She went wrong in the matter of clothes, aspiring9 after elegance10 and missing it through a fundamental lack of distinction, and also through inability to concentrate her effects. Her dresses consisted of ten thousand details held together by no unity11 of conception. Thin gold chains wandered, apparently12 purposeless, over her rich form; they would disappear like a railway in a cutting and then pop out unexpectedly in another part of the lush rolling countryside. The contours of her visible garments gave the impression that the concealed13 system of underskirts, cache-corsets, corsets, lingerie, hose and suspenders was of the most complicated, innumerable and unprecedented14 variety. And indeed she was one of those women who, for the performance of the morning and the evening rites15, trebly secure themselves by locks and bolts and blinds from the slightest chance of a chance of the peril16 of the world's gaze.
The purchase of the typewriting business by Felix had changed Miss Grig's life from top to bottom. It had transformed her from a relic17 festering in sloth18 and frustration19 into the eager devotee of a sane20 and unassailable cult21. The business was her perversity22, her passion. It was her mystic husband, fecundating her with vital juices, the spouse23 to whom she joyously24 gave long nights of love. Apart from the business, and possibly her brother, she had no real thoughts. The concern as it existed in Lilian's time was her creation. She would sacrifice anything to it, her own health and life, even the lives and health of tender girls. Yes, and she would sacrifice her conscience to it. She would cheat for it. The charges for typewriting were high--for she had established a tradition of the highest-class work and rates to match--but this did not prevent her from seizing any excuse to inflate25 the bills. The staff said that her malpractices sufficed every year to pay the rent. And she was never more priestess-like, more lofty and grandiose26, than when falsifying an account.
Lilian found her seated alone in fluent dignity at the great desk.
"Yes, Miss Grig?"
"May I enquire," asked Miss Grig in grave accents not of reproach but of pain, "why you did not put in an appearance yesterday, Miss Share?"
"Well, madam," Lilian answered with surprise and gentle rebuttal, "I stayed here all the night before and I was so tired I slept all day. I didn't wake up until it would have been too late to come."
"But you knew I was unwell, and that I should count on you upper girls to fill my place. Or you should have known. What if you were tired? You are young and strong; you could have stood it easily enough, and there was much work to be done. In a crisis we don't think about being tired. We just keep on. And even if you did sleep all day, I suppose it never occurred to you in the evening that someone would be needed to take charge during last night. The least you could have done would have been to run up and see how things were. But no! You didn't even do that! Shall I tell you who did take charge last night? Miss Jackson. She'd been on duty the whole day yesterday. She stayed all night till six o'clock. And she was back again at nine o'clock this morning--twenty-five minutes before you. And when I told her to go back home, she positively27 refused. She defied me. That's what I call the true spirit, my dear Lilian."
Miss Grig ceased; only her lustrous28 reproachful eyes continued the harangue29. She had shown no anger. She had appealed to Miss Share's best instincts.
The address "my dear Lilian" caused misgivings30 in the employee's bosom31. Lilian knew that it was Felix and not Miss Grig who had admitted her to employment, and that Miss Grig had been somewhat opposed to the engagement. She also guessed that Miss Grig objected to her good looks, and was always watchful32 for an occasion to illustrate33 her theory that a girl might be too good-looking. And the tone of the words "my dear Lilian" had menace in its appealing, sad sweetness. Miss Grig had been known to deviate34 without warning into frightful35 inclemency36, and she always implacably got the last ounce out of her girls.
The culprit offered no defence. There was no defence. Assuredly she ought to have run up on the previous evening. Miss Grig had spoken truth--the notion of running up had simply not occurred to the preoccupied37 Lilian. Nevertheless, while saying naught38, she kept thinking resentfully: "Here I worked over twenty hours on end and this is my reward--a slating39! This is my reward--a nice old slating!" With fallen face and drooping40 lower lip she moved to leave. She was ready to cry.
"And there's something else, Miss Share. Now please don't cry. When Mr. Grig came up the night before last to tell you that I was unwell, you ought not to have allowed him to stay. You know that he can't stand night-work. Men are not like us women----"
"But how could I possibly----" Lilian interrupted, quite forgetting the impulse to cry.
"You should have seen that he left again at once. It would have been quite easy--especially for a girl like you. The result is that he's been a wreck41 ever since. It seems he stayed till four o'clock and after. I tried my best to stop him from coming at all; but he would come.... Please, please, think over what I've said. Thank you."
