"Jane, had I thought you would look at the dark side of the picture, I should have hesitated to tell you. Why, my dear child, the very fact of my telling you at all, should convince you that there's nothing very serious the matter," he added, in cheering tones of reasoning. Now that he had spoken, he deemed it well to make the very best he could of it.
"You say they will not insure your life?"
"Well, Jane, perhaps that expression was not a correct one. They have not declined as yet to do so; but Dr. Carrington says he cannot give the necessary certificate as to my being a thoroughly5 sound and healthy man."
"Then you did go up to Dr. Carrington?"
"I did. Forgive me, Jane: I could not enter upon it before all the children."
She leaned over and laid her head upon his shoulder. "Tell me all about it, Edgar," she whispered; "as much as you know yourself."
"I have told you nearly all, Jane. I saw Dr. Carrington, and he asked me a great many questions, and examined me here"—touching his chest. "He fancies the organs are not sound, and declined giving the certificate."
"That your chest is not sound?" asked Jane.
"He said the lungs."
"Ah!" she uttered. "What else did he say?"
"Well, he said nothing about heart, or liver, or any other vital part, so I conclude they are all right, and that there was nothing to say," replied Mr. Halliburton, attempting to be cheerful. "I could have told him my brain was strong enough had he asked about that, for I'm sure it gets its full share of work. I need not have mentioned this to you at all, Jane, but for a perplexing bit of advice the doctor gave me."
Jane sat straight in her chair again, and looked at Mr. Halliburton. The colour was beginning to return to her face. He continued:
"Dr. Carrington earnestly recommends me to remove from London. Indeed—he said—that it was necessary—if I would get well. No wonder that you found my manner absent," he continued very rapidly after his hesitation6, "with that unpalatable counsel to digest."
"Did he think you very ill?" she breathed.
"He did not say I was 'very ill,' Jane. I am not very ill, as you may see for yourself. My dear, what he said was that my lungs were—were——"
"Diseased?" she put in.
"Diseased. Yes, that was it," he truthfully replied. "It is the term that medical men apply when they wish to indicate delicacy7. And he strenuously8 recommended me to leave London."
"For how long? Did he say?"
"He said for good."
Jane felt startled. "How could it be done, Edgar?"
"In truth I do not know. If I leave London I leave my living behind me. Now you see why I was so absorbed at tea-time. When you saw me go out, I was going round to Allen's."
"And what does he say?" she eagerly interrupted.
"Oh, he seems to think it a mere9 nothing, compared with Dr. Carrington. He agreed with him on one point—that I ought to live out of London."
"Edgar, I will tell you what I think must be done," said Jane, after a pause. "I have not had time to reflect much upon it: but it strikes me that it would be advisable for you to see another doctor, and take his opinion: some man who is clever in affections of the lungs. Go to him to-morrow, without any delay. Should he say that you must leave London, of course we must leave it, no matter what the sacrifice."
The advice corresponded with Mr. Halliburton's own opinion, and he resolved to follow it. A conviction amounting to a certainty was upon him, that, go to what doctor he might, the fiat10 would be the same as Dr. Carrington's. He did not say so to Jane. On the contrary, he spoke4 of these insurance-office doctors as being over-fastidious in the interests of the office; and he tried to deceive his own heart with the sophistry11.
"Shall you apply to another office to insure your life?" Jane asked.
"I would, if I thought it would not be useless."
"You think it would be useless?"
"The offices all keep their own doctors, and those doctors, it is my belief, are unnecessarily particular. I should call them crotchety, Jane."
"I think it must amount to this," said Jane; "that if there is anything seriously the matter with you, no office will be found to do it; but if the affection is only trifling12 or temporary you may be accepted."
"That is about it. Oh, Jane!" he added, with an irrepressible burst of anguish13, "what would I not give to have insured my life before this came upon me! All those past years! They seem to have been allowed to run to waste, when I might have been using them to lay up in store for the children!"
How many are there of us who, looking back, can feel that our past years, in some way or other, have not been allowed to run to waste?
What a sleepless14 night that was for him! What a sleepless night for his wife! Both rose in the morning equally unrefreshed.
"I have been thinking of Dr. Arnold of Finsbury," he replied.
"Yes, you could not go to a better. Edgar, you will let me accompany you?"
"No, no, Jane. Your accompanying me would do no good. You could not go into the room with me."
She saw the force of the objection. "I shall be so very anxious," she said, in a low tone.
He laughed at her; he was willing to make light of it if it might ease her fears. "My dear, I will come home at once and report to you: I will borrow Jack's seven-leagued boots, that I may come to you the quicker."
"Jane," he said, his tone changing: "I see that you are more anxious already than is good for you. It is not well that you should be so."
