The pleasure-seeking group were gathered in the smoking-room of the club, which was, indeed, a smoking-room of a novel sort, the invention of an unknown shade, who had sold all the rights to the club through a third party, anonymously10, preferring, it seemed, to remain in the Elysian world, as he had been in the mundane11 sphere, a mute inglorious Edison. It was a simple enough scheme, and, for a wonder, no one in the world of substantialities has thought to take it up. The smoke was stored in reservoirs, just as if it were so much gas or water, and was supplied on the hot-air furnace principle from a huge furnace in the hold of the house-boat, into which tobacco was shovelled12 by the hired man of the club night and day. The smoke from the furnace, carried through flues to the smoking-room, was there received and stored in the reservoirs, with each of which was connected one dozen rubber tubes, having at their ends amber13 mouth-pieces. Upon each of these mouth-pieces was arranged a small meter registering the amount of smoke consumed through it, and for this the consumer paid so much a foot. The value of the plan was threefold. It did away entirely14 with ashes, it saved to the consumers the value of the unconsumed tobacco that is represented by the unsmoked cigar ends, and it averted15 the possibility of cigarettes.
Enjoying the benefits of this arrangement upon the evening in question were Shakespeare, Cicero, Henry VIII., Doctor Johnson, and others. Of course Boswell was present too, for a moment, with his note-book, and this fact evoked16 some criticism from several of the smokers17.
“You ought to be up-stairs in the lecture-room, Boswell,” said Shakespeare, as the great biographer took his seat behind his friend the Doctor. “Doesn’t the Gossip want a report of the debate?”
“It does,” said Boswell; “but the Gossip endeavors always to get the most interesting items of the day, and Doctor Johnson has informed me that he expects to be unusually witty18 this evening, so I have come here.”
“Excuse me for saying it, Boswell,” said the Doctor, getting red in the face over this unexpected confession19, “but, really, you talk too much.”
“That’s good,” said Cicero. “Stick that down, Boz, and print it. It’s the best thing Johnson has said this week.”
Boswell smiled weakly, and said: “But, Doctor, you did say that, you know. I can prove it, too, for you told me some of the things you were going to say. Don’t you remember, you were going to lead Shakespeare up to making the remark that he thought the English language was the greatest language in creation, whereupon you were going to ask him why he didn’t learn it?”
“Get out of here, you idiot!” roared the Doctor. “You’re enough to give a man apoplexy.”
“You’re not going back on the ladder by which you have climbed, are you, Samuel?” queried20 Boswell, earnestly.
“The wha-a-t?” cried the Doctor, angrily. “The ladder—on which I climbed? You? Great heavens! That it should come to this! . . . Leave the room—instantly! Ladder! By all that is beautiful—the ladder upon which I, Samuel Johnson, the tallest person in letters, have climbed! Go! Do you hear?”
“That’s one on you, Doctor,” said Cicero, wrapping his toga about him. “I think you ought to order up three baskets of champagne22 on that.”
“I’ll order up three baskets full of Boswell’s remains23 if he ever dares speak like that again!” retorted the Doctor, shaking with anger. “He—my ladder—why, it’s ridiculous.”
“Yes,” said Shakespeare, dryly. “That’s why we laugh.”
“You were a little hard on him, Doctor,” said Henry VIII. “He was a valuable man to you. He had a great eye for your greatness.”
“Yes. If there’s any feature of Boswell that’s greater than his nose and ears, it’s his great I,” said the Doctor.
“You’d rather have him change his I to a U, I presume,” said Napoleon, quietly.
The Doctor waved his hand impatiently. “Let’s drop him,” he said. “Dropping one’s biographer isn’t without precedent24. As soon as any man ever got to know Napoleon well enough to write him up he sent him to the front, where he could get a little lead in his system.”
“I wish I had had a Boswell all the same,” said Shakespeare. “Then the world would have known the truth about me.”
“It wouldn’t if he’d relied on your word for it,” retorted the Doctor. “Hullo! here’s Hamlet.”
As the Doctor spoke25, in very truth the melancholy26 Dane appeared in the doorway27, more melancholy of aspect than ever.
“What’s the matter with you?” asked Cicero, addressing the new-comer. “Haven’t you got that poison out of your system yet?”
“Not entirely,” said Hamlet, with a sigh; “but it isn’t that that’s bothering me. It’s Fate.”
“We’ll get out an injunction against Fate if you like,” said Blackstone. “Is it persecution28, or have you deserved it?”
“I think it’s persecution,” said Hamlet. “I never wronged Fate in my life, and why she should pursue me like a demon29 through all eternity30 is a thing I can’t understand.”
