About 4 of the afternoon my father, who had lain for some hours in a state bordering on stupor1, and whose breathing had latterly become harsh and difficult, rose suddenly in his bed and called to me in a strong voice. I was by his side in a moment and lifted him up as he signified I should do. A mortal whiteness was in his face and I saw the end was approaching.
“I have no fear,” he said, in a sort of sick ecstasy2. “I can be true to myself at the last, thank God! The soul triumphs over the body.”
He held on to me. At the last moment the latent determination of his character trod weakness under and proved the soul masterful. With all his functions withering5 in the blighting6 breath of the destroyer, his spirit stood out fearless and courageous7, a conqueror8 by its mere9 individuality.
It had darkened early, and candles were lighted in the room and the blind pulled down. Outside the wind tore at the crazy lattice, or, finding entrance, moaned to and fro in the gusty10 passages. It threatened to be a night of storm and sweeping11 rain. And all its wild and dismal12 surroundings were in keeping with the ghastly figure lying against me. Yet, if there was one in that lonely chamber13 who shrunk and feared, it was I, not that other so verging14 on his judgment15, with so many and such heavy responsibilities to answer for. God forgive him!
“I triumph, Renalt,” he said, feeding the effort of speech with quick, drawn16 gasps17. “This later craven has never been I—I was strong to carry out a purpose, even if it led me to the gallows18. Some white-livered devil usurped19. Out with the worm at last! I triumph and abide20 by that I did in the righteousness of wrath21. But you—you! Let me say it—quick—I was fast on the coward grip. Oh, a bitter, bitter curse on the treacherous22 beast who unmanned me! Only to you, Renalt, I pray and ask for pardon. I thought—all the time—I had killed the boy—the braces—I never knew. He—he, that reptile23, suggested—perhaps Modred had—found and kept the cameo. I went up blindly—came down blindly—I was drunk—bestial—I could remember nothing.”
He moaned and would have clasped his hands to me but for weakness. At the last the paralysis24 of his limbs had departed and he could move. Disease loosened its clutch, it seemed, in the presence of the death it had invoked25.
“Renalt—I remembered nothing—but I feared—and, fearing, I saw the odium rest on you and did not speak. It was I gave you to that living death—I who submitted to that fiend’s dictating26, because he struck at me through the sordid27 passion that had mastered my better nature. Renalt——”
“Father—hear me! Am I speaking distinctly? Listen. I forgive you all.”
It seemed as if a flush passed across his face. He pressed my hand feebly and dropped his head.
Like a glass breaking, his voice snapped and immediate29 silence befell. He had not stirred in my arms; but now I felt the whole surface of his body moving, as it were, of itself with a light ruffling30 shudder31.
Suddenly he seemed to shrink into himself, rather than away from me, so that he cowered32 unsupported on the bed. I fell back and looked at his face. His head moved softly from side to side, the eyes following something, unseen of me, hither and thither33 about the room. In a moment they contracted and fixed34 themselves horribly on one point, as if the things had come to the bed foot and were softly mounting it. In the same instant on my dull and appalled35 senses broke the low booming voice of the wheel circling in its black pit far below, and I knew that in the phantom36 sound no material force spoke37, but that the heart of the dying man was transmitting its terrors to me.
Then I saw my father sink slowly back, drawing, as he did so, the sheet up and over his face, as if to shut out the sight, and all the time the convulsive fluttering of my own breath alone stirred the tense silence that reigned38 about us.
I must have remained in this position many minutes, fixed and motionless in a trance of fear, when the stealthy noise below seemed to cease suddenly as it had begun. At that I leaped to my feet with a strangled cry and tore the bedclothes away from the face. The eyes stared up at me as if I were the secret presence; the jaw39 was dropped; the whole body collapsed40 and sunk into the sheets. He had died without a sound—there—in a moment; had died of that that was beyond human speech; of something to which no dreadful human cry could give expression.
* * * * *
Wading41 near knee deep in the flooded meadows, sense and reason returned to me by slow degrees. Then a wan42 streak43 of sunrise gaped44 like a dead man’s wound on the stormy horizon, and a new day was breaking to wind and deluge45 that seemed endless.
