CHAPTER 79

 And one day, when September was more than half over, I realized, because of the particularly torturing anxiety I felt when I waked, that I must no longer defer¹ the matter—the term which I had allotted² to myself was over.

 

In my heart of hearts I had more than half determined³ what my decision was to be; but before it could be rendered effective it was necessary for me to avow⁴ it, and I promised myself that the day should not pass away without my having, as courageously⁵ as possible, accomplished⁶ that task. It was my intention to first confide⁷ in my brother; for although I feared that in the beginning he would oppose me with all his power, I hoped that he would finally take my part and help me carry the day.

 

Therefore, after the mid-day dinner, when the sun was hottest, I carried my pen and paper into my uncle's garden, and I locked myself in there for the purpose of writing my letter. It was one of my boyhood habits to study or write in the open air, and often I chose the most singular places—tree-tops or the roof—for my work.

 

It was a hot and cloudless September afternoon. The old garden, silent and melancholy⁸ as ever, gave me, strangely enough, more than the customary feeling of regret that I was so far away from my mother, that all of summer would pass without my seeing my home and the flowers in the beloved little yard. And then, too, what I was upon the point of writing would result in separating me farther from all that I loved, and for that reason I felt extraordinarily⁹ sad. It seemed to me that there was something a little funereal¹⁰ in the air of the garden, as if the walls, the plum trees, the vine-covered bower¹¹, even the very alfalfa fields beyond the garden, were vitally interested in this, the first grave act of my life which was about to take place under their eyes.

 

For the purpose of writing I hesitated between two or three places, all blazing hot and almost shadeless. It was my way of gaining time, an attempt to delay writing that letter which, with the ideas I then had, would render my decision, once I had announced it, irrevocable. The sun-baked earth was already strewn with red vine branches and withered¹² leaves; the holly-hocks and dahlias, grown tall as trees, had a few meagre blossoms at the tops of their long stalks; the blazing sun perfected and turned to gold the musk-scented grapes that always ripened¹³ a little late; but in spite of the excessive heat and the exquisite¹⁴ limpid¹⁵ blue of the sky one felt that summer was over.

 

I finally selected the arbor¹⁶ at the end of the garden for my purpose. Its vines were stripped of their leaves, but the steel-blue butterflies and the wasps¹⁷ still came and posted themselves upon the tendrils of the grape-vines.

 

There in the calm and tranquil¹⁸ solitude¹⁹, in the summer-like silence filled with the musical chirp²⁰ of insects, I wrote and timidly signed my compact with the sea.

 

Of the letter itself I remember very little; but I recall distinctly the emotion with which I enclosed it in its envelope—I felt as if I had forever sealed my destiny.

 

After a few moments of deep reverie I wrote the address—my brother's name and the name of a country in the far Orient where he then was—on the envelope. There was now nothing more to do save to take it to the village post-office; but I remained seated there in the arbor for a long time in a dreamy mood. I leaned against the warm wall where the lizards²¹ ran back and forth²², and held upon my knees, with a feeling of uncertainty²³ and dismay, the little square of paper wherein I had settled my future. Then I was seized with a longing²⁴ to look towards the horizon, to have a glimpse of the great spaces beyond the garden; and I put my foot into the familiar breach²⁵ in the wall by means of which I often mounted, in order to watch the flight of elusive²⁶ butterflies, and, with the aid of my hands, I raised myself to the top of the wall and leaned there propped²⁷ up by my elbows. The same well-known prospect²⁸ greeted me: the hillsides covered with red vines, the wooded mountains whose trees were rapidly being stripped of their yellow leaves, and above, perched high, the noble reddish-brown ruin of Castelnau. And in the nearer distance was Bories with its old rounded porch white with lime-wash; and as I looked at it I seemed to hear the plaintive²⁹ refrain: “Ah! Ah! the good, good story!” sung in a strange voice, and at the same time there appeared to me the vision of the pinkish-yellow butterfly which two years before I had pricked³⁰ with a pin, and placed under glass in my little museum.

 

It drew near the hour for the ancient country diligence, that took the letters away from the village, to depart, and I scrambled³¹ down from the wall, and after locking the garden gate, I slowly directed my steps towards the post-office.

 

Like one with eyes fixed³² upon a vision, I walked along without taking notice of anything or any one. My spirit was wandering far away, in the fern-carpeted forests of the delicious isle³⁴, along the sands of gloomy Senegal where had lived the uncle who had interested himself in my museum, and across the South Pacific Ocean where the dolphins were passing.

