CHAPTER 58

 That hard winter passed under the ferule of the “Bull of Apis” and the “Great Ape,” finally came to an end and spring returned; it was always a troublous time for us, the scholars, for the first mild days gave us a great longing¹ to be out, and we could scarcely hide our restlessness. The roses budded everywhere upon our old walls; my beloved little garden, bright and warm under the March sunshine, tempted² me, and I would tarry there a long time to watch the insects wake up, and to see the early butterflies and bees fly away. Even the revised “Donkey's Skin” was neglected.

 

I was no longer escorted to and from school, for I had persuaded my family to discontinue a custom that made me ridiculous in the eyes of my companions. Often, before returning home, I would take a long and roundabout way and pass by the peaceful ramparts from where I had glimpses of other provinces, and a sight of the distant country.

 

I worked with even less zeal³ than usual that spring, for the beautiful weather that tempted me out of doors turned my head and made study almost impossible.

 

Assuredly one of the things for which I had the least aptitude⁴ was French composition; I generally composed a mere⁵ rough draught⁶ without a particle of embellishment to redeem⁷ it. In the class there was a boy who was a very eagle, and he always read his lucubrations aloud. Oh! with what unction he read out his pretty creations! (He is now settled in a manufacturing town, and has become the most prosaic⁸ of petty bailiffs.) One day the subject given out was: “A Shipwreck⁹.” To me the words had a lyrical sound! But, nevertheless, I handed in my paper with only the title and my name inscribed¹⁰ upon it. No, I could not make up my mind to elaborate the subjects given to us by the “Great Ape”; a sort of instinctive¹² good taste kept me from writing trite¹³ commonplaces, and as for putting down things of my own imagining, the knowledge that they would be read and picked to pieces by the old bogey¹⁴ made it impossible for me to compose anything.

 

I loved, however, even at this time, to write for myself, but I did it with the greatest secrecy¹⁵. Not in the desk in my room that was profaned¹⁶ by lessons and copy-books, but in the little old-fashioned one that was part of the furniture of my museum, there was hidden away a unique thing that represented my first attempt at a journal. It looked like a sibyl's conjuring¹⁷ book, or an Assyrian manuscript; a seeming endless strip of paper was rolled upon a reed; at the head of this there were two varieties of the Egyptian sphinx and a cabalistic star drawn¹⁸ in red ink,—and under these mysterious signs I wrote down, upon the full length of the paper and in a cipher¹⁹ of my own invention, daily events and reflections. A year later, however, because of the labor¹¹ involved in transcribing²⁰ the cryptographic characters I had chosen I discarded them and used the ordinary letters; but I continued my work with the greatest secrecy, and I kept my manuscript under lock and key as if it were an interdicted²¹ book. I inscribed there, not so much the events of my almost colorless existence, as my incoherent impressions, the melancholy²² that I felt at twilight²³, my regret for past summers, and my dreams of distant countries. . . . I already had a longing to give my fugitive²⁴ emotions a determinative quality, I needed to wrestle²⁵ against my own weaknesses and frailties²⁶ and to banish²⁷, if possible, the dream-like element that I seemed to discover in all the things about me, and for that reason I continued my journal until a few years ago. . . . But at that time the mere idea that a day might come when someone would have a peep at it was insupportable to me; so much so indeed that if I left home and went to the Island or elsewhere for a few days, I always took care to seal up my journal, and with the greatest solemnity I wrote upon the packet: “It is my last wish that this book be burned without being read.”

 

God knows, I have changed since then. But it would be going too far beyond the limits of this story of my childhood to recount here through what changes in my life's view-point it chances that I now sing aloud of my woes²⁸, and cry out to the passers-by, for the purpose of drawing to myself the sympathy of distant unknown ones; and I call out with the greater anguish²⁹ in proportion as I feel myself approaching nearer and nearer to the final dust. . . . And who knows? perhaps as I grow older I may write of those still more sacred things which at present cannot be forced from me,—and by that means try to prolong beyond the bounds of my individual life, memory of my being, of my sorrows, and joys, and love.