Lilian felt all the soft, cruel, unopposable force of Miss Grig's individuality. She vaguely42 and with inimical deference43 comprehended the secret of Miss Grig's success in business. Youth and beauty and charm, qualities so well appreciated by Felix, so rich in promise for Lilian, were absolutely powerless against the armour44 of Miss Grig. To Miss Grig Lilian was no better than a cross-eyed, flat-bosomed spinster of thirty-nine. Not a bit better! Perhaps worse! Miss Grig actually had the assurance to preach to Lilian the nauseous and unnatural45 doctrine46 that men are by right entitled to the protection and self-sacrifice of women.
Moreover, Miss Grig, without knowing it, had convinced Lilian that her ideas concerning Lord Mackworth were the hallucinations of an excessively silly and despicable kind of brain. And even if Lord Mackworth did playfully attempt to continue the divertissement begun in the romantic night, Miss Grig by the sureness of her perceptions and the bland47 pitilessness of her tactics would undoubtedly48 counter him once and for all. The two women, so acutely contrasted in age, form and temperament49, had this in common--that they secretly and unwillingly50 respected each other. But the younger was at present no match at all for the elder.
And yet Lilian was not cast down--neither by the realization51 of her awful silliness and of her lack of the sense of responsibility, nor by her powerlessness, nor by the awaking from the dream of Lord Mackworth. On the contrary, she was quite uplifted and agreeably excited, and her brain was working on lines of which Miss Grig had absolutely no notion whatever. Miss Grig, obviously truthful52, had said that she had tried to prevent her brother from coming to the office on the last night but one. Miss Grig had been ready enough to let Lilian stay till morning without a word. But Felix had told Lilian that he had come to the office to warn her at his sister's urgent request. Why had Felix lied?
The answer clearly was that he had had a fancy to chat with Lilian alone, without Lilian suspecting his fancy. And in fact he had chatted with Lilian alone, and to some purpose.... The answer was that Felix was genuinely interested in Lilian. Further, Miss Grig suspected this interest. If Gertie Jackson had happened to be on duty that evening, would Miss Grig have opposed her brother's coming? She would not. Finally, Miss Grig herself had confessed, perhaps unthinkingly, that Lilian was not without influential53 attributes. The phrase "especially for a girl like you" shone in the girl's mind.
She went into the small room, which was at the moment empty. The cover had not been removed from her own machine, but the other two machines were open, and Millicent's was ammunitioned with paper. Lilian could hear Milly, who shared the small room with herself and Gertie Jackson, dividing work and giving instructions in an important, curt54 voice to the mere55 rabble56 of girls in the large room. To Lilian's practised sense there was throughout the office an atmosphere of nervous disturbance57 and unease. Mr. Grig being absent, she felt sure that before the end of the day--probably just about tea-time--the electrical fluid would concentrate itself in one spot and then explode in a tense, violent, bitter and yet only murmured scene between two of the girls in the large room--unless, of course, she herself and Millicent happened to get across one another.
She took off her things and put them in the clothes cupboard. Gertie's hat and jacket were absent, which meant that Gertie was already out somewhere on the firm's business. Millicent's precious boa was present instead of her thick scarf, which meant that Millicent was to meet at night the insufferably pert young man from the new branch of Lloyds Bank in Bond Street. The pert young man would dine Millicent at the Popular Café in Piccadilly, where for as little as five shillings two persons might have a small table to themselves, the aphrodisiac of music, and the ingenuous59 illusion of seeing Life with a capital. Now Lilian never connected Life with anything less than the Savoy, the Carlton, and the Ritz. Lilian had been born with a sure instinct in these high matters. She looked at the contents of the clothes-cupboard and despised them, furiously--and in particular Millicent's boa; anybody could see what that was; it would not deceive even a bank clerk. Not that Lilian possessed60 any article of attire61 to surpass the boa in intrinsic worth! She did not. But she felt no envy in regard to the boa, and indeed never envied any girl the tenth-rate--no, nor the second-rate! Her desire was for the best or nothing; she could not compromise. The neighbouring shop-windows had effectively educated her because she was capable of self-education. Millicent and Gertie actually preferred the inferior displays of Oxford62 Street. She gazed in froward insolence63 at the workroom full of stitching girls on the opposite side of the street. They were toiling64 as though they had been toiling for hours. Customers had not yet begun to be shown into the elegant apartment on the floor below the workrooms. Customers were probably still sipping65 tea in bed with a maid to help them, and some of them had certainly never been in a Tube in their lives. Yet the workgirls, seen broadly across the street, were on the average younger, prettier, daintier and more graceful66 than the customers. Why then...? Etc.
