FOR CONSCIENCE’ SAKE CHAPTER I

 Whether the utilitarian¹ or the intuitive theory of the moral sense be upheld, it is beyond question that there are a few subtle-souled persons with whom the absolute gratuitousness² of an act of reparation is an inducement to perform it; while exhortation³ as to its necessity would breed excuses for leaving it undone⁴.  The case of Mr. Millborne and Mrs. Frankland particularly illustrated⁵ this, and perhaps something more.

 

There were few figures better known to the local crossing-sweeper than Mr. Millborne’s, in his daily comings and goings along a familiar and quiet London street, where he lived inside the door marked eleven, though not as householder.  In age he was fifty at least, and his habits were as regular as those of a person can be who has no occupation but the study of how to keep himself employed.  He turned almost always to the right on getting to the end of his street, then he went onward⁶ down Bond Street to his club, whence he returned by precisely⁷ the same course about six o’clock, on foot; or, if he went to dine, later on in a cab.  He was known to be a man of some means, though apparently⁸ not wealthy.  Being a bachelor he seemed to prefer his present mode of living as a lodger⁹ in Mrs. Towney’s best rooms, with the use of furniture which he had bought ten times over in rent during his tenancy, to having a house of his own.

 

None among his acquaintance tried to know him well, for his manner and moods did not excite curiosity or deep friendship.  He was not a man who seemed to have anything on his mind, anything to conceal¹⁰, anything to impart.  From his casual remarks it was generally understood that he was country-born, a native of some place in Wessex; that he had come to London as a young man in a banking-house, and had risen to a post of responsibility; when, by the death of his father, who had been fortunate in his investments, the son succeeded to an income which led him to retire from a business life somewhat early.

 

One evening, when he had been unwell for several days, Doctor Bindon came in, after dinner, from the adjoining medical quarter, and smoked with him over the fire.  The patient’s ailment¹¹ was not such as to require much thought, and they talked together on indifferent subjects.

 

‘I am a lonely man, Bindon—a lonely man,’ Millborne took occasion to say, shaking his head gloomily.  ‘You don’t know such loneliness as mine . . . And the older I get the more I am dissatisfied with myself.  And to-day I have been, through an accident, more than usually haunted by what, above all other events of my life, causes that dissatisfaction—the recollection of an unfulfilled promise made twenty years ago.  In ordinary affairs I have always been considered a man of my word and perhaps it is on that account that a particular vow¹² I once made, and did not keep, comes back to me with a magnitude out of all proportion (I daresay) to its real gravity, especially at this time of day.  You know the discomfort¹³ caused at night by the half-sleeping sense that a door or window has been left unfastened, or in the day by the remembrance of unanswered letters.  So does that promise haunt me from time to time, and has done to-day particularly.’

 

There was a pause, and they smoked on.  Millborne’s eyes, though fixed¹⁴ on the fire, were really regarding attentively¹⁵ a town in the West of England.

 

‘Yes,’ he continued, ‘I have never quite forgotten it, though during the busy years of my life it was shelved and buried under the pressure of my pursuits.  And, as I say, to-day in particular, an incident in the law-report of a somewhat similar kind has brought it back again vividly¹⁶.  However, what it was I can tell you in a few words, though no doubt you, as a man of the world, will smile at the thinness of my skin when you hear it . . . I came up to town at one-and-twenty, from Toneborough, in Outer Wessex, where I was born, and where, before I left, I had won the heart of a young woman of my own age.  I promised her marriage, took advantage of my promise, and—am a bachelor.’

 

‘The old story.’

 

The other nodded.

 

‘I left the place, and thought at the time I had done a very clever thing in getting so easily out of an entanglement¹⁷.  But I have lived long enough for that promise to return to bother me—to be honest, not altogether as a pricking¹⁸ of the conscience, but as a dissatisfaction with myself as a specimen¹⁹ of the heap of flesh called humanity.  If I were to ask you to lend me fifty pounds, which I would repay you next midsummer, and I did not repay you, I should consider myself a shabby sort of fellow, especially if you wanted the money badly.  Yet I promised that girl just as distinctly; and then coolly broke my word, as if doing so were rather smart conduct than a mean action, for which the poor victim herself, encumbered²⁰ with a child, and not I, had really to pay the penalty, in spite of certain pecuniary²¹ aid that was given.  There, that’s the retrospective trouble that I am always unearthing²²; and you may hardly believe that though so many years have elapsed, and it is all gone by and done with, and she must be getting on for an old woman now, as I am for an old man, it really often destroys my sense of self-respect still.’

 

‘O, I can understand it.  All depends upon the temperament²³.  Thousands of men would have forgotten all about it; so would you, perhaps, if you had married and had a family.  Did she ever marry?’