Ah, surely I had been tried beyond mortal endurance. So I thought, not knowing what was yet to come; what tension the soul’s fetters46 can be put to without breaking.
The sodden47 day broadened and found me still wandering. Once during the morning I crept back to the house of terror, and, standing48 without its door, summoned the old woman, who had come of herself to attend to dead Peggy’s laying out, and told her of my father’s death and directed her to a second task.
Later in the day, I told myself, I would return; by and by when the dead should be decently composed for rest and their expression should have resumed something of its normal cast. Then I hurried forth49 again and sought forgetfulness in the keen rush of air and wide reality of the open country.
Walking, resting on some gate or stile; seeking a wayside tavern50 for food and drink—always I kept steadily51 away from me the slightest reflection on any of the last words spoken by my father. I could not bear that my thoughts should so much as approach them. I had greatly suffered, been greatly wronged, yet let my mind dwell insistently52 on the thought that these evils were of the past, never more to vex53 me out of reason should I look steadily forward, shutting my ears, like the prince in the fairy tale, to the spectral54 voices that would fain provoke me to an answer.
It was growing near that dusky period of the short day when if one lifts one’s eyes from the ground the sky seems closing in upon the earth! Worn out and footsore, I had rounded toward the city from its eastern side and was traversing the now lonely stretch of by-path that leads from the station, when I saw a woman and little child going on in front of me haltingly. As I came up they drew aside to let me pass, and I cried out, “Zyp!” and stopped in astonishment55 and a little fear.
She faced round upon me, breathing quickly, and put one hand to her bosom56 in a startled manner that was quite foreign to her.
“Renny,” she whispered, with a fading smile on her white face—pitiful heaven, how white and worn it had become! And burst into tears the next moment.
Shocked beyond measure at her appearance, her woeful reception of me, I stepped back all amazed. She mistook my action and held out an imploring57 arm to me. The little weird58 girl at her side half buried herself in her mother’s skirts and peered up at me with deep eyes set in a tangle59 of hair.
“Renny!” cried Zyp; “oh, you won’t throw me off? You won’t refuse to hear me?”
“Come away,” I said, hoarsely60; “to some quiet road, where we can talk undisturbed. You are not too tired?”
“Too—oh, I’m wearied to death. Why not the mill? Renny, why not the mill?”
“Zyp, not now—not at present. I’ll tell you by and by. See, I’ll take the little girl on one arm and you can cling to the other.”
She pushed the child forward with a forlorn sigh. It whimpered a little as I lifted it, but I held it snug61 against my shoulder, and its soft breath on my cheeks seemed to melt the hard core of agony in my brain.
Soon I had them in a quiet spot and seated upon a fallen log. There, holding the child against me, I looked in the eyes of the mother and could have wept.
“Zyp, Zyp! What is it?”
A boisterous62 clap of wind tumbled her dark hair as I spoke. What was it? Her lustrous63 head was strewed64 with ashy threads, as if the clipping fate had trimmed some broken skein of life over it; her eyes were like fathomless65 pools shrunk with drought; an impenetrable sorrow was figured in her wasted face. This was the shadow of Zyp—not the sweet substance—and moving among ghosts and shadows my own life seemed stumbling toward the grave.
