Rudolph's father, the local freight-agent, had floated with the second wave of German and Irish stock to the Minnesota-Dakota country. Theoretically, great opportunities lay ahead of a young man of energy in that day and place, but Carl Miller1 had been incapable2 of establishing either with his superiors or his subordinates the reputation for approximate immutability3 which is essential to success in a hierarchic4 industry. Somewhat gross, he was, nevertheless, insufficiently5 hard-headed and unable to take fundamental relationships for granted, and this inability made him suspicious, unrestful, and continually dismayed.
His two bonds with the colorful life were his faith in the Roman Catholic Church and his mystical worship of the Empire Builder, James J. Hill. Hill was the apotheosis6 of that quality in which Miller himself was deficient—the sense of things, the feel of things, the hint of rain in the wind on the cheek. Miller's mind worked late on the old decisions of other men, and he had never in his life felt the balance of any single thing in his hands. His weary, sprightly7, undersized body was growing old in Hill's gigantic shadow. For twenty years he had lived alone with Hill's name and God.
On Sunday morning Carl Miller awoke in the dustless quiet of six o'clock. Kneeling by the side of the bed he bent8 his yellow-gray hair and the full dapple bangs of his mustache into the pillow, and prayed for several minutes. Then he drew off his night-shirt—like the rest of his generation he had never been able to endure pajamas9—and clothed his thin, white, hairless body in woollen underwear.
He shaved. Silence in the other bedroom where his wife lay nervously10 asleep. Silence from the screened-off corner of the hall where his son's cot stood, and his son slept among his Alger books, his collection of cigar-bands, his mothy pennants—"Cornell," "Hamlin," and "Greetings from Pueblo11, New Mexico"—and the other possessions of his private life. From outside Miller could hear the shrill12 birds and the whirring movement of the poultry13, and, as an undertone, the low, swelling14 click-a-tick of the six-fifteen through-train for Montana and the green coast beyond. Then as the cold water dripped from the wash-rag in his hand he raised his head suddenly—he had heard a furtive15 sound from the kitchen below.
He dried his razor hastily, slipped his dangling16 suspenders to his shoulder, and listened. Some one was walking in the kitchen, and he knew by the light footfall that it was not his wife. With his mouth faintly ajar he ran quickly down the stairs and opened the kitchen door.
Standing17 by the sink, with one hand on the still dripping faucet18 and the other clutching a full glass of water, stood his son. The boy's eyes, still heavy with sleep, met his father's with a frightened, reproachful beauty. He was barefooted, and his pajamas were rolled up at the knees and sleeves.
For a moment they both remained motionless—Carl Miller's brow went down and his son's went up, as though they were striking a balance between the extremes of emotion which filled them. Then the bangs of the parent's moustache descended19 portentously20 until they obscured his mouth, and he gave a short glance around to see if anything had been disturbed.
The kitchen was garnished21 with sunlight which beat on the pans and made the smooth boards of the floor and table yellow and clean as wheat. It was the centre of the house where the fire burned and the tins fitted into tins like toys, and the steam whistled all day on a thin pastel note. Nothing was moved, nothing touched—except the faucet where beads22 of water still formed and dripped with a white flash into the sink below.
"What are you doing?"
"I got awful thirsty, so I thought I'd just come down and get——"
"I thought you were going to communion."
"I forgot all about it."
"Have you drunk any water?"
"No——"
As the word left his mouth Rudolph knew it was the wrong answer, but the faded indignant eyes facing him had signalled up the truth before the boy's will could act. He realized, too, that he should never have come down-stairs; some vague necessity for verisimilitude had made him want to leave a wet glass as evidence by the sink; the honesty of his imagination had betrayed him.
"Pour it out," commanded his father, "that water!"
"What's the matter with you, anyways?" demanded Miller angrily.
"Nothing."
"Did you go to confession26 yesterday?"
"Yes."
"Then why were you going to drink water?"
"I don't know—I forgot."
"Maybe you care more about being a little bit thirsty than you do about your religion."
"I forgot." Rudolph could feel the tears straining in his eyes.
"That's no answer."
"Well, I did."
"You better look out!" His father held to a high, persistent27, inquisitory note: "If you're so forgetful that you can't remember your religion something better be done about it."
Rudolph filled a sharp pause with:
"I can remember it all right."
"First you begin to neglect your religion," cried his father, fanning his own fierceness, "the next thing you'll begin to lie and steal, and the next thing is the reform school!"
Not even this familiar threat could deepen the abyss that Rudolph saw before him. He must either tell all now, offering his body for what he knew would be a ferocious28 beating, or else tempt29 the thunderbolts by receiving the Body and Blood of Christ with sacrilege upon his soul. And of the two the former seemed more terrible—it was not so much the beating he dreaded30 as the savage31 ferocity, outlet32 of the ineffectual man, which would lie behind it.
