CHAPTER II. THE HONORARY TRIER.

 Lord Silverdale was the first visitor to the Old Maids' Club. He found the fair President throned alone among the epigrammatic antimacassars. Lillie received him with dignity and informed him that he stood on holy ground. The young man was shocked to hear of the change in her condition. He, himself, had lately spent his time in plucking up courage to ask her to change it—and now he had been forestalled¹.

 

"But you must come in and see us often," said Lillie. "It occurs to me that the by-laws admit you."

 

"How many will you be?" murmured Silverdale, heartbroken.

 

"I don't know yet. I am waiting for the thing to get about. I have been in communication with the first candidate, and expect her any moment. She is a celebrated² actress."

 

"And who elects her?"

 

"I, of course!" said Lillie, with an imperial flash in her passionate³ brown eyes. She was a brunette, and her face sometimes looked like a handsome thunder-cloud. "I am the President and the Committee and the Oldest Old Maid. Isn't one of the rules that candidates shall not believe in Women's Rights? None of the members will have any voice whatever."

 

 "Well, if your actress is a comic opera star, she won't have any voice whatever."

 

"Lord Silverdale," said Lillie sharply, "I hate puns. They spoiled the Bachelors' Club."

 

His lordship, who was the greatest punster of the peers, and the peer of the greatest punsters, muttered savagely⁴ that he would like to spoil the Old Maids' Club. Lillie punned herself sometimes, but he dared not tell her of it.

 

"And what will be the subscription⁵?" he said aloud.

 

"There will be none. I supply the premises⁶."

 

"Ah, that will never do! Half the pleasure of belonging to a club is the feeling that you have not paid your subscription. And how about grub?"

 

"Grub! We are not men. We do not fulfil missions by eating."

 

"Unjust creature! Men sometimes fulfil missions by being eaten."

 

"Well, papa will supply buns, lemonade and ices. Turple the magnificent, will always be within call to hand round the things."

 

"May I send you in a hundred-weight of chocolate creams?"

 

"Certainly. Why should weddings have a monopoly of presents? This is not the only way in which you can be of service to me, if you will."

 

"Only discover it for me, my dear Miss Dulcimer. Where there's a way there's a will."

 

"Well, I should like you to act as Trier."

 

"Eh! I beg your pardon?"

 

"Don't apologize; to try the candidates who wish to be Old Maids."

 

"Try them! No, no! I'm afraid I should be prejudiced against bringing them in innocent."

 

"Don't be silly. You know what I mean. I could not tell so well as you whether they possessed⁷ the true apostolic spirit. You are a man—your instinct would be truer than mine. Whenever a new candidate applies, I want you to come up and see her."

 

"Really, Miss Dulcimer, I—I can't tell by looking at her!"

 

"No, but you can by her looking at you."

 

"You exaggerate my insight."

 

"Not at all. It is most important that something of the kind should be done. By the rules, all the Old Maids must be young and beautiful. And it requires a high degree of will and intelligence——"

 

"To be both!"

 

"For such to give themselves body and soul to the cause. Every Old Maid is double-faced till she has been proved single-hearted."

 

"And must I talk to them?"

 

"In plain English——"

 

"It's the only language I speak plainly."

 

"Wait till I finish, boy! In plain English, you must flirt⁹ with them."

 

"Flirt?" said Silverdale, aghast. "What! With young and beautiful girls?"

 

"I know it is hard, Lord Silverdale, but you will do it for my sake!" They were sitting on an ottoman, and the lovely face which looked pleadingly up into his was very near. The young man got up and walked up and down.

 

"Hang it!" he murmured disconsolately¹⁰. "Can't you try them on Turple the magnificent. Or why not get a music-master or a professor of painting?"

 

"Music-masters touch the wrong chord, and professors of painting are mostly old masters. You are young and polished and can flirt with tact¹¹ and taste."

 

"Thank you," said the poor young peer, making a wry¹² face. "And therefore I'm to be a flirtation¹³ machine."