 

The assured nearness and certainty of these things intoxicated³⁵ me; for the first time in my existence the world and life seemed to open before me; my way was illuminated³⁶ by a light altogether new to it: it is true the light was a little mournful, a little sad, but it was powerful nevertheless, and penetrated³⁷ to the far distant horizon where lie old age and death.

 

Many little childish images obtruded³⁸ themselves from time to time into my lofty dream; I saw myself in a sailor's uniform walking upon the sun-blistered quays³⁹ of tropical lands; and I prefigured my home-comings, after perilous⁴⁰ voyages, bringing with me cases filled to the brim with wonderful things out of which cockroaches⁴¹ escaped as they had done formerly⁴² in Jeanne's garden when her father's boxes were unpacked⁴³.

 

But suddenly a pang⁴⁴ went through my heart: those returns from distant countries could not take place for many years—the faces welcoming me home would be changed by time! Instantly I pictured those beloved faces to myself; in a wan³³ vision I saw them all together. Although its members received me with smiles of joyous⁴⁵ welcome, it was a sad group to look upon, for wrinkles seamed every brow, and my mother had white curls such as she has to-day. And my great aunt Bertha, already so old, would she, too, be there? With a sort of uneasiness, I was rapidly making a calculation of my aunt Bertha's age when I arrived at the post-office.

 

I did not hesitate, however; with a hand that trembled only a little I slipped my letter into the box, and the die was cast.

1 defer   

vt.推迟，拖延；vi.(to)遵从，听从，服从

参考例句：

• We wish to defer our decision until next week.我们希望推迟到下星期再作出决定。
• We will defer to whatever the committee decides.我们遵从委员会作出的任何决定。

2 allotted   

分配，拨给，摊派( allot的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• I completed the test within the time allotted . 我在限定的时间内完成了试验。
• Each passenger slept on the berth allotted to him. 每个旅客都睡在分配给他的铺位上。

3 determined   

adj.坚定的；有决心的

参考例句：

• I have determined on going to Tibet after graduation.我已决定毕业后去西藏。
• He determined to view the rooms behind the office.他决定查看一下办公室后面的房间。

4 avow   

v.承认，公开宣称

参考例句：

• I must avow that I am innocent.我要公开声明我是无罪的。
• The senator was forced to avow openly that he had received some money from that company.那个参议员被迫承认曾经收过那家公司的一些钱。

5 courageously   

ad.勇敢地，无畏地

参考例句：

• Under the correct leadership of the Party Central Committee and the State Council, the army and civilians in flooded areas fought the floods courageously, reducing the losses to the minimum. 在中共中央、国务院的正确领导下，灾区广大军民奋勇抗洪，把灾害的损失减少到了最低限度。
• He fought death courageously though his life was draining away. 他虽然生命垂危，但仍然勇敢地与死亡作斗争。

6 accomplished   

adj.有才艺的；有造诣的；达到了的

参考例句：

• Thanks to your help,we accomplished the task ahead of schedule.亏得你们帮忙,我们才提前完成了任务。
• Removal of excess heat is accomplished by means of a radiator.通过散热器完成多余热量的排出。

7 confide   

v.向某人吐露秘密

参考例句：

• I would never readily confide in anybody.我从不轻易向人吐露秘密。
• He is going to confide the secrets of his heart to us.他将向我们吐露他心里的秘密。

8 melancholy   

n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的

参考例句：

• All at once he fell into a state of profound melancholy.他立即陷入无尽的忧思之中。
• He felt melancholy after he failed the exam.这次考试没通过，他感到很郁闷。

9 extraordinarily   

adv.格外地；极端地

参考例句：

• She is an extraordinarily beautiful girl.她是个美丽非凡的姑娘。
• The sea was extraordinarily calm that morning.那天清晨，大海出奇地宁静。

10 funereal   

adj.悲哀的；送葬的

参考例句：

• He addressed the group in funereal tones.他语气沉痛地对大家讲话。
• The mood of the music was almost funereal.音乐的调子几乎像哀乐。

11 bower   

n.凉亭，树荫下凉快之处；闺房；v.荫蔽

参考例句：

• They sat under the leafy bower at the end of the garden and watched the sun set.他们坐在花园尽头由叶子搭成的凉棚下观看落日。
• Mrs. Quilp was pining in her bower.奎尔普太太正在她的闺房里度着愁苦的岁月。

12 withered   

adj. 枯萎的，干瘪的，（人身体的部分器官）因病萎缩的或未发育良好的 动词wither的过去式和过去分词形式

参考例句：

• The grass had withered in the warm sun. 这些草在温暖的阳光下枯死了。
• The leaves of this tree have become dry and withered. 这棵树下的叶子干枯了。

