Of all forms of lettered effusiveness1, that which exploits the
opinions thereanent is the least wanted.
Kenneth Grahame
It has always seemed to me one of the worst flaws in our mistaken social system, that absolutely no distinction is made between the master who forces the human boy to take down notes from dictation and the rest of mankind. I mean that, if in a moment of righteous indignation you rend3 such a one limb from limb, you will almost certainly be subjected to the utmost rigour of the law, and you will be lucky if you escape a heavy fine of five or ten shillings, exclusive of the costs of the case. Now, this is not right on the face of it. It is even wrong. The law should take into account the extreme provocation4 which led to the action. Punish if you will the man who travels second-class with a third-class ticket, or who borrows a pencil and forgets to return it; but there are occasions when justice should be tempered with mercy, and this murdering of pedagogues6 is undoubtedly7 such an occasion.
It should be remembered, however, that there are two varieties of notes. The printed notes at the end of your Thucydides or Homer are distinctly useful when they aim at acting8 up to their true vocation5, namely, the translating of difficult passages or words. Sometimes, however, the author will insist on airing his scholarship, and instead of translations he supplies parallel passages, which neither interest, elevate, nor amuse the reader. This, of course, is mere9 vanity. The author, sitting in his comfortable chair with something short within easy reach, recks nothing of the misery10 he is inflicting11 on hundreds of people who have done him no harm at all. He turns over the pages of his book of Familiar Quotations12 with brutal13 callousness14, and for every tricky15 passage in the work which he is editing, finds and makes a note of three or four even trickier16 ones from other works. Who has not in his time been brought face to face with a word which defies translation? There are two courses open to you on such an occasion, to look the word up in the lexicon17, or in the notes. You, of course, turn up the notes, and find: 'See line 80.' You look up line 80, hoping to see a translation, and there you are told that a rather similar construction occurs in Xenophades' Lyrics18 from a Padded Cell. On this, the craven of spirit will resort to the lexicon, but the man of mettle19 will close his book with an emphatic20 bang, and refuse to have anything more to do with it. Of a different sort are the notes which simply translate the difficulty and subside21. These are a boon22 to the scholar. Without them it would be almost impossible to prepare one's work during school, and we should be reduced to the prosaic23 expedient24 of working in prep. time. What we want is the commentator25 who translates mensa as 'a table' without giving a page and a half of notes on the uses of the table in ancient Greece, with an excursus on the habit common in those times of retiring underneath26 it after dinner, and a list of the passages in Apollonius Rhodius where the word 'table' is mentioned.
These voluminous notes are apt to prove a nuisance in more ways than one. Your average master is generally inordinately27 fond of them, and will frequently ask some member of the form to read his note on so-and-so out to his fellows. This sometimes leads to curious results, as it is hardly to be expected that the youth called upon will be attending, even if he is awake, which is unlikely. On one occasion an acquaintance of mine, 'whose name I am not at liberty to divulge28', was suddenly aware that he was being addressed, and, on giving the matter his attention, found that it was the form-master asking him to read out his note on Balbus murum aedificavit. My friend is a kind-hearted youth and of an obliging disposition29, and would willingly have done what was asked of him, but there were obstacles, first and foremost of which ranked the fact that, taking advantage of his position on the back desk (whither he thought the basilisk eye of Authority could not reach), he had substituted Bab Ballads30 for the words of Virgil, and was engrossed31 in the contents of that modern classic. The subsequent explanations lasted several hours. In fact, it is probable that the master does not understand the facts of the case thoroughly32 even now. It is true that he called him a 'loathsome33, slimy, repulsive34 toad35', but even this seems to fall short of the grandeur36 of the situation.