 

 "An electric battery if you like. I don't desire to mince¹⁴ my words. There's no gain in not calling a spade a spade."

 

"And less in people calling a battery a rake."

 

"Is that a joke? I thought you clubmen enjoyed being called rakes."

 

"That is all most of us do enjoy. Take it from me that the last thing a rake does is to sow wild oats."

 

"I know enough of agriculture not to be indebted to you for the information. But I certainly thought you were a rake," said the little girl, looking up at him with limpid¹⁵ brown eyes.

 

"You flatter me," he said with a mock bow; "you are young enough to know better."

 

"But you have seen Society (and theatres) in a dozen capitals!"

 

"I have been behind the scenes of both," he answered simply. "That is the thing to keep a man steady."

 

"I thought it turned a man's head," she said musingly¹⁶.

 

"It does. Only one begins manhood with his head screwed the wrong way on. Homœopathy is the sole curative principle in morals. Excuse this sudden discharge of copy-book mottoes. I sometimes go off that way, but you mustn't take me for a Maxim¹⁷ gun. I am not such a bore, I hope."

 

Lillie flew off at a feminine tangent.

 

"All of which only proves the wisdom of my choice in selecting you."

 

"What! To pepper them with pellets of platitude¹⁸?" he said, dropping despairingly into an arm-chair.

 

"No. With eyeshot. Take care!"

 

"What's the matter?"

 

"You're sitting on an epigram."

 

The young man started up as if stung, and removed the antimacassar, without, however, seeing the point.

 

[pg 23] "I hope you don't mind my inquiring whether you have any morals," said Lillie.

 

"I have as many as Æsop. The strictest investigation¹⁹ courted. References given and exchanged," said the peer lightly.

 

"Do be serious. You know I have an insatiable curiosity to know everything about everything—to feel all sensations, think all thoughts. That is the note of my being." The brown eyes had an eager, wistful look.

 

"Oh, yes—a note of interrogation."

 

"O that I were a man! What do men think?"

 

"What do you think? Men are human beings first and masculine afterwards. And I think everybody is like a suburban²⁰ Assembly Hall—to-day a temperance lecture, to-morrow a dance, next day an oratorio²¹, then a farcical comedy, and on Sunday a religious service. But about this appointment?"

 

"Well, let us settle it one way or another," Lillie said. "Here is my proposal——"

 

"I have an alternative proposal," he said desperately²².

 

"I cannot listen to any other. Will you, or will you not, become Honorary Trier of the Old Maids' Club?"

 

"I'll try," he said at last.

 

"Yes or no?"

 

"Shall you be present at the trials?"

 

"Certainly, but I shall cultivate myopia."

 

"It's a short-sighted policy, Miss Dulcimer. Still, sustained by your presence, I feel I could flirt with the most beautiful and charming girl in the world. I could do it, even unsustained by the presence of the other girl."

 

"Oh, no! You must not flirt with me. I am the only Old Maid with whom flirtation is absolutely taboo²⁴."

 

"Then I consent," said Silverdale with apparent irrelevance²⁵. And seating himself on the piano stool, after carefully removing an epigram from the top of the instrument, he picked out "The Last Rose of Summer" with a facile forefinger²⁶.

 

"Don't!" said Lillie. "Stick to your lute²³."

 

Thus admonished²⁷, the nobleman took down Lillie's banjo, which was hanging on the wall, and struck a few passionate chords.

 

"Do you know," he said, "I always look on the banjo as the American among musical instruments. It is the guitar with a twang. Wasn't it invented in the States? Anyhow it is the most appropriate instrument to which to sing you my Fin⁸ de Siècle Love Song."

 

 "For Heaven's sake, don't use that poor overworked phrase!"

 

"Why not? It has only a few years to live. List to my sonnet²⁸."

 

So saying, he strummed the strings²⁹ and sang in an aristocratic baritone:

 

AD CHLOEN.—A Valedictory³⁰.

