“Things are looking up,” he said, having given her the details. The Blackstable district for which Edward was invited to stand, being composed chiefly of fishermen, was intensely Radical7. “Old Bacot said I was the only Moderate candidate who’d have a chance.”
Bertha was too much astonished to reply. She had so poor an opinion of her husband that she could not understand why on earth they should make him such an offer. She turned over in her mind possible reasons.
“It’s a ripping thing for me, isn’t it?”
“But you’re not thinking of accepting?”
“You’ve never gone in for politics; you’ve never made a speech in your life.”
She thought he would make an abject10 fool of himself, and for her sake, as well as for his, decided11 to prevent him from standing12. “He’s too ignorant!” she thought.
“What! I’ve made speeches at cricket dinners; you set me on my legs and I’ll say something.”
“But this is different—you know nothing about the County Council.”
“All you have to do is to look after steam-rollers and get glandered horses killed. I know all about it.”
There is nothing so difficult as to persuade men that they are not omniscient13. Bertha, exaggerating the seriousness of the affair, thought it charlantry to undertake a post without knowledge and without capacity. Fortunately that is not the opinion of the majority, or the government of this enlightened country could not proceed.
“I should have thought you’d be glad to see me get a lift in the world,” said Edward, somewhat offended that his wife did not fall down and worship.
“I don’t want you to make a fool of yourself, Edward. You’ve told me often that you don’t go in for book-learning; and it can’t hurt your feelings when I say that you’re utterly14 ignorant. I don’t think its honest to take a position you’re not competent to fill.”
“Me—not competent?” cried Edward, with surprise. “That’s a good one! Upon my word, I’m not given to boasting, but I must say I think myself competent to do most things.... You just ask old Bacot what he thinks of me, and that’ll open your eyes. The fact is, every one appreciates me but you: but they say a man’s never a hero to his valet.”
“Your proverb is most apt, dear Edward.... But I have no intention of thwarting15 you in any of your plans. I only thought you did not know what you were going in for, and that I might save you from some humiliation16.”
“Humiliation, where? Pooh, you think I shan’t get elected. Well, look here, I bet you any money you like that I shall come out top of the poll.”
Next day Edward wrote to Mr. Bacot expressing pleasure that he was able to fall in with the views of the Conservative Association; and Bertha, who knew that no argument could turn him from his purpose, determined17 to coach him, so that he should not make too arrant18 a fool of himself. Her fears were proportionate to her estimate of Edward’s ability! She sent to London for pamphlets and blue-books on the rights and duties of the County Council, and begged Edward to read them. But in his self-confident manner he pooh-poohed her, and laughed when she read them herself so as to be able to teach him.
“I don’t want to know all that rot,” he cried. “All a man wants is gumption19. Why, d’you suppose a man who goes in for parliament knows anything about politics? Of course he doesn’t.”
Bertha was indignant that her husband should be so well satisfied in his illiteracy20, and that he stoutly21 refused to learn. It is only when a man knows a good deal that he discovers how unfathomable is his ignorance. Edward, knowing so little, was convinced that there was little to know, and consequently felt quite assured that he knew all which was necessary. He might more easily have been persuaded that the moon was made of green cheese than that he lacked the very rudiments22 of knowledge.
The County Council elections in London were also being held at that time, and Bertha, hoping to give Edward useful hints, diligently23 read the oratory24 which they occasioned. But he refused to listen.
“I don’t want to crib other men’s stuff. I’m going to talk on my own.”
“Why don’t you write out a speech and get it by heart?”
Bertha fancied that so she might influence him a little and spare herself and him the humiliation of utter ridicule25.
“Old Bacot says when he makes a speech, he always trusts to the spur of the moment. He says that Fox made his best speeches when he was blind drunk.”
“D’you know who Fox was?” asked Bertha.