Those notes, also, which are, alas37! only too common nowadays, that deal with peculiarities38 of grammar, how supremely40 repulsive they are! It is impossible to glean41 any sense from them, as the Editor mixes up Nipperwick's view with Sidgeley's reasoning and Spreckendzedeutscheim's surmise42 with Donnerundblitzendorf's conjecture43 in a way that seems to argue a thorough unsoundness of mind and morals, a cynical44 insanity45 combined with a blatant47 indecency. He occasionally starts in a reasonable manner by giving one view as (1) and the next as (2). So far everyone is happy and satisfied. The trouble commences when he has occasion to refer back to some former view, when he will say: 'Thus we see (1) and (14) that,' etc. The unlucky student puts a finger on the page to keep the place, and hunts up view one. Having found this, and marked the spot with another finger, he proceeds to look up view fourteen. He places another finger on this, and reads on, as follows: 'Zmpe, however, maintains that Schrumpff (see 3) is practically insane, that Spleckzh (see 34) is only a little better, and that Rswkg (see 97 a (b) C3) is so far from being right that his views may be dismissed as readily as those of Xkryt (see 5x).' At this point brain-fever sets in, the victim's last coherent thought being a passionate48 wish for more fingers. A friend of mine who was the wonder of all who knew him, in that he was known to have scored ten per cent in one of these papers on questions like the above, once divulged49 to an interviewer the fact that he owed his success to his methods of learning rather than to his ability. On the night before an exam, he would retire to some secret, solitary50 place, such as the boot-room, and commence learning these notes by heart. This, though a formidable task, was not so bad as the other alternative. The result was that, although in the majority of cases he would put down for one question an answer that would have been right for another, yet occasionally, luck being with him, he would hit the mark. Hence his ten per cent.
Another fruitful source of discomfort51 is provided by the type of master who lectures on a subject for half an hour, and then, with a bland52 smile, invites, or rather challenges, his form to write a 'good, long note' on the quintessence of his discourse53. For the inexperienced this is an awful moment. They must write something—but what? For the last half hour they have been trying to impress the master with the fact that they belong to the class of people who can always listen best with their eyes closed. Nor poppy, nor mandragora, nor all the drowsy54 syrups55 of the world can ever medicine them to that sweet sleep that they have just been enjoying. And now they must write a 'good, long note'. It is in such extremities56 that your veteran shows up well. He does not betray any discomfort. Not he. He rather enjoys the prospect57, in fact, of being permitted to place the master's golden eloquence58 on paper. So he takes up his pen with alacrity59. No need to think what to write. He embarks60 on an essay concerning the master, showing up all his flaws in a pitiless light, and analysing his thorough worthlessness of character. On so congenial a subject he can, of course, write reams, and as the master seldom, if ever, desires to read the 'good, long note', he acquires a well-earned reputation for attending in school and being able to express himself readily with his pen. Vivat floreatque.
But all these forms of notes are as nothing compared with the notes that youths even in this our boasted land of freedom are forced to take down from dictation. Of the 'good, long note' your French scholar might well remark: 'C'est terrible', but justice would compel him to add, as he thought of the dictation note: 'mais ce n'est pas le diable'. For these notes from dictation are, especially on a warm day, indubitably le diable.
Such notes are always dictated62 so rapidly that it is impossible to do anything towards understanding them as you go. You have to write your hardest to keep up. The beauty of this, from one point of view, is that, if you miss a sentence, you have lost the thread of the whole thing, and it is useless to attempt to take it up again at once. The only plan is to wait for some perceptible break in the flow of words, and dash in like lightning. It is much the same sort of thing as boarding a bus when in motion. And so you can take a long rest, provided you are in an obscure part of the room. In passing, I might add that a very pleasing indoor game can be played by asking the master, 'what came after so-and-so?' mentioning a point of the oration63 some half-hour back. This always provides a respite64 of a few minutes while he is thinking of some bitter repartee65 worthy66 of the occasion, and if repeated several times during an afternoon may cause much innocent merriment.