“Maybe Ophelia is back of it,” suggested Doctor Johnson. “These women have a great deal of sympathy for each other, and, candidly31, I think you behaved pretty rudely to Ophelia. It’s a poor way to show your love for a young woman, running a sword through her father every night for pay, and driving the girl to suicide with equal frequency, just to show theatre-goers what a smart little Dane you can be if you try.”
“’Tisn’t me does all that,” returned Hamlet. “I only did it once, and even then it wasn’t as bad as Shakespeare made it out to be.”
“I put it down just as it was,” said Shakespeare, hotly, “and you can’t dispute it.”
“Yes, he can,” said Yorick. “You made him tell Horatio he knew me well, and he never met me in his life.”
“I never told Horatio anything of the sort,” said Hamlet. “I never entered the graveyard32 even, and I can prove an alibi33.”
“And, what’s more, he couldn’t have made the remark the way Shakespeare has it, anyhow,” said Yorick, “and for a very good reason. I wasn’t buried in that graveyard, and Hamlet and I can prove an alibi for the skull34, too.”
“It was a good play, just the same,” said Cicero.
“Well, if you don’t talk in your sleep, the play did a Christian36 service to the world,” retorted Shakespeare. “But, really, Hamlet, I thought I did the square thing by you in that play. I meant to, anyhow; and if it has made you unhappy, I’m honestly sorry.”
“Spoken like a man,” said Yorick.
“I don’t mind the play so much,” said Hamlet, “but the way I’m represented by these fellows who play it is the thing that rubs me the wrong way. Why, I even hear that there’s a troupe37 out in the western part of the United States that puts the thing on with three Hamlets, two ghosts, and a pair of blood-hounds. It’s called the Uncle-Tom-Hamlet Combination, and instead of my falling in love with one crazy Ophelia, I am made to woo three dusky maniacs38 named Topsy on a canvas ice-floe, while the blood-hounds bark behind the scenes. What sort of treatment is that for a man of royal lineage?”
“It’s pretty rough,” said Napoleon. “As the poet ought to have said, ‘Oh, Hamlet, Hamlet, what crimes are committed in thy name!’”
“I feel as badly about the play as Hamlet does,” said Shakespeare, after a moment of silent thought. “I don’t bother much about this wild Western business, though, because I think the introduction of the bloodhounds and the Topsies makes us both more popular in that region than we should be otherwise. What I object to is the way we are treated by these so-called first-class intellectual actors in London and other great cities. I’ve seen Hamlet done before a highly cultivated audience, and, by Jove, it made me blush.”
“Me too,” sighed Hamlet. “I have seen a man who had a walk on him that suggested spring-halt and locomotor ataxia combined impersonating my graceful39 self in a manner that drove me almost crazy. I’ve heard my ‘To be or not to be’ soliloquy uttered by a famous tragedian in tones that would make a graveyard yawn at mid-day, and if there was any way in which I could get even with that man I’d do it.”
“It seems to me,” said Blackstone, assuming for the moment a highly judicial40 manner—“it seems to me that Shakespeare, having got you into this trouble, ought to get you out of it.”
“But how?” said Shakespeare, earnestly. “That’s the point. Heaven knows I’m willing enough.”
Hamlet’s face suddenly brightened as though illuminated41 with an idea. Then he began to dance about the room with an expression of glee that annoyed Doctor Johnson exceedingly.
“I wish Darwin could see you now,” the Doctor growled42. “A kodak picture of you would prove his arguments conclusively43.”
“Rail on, O philosopher!” retorted Hamlet. “Rail on! I mind your railings not, for I the germ of an idea have got.”
“Well, go quarantine yourself,” said the Doctor. “I’d hate to have one of your idea microbes get hold of me.”
“What’s the scheme?” asked Shakespeare.
“You can write a play for me!” cried Hamlet. “Make it a farce-tragedy. Take the modern player for your hero, and let me play him. I’ll bait him through four acts. I’ll imitate his walk. I’ll cultivate his voice. We’ll have the first act a tank act, and drop the hero into the tank. The second act can be in a saw-mill, and we can cut his hair off on a buzz-saw. The third act can introduce a spile-driver with which to drive his hat over his eyes and knock his brains down into his lungs. The fourth act can be at Niagara Falls, and we’ll send him over the falls; and for a grand climax44 we can have him guillotined just after he has swallowed a quart of prussic acid and a spoonful of powdered glass. Do that for me, William, and you are forgiven. I’ll play it for six hundred nights in London, for two years in New York, and round up with a one-night stand in Boston.”