The day arrived when Edward for the first time was to address his constituents27, in the Blackstable town-hall; and for a week past placards had been pasted on every wall and displayed in every shop, announcing the glad news. Mr. Bacot came to Court Leys, rubbing his hands.
“We shall have a full house. It’ll be a big success. The hall will hold four hundred people and I think there won’t be standing room. I dare say you’ll have to address an overflow28 meeting at the Forresters Hall afterwards.”
“I’ll address any number of meetings you like,” replied Edward.
Bertha grew more and more nervous. She anticipated a horrible collapse29; they did not know—as she did—how limited was Edward’s intelligence! She wanted to stay at home so as to avoid the ordeal30, but Mr. Bacot had reserved for her a prominent seat on the platform.
“Are you nervous, Eddie?” she said, feeling more kindly31 disposed to him from his approaching trial.
“Me, nervous? What have I got to be nervous about?”
The hall was indeed crammed32 with the most eager, smelly, enthusiastic crowd Bertha had ever seen. The gas-jets flared33 noisily, throwing crude lights on the people, sailors, tradesmen, labourers, and boys. On the platform, in a semi-circle like the immortal34 gods, sat the notabilities of the neighborhood, Conservatives to the backbone35. Bertha looked round with apprehension36, but tried to calm herself with the thought that they were stupid people and she had no cause to tremble before them.
Presently the Vicar took the chair and in a few well-chosen words introduced Mr. Craddock.
“Mr. Craddock, like good wine, needs no bush. You all know him, and an introduction is superfluous37. Still it is customary on such an occasion to say a few words on behalf of the candidate, and I have great pleasure, &c., &c....”
Now Edward rose to his feet, and Bertha’s blood ran cold. She dared not look at the audience. He advanced with his hands in his pockets—he had insisted on dressing38 himself up in a frock-coat and the most dismal39 pepper-and-salt trousers.
“Mr. Chairman, Ladies and Gentlemen—Unaccustomed to public speaking as I am....”
Bertha looked up with a start. Could a man at the end of the nineteenth century, seriously begin an oration41 with those words! But he was not joking; he went on gravely, and, looking around, Bertha caught not the shadow of a smile. Edward was not in the least nervous, he quickly got into the swing of his speech—and it was terrible! He introduced every hackneyed phrase he knew, he mingled42 slang incongruously with pompous43 language; and his silly jokes, chestnuts44 of great antiquity45, made Bertha writhe46 and shudder47. She wondered that he could go on with such self-possession. Did he not see that he was making himself perfectly48 absurd! She dared not look up for fear of catching49 the sniggers of Mrs. Branderton and of the Hancocks: “One sees what he was before he married Miss Ley. Of course he’s a quite uneducated man.... I wonder his wife did not prevent him from making such an exhibition of himself. The grammar of it, my dear; and the jokes, and the stories!!!”
Bertha clenched50 her hands, furious because the flush of shame would not leave her cheeks. The speech was even worse than she had expected. He used the longest words, and, getting entangled51 in his own verbosity52, was obliged to leave his sentence unfinished. He began a period with an elaborate flourish and waddled53 in confusion to the tamest commonplace: he was like a man who set out to explore the Andes and then, changing his mind, took a stroll in the Burlington Arcade54. How long would it be, asked Bertha, before the audience broke into jeers55 and hisses56? She blessed them for their patience. And what would happen afterwards? Would Mr. Bacot ask Edward to withdraw from the candidature? And supposing Edward refused, would it be necessary to tell him that he was really too great a fool? Bertha saw already the covert57 sneers58 of her neighbours.
“Oh, I wish he’d finish!” she muttered between her teeth. The agony, the humiliation of it, were unendurable.