 

O Chloe, you are very, very dear,

And far above your rivals in the town,

Who all in vain essay to beat you down,

Embittered³¹ by your haughtiness³² austere³³.

Too high you are for lowly me, I fear.

You would not stoop to pick up e'en a crown,

Nor cede³⁴ the slightest lowering of a gown,

Though in men's eyes far fairer to appear.

With this my message, kindly³⁵ current go,

At half-penny per word—it should be less—

To Chloe, telegraphical address

(Thus written to economize³⁶ two d)

Of Messrs. Robinson, De Vere & Co.,

Costumers, 90, Ludgate Hill, E. C.

Lillie laughed. "My actress's name is something like Chloe. It is Clorinda—Clorinda Bell. She tells me she is very celebrated."

 

"Oh, yes, I've heard of her," he said.

 

"There is a sneer³⁷ in your tones. Have you heard anything to her disadvantage?"

 

"Only that she is virtuous³⁸ and in Society."

 

"The very woman for an Old Maid! She is beautiful, too."

 

"Is she? I thought she was one of those actresses who reserve their beauty for the stage."

 

"Oh, no. She always wears it. Here is her photograph. Isn't that a lovely face?"

 

[pg 26] "It is a lovely photograph. Does she hope to achieve recognition by it, I wonder?"

 

"Sceptic!"

 

"I doubt all charms but yours."

 

"Well, you shall see her."

 

"All right, but mention her name clearly when you introduce me. Women are such changing creatures—to-day pretty, to-morrow plain, yesterday ugly. I have to be reintroduced to most of my female acquaintances three times a week. May I wait to see Clorinda?"

 

"No, not to-day. She has to undergo the Preliminary Exam. Perhaps she may not even matriculate. Where you come in is at the graduation stage."

 

"I see. To pass them as Bachelors—I mean Old Maids. I say, how will you get them to wear stuff gowns?"

 

The bell rang loudly. "That may be she. Good-bye, Lord Silverdale. Remember you are Honorary Trier of the Old Maids' Club, and don't forget those chocolate creams."

1 forestalled   

v.先发制人，预先阻止( forestall的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• She forestalled their attempt. 她先发制人，阻止了他们的企图。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• I had my objection all prepared, but Stephens forestalled me. 我已做好准备要提出反对意见，不料斯蒂芬斯却抢先了一步。 来自辞典例句

2 celebrated   

adj.有名的，声誉卓著的

参考例句：

• He was soon one of the most celebrated young painters in England.不久他就成了英格兰最负盛名的年轻画家之一。
• The celebrated violinist was mobbed by the audience.观众团团围住了这位著名的小提琴演奏家。

3 passionate   

adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的

参考例句：

• He is said to be the most passionate man.据说他是最有激情的人。
• He is very passionate about the project.他对那个项目非常热心。

4 savagely   

adv. 野蛮地，残酷地

参考例句：

• The roses had been pruned back savagely. 玫瑰被狠狠地修剪了一番。
• He snarled savagely at her. 他向她狂吼起来。

5 subscription   

n.预订，预订费，亲笔签名，调配法，下标（处方）

参考例句：

• We paid a subscription of 5 pounds yearly.我们按年度缴纳5英镑的订阅费。
• Subscription selling bloomed splendidly.订阅销售量激增。

6 premises   

n.建筑物，房屋

参考例句：

• According to the rules,no alcohol can be consumed on the premises.按照规定，场内不准饮酒。
• All repairs are done on the premises and not put out.全部修缮都在家里进行，不用送到外面去做。

7 possessed   

adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的

参考例句：

• He flew out of the room like a man possessed.他像着了魔似地猛然冲出房门。
• He behaved like someone possessed.他行为举止像是魔怔了。

8 fin   

n.鳍；(飞机的)安定翼

参考例句：

• They swim using a small fin on their back.它们用背上的小鳍游动。
• The aircraft has a long tail fin.那架飞机有一个长长的尾翼。