 

‘I don’t think so.  O no—she never did.  She left Toneborough, and later on appeared under another name at Exonbury, in the next county, where she was not known.  It is very seldom that I go down into that part of the country, but in passing through Exonbury, on one occasion, I learnt that she was quite a settled resident there, as a teacher of music, or something of the kind.  That much I casually²⁴ heard when I was there two or three years ago.  But I have never set eyes on her since our original acquaintance, and should not know her if I met her.’

 

‘Did the child live?’ asked the doctor.

 

‘For several years, certainly,’ replied his friend.  ‘I cannot say if she is living now.  It was a little girl.  She might be married by this time as far as years go.’

 

‘And the mother—was she a decent, worthy²⁵ young woman?’

 

‘O yes; a sensible, quiet girl, neither attractive nor unattractive to the ordinary observer; simply commonplace.  Her position at the time of our acquaintance was not so good as mine.  My father was a solicitor²⁶, as I think I have told you.  She was a young girl in a music-shop; and it was represented to me that it would be beneath my position to marry her.  Hence the result.’

 

‘Well, all I can say is that after twenty years it is probably too late to think of mending such a matter.  It has doubtless by this time mended itself.  You had better dismiss it from your mind as an evil past your control.  Of course, if mother and daughter are alive, or either, you might settle something upon them, if you were inclined, and had it to spare.’

 

‘Well, I haven’t much to spare; and I have relations in narrow circumstances—perhaps narrower than theirs.  But that is not the point.  Were I ever so rich I feel I could not rectify²⁷ the past by money.  I did not promise to enrich her.  On the contrary, I told her it would probably be dire²⁸ poverty for both of us.  But I did promise to make her my wife.’

 

‘Then find her and do it,’ said the doctor jocularly as he rose to leave.

 

‘Ah, Bindon.  That, of course, is the obvious jest.  But I haven’t the slightest desire for marriage; I am quite content to live as I have lived.  I am a bachelor by nature, and instinct, and habit, and everything.  Besides, though I respect her still (for she was not an atom to blame), I haven’t any shadow of love for her.  In my mind she exists as one of those women you think well of, but find uninteresting.  It would be purely²⁹ with the idea of putting wrong right that I should hunt her up, and propose to do it off-hand.’

 

‘You don’t think of it seriously?’ said his surprised friend.

 

‘I sometimes think that I would, if it were practicable; simply, as I say, to recover my sense of being a man of honour.’

 

‘I wish you luck in the enterprise,’ said Doctor Bindon.  ‘You’ll soon be out of that chair, and then you can put your impulse to the test.  But—after twenty years of silence—I should say, don’t!’

1 utilitarian   

adj.实用的，功利的

参考例句：

• On the utilitarian side American education has outstridden the rest of the world.在实用方面美国教育已超越世界各国。
• A good cloth coat is more utilitarian than a fur one.一件优质的布外衣要比一件毛皮外衣更有用。

2 gratuitousness   

n.gratuitous（免费的，无偿的，无报酬的，不收酬劳的）的变形

参考例句：

3 exhortation   

n.劝告，规劝

参考例句：

• After repeated exhortation by his comrades,he finally straightened out his thinking.经过同志们再三劝导，他终于想通了。
• Foreign funds alone are clearly not enough,nor are exhortations to reform.光有外资显然不够，只是劝告人们进行改革也不行。

4 undone   

a.未做完的，未完成的

参考例句：

• He left nothing undone that needed attention.所有需要注意的事他都注意到了。

5 illustrated   

adj. 有插图的，列举的 动词illustrate的过去式和过去分词

参考例句：

• His lecture was illustrated with slides taken during the expedition. 他在讲演中使用了探险时拍摄到的幻灯片。
• The manufacturing Methods: Will be illustrated in the next chapter. 制作方法将在下一章说明。

6 onward   

adj.向前的，前进的；adv.向前，前进，在先

参考例句：

• The Yellow River surges onward like ten thousand horses galloping.黄河以万马奔腾之势滚滚向前。
• He followed in the steps of forerunners and marched onward.他跟随着先辈的足迹前进。

7 precisely   

adv.恰好，正好，精确地，细致地

参考例句：

• It's precisely that sort of slick sales-talk that I mistrust.我不相信的正是那种油腔滑调的推销宣传。
• The man adjusted very precisely.那个人调得很准。

8 apparently   

adv.显然地；表面上，似乎

参考例句：

• An apparently blind alley leads suddenly into an open space.山穷水尽，豁然开朗。
• He was apparently much surprised at the news.他对那个消息显然感到十分惊异。

9 lodger   

n.寄宿人，房客

参考例句：

• My friend is a lodger in my uncle's house.我朋友是我叔叔家的房客。
• Jill and Sue are at variance over their lodger.吉尔和休在对待房客的问题上意见不和。

10 conceal   

v.隐藏，隐瞒，隐蔽

参考例句：

• He had to conceal his identity to escape the police.为了躲避警方，他只好隐瞒身份。
• He could hardly conceal his joy at his departure.他几乎掩饰不住临行时的喜悦。