Of course, the real venom67 that lurks68 hid within notes from dictation does not appear until the time for examination arrives. Then you find yourself face to face with sixty or seventy closely and badly written pages of a note-book, all of which must be learnt by heart if you would aspire69 to the dizzy heights of half-marks. It is useless to tell your examiner that you had no chance of getting up the subject. 'Why,' he will reply, 'I gave you notes on that very thing myself.' 'You did, sir,' you say, as you advance stealthily upon him, 'but as you dictated those notes at the rate of two hundred words a minute, and as my brain, though large, is not capable of absorbing sixty pages of a note-book in one night, how the suggestively asterisked70 aposiopesis do you expect me to know them? Ah-h-h!' The last word is a war-cry, as you fling yourself bodily on him, and tear him courteously71, but firmly, into minute fragments. Experience, which, as we all know, teaches, will in time lead you into adopting some method by which you may evade72 this taking of notes. A good plan is to occupy yourself with the composition of a journal, an unofficial magazine not intended for the eyes of the profane73, but confined rigidly74 to your own circle of acquaintances. The chief advantage of such a work is that you will continue to write while the notes are being dictated. To throw your pen down with an air of finality and begin reading some congenial work of fiction would be a gallant75 action, but impolitic. No, writing of some sort is essential, and as it is out of the question to take down the notes, what better substitute than an unofficial journal could be found? To one whose contributions to the School magazine are constantly being cut down to mere skeletons by the hands of censors76, there is a rapture77 otherwise unattainable in a page of really scurrilous78 items about those in authority. Try it yourselves, my beamish lads. Think of something really bad about somebody. Write it down and gloat over it. Sometimes, indeed, it is of the utmost use in determining your future career. You will probably remember those Titanic79 articles that appeared at the beginning of the war in The Weekly Luggage-Train, dealing80 with all the crimes of the War Office—the generals, the soldiers, the enemy—of everybody, in fact, except the editor, staff and office-boy of The W.L.T. Well, the writer of those epoch-making articles confesses that he owes all his skill to his early training, when, a happy lad at his little desk in school, he used to write trenchantly81 in his note-book on the subject of the authorities. There is an example for you. Of course we can never be like him, but let, oh! let us be as like him as we're able to be. A final word to those lost ones who dictate61 the notes. Why are our ears so constantly assailed82 with unnecessary explanations of, and opinions on, English literature? Prey83 upon the Classics if you will. It is a revolting habit, but too common to excite overmuch horror. But surely anybody, presupposing a certain bias84 towards sanity46, can understand the Classics of our own language, with the exception, of course, of Browning. Take Tennyson, for example. How often have we been forced to take down from dictation the miserable85 maunderings of some commentator on the subject of Maud. A person reads Maud, and either likes it or dislikes it. In any case his opinion is not likely to be influenced by writing down at express speed the opinions of somebody else concerning the methods or objectivity and subjectivity86 of the author when he produced the work.
Somebody told me a short time ago that Shelley was an example of supreme39, divine, superhuman genius. It is the sort of thing Mr Gilbert's 'rapturous maidens87' might have said: 'How Botticellian! How Fra Angelican! How perceptively88 intense and consummately89 utter!' There is really no material difference.
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1
effusiveness
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| n.吐露，唠叨 | |
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professes
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| 声称( profess的第三人称单数 )； 宣称； 公开表明； 信奉 | |
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rend
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| vt.把…撕开，割裂；把…揪下来，强行夺取 | |
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provocation
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| n.激怒，刺激，挑拨，挑衅的事物，激怒的原因 | |
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vocation
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| n.职业，行业 | |
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pedagogues
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| n.教师，卖弄学问的教师( pedagogue的名词复数 ) | |
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undoubtedly
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| adv.确实地，无疑地 | |
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acting
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| n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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inflicting
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| 把…强加给，使承受，遭受( inflict的现在分词 ) | |
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quotations
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| n.引用( quotation的名词复数 )；[商业]行情（报告）；（货物或股票的）市价；时价 | |
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13
brutal
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| adj.残忍的，野蛮的，不讲理的 | |
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callousness
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tricky
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| adj.狡猾的，奸诈的；(工作等)棘手的，微妙的 | |
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16
trickier
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| adj.狡猾的( tricky的比较级 )；（形势、工作等）复杂的；机警的；微妙的 | |
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lexicon
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| n.字典，专门词汇 | |
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lyrics
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| n.歌词 | |
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19
mettle
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| n.勇气，精神 | |
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emphatic
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| adj.强调的，着重的；无可置疑的，明显的 | |
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subside
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| vi.平静，平息；下沉，塌陷，沉降 | |
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boon
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| n.恩赐，恩物，恩惠 | |
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prosaic
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| adj.单调的，无趣的 | |
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expedient
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| adj.有用的，有利的；n.紧急的办法，权宜之计 | |
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commentator
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| n.注释者，解说者；实况广播评论员 | |
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underneath
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| adj.在...下面，在...底下；adv.在下面 | |
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inordinately
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| adv.无度地，非常地 | |
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divulge
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| v.泄漏(秘密等)；宣布，公布 | |
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disposition
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| n.性情，性格；意向，倾向；排列，部署 | |
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ballads
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| 民歌，民谣，特别指叙述故事的歌( ballad的名词复数 )； 讴 | |
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engrossed
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| adj.全神贯注的 | |
