It is well that the rule does not hold off the stage, or good men might be misjudged. We ourselves, for instance, wear a clean collar—sometimes.
It might be very awkward for our family, especially on Sundays.
He has no power of repartee3, has the stage villain. All the good people in the play say rude and insulting things to him, and smack4 at him, and score off him all through the act, but he can never answer them back—can never think of anything clever to say in return.
"Ha! ha! wait till Monday week," is the most brilliant retort that he can make, and he has to get into a corner by himself to think of even that.
The stage villain's career is always very easy and prosperous up to within a minute of the end of each act. Then he gets suddenly let in, generally by the comic man. It always happens so. Yet the villain is always intensely surprised each time. He never seems to learn anything from experience.
A few years ago the villain used to be blessed with a hopeful and philosophical5 temperament6, which enabled him to bear up under these constantly recurring7 disappointments and reverses. It was "no matter," he would say. Crushed for the moment though he might be, his buoyant heart never lost courage. He had a simple, child-like faith in Providence8. "A time will come," he would remark, and this idea consoled him.
Of late, however, this trusting hopefulness of his, as expressed in the beautiful lines we have quoted, appears to have forsaken9 him. We are sorry for this. We always regarded it as one of the finest traits in his character.
The stage villain's love for the heroine is sublime10 in its steadfastness11. She is a woman of lugubrious12 and tearful disposition13, added to which she is usually incumbered with a couple of priggish and highly objectionable children, and what possible attraction there is about her we ourselves can never understand; but the stage villain—well, there, he is fairly mashed14 on her.
Nothing can alter his affection. She hates him and insults him to an extent that is really unladylike. Every time he tries to explain his devotion to her, the hero comes in and knocks him down in the middle of it, or the comic man catches him during one or the other of his harassing15 love-scenes with her, and goes off and tells the "villagers" or the "guests," and they come round and nag16 him (we should think that the villain must grow to positively17 dislike the comic man before the piece is over).
Notwithstanding all this he still hankers after her and swears she shall be his. He is not a bad-looking fellow, and from what we know of the market, we should say there are plenty of other girls who would jump at him; yet for the sake of settling down with this dismal18 young female as his wife, he is prepared to go through a laborious19 and exhaustive course of crime and to be bullied21 and insulted by every one he meets. His love sustains him under it all. He robs and forges, and cheats, and lies, and murders, and arsons. If there were any other crimes he could commit to win her affection, he would, for her sweet sake, commit them cheerfully. But he doesn't know any others—at all events, he is not well up in any others—and she still does not care for him, and what is he to do?
It is very unfortunate for both of them. It is evident to the merest spectator that the lady's life would be much happier if the villain did not love her quite so much; and as for him, his career might be calmer and less criminal but for his deep devotion to her.
You see, it is having met her in early life that is the cause of all the trouble. He first saw her when she was a child, and he loved her, "ay, even then." Ah, and he would have worked—slaved for her, and have made her rich and happy. He might perhaps even have been a good man.
She tries to soothe23 him. She says she loathed24 him with an unspeakable horror from the first moment that her eyes met his revolting form. She says she saw a hideous25 toad26 once in a nasty pond, and she says that rather would she take that noisome27 reptile28 and clasp its slimy bosom29 to her own than tolerate one instant's touch from his (the villain's) arms.
Nor does the villain seem much happier in his less serious love episodes. After he has indulged in a little badinage31 of the above character with his real lady-love, the heroine, he will occasionally try a little light flirtation32 passage with her maid or lady friend.
The maid or friend does not waste time in simile33 or in metaphor34. She calls him a black-hearted scoundrel and clumps35 him over the head.
Of recent years it has been attempted to cheer the stage villain's loveless life by making the village clergyman's daughter gone on him. But it is generally about ten years ago when even she loved him, and her love has turned to hate by the time the play opens; so that on the whole his lot can hardly be said to have been much improved in this direction.
Not but what it must be confessed that her change of feeling is, under the circumstances, only natural. He took her away from her happy, peaceful home when she was very young and brought her up to this wicked overgrown London. He did not marry her. There is no earthly reason why he should not have married her. She must have been a fine girl at that time (and she is a good-looking woman as it is, with dash and go about her), and any other man would have settled down cozily with her and have led a simple, blameless life.
But the stage villain is built cussed.
He ill-uses this female most shockingly—not for any cause or motive36 whatever; indeed, his own practical interests should prompt him to treat her well and keep friends with her—but from the natural cussedness to which we have just alluded37. When he speaks to her he seizes her by the wrist and breathes what he's got to say into her ear, and it tickles38 and revolts her.
The only thing in which he is good to her is in the matter of dress. He does not stint39 her in dress.
The stage villain is superior to the villain of real life. The villain of real life is actuated by mere22 sordid40 and selfish motives41. The stage villain does villainy, not for any personal advantage to himself, but merely from the love of the thing as an art. Villainy is to him its own reward; he revels42 in it.
"Better far be poor and villainous," he says to himself, "than possess all the wealth of the Indies with a clear conscience. I will be a villain," he cries. "I will, at great expense and inconvenience to myself, murder the good old man, get the hero accused of the crime, and make love to his wife while he is in prison. It will be a risky43 and laborious business for me from beginning to end, and can bring me no practical advantage whatever. The girl will call me insulting names when I pay her a visit, and will push me violently in the chest when I get near her; her golden-haired infant will say I am a bad man and may even refuse to kiss me. The comic man will cover me with humorous opprobrium44, and the villagers will get a day off and hang about the village pub and hoot45 me. Everybody will see through my villainy, and I shall be nabbed in the end. I always am. But it is no matter, I will be a villain—ha! ha!"