9 flirt   

v.调情，挑逗，调戏；n.调情者，卖俏者

参考例句：

• He used to flirt with every girl he met.过去他总是看到一个姑娘便跟她调情。
• He watched the stranger flirt with his girlfriend and got fighting mad.看着那个陌生人和他女朋友调情，他都要抓狂了。

10 disconsolately   

adv.悲伤地，愁闷地；哭丧着脸

参考例句：

• A dilapidated house stands disconsolately amid the rubbles. 一栋破旧的房子凄凉地耸立在断垣残壁中。 来自辞典例句
• \"I suppose you have to have some friends before you can get in,'she added, disconsolately. “我看得先有些朋友才能进这一行，\"她闷闷不乐地加了一句。 来自英汉文学 - 嘉莉妹妹

11 tact   

n.机敏，圆滑，得体

参考例句：

• She showed great tact in dealing with a tricky situation.她处理棘手的局面表现得十分老练。
• Tact is a valuable commodity.圆滑老练是很有用处的。

12 wry   

adj.讽刺的；扭曲的

参考例句：

• He made a wry face and attempted to wash the taste away with coffee.他做了个鬼脸，打算用咖啡把那怪味地冲下去。
• Bethune released Tung's horse and made a wry mouth.白求恩放开了董的马，噘了噘嘴。

13 flirtation   

n.调情，调戏，挑逗

参考例句：

• a brief and unsuccessful flirtation with the property market 对房地产市场一时兴起、并不成功的介入
• At recess Tom continued his flirtation with Amy with jubilant self-satisfaction. 课间休息的时候，汤姆继续和艾美逗乐，一副得意洋洋、心满意足的样子。 来自英汉文学 - 汤姆历险

14 mince   

n.切碎物；v.切碎，矫揉做作地说

参考例句：

• Would you like me to mince the meat for you?你要我替你把肉切碎吗？
• Don't mince matters,but speak plainly.不要含糊其词，有话就直说吧。

15 limpid   

adj.清澈的，透明的

参考例句：

• He has a pair of limpid blue eyes.他有一双清澈的蓝眼睛。
• The sky was a limpid blue,as if swept clean of everything.碧空如洗。

16 musingly   

adv.沉思地，冥想地

参考例句：

17 maxim   

n.格言，箴言

参考例句：

• Please lay the maxim to your heart.请把此格言记在心里。
• "Waste not,want not" is her favourite maxim.“不浪费则不匮乏”是她喜爱的格言。

18 platitude   

n.老生常谈，陈词滥调

参考例句：

• The talk is no more than a platitude. 这番话无非是老生常谈。
• His speech is full of platitude. 他的讲话充满了陈词滥调。

19 investigation   

n.调查，调查研究

参考例句：

• In an investigation,a new fact became known, which told against him.在调查中新发现了一件对他不利的事实。
• He drew the conclusion by building on his own investigation.他根据自己的调查研究作出结论。

20 suburban   

adj.城郊的，在郊区的

参考例句：

• Suburban shopping centers were springing up all over America. 效区的商业中心在美国如雨后春笋般地兴起。
• There's a lot of good things about suburban living.郊区生活是有许多优点。

21 oratorio   

n.神剧，宗教剧，清唱剧

参考例句：

• It's the world's most popular oratorio.这是世界上最流行的清唱剧。
• The Glee Club decided to present an oratorio during their recital.高兴俱乐部的决定提出的清唱剧在其演奏。

22 desperately   

adv.极度渴望地，绝望地，孤注一掷地

参考例句：

• He was desperately seeking a way to see her again.他正拼命想办法再见她一面。
• He longed desperately to be back at home.他非常渴望回家。

23 lute   

n.琵琶，鲁特琴

参考例句：

• He idly plucked the strings of the lute.他漫不经心地拨弄着鲁特琴的琴弦。
• He knows how to play the Chinese lute.他会弹琵琶。

24 taboo   

n.禁忌，禁止接近，禁止使用；adj.禁忌的；v.禁忌，禁制，禁止

参考例句：

• The rude words are taboo in ordinary conversation.这些粗野的字眼在日常谈话中是禁忌的。
• Is there a taboo against sex before marriage in your society?在你们的社会里，婚前的性行为犯禁吗？

