When she tried to analyse these tendencies in herself, she was confronted with the disharmonies of her life, disharmonies that reacted all the more keenly on a generous and impulsive2 nature. She was necessary to nobody, not even to the man who had thought that it would be pleasant to marry her, for she knew that in a month he would be as contented3 as ever with his old bachelor life. She had no personal corner, no sacred place full of the subtle and pleasant presence of the individual “I.” She had none of the simple and primitive4 responsibilities that provide many women with a natural and organic satisfaction.
A new class had arisen, the class of the unattached working women, and she was sharing the experiences of thousands. It was a sense of defencelessness that angered her. She had no weapon. She could only retaliate5 upon society by shutting her mouth and holding her head a little higher. Her individuality was threatened. She was denied the chance of living a life of self-expression, and was told with casual cynicism that she must do such work as society chose to offer her, or starve.
Of course, there were the chances of escape, the little, secret, fatal doorways6 that men were willing to leave open. Some women availed themselves of these opportunities, nor was Eve so prejudiced as to imagine that all women were martyrs8 and less hot blooded than the men. She had had the same doors opened to her. She might have become a mistress, or have married a man who was physically9 distasteful to her, and she understood now why many women were so bitter against anything that was male. It was not man, but the sex spirit, and all its meaner predilections10.
Ninety-nine men out of a hundred concerned themselves with nothing but a woman’s face and figure. They reacted to physical impressions, and Eve realised the utter naturalness of it all. The working woman had got outside the old conventions. She was trying to do unsexual things, and to talk an unsexual language to men who had not changed. It was like muddling11 up business and sentiment, and created an impossible position, so long as the male nature continued to react in the way it did. Sexual solicitation12 or plain indifference13, these were the two extreme fates that bounded the life of the working woman.
Eve told herself that there were exceptions, but that society, in the mass, moved along these lines. She had listened to Kate Duveen—Kate Duveen, who was a fanatic14, and who had made it her business to look into the conditions under which working women lived. The shop-girl, the servant, the waitress, the clerk, the typist, the chorus-girl, the street-walker; always they held in their hands the bribe15 that men desired, that bribe so fatal to the woman when once it had been given. Eve began to understand the spirit of revolt by the disgust that was stirred in her own heart. This huge sexual machine. This terrible, primitive groundwork upon which all the shades of civilisation16 were tagged like threads of coloured silk. There was some resemblance here between the reaction of certain women against sex, and the reaction of the early Christians17 against the utter physical smell of the Roman civilisation. To live, one must be born again. One must triumph over the senses. One must refuse to treat with men on the old physical understanding. They are the cries of extremists, and yet of an extremity19 that hopes to triumph by urging a passionate20 and protesting celibacy21. A million odd women in the United Kingdom, over-setting the sex balance, and clamouring, many of them, that they will not be weighed in the old sexual scale.
Eve caught the spirit of rebellion, divorced as she was from any comradeship with men. It is so much easier to quarrel with the hypothetical antagonists22 whom one meets in the world of one’s own brain. Bring two prejudiced humans together, get them to talk like reasonable beings, and each may have some chance of discovering that the other is not the beast that he or she had imagined. It is when masses of people segregate23 and refuse to mix that war becomes more than probable.
Insensibly, yet very surely, Eve began to imbibe24 this feeling of antagonism25. It made her take sides, even when she happened to read the account of some law case in the paper. And this tacit antagonism abetted26 her in her refusal to accept the cheap labour that society, “male society,” she called it, chose to offer her. It behoved women to stand out against male exploitation, even if they had to suffer for the moment. Yet her revolt was still an individual revolt. She had not joined herself to the crowd. She wanted to complete her personal experiences before associating herself with the great mass of discontent, and she meant to go through to the end—to touch all the realities. Perhaps she was a little feverish27 in her sincerity28. She had been ill. She had been badly fed. She had been worried, and she was in a mood that demanded that specious29 sort of realism that is to the truth what a statue is to the living body.
Her last morning at Bosnia Road turned out to be warm and sunny. She was ready to smile at contrasts, and to draw them with a positive and perverse30 wilfulness31. Breakfast was just like other breakfasts, only different. The brown teapot with the chip out of its lid stood there, familiar yet ironical32. The marmalade dish, with its pinky roses and silver-plated handle that was wearing green, reminded her that it would meet her eyes no more. The patchwork33 tea-cosy was like a fat and sentimental34 old lady who was always exclaiming, “Oh, dear, what a wicked world it is!” Even the egg-cup, with its smudgy blue pattern, had a ridiculous individuality of its own. Eve felt a little emotional and more than a little morbid35, and ready to laugh at herself because a teapot and an egg-cup made her moralise.
She had packed all her belongings36, paid Mrs. Buss, and ordered a “growler” to call at half-past ten. The cabman was punctual. He came into the narrow hall, rubbing his boots on the doormat, a cheerful ancient, a bolster37 of clothes, and looking to be in perpetual proximity38 to breathlessness and perspiration39. He laid his old top-hat on the floor beside the staircase, and went up to struggle with Eve’s boxes.