On the whole, the stage villain appears to us to be a rather badly used individual. He never has any "estates" or property himself, and his only chance of getting on in the world is to sneak46 the hero's. He has an affectionate disposition, and never having any wife of his own he is compelled to love other people's; but his affection is ever unrequited, and everything comes wrong for him in the end.
Our advice to stage villains generally, after careful observation of (stage) life and (stage) human nature, is as follows:
Never be a stage villain at all if you can help it. The life is too harassing and the remuneration altogether disproportionate to the risks and labor20.
If you have run away with the clergyman's daughter and she still clings to you, do not throw her down in the center of the stage and call her names. It only irritates her, and she takes a dislike to you and goes and warns the other girl.
Don't have too many accomplices47; and if you have got them, don't keep sneering48 at them and bullying49 them. A word from them can hang you, and yet you do all you can to rile them. Treat them civilly and let them have their fair share of the swag.
Beware of the comic man. When you are committing a murder or robbing a safe you never look to see where the comic man is. You are so careless in that way. On the whole, it might be as well if you murdered the comic man early in the play.
Don't make love to the hero's wife. She doesn't like you; how can you expect her to? Besides, it isn't proper. Why don't you get a girl of your own?
Lastly, don't go down to the scenes of your crimes in the last act. You always will do this. We suppose it is some extra cheap excursion down there that attracts you. But take our advice and don't go. That is always where you get nabbed. The police know your habits from experience. They do not trouble to look for you. They go down in the last act to the old hall or the ruined mill where you did the deed and wait for you.
In nine cases out of ten you would get off scot-free but for this idiotic50 custom of yours. Do keep away from the place. Go abroad or to the sea-side when the last act begins and stop there till it is over. You will be safe then.
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1
villain
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| n.反派演员，反面人物；恶棍；问题的起因 | |
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villains
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| n.恶棍( villain的名词复数 )；罪犯；（小说、戏剧等中的）反面人物；淘气鬼 | |
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repartee
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| n.机敏的应答 | |
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smack
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| vt.拍，打，掴；咂嘴；vi.含有…意味；n.拍 | |
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philosophical
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| adj.哲学家的，哲学上的，达观的 | |
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temperament
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| n.气质，性格，性情 | |
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recurring
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| adj.往复的，再次发生的 | |
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providence
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| n.深谋远虑，天道，天意；远见；节约；上帝 | |
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Forsaken
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| adj. 被遗忘的, 被抛弃的 动词forsake的过去分词 | |
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sublime
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| adj.崇高的，伟大的；极度的，不顾后果的 | |
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steadfastness
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| n.坚定，稳当 | |
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lugubrious
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| adj.悲哀的，忧郁的 | |
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disposition
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| n.性情，性格；意向，倾向；排列，部署 | |
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mashed
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| a.捣烂的 | |
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harassing
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| v.侵扰，骚扰( harass的现在分词 )；不断攻击（敌人） | |
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nag
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| v.(对…)不停地唠叨；n.爱唠叨的人 | |
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positively
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| adv.明确地，断然，坚决地；实在，确实 | |
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dismal
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| adj.阴沉的，凄凉的，令人忧郁的，差劲的 | |
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laborious
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| adj.吃力的，努力的，不流畅 | |
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labor
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| n.劳动，努力，工作，劳工；分娩；vi.劳动，努力，苦干；vt.详细分析；麻烦 | |
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bullied
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| adj.被欺负了v.恐吓，威逼( bully的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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soothe
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| v.安慰；使平静；使减轻；缓和；奉承 | |
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loathed
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| v.憎恨，厌恶( loathe的过去式和过去分词 )；极不喜欢 | |
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hideous
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| adj.丑陋的，可憎的，可怕的，恐怖的 | |
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toad
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| n.蟾蜍，癞蛤蟆 | |
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noisome
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| adj.有害的，可厌的 | |
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reptile
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| n.爬行动物；两栖动物 | |
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bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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prattle
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| n.闲谈；v.（小孩般）天真无邪地说话；发出连续而无意义的声音 | |
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badinage
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| n.开玩笑，打趣 | |
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flirtation
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| n.调情，调戏，挑逗 | |
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simile
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| n.直喻，明喻 | |
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metaphor
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| n.隐喻，暗喻 | |
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clumps
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| n.（树、灌木、植物等的）丛、簇( clump的名词复数 )；（土、泥等）团；块；笨重的脚步声v.（树、灌木、植物等的）丛、簇( clump的第三人称单数 )；（土、泥等）团；块；笨重的脚步声 | |
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motive
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| n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的 | |
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alluded
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| 提及，暗指( allude的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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tickles
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| （使）发痒( tickle的第三人称单数 )； （使）愉快，逗乐 | |
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stint
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| v.节省，限制，停止；n.舍不得化，节约，限制；连续不断的一段时间从事某件事 | |
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sordid
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| adj.肮脏的，不干净的，卑鄙的，暗淡的 | |
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motives
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| n.动机，目的( motive的名词复数 ) | |
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42
revels
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| n.作乐( revel的名词复数 )；狂欢；着迷；陶醉v.作乐( revel的第三人称单数 )；狂欢；着迷；陶醉 | |
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risky
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| adj.有风险的，冒险的 | |
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opprobrium
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| n.耻辱，责难 | |
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hoot
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| n.鸟叫声，汽车的喇叭声； v.使汽车鸣喇叭 | |
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46
sneak
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| vt.潜行(隐藏,填石缝)；偷偷摸摸做；n.潜行；adj.暗中进行 | |
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accomplices
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| 从犯，帮凶，同谋( accomplice的名词复数 ) | |
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48
sneering
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| 嘲笑的，轻蔑的 | |
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49
bullying
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| v.恐吓，威逼( bully的现在分词 )；豪；跋扈 | |
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50
idiotic
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| adj.白痴的 | |
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