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CHAPTER V A HUMORIST ON HIS CALLING
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 After the eight o'clock bell had rung, Hendry occasionally crossed over to the farm of T'nowhead and sat on the pig-sty. If no one joined him he scratched the pig, and returned home gradually. Here what was almost a club held informal meetings, at which two or four, or even half a dozen assembled to debate, when there was any one to start them. The meetings were only memorable1 when Tammas Haggart was in fettle, to pronounce judgments2 in his well-known sarcastic3 way. Sometimes we had got off the pig-sty to separate before Tammas was properly yoked4. There we might remain a long time, planted round him like trees, for he was a mesmerising talker.
 
There was a pail belonging to the pig-sty, which some one would turn bottom upwards5 and sit upon if the attendance was unusually numerous. Tammas liked, however, to put a foot on it now and again in the full swing of a harangue6, and when he paused for a sarcasm7 I have seen the pail kicked toward him. He had the wave of the arm that is so convincing in argument, and such a natural way of asking questions, that an audience not used to public speaking might have thought he wanted them to reply. It is an undoubted fact, that when he went on the platform, at the time of the election, to heckle the Colonel, he paused in the middle of his questions to take a drink out of the tumbler of water which stood on the table. As soon as they saw what he was up to, the spectators raised a ringing cheer.
 
On concluding his perorations8, Tammas sent his snuff-mull round, but we had our own way of passing him a vote of thanks. One of the company would express amazement9 at his gift of words, and the others would add, "Man, man," or "Ye cow, Tammas," or, "What a crittur ye are!" all which ejaculations meant the same thing. A new subject being thus ingeniously introduced, Tammas again put his foot on the pail.
 
"I tak no creedit," he said, modestly, on the evening, I remember, of Willie Pyatt's funeral, "in bein' able to speak wi' a sort o' faceelity on topics 'at I've made my ain."
 
"Ay," said T'nowhead, "but it's no the faceelity o' speakin' 'at taks me. There's Davit Lunan 'at can speak like as if he had learned it aff a paper, an' yet I canna thole 'im."
 
"Davit," said Hendry, "doesna speak in a wy 'at a body can follow 'im. He doesna gae even on. Jess says he's juist like a man ay at the cross-roads, an' no sure o' his wy. But the stock has words, an' no ilka body has that."
 
"If I was bidden to put Tammas's gift in a word," said T'nowhead, "I would say 'at he had a wy. That's what I would say."
 
"Weel, I suppose I have," Tammas admitted, "but, wy or no wy, I couldna put a point on my words if it wasna for my sense o' humour. Lads, humour's what gies the nip to speakin'."
 
"It's what maks ye a sarcesticist, Tammas," said Hendry; "but what I wonder at is yer sayin' the humorous things sae aisy like. Some says ye mak them up aforehand, but I ken10 that's no true."
 
"No only is't no true," said Tammas, "but it couldna be true. Them 'at says sic things, an', weel I ken you're meanin' Davit Lunan, hasna nae idea o' what humour is. It's a think 'at spouts11 oot o' its ain accord. Some of the maist humorous things I've ever said cam oot, as a body may say, by themsels."
 
"I suppose that's the case," said T'nowhead, "an' yet it maun be you 'at brings them up?"
 
"There's no nae doubt aboot its bein' the case," said Tammas, "for I've watched mysel often. There was a vara guid instance occurred sune after I married Easie. The Earl's son met me one day, aboot that time, i' the Tenements12, and he didna ken 'at Chirsty was deid, an' I'd married again. 'Well, Haggart,' he says, in his frank wy, 'and how is your wife?' 'She's vara weel, sir,' I maks answer, 'but she's no the ane you mean.'"
 
"Na, he meant Chirsty," said Hendry.
 
"Is that a' the story?" asked T'nowhead.
 
Tammas had been looking at us queerly.
 
"There's no nane o' ye lauchin'," he said, "but I can assure ye the Earl's son gaed east the toon lauchin' like onything."
 
"But what was't he lauched at?"
 
"Ou," said Tammas, "a humorist doesna tell whaur the humour comes in."
 
"No, but when you said that, did you mean it to be humorous?"
 