25 irrelevance   

n.无关紧要；不相关；不相关的事物

参考例句：

• the irrelevance of the curriculum to children's daily life 课程与孩子们日常生活的脱节
• A President who identifies leadership with public opinion polls dooms himself to irrelevance. 一位总统如果把他的领导和民意测验投票结果等同起来，那么他注定将成为一个可有可无的人物。 来自辞典例句

26 forefinger   

n.食指

参考例句：

• He pinched the leaf between his thumb and forefinger.他将叶子捏在拇指和食指之间。
• He held it between the tips of his thumb and forefinger.他用他大拇指和食指尖拿着它。

27 admonished   

v.劝告( admonish的过去式和过去分词 )；训诫；（温和地）责备；轻责

参考例句：

• She was admonished for chewing gum in class. 她在课堂上嚼口香糖，受到了告诫。
• The teacher admonished the child for coming late to school. 那个孩子迟到，老师批评了他。 来自《简明英汉词典》

28 sonnet   

n.十四行诗

参考例句：

• The composer set a sonnet to music.作曲家为一首十四行诗谱了曲。
• He wrote a sonnet to his beloved.他写了一首十四行诗，献给他心爱的人。

29 strings   

n.弦

参考例句：

• He sat on the bed,idly plucking the strings of his guitar.他坐在床上，随意地拨着吉他的弦。
• She swept her fingers over the strings of the harp.她用手指划过竖琴的琴弦。

30 valedictory   

adj.告别的；n.告别演说

参考例句：

• He made a valedictory address after two years as chairman.在担任主席职务两年后他发表了告别演说。
• This valedictory dispatch was written as he retired from the foreign service a few weeks ago.这份告别报告是他几周前从外交界退休时所写的。

31 embittered   

v.使怨恨，激怒( embitter的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• These injustices embittered her even more. 不公平使她更加受苦。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The artist was embittered by public neglect. 大众的忽视于那位艺术家更加难受。 来自《简明英汉词典》

32 haughtiness   

n.傲慢；傲气

参考例句：

• Haughtiness invites disaster,humility receives benefit. 满招损，谦受益。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Finally he came to realize it was his haughtiness that held people off. 他终于意识到是他的傲慢态度使人不敢同他接近。 来自《简明英汉词典》

33 austere   

adj.艰苦的；朴素的，朴实无华的；严峻的

参考例句：

• His way of life is rather austere.他的生活方式相当简朴。
• The room was furnished in austere style.这间屋子的陈设都很简单朴素。

34 cede   

v.割让，放弃

参考例句：

• The debater refused to cede the point to her opponent.辩论者拒绝向她的对手放弃其主张。
• Not because I'm proud.In fact,in front of you I cede all my pride.这不是因为骄傲，事实上我在你面前毫无骄傲可言。

35 kindly   

adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地

参考例句：

• Her neighbours spoke of her as kindly and hospitable.她的邻居都说她和蔼可亲、热情好客。
• A shadow passed over the kindly face of the old woman.一道阴影掠过老太太慈祥的面孔。

36 economize   

v.节约，节省

参考例句：

• We're going to have to economize from now on. 从现在开始，我们不得不节约开支。
• We have to economize on water during the dry season. 我们在旱季不得不节约用水。

37 sneer   

v.轻蔑；嘲笑；n.嘲笑，讥讽的言语

参考例句：

• He said with a sneer.他的话中带有嘲笑之意。
• You may sneer,but a lot of people like this kind of music.你可以嗤之以鼻，但很多人喜欢这种音乐。

38 virtuous   

adj.有品德的，善良的，贞洁的，有效力的

参考例句：

• She was such a virtuous woman that everybody respected her.她是个有道德的女性，人人都尊敬她。
• My uncle is always proud of having a virtuous wife.叔叔一直为娶到一位贤德的妻子而骄傲。