Mrs. Buss had let Eve’s rooms, and had nothing to complain of. For the time being her attention was concentrated on seeing that the cabman did not knock the paint off the banisters.
“Do be careful now!”
A red-faced man was descending40 under the shadow of a big black trunk.
“All right, mum. Don’t you worry, mum!”
“Them chaps as builds ’ouses don’t think of the luggidge and foornitoore. ’Old up, there!”
A corner of the trunk jarred against the wall and left a gash43 in the paper. Mrs. Buss made a clucking sound with her tongue.
“There, didn’t I say!”
“Did I touch anythink?”
“Now, mind the hat-stand! And the front door was painted three months ago.”
“Don’t you worry, mum. It ain’t the first time luggidge and me ’as gone out walkin’ together!”
“That’s just the British working-man to a T. He earns his living by doing one thing all his life, and he does it badly. My poor husband found that out before he died. I do hope I’ve made you feel comfortable and homely45? I always try to do my best.”
“I’m sure you do.”
She was glad when the loading up business was over, and she was driving away between the dull little houses.
Eve had written to book a room at a cheap hotel in Bloomsbury, an hotel that had been brought into being by the knocking together of three straight-faced, dark-bricked old houses. She drove first to the hotel, left a light trunk and a handbag there, and then ordered the cabman to go on to Charing46 Cross where she left the rest of her luggage in the keeping of the railway company.
A sudden sense of freedom came over her when she walked out of the station enclosure, after paying and tipping the driver of the growler, who was surprised at the amount of the tip. She had been delivered from suburbia, and her escape from Bosnia Road made her the more conscious of the largeness and the stimulating47 complexity48 of life. She felt a new exhilaration, and a sense of adventure that glimpsed more spacious49 happenings. It was more like the mood that is ascribed to the young man who rides out alone, tossing an audacious sword.
Eve decided50 to treat herself to a good lunch for once, and she walked to Kate Duveen’s Italian restaurant in Soho, and amplified51 and capped the meal with a half bottle of claret, coffee, and a liqueur. She guessed that she had plenty of Aerated52 Bread shop meals before her. After lunch she took a motor-bus to the Marble Arch, wandered into the park, and down to the Serpentine53, and discovering an empty seat, took the opportunity of reviewing her finances. She found that she had five pounds sixteen shillings and fivepence left. The Bloomsbury hotel charged four and sixpence for bed and breakfast, and she would be able to stay there for some three weeks, if she had the rest of her meals at tea-shops and cheap restaurants.
Eve sat there for an hour, watching the glimmer54 of the water and the moving figures, growing more and more conscious of the vast, subdued55 murmur56 that drifted to her from beyond the bare trees. Neither the pitch nor the volume of the sound varied57, though it was pierced now and again by the near note of a motor horn. The murmur went on and on, grinding out its under-chant that was made up of the rumbling58 of wheels, the plodding59 of hoofs60, the hooting61 of horns, the rattle62 and pant of machinery63, the voices of men and women. This green space seemed a spot of silence in the thick of a whirl of throbbing64, quivering movement. She had always hated London traffic, but to-day it had something to say to her.
The sun shone, the spring was in, and it was warm there, sitting on the seat. The water blinked, sparrows chirped65, waterfowl uttered their cries, children played, daffodils were in bloom. Eve felt herself moving suddenly to a fuller consciousness of modern life. Her brain seemed to pulsate66 with it, to glow with a new understanding.
Conquest! She could understand the feverish and half savage67 passion for conquest that seized many men. To climb above the crowd, to get money, to assert one’s individuality, brutally68 perhaps, but at all costs and against all comers. People got trampled69 on, trodden under. It was a stampede, and the stronger and the more selfish animals survived. Yet society had some sort of legal conscience. It had to make some show of clearing up its rubbish and its wreckage70. The pity of it was that there was so much “afterthought,” when “forethought” might have saved so much disease and disaster.
She pictured to herself all those women and girls working over yonder, the seamstresses and milliners, the clerks, typists, shop-girls, waitresses, factory hands, filles de joie—what a voiceless, helpless crowd it seemed. Was the clamour for the vote a mere71 catch cry, one of those specious demagogic phrases that pretended to offer so much and would effect so little? Was it not the blind, passionate cry of a mass of humanity that desired utterance72 and yearned73 for self-expression? Could anything be altered, or was life just a huge, fateful phenomenon that went its inevitable74 way, despite all the talk and the fussy75 little human figures? She wondered. How were things going to be bettered? How were the sex spirit and the commercial spirit going to be chastened and subdued?
