Which, taken any way you please, is bad,
No decent soul would think of visiting.
You cannot stop the tide; but now and then,
You may arrest some rash adventurer
Who—h'm—will hardly thank you for your pains.
Vibart's Moralities.
We are a high-caste and enlightened race, and infant-marriage is very shocking and the consequences are sometimes peculiar5; but, nevertheless, the Hindu notion—which is the Continental6 notion—which is the aboriginal7 notion—of arranging marriages irrespective of the personal inclinations8 of the married, is sound. Think for a minute, and you will see that it must be so; unless, of course, you believe in “affinities.” In which case you had better not read this tale. How can a man who has never married; who cannot be trusted to pick up at sight a moderately sound horse; whose head is hot and upset with visions of domestic felicity, go about the choosing of a wife? He cannot see straight or think straight if he tries; and the same disadvantages exist in the case of a girl's fancies. But when mature, married and discreet9 people arrange a match between a boy and a girl, they do it sensibly, with a view to the future, and the young couple live happily ever afterwards. As everybody knows.
Properly speaking, Government should establish a Matrimonial Department, efficiently10 officered, with a Jury of Matrons, a Judge of the Chief Court, a Senior Chaplain, and an Awful Warning, in the shape of a love-match that has gone wrong, chained to the trees in the courtyard. All marriages should be made through the Department, which might be subordinate to the Educational Department, under the same penalty as that attaching to the transfer of land without a stamped document. But Government won't take suggestions. It pretends that it is too busy. However, I will put my notion on record, and explain the example that illustrates11 the theory.
Once upon a time there was a good young man—a first-class officer in his own Department—a man with a career before him and, possibly, a K. C. G. E. at the end of it. All his superiors spoke12 well of him, because he knew how to hold his tongue and his pen at the proper times. There are to-day only eleven men in India who possess this secret; and they have all, with one exception, attained13 great honor and enormous incomes.
This good young man was quiet and self-contained—too old for his years by far. Which always carries its own punishment. Had a Subaltern, or a Tea-Planter's Assistant, or anybody who enjoys life and has no care for to-morrow, done what he tried to do not a soul would have cared. But when Peythroppe—the estimable, virtuous14, economical, quiet, hard-working, young Peythroppe—fell, there was a flutter through five Departments.
The manner of his fall was in this way. He met a Miss Castries—d'Castries it was originally, but the family dropped the d' for administrative15 reasons—and he fell in love with her even more energetically that he worked. Understand clearly that there was not a breath of a word to be said against Miss Castries—not a shadow of a breath. She was good and very lovely—possessed what innocent people at home call a “Spanish” complexion16, with thick blue-black hair growing low down on her forehead, into a “widow's peak,” and big violet eyes under eyebrows17 as black and as straight as the borders of a Gazette Extraordinary when a big man dies. But—but—but—. Well, she was a VERY sweet girl and very pious18, but for many reasons she was “impossible.” Quite so. All good Mammas know what “impossible” means. It was obviously absurd that Peythroppe should marry her. The little opal-tinted onyx at the base of her finger-nails said this as plainly as print. Further, marriage with Miss Castries meant marriage with several other Castries—Honorary Lieutenant19 Castries, her Papa, Mrs. Eulalie Castries, her Mamma, and all the ramifications20 of the Castries family, on incomes ranging from Rs. 175 to Rs. 470 a month, and THEIR wives and connections again.
It would have been cheaper for Peythroppe to have assaulted a Commissioner21 with a dog-whip, or to have burned the records of a Deputy Commissioner's Office, than to have contracted an alliance with the Castries. It would have weighted his after-career less—even under a Government which never forgets and NEVER forgives. Everybody saw this but Peythroppe. He was going to marry Miss Castries, he was—being of age and drawing a good income—and woe22 betide the house that would not afterwards receive Mrs. Virginie Saulez Peythroppe with the deference23 due to her husband's rank. That was Peythroppe's ultimatum24, and any remonstrance25 drove him frantic26.
