It is probable that John Parfit’s proposal and its psychological effects on her rallied her pride, for she threw off the lethargy of convalescence11, and turned anew to meet necessity. John Parfit had answered her letter by return, and he had succeeded in fully12 living up to his ideal of what was “sport.” “Playing the game,”—that is the phrase that embodies13 the religion of many such a man as John Parfit.
“Nothing could have made me admire you more than the straight way you have written. Nothing like the truth. It may be bitter, but it’s good physic. Well, I shall be here. Think it over. It’s the afterwards in marriage that counts, not the courting, and I’d do my best to make the afterwards what it should be.
“You’ll let me see you sometimes, won’t you? I shan’t bother you. I’m not a conceited14 ass3, and I’ll wait and take my chance.”
March winds and more sunshine were in evidence, and the weather had a drier and more energetic temper. Eve started out on expeditions. She took two rings, a gold watch, and a coral necklace to a pawnshop in Holloway, and raised three pounds on the transaction. It amused her, tucking the pawn-ticket away in her purse. These last refuges are supposed to have a touch of the melodramatic, but she discovered that expectation had been harder to bear than the reality, and that just as one is disappointed by some eagerly longed for event, so the disaster that one dreads15 turns out to be a very quiet experience, relieved perhaps by elements of humour.
She paid Mrs. Buss’s weekly bill, and studied the woman’s recovered affability with cynical tolerance16. Mrs. Buss still believed her to be on the way towards matrimony, and somehow a woman who is about to be married gains importance, possibly because other women wonder what she will make of that best and most problematical of states.
It is easy to raise money on some article of value, but it is a much harder matter to persuade people to offer money in return for the activities that we call work. Eve went the round of the agencies without discovering anything that could be classed above the level of cheap labour. There seemed to be no demand for artistic17 ability. At least, she did not chance upon the demand if it happened to exist. Her possibilities seemed to be limited to such posts as lady help or companion, posts that she had banned as the uttermost deeps of slavery. A factory worker was far more free. She could still contemplate sinking some of her pride, and starting life as a shop-girl, a servant, or a waitress.
At one agency the manageress, whose lack of patience made her tell the brusque truth on occasions, went so far as to suggest that Eve might take a place as parlourmaid in a big house. She had a smart figure and a good appearance. Some people were dispensing18 with menservants, and were putting their maids into uniform and making them take the place of butler and footman. The position of such a servant was preferable to the lot of a lady-help. Wouldn’t Eve think it over?
Eve said she would. She agreed with the manageress in thinking that there were gleams of independence in such a life, especially when one had gained a character and experience, learnt to look after silver and to know about wines.
None the less, she was discouraged and rebellious19, and on her way home after one of these expeditions, she fell in with John Parfit. It was the man of six-and-forty who blushed, not Eve. She had to help him over the stile of his self-consciousness.
“Yes, I am ever so much better. Won’t you walk a little way with me? I’ve had tea, and I thought of having a stroll round the Fields.”
He put himself at her side with laborious20 politeness, and because of his shyness he could do nothing more graceful21 than blurt22 out questions.
“Got what you want yet?”
“No, not yet.”
He frowned to himself.
“Not worrying, are you?”
“I’m learning not to worry. Nothing is as bad as it seems.”
“It’s a matter of temperament24. Perhaps you are not one of the worrying sort.”
“But I am. One finds that one can learn not to worry about the things that just concern self. The thing that does worry us is the thought that we may make other people suffer any loss.”
He said bluntly, “Bills?”
Eve laughed.
“In brief, bills. But I am perfectly25 solvent26, and I could get work to-morrow if I chose to take it.”
“But you don’t. It’s pride.”
“Yes, pride.”
He walked on beside her in his solid, broad-footed way, staring straight ahead, and keeping silent for fully half a minute.
“It hasn’t made any difference, you know.”
It was her turn to feel embarrassed.
“But you understood——”
“Yes, I understood all right. But I want to say just this, I respect you all the more for having been straight with me, and if you’ll let me have a waiting chance, I’ll make the best of it. I won’t bother you. I’ve got a sense of proportion. I’m not the sort of man a woman would get sentimental28 over in a hurry.”
“You are one of the best men I have ever met. In a city of cads, it is good to find a man who has a sense of honour.”
He went very red, and seemed to choke something back.
“I shan’t forget that in a hurry. But look here, put the other thing aside, and let’s just think of ourselves as jolly good friends. Now, I want you to let me do some of the rough and tumble for you. I’m used to it. One gets a business skin.”
“I am not going to bother you.”
“Bosh! And if you happen to want—well, you know what, any of the beastly stuff we pay our bills with——”
“Don’t, please. I know how generously you mean it all, but I’m so made that I can’t bear to be helped, even by you. Just now my pride is raw, and I want to go alone through some of these experiences. You may think it eccentric.”
He stared hard at nothing in particular.
“I don’t know. I suppose it’s in the air. Women are changing.”
“No, don’t believe that. It’s only some of the circumstances of life that are changing, and we are altering some of our methods. That’s what life is teaching me. That’s why I want to go on alone. I shall learn so much more.”
“I should have thought that most people would fight shy of learning in such a school.”
“Yes, and that is why most of us remain so narrow and selfish and prejudiced. We refuse to touch realities, and we won’t understand. I want to understand.”