13 ripened   

v.成熟，使熟( ripen的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• They're collecting the ripened reddish berries. 他们正采集熟了的淡红草莓。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The branches bent low with ripened fruits. 成熟的果实压弯了树枝。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

14 exquisite   

adj.精美的；敏锐的；剧烈的，感觉强烈的

参考例句：

• I was admiring the exquisite workmanship in the mosaic.我当时正在欣赏镶嵌画的精致做工。
• I still remember the exquisite pleasure I experienced in Bali.我依然记得在巴厘岛所经历的那种剧烈的快感。

15 limpid   

adj.清澈的，透明的

参考例句：

• He has a pair of limpid blue eyes.他有一双清澈的蓝眼睛。
• The sky was a limpid blue,as if swept clean of everything.碧空如洗。

16 arbor   

n.凉亭；树木

参考例句：

• They sat in the arbor and chatted over tea.他们坐在凉亭里，边喝茶边聊天。
• You may have heard of Arbor Day at school.你可能在学校里听过植树节。

17 wasps   

黄蜂( wasp的名词复数 )； 胡蜂； 易动怒的人； 刻毒的人

参考例句：

• There's a wasps' nest in that old tree. 那棵老树上有一个黄蜂巢。
• We live in dread not only of unpleasant insects like spiders or wasps, but of quite harmless ones like moths. 我们不仅生活在对象蜘蛛或黄蜂这样的小虫的惧怕中，而且生活在对诸如飞蛾这样无害昆虫的惧怕中

18 tranquil   

adj. 安静的, 宁静的, 稳定的, 不变的

参考例句：

• The boy disturbed the tranquil surface of the pond with a stick. 那男孩用棍子打破了平静的池面。
• The tranquil beauty of the village scenery is unique. 这乡村景色的宁静是绝无仅有的。

19 solitude   

n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方

参考例句：

• People need a chance to reflect on spiritual matters in solitude. 人们需要独处的机会来反思精神上的事情。
• They searched for a place where they could live in solitude. 他们寻找一个可以过隐居生活的地方。

20 chirp   

v.(尤指鸟)唧唧喳喳的叫

参考例句：

• The birds chirp merrily at the top of tree.鸟儿在枝头欢快地啾啾鸣唱。
• The sparrows chirp outside the window every morning.麻雀每天清晨在窗外嘁嘁喳喳地叫。

21 lizards   

n.蜥蜴( lizard的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Nothing lives in Pompeii except crickets and beetles and lizards. 在庞培城里除了蟋蟀、甲壳虫和蜥蜴外，没有别的生物。 来自辞典例句
• Can lizards reproduce their tails? 蜥蜴的尾巴断了以后能再生吗？ 来自辞典例句

22 forth   

adv.向前；向外，往外

参考例句：

• The wind moved the trees gently back and forth.风吹得树轻轻地来回摇晃。
• He gave forth a series of works in rapid succession.他很快连续发表了一系列的作品。

23 uncertainty   

n.易变，靠不住，不确知，不确定的事物

参考例句：

• Her comments will add to the uncertainty of the situation.她的批评将会使局势更加不稳定。
• After six weeks of uncertainty,the strain was beginning to take its toll.6个星期的忐忑不安后，压力开始产生影响了。

24 longing   

n.（for）渴望

参考例句：

• Hearing the tune again sent waves of longing through her.再次听到那首曲子使她胸中充满了渴望。
• His heart burned with longing for revenge.他心中燃烧着急欲复仇的怒火。

25 breach   

n.违反，不履行；破裂；vt.冲破，攻破

参考例句：

• We won't have any breach of discipline.我们不允许任何破坏纪律的现象。
• He was sued for breach of contract.他因不履行合同而被起诉。

26 elusive   

adj.难以表达(捉摸)的；令人困惑的；逃避的

参考例句：

• Try to catch the elusive charm of the original in translation.翻译时设法把握住原文中难以捉摸的风韵。
• Interpol have searched all the corners of the earth for the elusive hijackers.国际刑警组织已在世界各地搜查在逃的飞机劫持者。

27 propped   

支撑，支持，维持( prop的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• He sat propped up in the bed by pillows. 他靠着枕头坐在床上。
• This fence should be propped up. 这栅栏该用东西支一支。

28 prospect   

n.前景，前途；景色，视野

参考例句：

• This state of things holds out a cheerful prospect.事态呈现出可喜的前景。
• The prospect became more evident.前景变得更加明朗了。

29 plaintive   

adj.可怜的，伤心的

参考例句：

• Her voice was small and plaintive.她的声音微弱而哀伤。
• Somewhere in the audience an old woman's voice began plaintive wail.观众席里，一位老太太伤心地哭起来。