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thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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loathsome
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| adj.讨厌的，令人厌恶的 | |
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repulsive
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| adj.排斥的，使人反感的 | |
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toad
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| n.蟾蜍，癞蛤蟆 | |
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grandeur
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| n.伟大，崇高，宏伟，庄严，豪华 | |
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alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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peculiarities
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| n. 特质, 特性, 怪癖, 古怪 | |
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supreme
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| adj.极度的，最重要的；至高的，最高的 | |
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supremely
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| adv.无上地，崇高地 | |
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glean
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| v.收集(消息、资料、情报等) | |
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42
surmise
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| v./n.猜想，推测 | |
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conjecture
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| n./v.推测，猜测 | |
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44
cynical
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| adj.(对人性或动机)怀疑的，不信世道向善的 | |
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insanity
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| n.疯狂，精神错乱；极端的愚蠢，荒唐 | |
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sanity
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| n.心智健全，神智正常，判断正确 | |
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blatant
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| adj.厚颜无耻的；显眼的；炫耀的 | |
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passionate
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
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49
divulged
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| v.吐露，泄露( divulge的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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50
solitary
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| adj.孤独的，独立的，荒凉的；n.隐士 | |
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51
discomfort
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| n.不舒服，不安，难过，困难，不方便 | |
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52
bland
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| adj.淡而无味的，温和的，无刺激性的 | |
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53
discourse
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| n.论文，演说；谈话；话语；vi.讲述，著述 | |
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54
drowsy
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| adj.昏昏欲睡的，令人发困的 | |
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syrups
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| n.糖浆，糖汁( syrup的名词复数 )；糖浆类药品 | |
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extremities
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| n.端点( extremity的名词复数 )；尽头；手和足；极窘迫的境地 | |
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prospect
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| n.前景，前途；景色，视野 | |
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eloquence
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| n.雄辩；口才，修辞 | |
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alacrity
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| n.敏捷，轻快，乐意 | |
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embarks
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| 乘船( embark的第三人称单数 )； 装载； 从事 | |
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dictate
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| v.口授；(使)听写；指令，指示，命令 | |
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dictated
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| v.大声讲或读( dictate的过去式和过去分词 )；口授；支配；摆布 | |
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oration
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| n.演说，致辞，叙述法 | |
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respite
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| n.休息，中止，暂缓 | |
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repartee
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| n.机敏的应答 | |
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worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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venom
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| n.毒液，恶毒，痛恨 | |
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lurks
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| n.潜在，潜伏；（lurk的复数形式）vi.潜伏，埋伏（lurk的第三人称单数形式） | |
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aspire
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| vi.(to，after)渴望，追求，有志于 | |
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asterisked
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| v.加星号于( asterisk的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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71
courteously
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| adv.有礼貌地，亲切地 | |
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72
evade
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| vt.逃避，回避；避开，躲避 | |
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profane
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| adj.亵神的，亵渎的；vt.亵渎，玷污 | |
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rigidly
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| adv.刻板地，僵化地 | |
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gallant
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| adj.英勇的，豪侠的；(向女人)献殷勤的 | |
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censors
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| 删剪（书籍、电影等中被认为犯忌、违反道德或政治上危险的内容）( censor的第三人称单数 ) | |
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rapture
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| n.狂喜；全神贯注；着迷；v.使狂喜 | |
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scurrilous
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| adj.下流的，恶意诽谤的 | |
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titanic
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| adj.巨人的，庞大的，强大的 | |
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dealing
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| n.经商方法，待人态度 | |
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81
trenchantly
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assailed
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| v.攻击( assail的过去式和过去分词 )；困扰；质问；毅然应对 | |
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83
prey
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| n.被掠食者，牺牲者，掠食；v.捕食，掠夺，折磨 | |
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84
bias
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| n.偏见，偏心，偏袒；vt.使有偏见 | |
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85
miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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86
subjectivity
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| n.主观性（主观主义） | |
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87
maidens
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| 处女( maiden的名词复数 )； 少女； 未婚女子； （板球运动）未得分的一轮投球 | |
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88
perceptively
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| adv.洞察力强地，敏锐地 | |
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89
consummately
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| adv.完成地，至上地 | |
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