He walked on, expanding his chest, and looking as though he were smothering32 a stout33 impulse to protest.
“All right; I see. Anyway, I shall be round the corner. You won’t forget that, will you?”
“No, for you have helped me already.”
“Have I?”
“Of course. It always helps to be able to believe in someone.”
Three days later Eve rang for Mrs. Buss and had an interview with the woman. She was amused to find that she herself had hardened perceptibly, and that she could lock her sentiments away when the question was a question of cash.
Her frankness astonished Mrs. Buss.
“I want to explain something to you. I mean to stay here for another three weeks, but I have no more money.”
“You’re going to be married, then?”
“No.”
“You say you haven’t any money, and you expect me——”
“There is the studio.”
“A shed like that’s no use to me.”
“It cost me about twenty-five pounds, with the stove and fittings, and it is only a few months old. It is made to take to pieces. Shall I sell it, or will you? I was thinking that it might be worth your while.”
“Oh, I see! You think I could drive a better bargain?”
“I do.”
The middle-class nature was flattered.
“You’ll be owing me about four pounds ten. And we might get twelve or thirteen pounds for the studio.”
It was studio now, not shed.
“Yes. I shall pay your bill, and give you a fifteen per cent. commission on the sale. Do you know anyone who might buy it?”
“I’m not so sure, miss, that I don’t.”
Mrs. Buss’s eyes were so well opened that she put on her bonnet38, went round to a local builder’s, and, telling him a few harmless fibs, persuaded him to buy the studio and its stove for thirteen pounds ten. The builder confessed, directly they had completed the bargain, that the studio was the very thing a customer of his wanted. He said he would look round next day and see the building, and that if he found it all right, he would hand over the money. He came, saw, and found nothing to grumble39 at, and before the day was out he had resold the studio for twenty pounds, stating blandly40 that it had originally cost thirty-five pounds, and that it was almost new, and that the gentleman had got a bargain.
Mrs. Buss brought the money to Eve, one five pound note, eight sovereigns, and ten shillings in silver, and Eve handed over four pounds, and the commission.
“Thank you, miss. I may say you have treated me very fairly, miss. And would you mind if I put up a card in the window?”
“No.”
“You see, it’s part of my living. If one loses a week or two, it’s serious.”
“Of course.”
So a card with “Apartments” printed on it went up in Eve’s window, helping42 her to realise that the term of her sojourn43 in Bosnia Road was drawing to a close.
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1
qualified
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| adj.合格的，有资格的，胜任的，有限制的 | |
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confession
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| n.自白，供认，承认 | |
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ass
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| n.驴；傻瓜，蠢笨的人 | |
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sordid
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| adj.肮脏的，不干净的，卑鄙的，暗淡的 | |
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vaguely
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| adv.含糊地，暖昧地 | |
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cynical
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| adj.(对人性或动机)怀疑的，不信世道向善的 | |
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landlady
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| n.女房东，女地主 | |
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8
barometer
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| n.气压表，睛雨表，反应指标 | |
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parlous
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| adj.危险的，不确定的，难对付的 | |
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contemplate
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| vt.盘算，计议；周密考虑；注视，凝视 | |
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convalescence
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| n.病后康复期 | |
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12
fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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embodies
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| v.表现( embody的第三人称单数 )；象征；包括；包含 | |
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14
conceited
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| adj.自负的，骄傲自满的 | |
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15
dreads
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| n.恐惧，畏惧( dread的名词复数 )；令人恐惧的事物v.害怕，恐惧，担心( dread的第三人称单数 ) | |
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16
tolerance
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| n.宽容；容忍，忍受；耐药力；公差 | |
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artistic
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| adj.艺术(家)的，美术(家)的；善于艺术创作的 | |
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18
dispensing
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| v.分配( dispense的现在分词 )；施与；配（药） | |
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rebellious
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| adj.造反的，反抗的，难控制的 | |
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laborious
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| adj.吃力的，努力的，不流畅 | |
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graceful
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| adj.优美的，优雅的；得体的 | |
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blurt
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| vt.突然说出，脱口说出 | |
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curiously
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| adv.有求知欲地；好问地；奇特地 | |
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temperament
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| n.气质，性格，性情 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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solvent
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| n.溶剂；adj.有偿付能力的 | |
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abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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sentimental
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| adj.多愁善感的，感伤的 | |
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29
glimmered
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| v.发闪光，发微光( glimmer的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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smothering
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| （使）窒息， （使）透不过气( smother的现在分词 )； 覆盖； 忍住； 抑制 | |
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gaped
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| v.目瞪口呆地凝视( gape的过去式和过去分词 )；张开，张大 | |
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barefaced
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| adj.厚颜无耻的，公然的 | |
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incipient
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| adj.起初的，发端的，初期的 | |
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glided
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| v.滑动( glide的过去式和过去分词 )；掠过；（鸟或飞机 ） 滑翔 | |
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38
bonnet
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| n.无边女帽；童帽 | |
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39
grumble
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| vi.抱怨；咕哝；n.抱怨，牢骚；咕哝，隆隆声 | |
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blandly
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| adv.温和地，殷勤地 | |
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odds
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| n.让步，机率，可能性，比率；胜败优劣之别 | |
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42
helping
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| n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的，辅助的 | |
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43
sojourn
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| v./n.旅居，寄居；逗留 | |
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