"Am no sayin' I did, but as I've been tellin' ye, humour spouts oot by itsel."
 
"Ay, but do ye ken noo what the Earl's son gaed awa lauchin' at?"
 
Tammas hesitated.
 
"I dinna exactly see't," he confessed, "but that's no an oncommon thing. A humorist would often no ken 'at he was ane if it wasna by the wy he makes other fowk lauch. A body canna be expeckit baith to mak the joke an' to see't. Na, that would be doin' twa fowks' wark."
 
"Weel, that's reasonable enough, but I have often seen ye lauchin'," said Hendry, "lang afore other fowk lauched."
 
"Nae doubt," Tammas explained, "an' that's because humour has twa sides, juist like a penny piece. When I say a humorous thing mysel I'm dependent on other fowk to tak note o' the humour o't, bein' mysel ta'en up wi' the makkin' o't. Ay, but there's things I see an' hear 'at maks me lauch, an' that's the other side o' humour."
 
"I never heard it put sae plain afore," said T'nowhead, "an', sal, am no nane sure but what am a humorist too."
 
"Na, na, no you, T'nowhead," said Tammas, hotly.
 
"Weel," continued the farmer, "I never set up for bein' a humorist, but I can juist assure ye 'at I lauch at queer things too. No lang syne13 I woke up i' my bed lauchin' like onything, an' Lisbeth thocht I wasna weel. It was something I dreamed 'at made me lauch, I couldna think what it was, but I laughed richt. Was that no fell like a humorist?"
 
"That was neither here nor there," said Tammas. "Na, dreams dinna coont, for we're no responsible for them. Ay, an' what's mair, the mere14 lauchin's no the important side o' humour, even though ye hinna to be telt to lauch. The important side's the other side, the sayin' the humorous things. I'll tell ye what: the humorist's like a man firin' at a target—he doesna ken whether he hits or no till them at the target tells 'im."
 
"I would be of opeenion," said Hendry, who was one of Tammas's most staunch admirers, "'at another mark o' the rale humorist was his seein' humour in all things?"
 
Tammas shook his head—a way he had when Hendry advanced theories.
 
"I dinna haud wi' that ava," he said. "I ken fine 'at Davit Lunan gaes aboot sayin' he sees humour in everything, but there's nae surer sign 'at he's no a genuine humorist. Na, the rale humorist kens15 vara weel 'at there's subjects withoot a spark o' humour in them. When a subject rises to the sublime16 it should be regairded philosophically17, an' no humorously. Davit would lauch 'at the grandest thochts, whaur they only fill the true humorist wi' awe18. I've found it necessary to rebuke19 'im at times whaur his lauchin' was oot o' place. He pretended aince on this vara spot to see humour i' the origin o' cock-fightin'."
 
"Did he, man?" said Hendry; "I wasna here. But what is the origin o' cock-fechtin'?"
 
"It was a' i' the Cheap Magazine," said T'nowhead.
 
"Was I sayin' it wasna?" demanded Tammas. "It was through me readin' the account oot o' the Cheap Magazine 'at the discussion arose."
 
"But what said the Cheapy was the origin o' cock-fechtin'?"
 
"T'nowhead 'll tell ye," answered Tammas; "he says I dinna ken."
 
"I never said naething o' the kind," returned T'nowhead, indignantly; "I mind o' ye readin't oot fine."
 
"Ay, weel," said Tammas, "that's a' richt. Ou, the origin o' cock-fightin' gangs back to the time o' the Greek wars, a thoosand or twa years syne, mair or less. There was ane, Miltiades by name, 'at was the captain o' the Greek army, an' one day he led them doon the mountains to attack the biggest army 'at was ever gathered thegither."
 
"They were Persians," interposed T'nowhead.
 
"Are you tellin' the story, or am I?" asked Tammas. "I kent fine 'at they were Persians. Weel, Miltiades had the matter o' twenty thoosand men wi' im', and when they got to the foot o' the mountain, behold20 there was two cocks fechtin'."
 
"Man, man," said Hendry, "an' was there cocks in thae days?"
 
"Ondoubtedly," said Tammas, "or hoo could thae twa hae been fechtin'?"
 
"Ye have me there, Tammas," admitted Hendry. "Ye're perfectly21 richt."
 