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1
fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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impulsive
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| adj.冲动的，刺激的；有推动力的 | |
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contented
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| adj.满意的，安心的，知足的 | |
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primitive
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| adj.原始的；简单的；n.原(始)人，原始事物 | |
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retaliate
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| v.报复，反击 | |
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doorways
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| n.门口，门道( doorway的名词复数 ) | |
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doorway
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| n.门口，(喻)入门；门路，途径 | |
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martyrs
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| n.martyr的复数形式；烈士( martyr的名词复数 )；殉道者；殉教者；乞怜者（向人诉苦以博取同情） | |
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physically
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| adj.物质上，体格上，身体上，按自然规律 | |
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predilections
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| n.偏爱，偏好，嗜好( predilection的名词复数 ) | |
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muddling
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| v.弄乱，弄糟( muddle的现在分词 )；使糊涂；对付，混日子 | |
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solicitation
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| n.诱惑；揽货；恳切地要求；游说 | |
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indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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fanatic
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| n.狂热者，入迷者；adj.狂热入迷的 | |
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bribe
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| n.贿赂；v.向…行贿，买通 | |
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civilisation
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| n.文明，文化，开化，教化 | |
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Christians
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| n.基督教徒( Christian的名词复数 ) | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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extremity
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| n.末端，尽头；尽力；终极；极度 | |
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passionate
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
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celibacy
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| n.独身(主义) | |
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antagonists
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| 对立[对抗] 者，对手，敌手( antagonist的名词复数 )； 对抗肌； 对抗药 | |
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segregate
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| adj.分离的，被隔离的；vt.使分离，使隔离 | |
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24
imbibe
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| v.喝，饮；吸入，吸收 | |
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antagonism
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| n.对抗，敌对，对立 | |
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26
abetted
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| v.教唆（犯罪）( abet的过去式和过去分词 )；煽动；怂恿；支持 | |
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27
feverish
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| adj.发烧的，狂热的，兴奋的 | |
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sincerity
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| n.真诚，诚意；真实 | |
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29
specious
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| adj.似是而非的；adv.似是而非地 | |
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30
perverse
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| adj.刚愎的；坚持错误的，行为反常的 | |
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wilfulness
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| 任性；倔强 | |
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32
ironical
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| adj.讽刺的，冷嘲的 | |
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33
patchwork
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| n.混杂物；拼缝物 | |
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sentimental
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| adj.多愁善感的，感伤的 | |
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35
morbid
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| adj.病的；致病的；病态的；可怕的 | |
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belongings
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| n.私人物品，私人财物 | |
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bolster
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| n.枕垫；v.支持，鼓励 | |
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proximity
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| n.接近，邻近 | |
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perspiration
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| n.汗水；出汗 | |
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40
descending
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| n. 下行 adj. 下降的 | |
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41
diffused
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| 散布的，普及的，扩散的 | |
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42
scent
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| n.气味，香味，香水，线索，嗅觉；v.嗅，发觉 | |
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43
gash
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| v.深切，划开；n.(深长的)切(伤)口；裂缝 | |
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44
sitting-room
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| n.（BrE）客厅，起居室 | |
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45
homely
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| adj.家常的，简朴的；不漂亮的 | |
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46
charing
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| n.炭化v.把…烧成炭，把…烧焦( char的现在分词 )；烧成炭，烧焦；做杂役女佣 | |
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47
stimulating
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| adj.有启发性的，能激发人思考的 | |
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48
complexity
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| n.复杂(性)，复杂的事物 | |
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49
spacious
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| adj.广阔的，宽敞的 | |
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50
decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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51
amplified
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| 放大，扩大( amplify的过去式和过去分词 )； 增强； 详述 | |
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52
aerated
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| v.使暴露于空气中，使充满气体( aerate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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53
serpentine
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| adj.蜿蜒的，弯曲的 | |
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54
glimmer
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| v.发出闪烁的微光；n.微光，微弱的闪光 | |
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subdued
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| adj. 屈服的，柔和的，减弱的 动词subdue的过去式和过去分词 | |
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56
murmur
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| n.低语，低声的怨言；v.低语，低声而言 | |
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57
varied
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| adj.多样的，多变化的 | |
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58
rumbling
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| n. 隆隆声, 辘辘声 adj. 隆隆响的 动词rumble的现在分词 | |
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plodding
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| a.proceeding in a slow or dull way | |
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hoofs
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| n.（兽的）蹄，马蹄( hoof的名词复数 )v.（兽的）蹄，马蹄( hoof的第三人称单数 ) | |
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61
hooting
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| （使）作汽笛声响，作汽车喇叭声( hoot的现在分词 )； 倒好儿； 倒彩 | |
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62
rattle
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| v.飞奔，碰响；激怒；n.碰撞声；拨浪鼓 | |
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machinery
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| n.(总称)机械，机器；机构 | |
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64
throbbing
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| a. 跳动的,悸动的 | |
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chirped
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| 鸟叫，虫鸣( chirp的过去式 ) | |
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pulsate
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| v.有规律的跳动 | |
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savage
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| adj.野蛮的；凶恶的，残暴的；n.未开化的人 | |
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brutally
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| adv.残忍地，野蛮地，冷酷无情地 | |
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trampled
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| 踩( trample的过去式和过去分词 )； 践踏； 无视； 侵犯 | |
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wreckage
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| n.（失事飞机等的）残骸，破坏，毁坏 | |
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71
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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72
utterance
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| n.用言语表达，话语，言语 | |
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73
yearned
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| 渴望，切盼，向往( yearn的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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inevitable
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| adj.不可避免的，必然发生的 | |
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fussy
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| adj.为琐事担忧的，过分装饰的，爱挑剔的 | |
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