"I wish I could be with you! I wish I could hear, as you will, Dr. Arnold's opinion from his own lips!" was all she answered.
"I will faithfully repeat it to you," said Mr. Halliburton.
"Faithfully—word for word? On your honour?"
"Yes, Jane, I will. You have my promise. Good news I shall be only too glad to tell you; and, should it be the worst, it will be necessary that you should know it."
"You must be there before ten o'clock," she observed; "otherwise there will be little chance of seeing him."
"I shall be there by nine, Jane. To spare time later would interfere17 too much with my day's work."
A thought crossed Jane's mind—if the fiat were unfavourable what would become of his day's work then—all his days? But she did not utter it.
"Oh, papa," cried Janey at breakfast, "was it not a beautiful party! Did you ever enjoy yourself so much before?"
"No, that I never did. Alice Harvey's birthday comes in summer, and she says she knows her mamma will let her give just such another! Mamma!"—turning to Mrs. Halliburton.
"Well, Jane?"
"Shall you let me have a new frock for it? You know I tore mine last night."
"All in good time, Janey. We don't know where we may all be then."
No, they did not. A foreshadowing of it was already upon the spirit of Mrs. Halliburton. Not upon the children: they were spared it as yet.
"Do not be surprised if you see me waiting for you when you come out of Dr. Arnold's," said Jane to her husband, in low tones, as he was going out.
"But, Jane, why? Indeed, I think it would be foolish of you to come. My dear, I never knew you like this before."
Perhaps not. But when, before, had there been cause for this apprehension19?
Jane watched him depart. Calm as she contrived20 to remain outwardly, she was in a terribly restless, nervous state; little accustomed as she was so to give way. A sick feeling was within her, a miserable21 sensation of suspense22; and she could scarcely battle with it. You may have felt the same, in the dread23 approach of some great calamity24. The reading over, Janey got her books about, as usual. Mrs. Halliburton took charge of her education in every branch, excepting music: for that she had a master. She would not send Jane to school. The child sat down to her books, and was surprised at seeing her mother come into the room with her things on.
"Mamma! Are you going out?"
"For a little time, Jane."
"Oh, let me go! Let me go too!"
"Not this morning, dear. You will have plenty of work—preparing the lessons that you could not prepare last night."
"So I shall," said Janey. "I thought perhaps you meant to excuse them, mamma."
It was almost impossible for Jane to remain in the house, in her present state of agitation25. She knew that it did appear absurdly foolish to go after her husband; but, walk somewhere she must: how could she turn a different way from that which he had taken? It was some distance to Finsbury; half an hour's walk at least. Should she go, or should she not, she asked herself as she went out of the house. She began to think that she might have remained at home had she exercised self-control. She had a great mind to turn back, and was slackening her pace, when she caught sight of Mr. Allen at his surgery window.
An impulse came over her that she would go in and ask his opinion of her husband. She opened the door and entered. The surgeon was making up some pills.
"You are out early, Mrs. Halliburton!"
"Yes," she replied. "Mr. Halliburton has gone to Finsbury Square to see Dr. Arnold, and I——Do you think him very ill?" she abruptly26 broke off.
"I do not, myself. Carrington——Did you know he had been to Dr. Carrington?" asked Mr. Allen, almost fearing he might be betraying secrets.
"I know all about it. I know what the doctor said. Do you think Dr. Carrington was mistaken?"
"In a measure. There's no doubt the lungs are affected27, but I believe not to the grave extent assumed by Dr. Carrington."
"He assumed, then, that they were affected to a grave extent?" she hastily repeated, her heart beating faster.
"I thought you said you knew all about it, Mrs. Halliburton?"
"So I do. He may possibly not have told me the very worst said by Dr. Carrington; but he told me quite sufficient. Mr. Allen, you tell me—do you think that there is a chance of his recovery?"
"Most certainly I do," warmly replied the surgeon. "Every chance, Mrs. Halliburton. I see no reason whatever why he should not keep as well as he is now, and live for years, provided he takes care of himself. It appears that Dr. Carrington very strongly urged his removing into the country; he went so far as to say that it was his only chance for life—and in that I think he went too far again. But the country would undoubtedly28 do for him what London will not."
"You think that he ought to remove to the country?" she inquired, showing no sign of the terror those incautious words brought her—"his only chance for life."
"I do. If it be possible for him to manage his affairs so as to get away, I should say let him do so by all means."
"It must be done, you know, Mr. Allen, if it is essential."
"In my judgment29 it should be done. Many and many a time I have said to him myself, 'It's a pity but that you could be out of this heavy London!' Fogs affect him, and smoke affects him—the air altogether affects him: and I only wonder it has not told upon him before. As Dr. Carrington observed to him, there are some constitutions which somehow will not thrive here."