"Ay, then," continued the stone-breaker, "when Miltiades saw the cocks at it wi' all their micht, he stopped the army and addressed it. 'Behold!' he cried, at the top o' his voice, 'these cocks do not fight for their household gods, nor for the monuments of their ancestors, nor for glory, nor for liberty, nor for their children, but only because the one will not give way unto the other.'"
 
"It was nobly said," declared Hendry; "na, cocks wouldna hae sae muckle understandin' as to fecht for thae things. I wouldna wonder but what it was some laddies 'at set them at ane another.'
 
"Hendry doesna see what Miltydes was after," said T'nowhead.
 
"Ye've taen't up wrang, Hendry," Tammas explained. "What Miltiades meant was 'at if cocks could fecht sae weel oot o' mere deviltry, surely the Greeks would fecht terrible for their gods an' their bairns an' the other things."
 
"I see, I see; but what was the monuments of their ancestors?"
 
"Ou, that was the gravestanes they put up i' their kirkyards."
 
"I wonder the other billies would want to tak them awa. They would be a michty wecht."
 
"Ay, but they wanted them, an' nat'rally the Greeks stuck to the stanes they paid for."
 
"So, so, an' did Davit Lunan mak oot 'at there was humour in that?"
 
"He do so. He said it was a humorous thing to think o' a hale army lookin' on at twa cocks fechtin'. I assure ye I telt 'im 'at I saw nae humour in't. It was ane o' the most impressive sichts ever seen by man, an' the Greeks was sae inspired by what Miltiades said 'at they sweepit the Persians oot o' their country."
 
We all agreed that Tammas's was the genuine humour.
 
"An' an enviable possession it is," said Hendry.
 
"In a wy," admitted Tammas, "but no in a' wys."
 
He hesitated, and then added in a low voice—
 
"As sure as death, Hendry, it sometimes taks grip o' me i' the kirk itsel, an' I can hardly keep frae lauchin'."