“It sounds like a good scheme,” said Shakespeare, meditatively45. “What shall we call it?”
“Call it Irving,” said Eugene Aram, who had entered. “I too have suffered.”
“And let me be Hamlet’s understudy,” said Charles the First, earnestly.
“Done!” said Shakespeare, calling for a pad and pencil.
And as the sun rose upon the Styx the next morning the Bard46 of Avon was to be seen writing a comic chorus to be sung over the moribund47 tragedian by the shades of Charles, Aram, and other eminent deceased heroes of the stage, with which his new play of Irving was to be brought to an appropriate close.
This play has not as yet found its way upon the boards, but any enterprising manager who desires to consider it may address
Hamlet,
The House-Boat,
Hades-on-the-Styx.
He is sure to get a reply by return mail, unless Mephistopheles interferes48, which is not unlikely, since Mephistopheles is said to have been much pleased with the manner in which the eminent tragedian has put him before the British and American public.
点击
收听单词发音
收听单词发音 |
1
picturesque
|
|
| adj.美丽如画的，（语言）生动的，绘声绘色的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
2
gondolas
|
|
| n.狭长小船( gondola的名词复数 )；货架（一般指商店，例如化妆品店）；吊船工作台 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
3
mere
|
|
| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
4
bent
|
|
| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
5
eminent
|
|
| adj.显赫的，杰出的，有名的，优良的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
6
antediluvian
|
|
| adj.史前的，陈旧的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
7
virtues
|
|
| 美德( virtue的名词复数 )； 德行； 优点； 长处 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
8
proceedings
|
|
| n.进程，过程，议程；诉讼(程序)；公报 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
9
stenographer
|
|
| n.速记员 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
10
anonymously
|
|
| ad.用匿名的方式 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
11
mundane
|
|
| adj.平凡的；尘世的；宇宙的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
12
shovelled
|
|
| v.铲子( shovel的过去式和过去分词 )；锹；推土机、挖土机等的)铲；铲形部份 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
13
amber
|
|
| n.琥珀；琥珀色；adj.琥珀制的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
14
entirely
|
|
| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
15
averted
|
|
| 防止，避免( avert的过去式和过去分词 )； 转移 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
16
evoked
|
|
| [医]诱发的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
17
smokers
|
|
| 吸烟者( smoker的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
18
witty
|
|
| adj.机智的，风趣的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
19
confession
|
|
| n.自白，供认，承认 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
20
queried
|
|
| v.质疑，对…表示疑问( query的过去式和过去分词 )；询问 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
21
meekly
|
|
| adv.温顺地，逆来顺受地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
22
champagne
|
|
| n.香槟酒；微黄色 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
23
remains
|
|
| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
24
precedent
|
|
| n.先例，前例；惯例；adj.在前的，在先的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
25
spoke
|
|
| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
26
melancholy
|
|
| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
27
doorway
|
|
| n.门口，(喻)入门；门路，途径 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
28
persecution
|
|
| n. 迫害,烦扰 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
29
demon
|
|
| n.魔鬼，恶魔 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
30
eternity
|
|
| n.不朽，来世；永恒，无穷 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
31
candidly
|
|
| adv.坦率地，直率而诚恳地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
32
graveyard
|
|
| n.坟场 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
33
alibi
|
|
| n.某人当时不在犯罪现场的申辩或证明；借口 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
34
skull
|
|
| n.头骨；颅骨 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
35
insomnia
|
|
| n.失眠，失眠症 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
36
Christian
|
|
| adj.基督教徒的；n.基督教徒 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
37
troupe
|
|
| n.剧团，戏班；杂技团；马戏团 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
38
maniacs
|
|
| n.疯子（maniac的复数形式） | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
39
graceful
|
|
| adj.优美的，优雅的；得体的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
40
judicial
|
|
| adj.司法的，法庭的，审判的，明断的，公正的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
41
illuminated
|
|
| adj.被照明的；受启迪的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
42
growled
|
|
| v.（动物）发狺狺声， （雷）作隆隆声( growl的过去式和过去分词 )；低声咆哮着说 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
43
conclusively
|
|
| adv.令人信服地，确凿地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
44
climax
|
|
| n.顶点；高潮；v.(使)达到顶点 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
45
meditatively
|
|
| adv.冥想地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
46
bard
|
|
| n.吟游诗人 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
47
moribund
|
|
| adj.即将结束的，垂死的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
48
interferes
|
|
| vi. 妨碍，冲突，干涉 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
| 欢迎访问英文小说网 |