Mrs. Halliburton rose with a sigh. "I am glad you do not think so very seriously of him," she breathed.
"I do not think seriously of him at all," was the surgeon's answer. "I confess that he is not strong, and that he must have care. The pure air of the country, and relaxation30 from some of his most pressing work, may do wonders for him. If I might advise, I should say, Let no pecuniary31 considerations keep him here. And that is very disinterested32 advice, Mrs. Halliburton," concluded the doctor, laughing, "for, in losing you, I should lose both friends and patients."
Forcing herself to self-control, she did not go to meet Mr. Halliburton. She returned home and took off her things, and gave what attention she could to Jane's lessons. But none can tell the suspense that was agitating34 her: the ever-restless glances she cast to the window, to see him pass. By-and-by she went and stood there.
At last she saw him coming along in the distance. She would have liked to fly to meet him—to say, What is the news? but she did not. More patience, and then, when he came in at the front door, she left the room she was in, and went with him into the drawing-room, her face white as death.
He saw how agitated35 she was, strive as she would for calmness. He stood looking at her with a smile.
"Well, Jane, it is not so very formidable, after all."
Her face grew hot, and her heart bounded on. "What does Dr. Arnold say? You know, Edgar, you promised me the truth without disguise."
"You shall have it, Jane. Dr. Arnold's opinion of me is not unfavourable. That the lungs are to a certain extent affected, is indisputable, and he thinks they have been so for some time. But he sees nothing to indicate present danger to life. He believes that I may grow into an old man yet."
Jane breathed freely. A word of earnest thanks went up from her heart.
"With proper diet—he has given me certain rules for living—and pure air and sunshine, he considers that I have really little to fear. I told you, Jane, those insurance doctors make the worst of things."
"Dr. Arnold, then, recommends the country?" observed Jane, paying no attention to the last remark.
"Very strongly. Almost as strongly as Dr. Carrington."
Jane lifted her eyes to her husband's face. "Dr. Carrington said, you know, that it was your only chance of life."
"Not quite as bad as that, Jane," he returned, never supposing but he must himself have let the remark slip, and wondering how he came to do so. "What Dr. Carrington said was, that it was London versus36 life."
"It is the same thing, Edgar. And now, what is to be done? Of course we have no alternative; into the country we must go. The question is, where?"
"Ay, that is the question," he answered. "Not only where, but what to do? I cannot drop down into a fresh place, and expect teaching to surround me at once, as if it had been waiting for me. But I have not time to talk now. Only fancy! it is half-past ten."
Mr. Halliburton went out and Jane remained, fastened as it were to her chair. A hundred perplexing plans and schemes were already working in her brain.
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1
wailing
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| v.哭叫，哀号( wail的现在分词 )；沱 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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3
forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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4
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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5
thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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6
hesitation
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| n.犹豫，踌躇 | |
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7
delicacy
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| n.精致，细微，微妙，精良；美味，佳肴 | |
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strenuously
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| adv.奋发地，费力地 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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10
fiat
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| n.命令，法令，批准；vt.批准，颁布 | |
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11
sophistry
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| n.诡辩 | |
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trifling
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| adj.微不足道的；没什么价值的 | |
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13
anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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sleepless
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| adj.不睡眠的，睡不著的，不休息的 | |
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dressing
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| n.(食物)调料；包扎伤口的用品，敷料 | |
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vexed
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| adj.争论不休的；（指问题等）棘手的；争论不休的问题；烦恼的v.使烦恼( vex的过去式和过去分词 )；使苦恼；使生气；详细讨论 | |
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interfere
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| v.(in)干涉，干预；(with)妨碍，打扰 | |
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kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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apprehension
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| n.理解，领悟；逮捕，拘捕；忧虑 | |
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contrived
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| adj.不自然的，做作的；虚构的 | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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suspense
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| n.（对可能发生的事）紧张感，担心，挂虑 | |
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dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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calamity
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| n.灾害，祸患，不幸事件 | |
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agitation
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| n.搅动；搅拌；鼓动，煽动 | |
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abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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undoubtedly
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| adv.确实地，无疑地 | |
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judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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30
relaxation
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| n.松弛，放松；休息；消遣；娱乐 | |
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31
pecuniary
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| adj.金钱的；金钱上的 | |
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32
disinterested
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| adj.不关心的，不感兴趣的 | |
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ominous
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| adj.不祥的，不吉的，预兆的，预示的 | |
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34
agitating
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| 搅动( agitate的现在分词 )； 激怒； 使焦虑不安； （尤指为法律、社会状况的改变而）激烈争论 | |
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agitated
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| adj.被鼓动的，不安的 | |
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versus
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| prep.以…为对手，对；与…相比之下 | |
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