"Put down that glass and go up-stairs and dress!" his father ordered, "and when we get to church, before you go to communion, you better kneel down and ask God to forgive you for your carelessness."
Some accidental emphasis in the phrasing of this command acted like a catalytic agent on the confusion and terror of Rudolph's mind. A wild, proud anger rose in him, and he dashed the tumbler passionately33 into the sink.
His father uttered a strained, husky sound, and sprang for him. Rudolph dodged34 to the side, tipped over a chair, and tried to get beyond the kitchen table. He cried out sharply when a hand grasped his pajama shoulder, then he felt the dull impact of a fist against the side of his head, and glancing blows on the upper part of his body. As he slipped here and there in his father's grasp, dragged or lifted when he clung instinctively35 to an arm, aware of sharp smarts and strains, he made no sound except that he laughed hysterically36 several times. Then in less than a minute the blows abruptly38 ceased. After a lull39 during which Rudolph was tightly held, and during which they both trembled violently and uttered strange, truncated40 words, Carl Miller half dragged, half threatened his son up-stairs.
"Put on your clothes!"
Rudolph was now both hysterical37 and cold. His head hurt him, and there was a long, shallow scratch on his neck from his father's finger-nail, and he sobbed41 and trembled as he dressed. He was aware of his mother standing at the doorway42 in a wrapper, her wrinkled face compressing and squeezing and opening out into new series of wrinkles which floated and eddied43 from neck to brow. Despising her nervous ineffectuality and avoiding her rudely when she tried to touch his neck with witch-hazel, he made a hasty, choking toilet. Then he followed his father out of the house and along the road toward the Catholic church.
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1
miller
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| n.磨坊主 | |
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incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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immutability
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| n.不变(性) | |
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hierarchic
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| 等级制的，按等级划分的 | |
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insufficiently
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| adv.不够地，不能胜任地 | |
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apotheosis
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| n.神圣之理想；美化；颂扬 | |
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7
sprightly
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| adj.愉快的，活泼的 | |
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8
bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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pajamas
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| n.睡衣裤 | |
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nervously
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| adv.神情激动地，不安地 | |
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pueblo
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| n.（美国西南部或墨西哥等）印第安人的村庄 | |
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shrill
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| adj.尖声的；刺耳的；v尖叫 | |
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poultry
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| n.家禽，禽肉 | |
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swelling
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| n.肿胀 | |
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furtive
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| adj.鬼鬼崇崇的，偷偷摸摸的 | |
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dangling
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| 悬吊着( dangle的现在分词 )； 摆动不定； 用某事物诱惑…； 吊胃口 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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faucet
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| n.水龙头 | |
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descended
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| a.为...后裔的，出身于...的 | |
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portentously
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garnished
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| v.给（上餐桌的食物）加装饰( garnish的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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beads
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| n.（空心）小珠子( bead的名词复数 )；水珠；珠子项链 | |
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23
vehement
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| adj.感情强烈的；热烈的；(人)有强烈感情的 | |
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astonishment
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| n.惊奇，惊异 | |
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inverted
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| adj.反向的，倒转的v.使倒置，使反转( invert的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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confession
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| n.自白，供认，承认 | |
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persistent
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| adj.坚持不懈的，执意的；持续的 | |
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ferocious
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| adj.凶猛的，残暴的，极度的，十分强烈的 | |
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tempt
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| vt.引诱，勾引，吸引，引起…的兴趣 | |
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dreaded
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| adj.令人畏惧的；害怕的v.害怕，恐惧，担心( dread的过去式和过去分词) | |
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savage
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| adj.野蛮的；凶恶的，残暴的；n.未开化的人 | |
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32
outlet
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| n.出口/路；销路；批发商店；通风口；发泄 | |
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33
passionately
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| ad.热烈地，激烈地 | |
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34
dodged
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| v.闪躲( dodge的过去式和过去分词 )；回避 | |
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instinctively
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| adv.本能地 | |
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36
hysterically
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| ad. 歇斯底里地 | |
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37
hysterical
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| adj.情绪异常激动的，歇斯底里般的 | |
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38
abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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39
lull
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| v.使安静，使入睡，缓和，哄骗；n.暂停，间歇 | |
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40
truncated
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| adj.切去顶端的，缩短了的，被删节的v.截面的( truncate的过去式和过去分词 )；截头的；缩短了的；截去顶端或末端 | |
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41
sobbed
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| 哭泣，啜泣( sob的过去式和过去分词 )； 哭诉，呜咽地说 | |
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42
doorway
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| n.门口，(喻)入门；门路，途径 | |
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43
eddied
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| 起漩涡，旋转( eddy的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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