The upper floors of all the surrounding streets were studded with such nests of heads bent67 over needles. There were scores and scores of those crowded rooms, excruciatingly feminine. "Modes et Robes"--a charming vocation68! You were always seeing and touching69 lovely stuff, laces, feathers and confections of stuffs. A far more attractive occupation than typewriting, Lilian thought. Sometimes she had dreamt of a change, but not seriously. To work on other women's attire, knowing that she could never rise to it herself, would have broken her heart.
Quickly she turned away from the window, still uplifted--passionately determined70 that one day she would enter the most renowned71 and exclusive arcana in Hanover Square, and not as an employee either! Then, on that day, would she please with the virtuosity72 of a great pianist playing the piano, then would she exert charm, then would she be angelic and divine; and when she departed there should be a murmur58 of conversation. She smiled her best in anticipation73; her fingers ran smoothingly over her blouse.
Gertie Jackson came in and transformed the rehearsed smile into an expression of dissatisfaction and hostility74 far from divine; the fingers dropped as it were guiltily; and Lilian remembered all her grievances75 and her tragedy. Gertie Jackson's bright, pleasant, clear, drawn76 face showed some traces of fatigue77, but no sign at all of being a martyr78 to the industrial system or to the despotism of individual employers. She was a tall, well-made girl of twenty-eight, and she held herself rather nicely. She was kindly79, cheerful and of an agreeable temper--as placid80 as a bowl of milk. She loved her work, regarding it as of real importance, and she seemed to be entirely81 without ambition. Apparently she would be quite happy to go on altruistically82 typing for ever and ever, and to be cast into a typist's grave.
Lilian's attitude towards her senior colleague was in various respects critical. In the first place, the poor thing did not realize that she was growing old--already approaching the precipice83 of thirty! In the second place, though possessed of a good figure and face, she did nothing with these great gifts. She had no desire to be agreeable; she was agreeable unconsciously, as a bird sings; there was no merit in it. She had no coquetry, and not the slightest inclination84 for chic85. Her clothes were "good," and bought in Upper Street, Islington; her excellent boots gave her away. She was not uninterested in men; but she did not talk about them, she twittered about them. To Lilian she had the soul of an infant. And she was too pure, too ingenuous, too kind, too conscientious86; her nature lacked something fundamental, and Lilian felt but could not describe what it was--save by saying that she had no kick in either her body or her soul. In the third place, there was that terrible absence of ambition. Lilian could not understand contentment, and Gertie's contentment exasperated87 her. She admitted that Gertie was faultless, and yet she tremendously despised the paragon88, occasionally going so far as to think of her as a cat.
And now Gertie straightened herself, stuck her chest out bravely, according to habit, and smiled a most friendly greeting. Behind the smile lay concealed no resentment89 against Lilian for having failed to appear on the previous evening, and no moral superiority as a first-class devotee of duty. What lay behind it, and not wholly concealed, was a grave sense of responsibility for the welfare of the business in circumstances difficult and complex.
"Have you seen Miss Grig?" she asked solemnly.
"Yes," said Lilian, with a touch of careless defiance90; she supposed Gertie to be delicately announcing that Miss G. had been lying in wait for her, Lilian.
"Doesn't she look simply frightfully ill?"
"She does," admitted Lilian, who in her egotism had quite forgotten her first impression that morning of Miss G.'s face. "What is it?"
Gertie mentioned the dreadful name of one of those hidden though not shameful91 maladies which afflict92 only women--but the majority of women. The crude words sounded oddly on Gertie's prim93 lips. Lilian was duly impressed; she was as if intimidated94. At intervals95 the rumour96 of a victim of that class of diseases runs whisperingly through assemblages of women, who on the entrance of a male hastily change the subject of talk and become falsely bright. Yet every male in the circle of acquaintances will catch the rumour almost instantly, because some wife runs to inform her husband, and the husband informs all his friends.
"Who told you?" Lilian demanded.
"Oh! I've known about it for a long time," said Gertie without pride. "I told Milly just now, before I went out. Everybody will know soon." Lilian felt a pang97 of jealousy98. "It means a terrible operation," Gertie added.
"But she oughtn't to be here!" Lilian exclaimed.
"No!" Gertie agreed with a surprising sternness that somewhat altered Lilian's estimate of her. "No! And she isn't going to be here, either! Not if I know it! I shall see that she gets back home at lunch-time. She's quarrelled already with Mr. Grig this morning about her coming up."
"Do you mean at home they quarrelled?"
"Yes. He got so angry that he said if she came he wouldn't. He was quite right to be angry, of course. But she came all the same."