11 ailment   

n.疾病，小病

参考例句：

• I don't have even the slightest ailment.我什么毛病也没有。
• He got timely treatment for his ailment.他的病得到了及时治疗。

12 vow   

n.誓(言)，誓约；v.起誓，立誓

参考例句：

• My parents are under a vow to go to church every Sunday.我父母许愿，每星期日都去做礼拜。
• I am under a vow to drink no wine.我已立誓戒酒。

13 discomfort   

n.不舒服，不安，难过，困难，不方便

参考例句：

• One has to bear a little discomfort while travelling.旅行中总要忍受一点不便。
• She turned red with discomfort when the teacher spoke.老师讲话时她不好意思地红着脸。

14 fixed   

adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的

参考例句：

• Have you two fixed on a date for the wedding yet?你们俩选定婚期了吗？
• Once the aim is fixed,we should not change it arbitrarily.目标一旦确定，我们就不应该随意改变。

15 attentively   

adv.聚精会神地；周到地；谛；凝神

参考例句：

• She listened attentively while I poured out my problems. 我倾吐心中的烦恼时，她一直在注意听。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• She listened attentively and set down every word he said. 她专心听着，把他说的话一字不漏地记下来。 来自《简明英汉词典》

16 vividly   

adv.清楚地，鲜明地，生动地

参考例句：

• The speaker pictured the suffering of the poor vividly.演讲者很生动地描述了穷人的生活。
• The characters in the book are vividly presented.这本书里的人物写得栩栩如生。

17 entanglement   

n.纠缠，牵累

参考例句：

• This entanglement made Carrie anxious for a change of some sort.这种纠葛弄得嘉莉急于改变一下。
• There is some uncertainty about this entanglement with the city treasurer which you say exists.对于你所说的与市财政局长之间的纠葛,大家有些疑惑。

18 pricking   

刺，刺痕，刺痛感

参考例句：

• She felt a pricking on her scalp. 她感到头皮上被扎了一下。
• Intercostal neuralgia causes paroxysmal burning pain or pricking pain. 肋间神经痛呈阵发性的灼痛或刺痛。

19 specimen   

n.样本，标本

参考例句：

• You'll need tweezers to hold up the specimen.你要用镊子来夹这标本。
• This specimen is richly variegated in colour.这件标本上有很多颜色。

20 encumbered   

v.妨碍，阻碍，拖累( encumber的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• The police operation was encumbered by crowds of reporters. 警方的行动被成群的记者所妨碍。
• The narrow quay was encumbered by hundreds of carts. 狭窄的码头被数百辆手推车堵得水泄不通。 来自辞典例句

21 pecuniary   

adj.金钱的；金钱上的

参考例句：

• She denies obtaining a pecuniary advantage by deception.她否认通过欺骗手段获得经济利益。
• She is so independent that she refused all pecuniary aid.她很独立，所以拒绝一切金钱上的资助。

22 unearthing   

发掘或挖出某物( unearth的现在分词 )； 搜寻到某事物，发现并披露

参考例句：

• And unearthing the past often means literally and studying the evidence. 通常，探寻往事在字面上即意味着——刨根究底。
• The unearthing of "Peking Man" was a remarkable discovery. “北京人”的出土是个非凡的发现。

23 temperament   

n.气质，性格，性情

参考例句：

• The analysis of what kind of temperament you possess is vital.分析一下你有什么样的气质是十分重要的。
• Success often depends on temperament.成功常常取决于一个人的性格。

24 casually   

adv.漠不关心地，无动于衷地，不负责任地

参考例句：

• She remarked casually that she was changing her job.她当时漫不经心地说要换工作。
• I casually mentioned that I might be interested in working abroad.我不经意地提到我可能会对出国工作感兴趣。

25 worthy   

adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的

参考例句：

• I did not esteem him to be worthy of trust.我认为他不值得信赖。
• There occurred nothing that was worthy to be mentioned.没有值得一提的事发生。

26 solicitor   

n.初级律师，事务律师

参考例句：

• The solicitor's advice gave me food for thought.律师的指点值得我深思。
• The solicitor moved for an adjournment of the case.律师请求将这个案件的诉讼延期。

27 rectify   

v.订正，矫正，改正

参考例句：

• The matter will rectify itself in a few days.那件事过几天就会变好。
• You can rectify this fault if you insert a slash.插人一条斜线便可以纠正此错误。

28 dire   

adj.可怕的，悲惨的，阴惨的，极端的

参考例句：

• There were dire warnings about the dangers of watching too much TV.曾经有人就看电视太多的危害性提出严重警告。
• We were indeed in dire straits.But we pulled through.那时我们的困难真是大极了，但是我们渡过了困难。

29 purely   

adv.纯粹地，完全地

参考例句：

• I helped him purely and simply out of friendship.我帮他纯粹是出于友情。
• This disproves the theory that children are purely imitative.这证明认为儿童只会单纯地模仿的理论是站不住脚的。