These sudden madnesses most afflict27 the sanest28 men. There was a case once—but I will tell you of that later on. You cannot account for the mania29, except under a theory directly contradicting the one about the Place wherein marriages are made. Peythroppe was burningly anxious to put a millstone round his neck at the outset of his career and argument had not the least effect on him. He was going to marry Miss Castries, and the business was his own business. He would thank you to keep your advice to yourself. With a man in this condition, mere30 words only fix him in his purpose. Of course he cannot see that marriage out here does not concern the individual but the Government he serves.
Do you remember Mrs. Hauksbee—the most wonderful woman in India? She saved Pluffles from Mrs. Reiver, won Tarrion his appointment in the Foreign Office, and was defeated in open field by Mrs. Cusack-Bremmil. She heard of the lamentable31 condition of Peythroppe, and her brain struck out the plan that saved him. She had the wisdom of the Serpent, the logical coherence32 of the Man, the fearlessness of the Child, and the triple intuition of the Woman. Never—no, never—as long as a tonga buckets down the Solon dip, or the couples go a-riding at the back of Summer Hill, will there be such a genius as Mrs. Hauksbee. She attended the consultation33 of Three Men on Peythroppe's case; and she stood up with the lash34 of her riding-whip between her lips and spake.
. . . . . . . . .
Three weeks later, Peythroppe dined with the Three Men, and the Gazette of India came in. Peythroppe found to his surprise that he had been gazetted a month's leave. Don't ask me how this was managed. I believe firmly that if Mrs. Hauksbee gave the order, the whole Great Indian Administration would stand on its head.
The Three Men had also a month's leave each. Peythroppe put the Gazette down and said bad words. Then there came from the compound the soft “pad-pad” of camels—“thieves' camels,” the bikaneer breed that don't bubble and howl when they sit down and get up.
After that I don't know what happened. This much is certain. Peythroppe disappeared—vanished like smoke—and the long foot-rest chair in the house of the Three Men was broken to splinters. Also a bedstead departed from one of the bedrooms.
Mrs. Hauksbee said that Mr. Peythroppe was shooting in Rajputana with the Three Men; so we were compelled to believe her.
At the end of the month, Peythroppe was gazetted twenty days' extension of leave; but there was wrath35 and lamentation36 in the house of Castries. The marriage-day had been fixed37, but the bridegroom never came; and the D'Silvas, Pereiras, and Ducketts lifted their voices and mocked Honorary Lieutenant Castries as one who had been basely imposed upon. Mrs. Hauksbee went to the wedding, and was much astonished when Peythroppe did not appear. After seven weeks, Peythroppe and the Three Men returned from Rajputana. Peythroppe was in hard, tough condition, rather white, and more self-contained than ever.
One of the Three Men had a cut on his nose, cause by the kick of a gun. Twelve-bores kick rather curiously38.
Then came Honorary Lieutenant Castries, seeking for the blood of his perfidious39 son-in-law to be. He said things—vulgar and “impossible” things which showed the raw rough “ranker” below the “Honorary,” and I fancy Peythroppe's eyes were opened. Anyhow, he held his peace till the end; when he spoke briefly40. Honorary Lieutenant Castries asked for a “peg” before he went away to die or bring a suit for breach41 of promise.
Miss Castries was a very good girl. She said that she would have no breach of promise suits. She said that, if she was not a lady, she was refined enough to know that ladies kept their broken hearts to themselves; and, as she ruled her parents, nothing happened. Later on, she married a most respectable and gentlemanly person. He travelled for an enterprising firm in Calcutta, and was all that a good husband should be.
So Peythroppe came to his right mind again, and did much good work, and was honored by all who knew him. One of these days he will marry; but he will marry a sweet pink-and-white maiden42, on the Government House List, with a little money and some influential43 connections, as every wise man should. And he will never, all his life, tell her what happened during the seven weeks of his shooting-tour in Rajputana.