 

 

1 longing   

n.（for）渴望

参考例句：

• Hearing the tune again sent waves of longing through her.再次听到那首曲子使她胸中充满了渴望。
• His heart burned with longing for revenge.他心中燃烧着急欲复仇的怒火。

2 tempted   

v.怂恿（某人）干不正当的事；冒…的险（tempt的过去分词）

参考例句：

• I was sorely tempted to complain, but I didn't. 我极想发牢骚，但还是没开口。
• I was tempted by the dessert menu. 甜食菜单馋得我垂涎欲滴。

3 zeal   

n.热心，热情，热忱

参考例句：

• Revolutionary zeal caught them up,and they joined the army.革命热情激励他们，于是他们从军了。
• They worked with great zeal to finish the project.他们热情高涨地工作，以期完成这个项目。

4 aptitude   

n.(学习方面的)才能，资质，天资

参考例句：

• That student has an aptitude for mathematics.那个学生有数学方面的天赋。
• As a child,he showed an aptitude for the piano.在孩提时代，他显露出对于钢琴的天赋。

5 mere   

adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过

参考例句：

• That is a mere repetition of what you said before.那不过是重复了你以前讲的话。
• It's a mere waste of time waiting any longer.再等下去纯粹是浪费时间。

6 draught   

n.拉，牵引，拖；一网（饮，吸，阵)；顿服药量，通风；v.起草，设计

参考例句：

• He emptied his glass at one draught.他将杯中物一饮而尽。
• It's a pity the room has no north window and you don't get a draught.可惜这房间没北窗，没有过堂风。

7 redeem   

v.买回，赎回，挽回，恢复，履行（诺言等）

参考例句：

• He had no way to redeem his furniture out of pawn.他无法赎回典当的家具。
• The eyes redeem the face from ugliness.这双眼睛弥补了他其貌不扬之缺陷。

8 prosaic   

adj.单调的，无趣的

参考例句：

• The truth is more prosaic.真相更加乏味。
• It was a prosaic description of the scene.这是对场景没有想象力的一个描述。

9 shipwreck   

n.船舶失事，海难

参考例句：

• He walked away from the shipwreck.他船难中平安地脱险了。
• The shipwreck was a harrowing experience.那次船难是一个惨痛的经历。

10 inscribed   

v.写，刻( inscribe的过去式和过去分词 )；内接

参考例句：

• His name was inscribed on the trophy. 他的名字刻在奖杯上。
• The names of the dead were inscribed on the wall. 死者的名字被刻在墙上。 来自《简明英汉词典》

11 labor   

n.劳动，努力，工作，劳工；分娩；vi.劳动，努力，苦干；vt.详细分析；麻烦

参考例句：

• We are never late in satisfying him for his labor.我们从不延误付给他劳动报酬。
• He was completely spent after two weeks of hard labor.艰苦劳动两周后，他已经疲惫不堪了。

12 instinctive   

adj.(出于)本能的；直觉的；(出于)天性的

参考例句：

• He tried to conceal his instinctive revulsion at the idea.他试图饰盖自己对这一想法本能的厌恶。
• Animals have an instinctive fear of fire.动物本能地怕火。

13 trite   

adj.陈腐的

参考例句：

• The movie is teeming with obvious and trite ideas.这部电影充斥着平铺直叙的陈腐观点。
• Yesterday,in the restaurant,Lorraine had seemed trite,blurred,worn away.昨天在饭店里，洛兰显得庸俗、堕落、衰老了。

14 bogey   

n.令人谈之变色之物；妖怪，幽灵

参考例句：

• The universal bogey is AIDS.艾滋病是所有人唯恐避之不及的东西。
• Age is another bogey for actresses.年龄是另一个让女演员头疼的问题。

15 secrecy   

n.秘密，保密，隐蔽

参考例句：

• All the researchers on the project are sworn to secrecy.该项目的所有研究人员都按要求起誓保守秘密。
• Complete secrecy surrounded the meeting.会议在绝对机密的环境中进行。