30 pricked   

刺，扎，戳( prick的过去式和过去分词 )； 刺伤； 刺痛； 使剧痛

参考例句：

• The cook pricked a few holes in the pastry. 厨师在馅饼上戳了几个洞。
• He was pricked by his conscience. 他受到良心的谴责。

31 scrambled   

v.快速爬行( scramble的过去式和过去分词 )；攀登；争夺；（军事飞机）紧急起飞

参考例句：

• Each scrambled for the football at the football ground. 足球场上你争我夺。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• He scrambled awkwardly to his feet. 他笨拙地爬起身来。 来自《简明英汉词典》

32 fixed   

adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的

参考例句：

• Have you two fixed on a date for the wedding yet?你们俩选定婚期了吗？
• Once the aim is fixed,we should not change it arbitrarily.目标一旦确定，我们就不应该随意改变。

33 wan   

(wide area network)广域网

参考例句：

• The shared connection can be an Ethernet,wireless LAN,or wireless WAN connection.提供共享的网络连接可以是以太网、无线局域网或无线广域网。

34 isle   

n.小岛，岛

参考例句：

• He is from the Isle of Man in the Irish Sea.他来自爱尔兰海的马恩岛。
• The boat left for the paradise isle of Bali.小船驶向天堂一般的巴厘岛。

35 intoxicated   

喝醉的，极其兴奋的

参考例句：

• She was intoxicated with success. 她为成功所陶醉。
• They became deeply intoxicated and totally disoriented. 他们酩酊大醉，东南西北全然不辨。

36 illuminated   

adj.被照明的；受启迪的

参考例句：

• Floodlights illuminated the stadium. 泛光灯照亮了体育场。
• the illuminated city at night 夜幕中万家灯火的城市

37 penetrated   

adj. 击穿的，鞭辟入里的 动词penetrate的过去式和过去分词形式

参考例句：

• The knife had penetrated his chest. 刀子刺入了他的胸膛。
• They penetrated into territory where no man had ever gone before. 他们已进入先前没人去过的地区。

38 obtruded   

v.强行向前，强行，强迫( obtrude的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• Music from the next room obtruded upon his thoughts. 隔壁的音乐声打扰了他的思绪。
• Not a leaf stirred; not a sound obtruded upon great Nature's meditation. 树叶儿一动也不动，没有任何声音打扰大自然的酣眠。 来自英汉文学 - 汤姆历险

39 quays   

码头( quay的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• She drove across the Tournelle bridge and across the busy quays to the Latin quarter. 她驾车开过图尔内勒桥，穿过繁忙的码头开到拉丁区。
• When blasting is close to such installations as quays, the charge can be reduced. 在靠近如码头这类设施爆破时，装药量可以降低。

40 perilous   

adj.危险的，冒险的

参考例句：

• The journey through the jungle was perilous.穿过丛林的旅行充满了危险。
• We have been carried in safety through a perilous crisis.历经一连串危机，我们如今已安然无恙。

41 cockroaches   

n.蟑螂( cockroach的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• At night, the cockroaches filled the house with their rustlings. 夜里，屋里尽是蟑螂窸窸瑟瑟的声音。 来自辞典例句
• It loves cockroaches, and can keep a house clear of these hated insects. 它们好食蟑螂，可以使住宅免除这些讨厌昆虫的骚扰。 来自百科语句

42 formerly   

adv.从前，以前

参考例句：

• We now enjoy these comforts of which formerly we had only heard.我们现在享受到了过去只是听说过的那些舒适条件。
• This boat was formerly used on the rivers of China.这船从前航行在中国内河里。

43 unpacked   

v.从（包裹等）中取出（所装的东西），打开行李取出( unpack的过去式和过去分词 )；拆包；解除…的负担；吐露（心事等）

参考例句：

• I unpacked my bags as soon as I arrived. 我一到达就打开行李，整理衣物。
• Our guide unpacked a picnic of ham sandwiches and offered us tea. 我们的导游打开装着火腿三明治的野餐盒，并给我们倒了些茶水。 来自辞典例句

44 pang   

n.剧痛，悲痛，苦闷

参考例句：

• She experienced a sharp pang of disappointment.她经历了失望的巨大痛苦。
• She was beginning to know the pang of disappointed love.她开始尝到了失恋的痛苦。

45 joyous   

adj.充满快乐的；令人高兴的

参考例句：

• The lively dance heightened the joyous atmosphere of the scene.轻快的舞蹈给这场戏渲染了欢乐气氛。
• They conveyed the joyous news to us soon.他们把这一佳音很快地传递给我们。