But Edward was still talking, and gave no signs of an approaching termination. Bertha thought miserably59 that he had always been long-winded: if he would only sit down quickly the failure might not be irreparable. He made a vile60 pun and every one cried, Oh! Oh! Bertha shivered and set her teeth; she must bear it to the end now—why wouldn’t he sit down? Then Edward told an agricultural story, and the audience shouted with laughter. A ray of hope came to Bertha: perhaps his absolute vulgarity might save him with the vulgar people who formed the great body of the audience. But what must the Brandertons, and the Molsons, and the Hancocks, and all the rest of them, be saying? They must utterly despise him.
But worse was to follow. Edward came to his peroration61, and a few remarks on current politics (of which he was entirely62 ignorant) brought him to his Country, England, Home and Beauty. He turned the tap of patriotism63 full on; it gurgled in a stream. He blew the penny trumpets64 of English purity, and the tin whistles of the British Empire, and he beat the big drum of the Great Anglo-Saxon Race. He thanked God he was an Englishman, and not as others are. Tommy Atkins, and Jack65 Tar40, and Mr. Rudyard Kipling, danced a jig66 to the strains of the British Grenadiers; and Mr. Joseph Chamberlain executed a pas seul to the air of Yankee Doodle. Lastly, he waved the union Jack.
The hideous67 sentimentality, and the bad taste and the commonness made Bertha ashamed: it was horrible to think how ignoble68 must be the mind of a man who could foul69 his mouth with the expression of such sentiments.
Finally Edward sat down. For one moment the audience were silent—for the shortest instant; and then with one throat, broke into thunderous applause. It was no perfunctory clapping of hands; they rose as one man, and shouted and yelled with enthusiasm.
“Good old Teddy,” cried a voice. And then the air was filled with: For he’s a jolly good fellow. Mrs. Branderton stood on a chair and waved her handkerchief; Miss Glover clapped her hands as if she were no longer an automaton70.
“Wasn’t it perfectly splendid?” she whispered to Bertha.
Every one on the platform was in a frenzy71 of delight. Mr. Bacot warmly shook Edward’s hand. Mrs. Mayston Ryle fanned herself desperately72. The scene may well be described, in the language of journalists, as one of unparalleled enthusiasm. Bertha was dumbfounded.
Mr. Bacot jumped to his feet.
“I must congratulate Mr. Craddock on his excellent speech. I am sure it comes as a surprise to all of us that he should prove such a fluent speaker, with such a fund of humour and—er—and common sense. And what is more valuable than these, his last words have proved to us that his heart—his heart, gentlemen—is in the right place, and that is saying a great deal. In fact I know nothing better to be said of a man than that his heart is in the right place. You know me, ladies and gentlemen, I have made many speeches to you since I had the honour of standing for the constituency in ’85, but I must confess I couldn’t make a better speech myself than the one you have just heard.”
“You could—you could!” cried Edward, modestly.
“No, Mr. Craddock, no; I assert deliberately73, and I mean it, that I could not do better myself. From my shoulders I let fall the mantle74, and give it——“
Here Mr. Bacot was interrupted by the stentorian75 voice of the landlord of the Pig and Whistle (a rabid Conservative).
“Three cheers for good old Teddie!”
“That’s right, my boys,” repeated Mr. Bacot, for once taking an interruption in good part, “Three cheers for good old Teddy!”
The audience opened its mighty76 mouth and roared, then burst again into, For he’s a jolly good fellow! Arthur Branderton, when the tumult77 was subsiding78, rose from his chair and called for more cheers. The object of all this enthusiasm sat calmly, with a well-satisfied look on his face, taking it all with his usual modest complacency. At last the meeting broke up, with cheers, and God save the Queen, and He’s a jolly good fellow. The committee and the personal friends of the Craddocks retired79 to the side-room for light refreshment80.
The ladies clustered round Edward, congratulating him. Arthur Branderton came to Bertha.
“Ripping speech, wasn’t it?” he said. “I had no idea he could jaw81 like that. By Jove, it simply stirred me right through.”
Before Bertha could answer, Mrs. Mayston Ryle sailed in.