"Miss G. must have told Gertie all that herself," Lilian reflected. "She'd never be as confidential99 with me. She'd never tell me anything!" And she had a queer feeling of inferiority.
"We must do all we can to help things," said Gertie.
"Of course!" agreed Lilian, suddenly softened100, overcome by a rush of sympathy and a strong impulse to behave nobly, beautifully, forgivingly towards Miss G.
Nevertheless, though it was Gertie's attitude that had helped to inspire her, she still rather disdained101 the virtuous102 senior. Lilian appreciated profoundly--perhaps without being able to put her feeling into words--the heroic madness of Miss G. in defying common sense and her brother for the sake of the beloved business. But Gertie saw in Miss G.'s act nothing but a piece of naughty and sick foolishness. To Lilian Miss G. in her superficial yearning103 softness became almost a terrible figure, a figure to be regarded with awe104, and to serve as an exemplar. But in contemplating105 Miss G. Lilian uneasily realized her own precariousness106. Miss G. was old and plain (save that her eyes had beauty), and yet was fulfilling her great passion and was imposing107 herself on her environment. Miss G. was doing. Lilian could only be; she would always remain at the mercy of someone, and the success which she desired could last probably no longer than her youth and beauty. The transience of the gifts upon which she must depend frightened her--but at the same time intensified108 anew her resolves. She had not a moment to lose. And Gertie, standing109 there close to her, sweet and reliable and good, in the dull cage, amid the daily circumstances of their common slavery, would have understood nothing of Lilian's obscure emotion.
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1
Christian
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| adj.基督教徒的；n.基督教徒 | |
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malice
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| n.恶意，怨恨，蓄意；[律]预谋 | |
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authentic
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| a.真的，真正的；可靠的，可信的，有根据的 | |
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virgin
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| n.处女，未婚女子；adj.未经使用的；未经开发的 | |
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sublime
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| adj.崇高的，伟大的；极度的，不顾后果的 | |
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folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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7
streaked
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| adj.有条斑纹的，不安的v.快速移动( streak的过去式和过去分词 )；使布满条纹 | |
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yearn
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| v.想念；怀念；渴望 | |
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aspiring
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| adj.有志气的；有抱负的；高耸的v.渴望；追求 | |
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elegance
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| n.优雅；优美，雅致；精致，巧妙 | |
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unity
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| n.团结，联合，统一；和睦，协调 | |
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apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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concealed
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| a.隐藏的，隐蔽的 | |
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unprecedented
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| adj.无前例的，新奇的 | |
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15
rites
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| 仪式，典礼( rite的名词复数 ) | |
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peril
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| n.(严重的)危险；危险的事物 | |
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relic
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| n.神圣的遗物，遗迹，纪念物 | |
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sloth
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| n.[动]树懒；懒惰，懒散 | |
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frustration
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| n.挫折，失败，失效，落空 | |
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sane
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| adj.心智健全的，神志清醒的，明智的，稳健的 | |
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cult
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| n.异教，邪教；时尚，狂热的崇拜 | |
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perversity
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| n.任性；刚愎自用 | |
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spouse
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| n.配偶(指夫或妻) | |
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joyously
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| ad.快乐地, 高兴地 | |
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inflate
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| vt.使膨胀，使骄傲，抬高（物价） | |
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grandiose
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| adj.宏伟的，宏大的，堂皇的，铺张的 | |
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positively
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| adv.明确地，断然，坚决地；实在，确实 | |
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lustrous
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| adj.有光泽的；光辉的 | |
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harangue
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| n.慷慨冗长的训话，言辞激烈的讲话 | |
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misgivings
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| n.疑虑，担忧，害怕；疑虑，担心，恐惧( misgiving的名词复数 )；疑惧 | |
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bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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watchful
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| adj.注意的，警惕的 | |
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illustrate
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| v.举例说明，阐明；图解，加插图 | |
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deviate
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| v.(from)背离，偏离 | |
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frightful
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| adj.可怕的；讨厌的 | |
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inclemency
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| n.险恶，严酷 | |
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preoccupied
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| adj.全神贯注的，入神的；被抢先占有的；心事重重的v.占据（某人）思想，使对…全神贯注，使专心于( preoccupy的过去式) | |
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naught
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| n.无，零 [=nought] | |
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slating
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| 批评 | |
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drooping
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| adj. 下垂的，无力的 动词droop的现在分词 | |
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wreck
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| n.失事，遇难；沉船；vt.(船等)失事，遇难 | |
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vaguely
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| adv.含糊地，暖昧地 | |
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deference
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| n.尊重，顺从；敬意 | |
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armour
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| （=armor）n.盔甲；装甲部队 | |
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unnatural
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| adj.不自然的；反常的 | |
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46
doctrine
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| n.教义；主义；学说 | |
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bland
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| adj.淡而无味的，温和的，无刺激性的 | |
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undoubtedly