点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 memorable K2XyQ     
adj.值得回忆的,难忘的,特别的,显著的
参考例句:
  • This was indeed the most memorable day of my life.这的确是我一生中最值得怀念的日子。
  • The veteran soldier has fought many memorable battles.这个老兵参加过许多难忘的战斗。
2 judgments 2a483d435ecb48acb69a6f4c4dd1a836     
判断( judgment的名词复数 ); 鉴定; 评价; 审判
参考例句:
  • A peculiar austerity marked his judgments of modern life. 他对现代生活的批评带着一种特殊的苛刻。
  • He is swift with his judgments. 他判断迅速。
3 sarcastic jCIzJ     
adj.讥讽的,讽刺的,嘲弄的
参考例句:
  • I squashed him with a sarcastic remark.我说了一句讽刺的话把他给镇住了。
  • She poked fun at people's shortcomings with sarcastic remarks.她冷嘲热讽地拿别人的缺点开玩笑。
4 yoked 3cf9b4d6cb0a697dfb2940ae671ca4f2     
结合(yoke的过去式形式)
参考例句:
  • The farmer yoked the oxen. 那个农夫给牛加上轭。
  • He was yoked to an disinclined partner. 他不得不与一位不情愿的伙伴合作。
5 upwards lj5wR     
adv.向上,在更高处...以上
参考例句:
  • The trend of prices is still upwards.物价的趋向是仍在上涨。
  • The smoke rose straight upwards.烟一直向上升。
6 harangue BeyxH     
n.慷慨冗长的训话,言辞激烈的讲话
参考例句:
  • We had to listen to a long harangue about our own shortcomings.我们必须去听一有关我们缺点的长篇大论。
  • The minister of propaganda delivered his usual harangue.宣传部长一如既往发表了他的长篇大论。
7 sarcasm 1CLzI     
n.讥讽,讽刺,嘲弄,反话 (adj.sarcastic)
参考例句:
  • His sarcasm hurt her feelings.他的讽刺伤害了她的感情。
  • She was given to using bitter sarcasm.她惯于用尖酸刻薄语言挖苦人。
8 perorations 7dee6ef2e745d267f54ec5eeb2d43603     
n.(演说等的)结束语,结论( peroration的名词复数 );夸夸其谈的演说
参考例句:
9 amazement 7zlzBK     
n.惊奇,惊讶
参考例句:
  • All those around him looked at him with amazement.周围的人都对他投射出惊异的眼光。
  • He looked at me in blank amazement.他带着迷茫惊诧的神情望着我。
10 ken k3WxV     
n.视野,知识领域
参考例句:
  • Such things are beyond my ken.我可不懂这些事。
  • Abstract words are beyond the ken of children.抽象的言辞超出小孩所理解的范围.
11 spouts f7ccfb2e8ce10b4523cfa3327853aee2     
n.管口( spout的名词复数 );(喷出的)水柱;(容器的)嘴;在困难中v.(指液体)喷出( spout的第三人称单数 );滔滔不绝地讲;喋喋不休地说;喷水
参考例句:
  • A volcano spouts flame and lava. 火山喷出火焰和岩浆。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
  • The oil rushes up the tube and spouts up as a gusher. 石油会沿着钢管上涌,如同自喷井那样喷射出来。 来自辞典例句
12 tenements 307ebb75cdd759d238f5844ec35f9e27     
n.房屋,住户,租房子( tenement的名词复数 )
参考例句:
  • Here were crumbling tenements, squalid courtyards and stinking alleys. 随处可见破烂的住房、肮脏的庭院和臭气熏天的小胡同。 来自辞典例句
  • The tenements are in a poor section of the city. 共同住宅是在城中较贫苦的区域里。 来自辞典例句
13 syne wFRyY     
adv.自彼时至此时,曾经
参考例句:
  • The meeting ended up with the singing of Auld Lang Syne.大会以唱《友谊地久天长》结束。
  • We will take a cup of kindness yet for auld lang syne.让我们为了过去的好时光干一杯友谊的酒。
14 mere rC1xE     
adj.纯粹的;仅仅,只不过
参考例句:
  • That is a mere repetition of what you said before.那不过是重复了你以前讲的话。
  • It's a mere waste of time waiting any longer.再等下去纯粹是浪费时间。
15 kens 2c41c9333bb2ec1e920f34a36b1e6267     
vt.知道(ken的第三人称单数形式)
参考例句:
  • Dominie Deasy kens them a'. 迪希先生全都认得。 来自互联网
16 sublime xhVyW     
adj.崇高的,伟大的;极度的,不顾后果的
参考例句:
  • We should take some time to enjoy the sublime beauty of nature.我们应该花些时间去欣赏大自然的壮丽景象。
  • Olympic games play as an important arena to exhibit the sublime idea.奥运会,就是展示此崇高理念的重要舞台。
17 philosophically 5b1e7592f40fddd38186dac7bc43c6e0     
adv.哲学上;富有哲理性地;贤明地;冷静地
参考例句:
  • He added philosophically that one should adapt oneself to the changed conditions. 他富于哲理地补充说,一个人应该适应变化了的情况。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • Harry took his rejection philosophically. 哈里达观地看待自己被拒的事。 来自《简明英汉词典》
18 awe WNqzC     
n.敬畏,惊惧;vt.使敬畏,使惊惧
参考例句:
  • The sight filled us with awe.这景色使我们大为惊叹。
  • The approaching tornado struck awe in our hearts.正在逼近的龙卷风使我们惊恐万分。
19 rebuke 5Akz0     
v.指责,非难,斥责 [反]praise
参考例句:
  • He had to put up with a smart rebuke from the teacher.他不得不忍受老师的严厉指责。
  • Even one minute's lateness would earn a stern rebuke.哪怕迟到一分钟也将受到严厉的斥责。
20 behold jQKy9     
v.看,注视,看到
参考例句:
  • The industry of these little ants is wonderful to behold.这些小蚂蚁辛勤劳动的样子看上去真令人惊叹。
  • The sunrise at the seaside was quite a sight to behold.海滨日出真是个奇景。
21 perfectly 8Mzxb     
adv.完美地,无可非议地,彻底地
参考例句:
  • The witnesses were each perfectly certain of what they said.证人们个个对自己所说的话十分肯定。
  • Everything that we're doing is all perfectly above board.我们做的每件事情都是光明正大的。


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