulwark
|
|
| n.堡垒，保障，防御 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
34
ardent
|
|
| adj.热情的，热烈的，强烈的，烈性的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
35
providence
|
|
| n.深谋远虑，天道，天意；远见；节约；上帝 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
36
hatred
|
|
| n.憎恶，憎恨，仇恨 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
37
detest
|
|
| vt.痛恨，憎恶 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
38
pregnancy
|
|
| n.怀孕，怀孕期 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
39
exultation
|
|
| n.狂喜，得意 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
40
veered
|
|
| v.（尤指交通工具）改变方向或路线( veer的过去式和过去分词 )；（指谈话内容、人的行为或观点）突然改变；（指风） （在北半球按顺时针方向、在南半球按逆时针方向）逐渐转向；风向顺时针转 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
41
unstable
|
|
| adj.不稳定的，易变的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
42
rekindle
|
|
| v.使再振作；再点火 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
43
indifference
|
|
| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
44
invalid
|
|
| n.病人，伤残人；adj.有病的，伤残的；无效的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
45
spoke
|
|
| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
46
proceeding
|
|
| n.行动，进行，(pl.)会议录，学报 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
47
melancholy
|
|
| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
48
prancing
|
|
| v.（马）腾跃( prance的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
49
cavort
|
|
| v.腾跃 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
50
hind
|
|
| adj.后面的，后部的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
51
sleek
|
|
| adj.光滑的，井然有序的；v.使光滑，梳拢 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
52
squire
|
|
| n.护卫, 侍从, 乡绅 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
53
sprained
|
|
| v.&n. 扭伤 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
54
gee
|
|
| n.马；int.向右！前进！，惊讶时所发声音；v.向右转 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
55
interfere
|
|
| v.(in)干涉，干预；(with)妨碍，打扰 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
56
persistently
|
|
| ad.坚持地；固执地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
| 欢迎访问英文小说网 |