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| adv.确实地，无疑地 | |
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temperament
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| n.气质，性格，性情 | |
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50
unwillingly
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| adv.不情愿地 | |
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51
realization
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| n.实现；认识到，深刻了解 | |
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52
truthful
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| adj.真实的，说实话的，诚实的 | |
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53
influential
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| adj.有影响的，有权势的 | |
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54
curt
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| adj.简短的，草率的 | |
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55
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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56
rabble
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| n.乌合之众，暴民；下等人 | |
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disturbance
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| n.动乱，骚动；打扰，干扰；(身心)失调 | |
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murmur
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| n.低语，低声的怨言；v.低语，低声而言 | |
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59
ingenuous
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| adj.纯朴的，单纯的；天真的；坦率的 | |
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60
possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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61
attire
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| v.穿衣，装扮[同]array；n.衣着；盛装 | |
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62
Oxford
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| n.牛津（英国城市） | |
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63
insolence
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| n.傲慢；无礼；厚颜；傲慢的态度 | |
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toiling
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| 长时间或辛苦地工作( toil的现在分词 )； 艰难缓慢地移动，跋涉 | |
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65
sipping
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| v.小口喝，呷，抿( sip的现在分词 ) | |
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graceful
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| adj.优美的，优雅的；得体的 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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68
vocation
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| n.职业，行业 | |
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touching
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| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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renowned
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| adj.著名的，有名望的，声誉鹊起的 | |
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virtuosity
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| n.精湛技巧 | |
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anticipation
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| n.预期，预料，期望 | |
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74
hostility
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| n.敌对，敌意；抵制［pl.］交战，战争 | |
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grievances
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| n.委屈( grievance的名词复数 )；苦衷；不满；牢骚 | |
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76
drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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fatigue
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| n.疲劳，劳累 | |
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78
martyr
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| n.烈士，殉难者；vt.杀害，折磨，牺牲 | |
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79
kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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placid
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| adj.安静的，平和的 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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altruistically
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precipice
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| n.悬崖，危急的处境 | |
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84
inclination
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| n.倾斜；点头；弯腰；斜坡；倾度；倾向；爱好 | |
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chic
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| n./adj.别致(的)，时髦(的)，讲究的 | |
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conscientious
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| adj.审慎正直的，认真的，本着良心的 | |
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exasperated
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| adj.恼怒的 | |
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paragon
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| n.模范，典型 | |
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89
resentment
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| n.怨愤，忿恨 | |
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defiance
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| n.挑战，挑衅，蔑视，违抗 | |
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shameful
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| adj.可耻的，不道德的 | |
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92
afflict
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| vt.使身体或精神受痛苦，折磨 | |
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prim
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| adj.拘泥形式的，一本正经的；n.循规蹈矩，整洁；adv.循规蹈矩地，整洁地 | |
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intimidated
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| v.恐吓；威胁adj.害怕的；受到威胁的 | |
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intervals
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| n.[军事]间隔( interval的名词复数 )；间隔时间；[数学]区间；（戏剧、电影或音乐会的）幕间休息 | |
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rumour
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| n.谣言，谣传，传闻 | |
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pang
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| n.剧痛，悲痛，苦闷 | |
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98
jealousy
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| n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌 | |
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confidential
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| adj.秘（机）密的，表示信任的，担任机密工作的 | |
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softened
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| （使）变软( soften的过去式和过去分词 )； 缓解打击； 缓和； 安慰 | |
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101
disdained
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| 鄙视( disdain的过去式和过去分词 )； 不屑于做，不愿意做 | |
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102
virtuous
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| adj.有品德的，善良的，贞洁的，有效力的 | |
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103
yearning
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| a.渴望的；向往的；怀念的 | |
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104
awe
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| n.敬畏，惊惧；vt.使敬畏，使惊惧 | |
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contemplating
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| 深思，细想，仔细考虑( contemplate的现在分词 )； 注视，凝视； 考虑接受（发生某事的可能性）； 深思熟虑，沉思，苦思冥想 | |
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106
precariousness
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107
imposing
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| adj.使人难忘的，壮丽的，堂皇的，雄伟的 | |
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108
intensified
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| v.（使）增强， （使）加剧( intensify的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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109
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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