But just think how much trouble and expense—for camel hire is not cheap, and those Bikaneer brutes44 had to be fed like humans—might have been saved by a properly conducted Matrimonial Department, under the control of the Director General of Education, but corresponding direct with the Viceroy.
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1
strands
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| n.（线、绳、金属线、毛发等的）股( strand的名词复数 )；缕；海洋、湖或河的)岸；（观点、计划、故事等的）部份v.使滞留，使搁浅( strand的第三人称单数 ) | |
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2
Forsaken
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| adj. 被遗忘的, 被抛弃的 动词forsake的过去分词 | |
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3
guts
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| v.狼吞虎咽，贪婪地吃，飞碟游戏（比赛双方每组5人，相距15码，互相掷接飞碟）；毁坏（建筑物等）的内部( gut的第三人称单数 )；取出…的内脏n.勇气( gut的名词复数 )；内脏；消化道的下段；肠 | |
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4
creeks
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| n.小湾( creek的名词复数 )；小港；小河；小溪 | |
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5
peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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6
continental
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| adj.大陆的，大陆性的，欧洲大陆的 | |
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7
aboriginal
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| adj.（指动植物）土生的，原产地的，土著的 | |
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8
inclinations
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| 倾向( inclination的名词复数 )； 倾斜； 爱好； 斜坡 | |
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9
discreet
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| adj.(言行)谨慎的；慎重的；有判断力的 | |
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10
efficiently
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| adv.高效率地，有能力地 | |
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11
illustrates
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| 给…加插图( illustrate的第三人称单数 )； 说明； 表明； （用示例、图画等）说明 | |
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12
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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13
attained
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| （通常经过努力）实现( attain的过去式和过去分词 )； 达到； 获得； 达到（某年龄、水平、状况） | |
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14
virtuous
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| adj.有品德的，善良的，贞洁的，有效力的 | |
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15
administrative
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| adj.行政的，管理的 | |
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16
complexion
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| n.肤色；情况，局面；气质，性格 | |
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17
eyebrows
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| 眉毛( eyebrow的名词复数 ) | |
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18
pious
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| adj.虔诚的；道貌岸然的 | |
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19
lieutenant
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| n.陆军中尉，海军上尉；代理官员，副职官员 | |
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20
ramifications
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| n.结果，后果( ramification的名词复数 ) | |
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21
commissioner
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| n.（政府厅、局、处等部门）专员，长官，委员 | |
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22
woe
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| n.悲哀，苦痛，不幸，困难；int.用来表达悲伤或惊慌 | |
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23
deference
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| n.尊重，顺从；敬意 | |
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24
ultimatum
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| n.最后通牒 | |
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25
remonstrance
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| n抗议，抱怨 | |
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26
frantic
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| adj.狂乱的，错乱的，激昂的 | |
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27
afflict
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| vt.使身体或精神受痛苦，折磨 | |
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sanest
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| adj.心智健全的( sane的最高级 )；神志正常的；明智的；稳健的 | |
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29
mania
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| n.疯狂；躁狂症，狂热，癖好 | |
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30
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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31
lamentable
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| adj.令人惋惜的，悔恨的 | |
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32
coherence
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| n.紧凑；连贯；一致性 | |
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33
consultation
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| n.咨询；商量；商议；会议 | |
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34
lash
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| v.系牢；鞭打；猛烈抨击；n.鞭打；眼睫毛 | |
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35
wrath
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| n.愤怒，愤慨，暴怒 | |
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36
lamentation
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| n.悲叹，哀悼 | |
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37
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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38
curiously
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| adv.有求知欲地；好问地；奇特地 | |
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39
perfidious
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| adj.不忠的，背信弃义的 | |
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40
briefly
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| adv.简单地，简短地 | |
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41
breach
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| n.违反，不履行；破裂；vt.冲破，攻破 | |
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42
maiden
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| n.少女，处女；adj.未婚的，纯洁的，无经验的 | |
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43
influential
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| adj.有影响的，有权势的 | |
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44
brutes
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| 兽( brute的名词复数 )； 畜生； 残酷无情的人； 兽性 | |
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