16 profaned   

v.不敬( profane的过去式和过去分词 )；亵渎，玷污

参考例句：

• They have profaned the long upheld traditions of the church. 他们亵渎了教会长期沿袭的传统。 来自辞典例句
• Their behaviour profaned the holy place. 他们的行为玷污了这处圣地。 来自辞典例句

17 conjuring   

n.魔术

参考例句：

• Paul's very good at conjuring. 保罗很会变戏法。
• The entertainer didn't fool us with his conjuring. 那个艺人变的戏法没有骗到我们。

18 drawn   

v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的

参考例句：

• All the characters in the story are drawn from life.故事中的所有人物都取材于生活。
• Her gaze was drawn irresistibly to the scene outside.她的目光禁不住被外面的风景所吸引。

19 cipher   

n.零；无影响力的人；密码

参考例句：

• All important plans were sent to the police in cipher.所有重要计划均以密码送往警方。
• He's a mere cipher in the company.他在公司里是个无足轻重的小人物。

20 transcribing   

（用不同的录音手段）转录( transcribe的现在分词 )； 改编（乐曲）（以适应他种乐器或声部）； 抄写； 用音标标出（声音）

参考例句：

• They continue to remove molecules until the cell stops transcribing the gene. 他们继续除去分子，直到细胞不再转录基因为止。
• Q: Can I use Voice-to-Text software to help with the transcribing? 问：我能使用声音-到-本文的软件帮助转换吗？

21 interdicted   

v.禁止（行动）( interdict的过去式和过去分词 )；禁用；限制

参考例句：

• He was interdicted from acting. 他的行为受到限制。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
• It is interdicted by law. 这是法律禁止的。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》

22 melancholy   

n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的

参考例句：

• All at once he fell into a state of profound melancholy.他立即陷入无尽的忧思之中。
• He felt melancholy after he failed the exam.这次考试没通过，他感到很郁闷。

23 twilight   

n.暮光，黄昏；暮年，晚期，衰落时期

参考例句：

• Twilight merged into darkness.夕阳的光辉融于黑暗中。
• Twilight was sweet with the smell of lilac and freshly turned earth.薄暮充满紫丁香和新翻耕的泥土的香味。

24 fugitive   

adj.逃亡的，易逝的；n.逃犯，逃亡者

参考例句：

• The police were able to deduce where the fugitive was hiding.警方成功地推断出那逃亡者躲藏的地方。
• The fugitive is believed to be headed for the border.逃犯被认为在向国境线逃窜。

25 wrestle   

vi.摔跤，角力；搏斗；全力对付

参考例句：

• He taught his little brother how to wrestle.他教他小弟弟如何摔跤。
• We have to wrestle with difficulties.我们必须同困难作斗争。

26 frailties   

n.脆弱( frailty的名词复数 )；虚弱；（性格或行为上的）弱点；缺点

参考例句：

• The fact indicates the economic frailties of this type of farming. 这一事实表明，这种类型的农业在经济上有其脆弱性。 来自辞典例句
• He failed therein to take account of the frailties of human nature--the difficulties of matrimonial life. 在此，他没有考虑到人性的种种弱点--夫妻生活的种种难处。 来自英汉文学 - 嘉莉妹妹

27 banish   

vt.放逐，驱逐；消除，排除

参考例句：

• The doctor advised her to banish fear and anxiety.医生劝她消除恐惧和忧虑。
• He tried to banish gloom from his thought.他试图驱除心中的忧愁。

28 woes   

困境( woe的名词复数 )； 悲伤； 我好苦哇； 某人就要倒霉

参考例句：

• Thanks for listening to my woes. 谢谢您听我诉说不幸的遭遇。
• She has cried the blues about its financial woes. 对于经济的困难她叫苦不迭。

29 anguish   

n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼

参考例句：

• She cried out for anguish at parting.分手时，她由于痛苦而失声大哭。
• The unspeakable anguish wrung his heart.难言的痛苦折磨着他的心。