“Where’s the man?” she cried, in her loud tones. “Where is he? Show him to me.... My dear Mr. Craddock, your speech was perfect. I say it.”
“And in such good taste,” said Miss Hancock, her eyes glowing. “How proud you must be of your husband, Mrs. Craddock!”
“Oh, Mr. Craddock, let me come near you,” cried Mrs. Branderton. “I’ve been trying to get at you for twenty minutes.... You’ve simply extinguished the horrid83 Radicals; I couldn’t help crying, you were so pathetic.”
“One may say what one likes,” whispered Miss Glover to her brother, “but there’s nothing in the world so beautiful as sentiment. I felt my heart simply bursting.”
“Mr. Craddock,” added Mrs. Mayston Ryle, “you’ve pleased me! Where’s your wife, that I may tell her so?”
“It’s the best speech we’ve ever had down here,” cried Mrs. Branderton.
“That’s the only true thing I’ve heard you say for twenty years, Mrs. Branderton,” replied Mrs. Mayston Ryle, looking very hard at Mr. Atthill Bacot.
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收听单词发音
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1
scatter
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| vt.撒，驱散，散开；散布/播；vi.分散，消散 | |
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sundry
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| adj.各式各样的，种种的 | |
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undoubtedly
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| adv.确实地，无疑地 | |
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rebellious
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| adj.造反的，反抗的，难控制的 | |
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contented
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| adj.满意的，安心的，知足的 | |
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providence
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| n.深谋远虑，天道，天意；远见；节约；上帝 | |
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radical
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| n.激进份子，原子团，根号；adj.根本的，激进的，彻底的 | |
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inquiry
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| n.打听，询问，调查，查问 | |
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exclamation
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| n.感叹号，惊呼，惊叹词 | |
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abject
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| adj.极可怜的，卑屈的 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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omniscient
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| adj.无所不知的；博识的 | |
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utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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thwarting
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| 阻挠( thwart的现在分词 )； 使受挫折； 挫败； 横过 | |
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humiliation
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| n.羞辱 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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arrant
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| adj.极端的；最大的 | |
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gumption
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| n.才干 | |
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illiteracy
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| n.文盲 | |
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stoutly
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| adv.牢固地，粗壮的 | |
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rudiments
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| n.基础知识，入门 | |
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diligently
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| ad.industriously;carefully | |
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oratory
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| n.演讲术；词藻华丽的言辞 | |
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ridicule
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| v.讥讽，挖苦；n.嘲弄 | |
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buffer
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| n.起缓冲作用的人(或物)，缓冲器；vt.缓冲 | |
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constituents
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| n.选民( constituent的名词复数 )；成分；构成部分；要素 | |
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28
overflow
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| v.(使)外溢，(使)溢出；溢出，流出，漫出 | |
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collapse
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| vi.累倒；昏倒；倒塌；塌陷 | |
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ordeal
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| n.苦难经历，（尤指对品格、耐力的）严峻考验 | |
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kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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crammed
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| adj.塞满的，挤满的；大口地吃；快速贪婪地吃v.把…塞满；填入；临时抱佛脚( cram的过去式) | |
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33
Flared
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| adj. 端部张开的, 爆发的, 加宽的, 漏斗式的 动词flare的过去式和过去分词 | |
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immortal
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| adj.不朽的；永生的，不死的；神的 | |
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backbone
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| n.脊骨，脊柱，骨干；刚毅，骨气 | |
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apprehension
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| n.理解，领悟；逮捕，拘捕；忧虑 | |
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superfluous
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| adj.过多的，过剩的，多余的 | |
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dressing
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| n.(食物)调料；包扎伤口的用品，敷料 | |
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dismal
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| adj.阴沉的，凄凉的，令人忧郁的，差劲的 | |
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tar
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| n.柏油，焦油；vt.涂或浇柏油/焦油于 | |
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oration