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1
stupor
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| v.昏迷；不省人事 | |
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2
ecstasy
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| n.狂喜，心醉神怡，入迷 | |
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3
erect
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| n./v.树立，建立，使竖立；adj.直立的，垂直的 | |
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4
swerve
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| v.突然转向，背离；n．转向，弯曲，背离 | |
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5
withering
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| 使人畏缩的，使人害羞的，使人难堪的 | |
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6
blighting
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| 使凋萎( blight的现在分词 )； 使颓丧； 损害； 妨害 | |
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7
courageous
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| adj.勇敢的，有胆量的 | |
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8
conqueror
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| n.征服者，胜利者 | |
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9
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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10
gusty
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| adj.起大风的 | |
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11
sweeping
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| adj.范围广大的，一扫无遗的 | |
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12
dismal
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| adj.阴沉的，凄凉的，令人忧郁的，差劲的 | |
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13
chamber
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| n.房间，寝室；会议厅；议院；会所 | |
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14
verging
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| 接近，逼近（verge的现在分词形式） | |
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15
judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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16
drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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17
gasps
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| v.喘气( gasp的第三人称单数 )；喘息；倒抽气；很想要 | |
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18
gallows
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| n.绞刑架，绞台 | |
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19
usurped
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| 篡夺，霸占( usurp的过去式和过去分词 )； 盗用； 篡夺，篡权 | |
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20
abide
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| vi.遵守；坚持；vt.忍受 | |
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21
wrath
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| n.愤怒，愤慨，暴怒 | |
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22
treacherous
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| adj.不可靠的，有暗藏的危险的；adj.背叛的，背信弃义的 | |
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23
reptile
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| n.爬行动物；两栖动物 | |
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24
paralysis
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| n.麻痹(症)；瘫痪(症) | |
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25
invoked
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| v.援引( invoke的过去式和过去分词 )；行使（权利等）；祈求救助；恳求 | |
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26
dictating
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| v.大声讲或读( dictate的现在分词 )；口授；支配；摆布 | |
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27
sordid
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| adj.肮脏的，不干净的，卑鄙的，暗淡的 | |
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28
doom
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| n.厄运，劫数；v.注定，命定 | |
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29
immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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30
ruffling
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| 弄皱( ruffle的现在分词 )； 弄乱； 激怒； 扰乱 | |
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31
shudder
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| v.战粟，震动，剧烈地摇晃；n.战粟，抖动 | |
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32
cowered
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| v.畏缩，抖缩( cower的过去式 ) | |
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33
thither
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| adv.向那里；adj.在那边的，对岸的 | |
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34
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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35
appalled
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| v.使惊骇，使充满恐惧( appall的过去式和过去分词)adj.惊骇的；丧胆的 | |
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36
phantom
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| n.幻影，虚位，幽灵；adj.错觉的，幻影的，幽灵的 | |
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37
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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38
reigned
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| vi.当政，统治（reign的过去式形式） | |
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39
jaw
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| n.颚，颌，说教，流言蜚语；v.喋喋不休，教训 | |
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40
collapsed
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| adj.倒塌的 | |
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41
wading
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| （从水、泥等）蹚，走过，跋( wade的现在分词 ) | |
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42
wan
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| (wide area network)广域网 | |
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43
streak
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| n.条理，斑纹，倾向，少许，痕迹；v.加条纹，变成条纹，奔驰，快速移动 | |
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44
gaped
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| v.目瞪口呆地凝视( gape的过去式和过去分词 )；张开，张大 | |
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45
deluge
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| n./vt.洪水，暴雨，使泛滥 | |
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46
fetters
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| n.脚镣( fetter的名词复数 )；束缚v.给…上脚镣，束缚( fetter的第三人称单数 ) | |
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47
sodden
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| adj.浑身湿透的；v.使浸透；使呆头呆脑 | |
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48
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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49
forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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50
tavern
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| n.小旅馆，客栈；小酒店 | |
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51
steadily
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| adv.稳定地；不变地；持续地 | |
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52
insistently
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| ad.坚持地 | |
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53
vex
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| vt.使烦恼，使苦恼 | |
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54
spectral
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| adj.幽灵的，鬼魂的 | |
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55
astonishment
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| n.惊奇，惊异 | |
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56
bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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57
imploring
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| 恳求的，哀求的 | |
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58
weird
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| adj.古怪的，离奇的；怪诞的，神秘而可怕的 | |
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59
tangle
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| n.纠缠；缠结；混乱；v.(使)缠绕；变乱 | |
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60
hoarsely
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| adv.嘶哑地 | |
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61
snug
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| adj.温暖舒适的，合身的，安全的；v.使整洁干净，舒适地依靠，紧贴；n.（英）酒吧里的私房 | |
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62
boisterous
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| adj.喧闹的，欢闹的 | |
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63
lustrous
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| adj.有光泽的；光辉的 | |
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64
strewed
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| v.撒在…上( strew的过去式和过去分词 )；散落于；点缀；撒满 | |
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65
fathomless
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| a.深不可测的 | |
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