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| n.演说，致辞，叙述法 | |
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mingled
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| 混合，混入( mingle的过去式和过去分词 )； 混进，与…交往[联系] | |
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pompous
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| adj.傲慢的，自大的；夸大的；豪华的 | |
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chestnuts
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| n.栗子( chestnut的名词复数 )；栗色；栗树；栗色马 | |
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antiquity
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| n.古老；高龄；古物，古迹 | |
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46
writhe
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| vt.挣扎，痛苦地扭曲；vi.扭曲，翻腾，受苦；n.翻腾，苦恼 | |
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47
shudder
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| v.战粟，震动，剧烈地摇晃；n.战粟，抖动 | |
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48
perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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49
catching
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| adj.易传染的，有魅力的，迷人的，接住 | |
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50
clenched
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| v.紧握，抓紧，咬紧( clench的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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51
entangled
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| adj.卷入的；陷入的；被缠住的；缠在一起的v.使某人（某物/自己）缠绕，纠缠于（某物中），使某人（自己）陷入（困难或复杂的环境中）( entangle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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52
verbosity
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| n.冗长，赘言 | |
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53
waddled
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| v.（像鸭子一样）摇摇摆摆地走( waddle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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arcade
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| n.拱廊；(一侧或两侧有商店的)通道 | |
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55
jeers
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| n.操纵帆桁下部（使其上下的）索具；嘲讽( jeer的名词复数 )v.嘲笑( jeer的第三人称单数 ) | |
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56
hisses
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| 嘶嘶声( hiss的名词复数 ) | |
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covert
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| adj.隐藏的；暗地里的 | |
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sneers
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| 讥笑的表情（言语）( sneer的名词复数 ) | |
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miserably
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| adv.痛苦地；悲惨地；糟糕地；极度地 | |
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vile
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| adj.卑鄙的，可耻的，邪恶的；坏透的 | |
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peroration
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| n.（演说等之）结论 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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patriotism
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| n.爱国精神，爱国心，爱国主义 | |
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64
trumpets
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| 喇叭( trumpet的名词复数 )； 小号； 喇叭形物； （尤指）绽开的水仙花 | |
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65
jack
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| n.插座，千斤顶，男人；v.抬起，提醒，扛举；n.（Jake）杰克 | |
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66
jig
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| n.快步舞（曲）；v.上下晃动；用夹具辅助加工；蹦蹦跳跳 | |
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67
hideous
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| adj.丑陋的，可憎的，可怕的，恐怖的 | |
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ignoble
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| adj.不光彩的，卑鄙的；可耻的 | |
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69
foul
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| adj.污秽的；邪恶的；v.弄脏；妨害；犯规；n.犯规 | |
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automaton
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| n.自动机器，机器人 | |
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71
frenzy
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| n.疯狂，狂热，极度的激动 | |
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72
desperately
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| adv.极度渴望地，绝望地，孤注一掷地 | |
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73
deliberately
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| adv.审慎地；蓄意地；故意地 | |
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74
mantle
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| n.斗篷，覆罩之物，罩子；v.罩住，覆盖，脸红 | |
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stentorian
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| adj.大声的，响亮的 | |
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mighty
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| adj.强有力的；巨大的 | |
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77
tumult
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| n.喧哗；激动，混乱；吵闹 | |
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78
subsiding
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| v.（土地）下陷（因在地下采矿）( subside的现在分词 )；减弱；下降至较低或正常水平；一下子坐在椅子等上 | |
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79
retired
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| adj.隐退的，退休的，退役的 | |
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80
refreshment
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| n.恢复，精神爽快，提神之事物；（复数）refreshments:点心，茶点 | |
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81
jaw
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| n.颚，颌，说教，流言蜚语；v.喋喋不休，教训 | |
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82
radicals
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| n.激进分子( radical的名词复数 )；根基；基本原理；[数学]根数 | |
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83
horrid
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| adj.可怕的；令人惊恐的；恐怖的；极讨厌的 | |
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