All the next day El-Râmi was alone. Féraz went out early to fulfil the appointment made with Roy Ainsworth; no visitors called,—and not even old Zaroba came near the study, where, shut up with his books and papers, her master worked assiduously hour after hour, writing as rapidly as hand and pen would allow, and satisfying his appetite solely1 with a few biscuits dipped in wine. Just as the shadows of evening were beginning to fall, his long solitude2 was disturbed by the sharp knock of a telegraph-messenger, who handed him a missive which ran briefly3 thus—
“Your brother stays to dine with me.—Ainsworth.”
El-Râmi crushed the paper in his hand, then, flinging it aside, stood for a moment, lost in meditation4, with a sorrowful expression in his dark eyes.
“Ay me! the emptiness of the world!” he murmured at last—“I shall be left alone, I suppose, as my betters are left, according to the rule of this curiously5 designed and singularly unsatisfactory system of human life. What do the young care for the solitude of their elders who have tended and loved them? New thoughts, new scenes, new aspirations6 beckon7 them, and off they go like birds on the wing,—never to return to the old nest or the old ways. I despise the majority of women myself,—and yet I pity from my soul all those who are mothers,—the miserable8 dignity and pathos9 of maternity10 are, in my opinion, grotesquely11 painful. To think of the anguish12 the poor delicate wretches13 endure in bringing children at all into the world,—then, the tenderness and watchful14 devotion expended15 on their early years,—and then—why then, these same children grow up for the most part into indifferent (when not entirely16 callous) men and women, who make their own lives as it seems best to themselves, and almost forget to whom they owe their very existence. It is hard—bitterly hard. There ought to be some reason for such a wild waste of love and affliction. At present, however, I can see none.”
“Loneliness is horrible!” he said aloud, as though addressing some invisible auditor18. “It is the chief terror of death,—for one must always die alone. No matter how many friends and relatives stand weeping round the bed, one is absolutely alone at the hour of death, for the stunned19 soul wanders blindly
“out of sight,
Far off in a place where it is not heard.”
That solitary20 pause and shudder21 on the brink22 of the Unseen is fearful,—it unnerves us all to think of it. If Love could help us,—but even Love grows faint and feeble then.”
As he mused23 thus, a strange vague longing24 came over him,—an impulse arising out of he knew not what suggestion; and, acting25 on his thought, he went suddenly and swiftly upstairs, and straight into the chamber26 of Lilith. Zaroba was there, and rose from her accustomed corner silently, and moved with a somewhat feeble step into the ante-room while El-Râmi bent27 over the sleeping girl. Lovelier than ever she seemed that evening,—and, as he stooped above her, she stretched out her fair white arms and smiled. His heart beat quickly,—he had, for the moment, ceased to analyse his own feelings,—and he permitted himself to gaze upon her beauty and absorb it, without, as usual, taking any thought of the scientific aspect of her condition.
“Tresses twisted by fairy fingers,
In which the light of the morning lingers!”
he murmured, as he touched a rippling28 strand29 of the lovely hair that lay spread like a fleece of gold floss silk on the pillow near him,—“Poor Lilith!—Sweet Lilith!”
As if responsive to his words, she turned slightly towards him, and felt the air blindly with one wandering white hand. Gently he caught it and imprisoned30 it within his own,—then, on a strange impulse, kissed it. To his utter amazement31 she answered that touch as though it had been a call.
“I am here, ... my Belovëd!”
He started, and an icy thrill ran through his veins32;—that word “Belovëd” was a sort of electric shock to his system, and sent a dizzying rush of blood to his brain. What did she mean,—what could she mean? The last time she had addressed him she had declared that he was not even her friend—now she called him her “beloved”—as much to his amazement as his fear. Presently, however, he considered that here perhaps was some new development of his experiment;—the soul of Lilith might possibly be in closer communion with him than he had yet imagined. But, in spite of his attempt to reason away his emotions, he was nervous, and stood by the couch silently, afraid to speak, and equally afraid to move. Lilith was silent too. A long pause ensued, in which the usually subdued33 tickings of the clock seemed to become painfully audible. El-Râmi’s breath came and went quickly,—he was singularly excited,—some subtle warmth from the little hand he held permeated34 his veins, and a sense of such utter powerlessness possessed35 him as he had never experienced before. What ailed36 him? He could not tell. Where was the iron force of his despotic will? He seemed unable to exert it,—unable even to think coherently while Lilith’s hand thus rested in his. Had she grown stronger than himself? A tingling37 tremor38 ran through him, as the strange words of the monk39’s written warning suddenly recurred40 to his memory.
“Beware the end! With Lilith’s love comes Lilith’s freedom.”
But Lilith smiled with placid41 sweetness, and still left her hand confidingly42 in his; he held that hand, so warm and soft and white, and was loath43 to let it go,—he studied the rapt expression of the beautiful face, the lovely curve of the sweet shut lips, the delicately-veined lids of the closed eyes,—and was dimly conscious of a sense of vague happiness curiously intermingled with terror. By and by he began to collect his ideas which had been so suddenly scattered44 by the one word “Belovëd,”—and he resolved to break the mystic silence that oppressed and daunted45 him.
“Dreaming or waking, is she?” he queried47 aloud, a little tremulously, and as though he were talking to himself. “She must be dreaming!”
“Dreaming of joy!” said Lilith softly, and with quick responsiveness—“only that Joy is no dream! I hear your voice,—I am conscious of your touch,—almost I see you! The cloud hangs there between us still—but God is good,—He will remove that cloud.”
“Lilith,” he said in a voice that strove in vain to assume its wonted firmness and authority—“What say you of clouds,—you who are in the full radiance of a light that is quenchless49? Have you not told me of a glory that out-dazzles the sun, in which you move and have your being,—then what do you know of Shadow?”
“Yours is the Shadow,” replied Lilith—“not mine! I would that I could lift it from your eyes, that you might see the wonder and the beauty. Oh, cruel Shadow, that lies between my love and me!”
“Do you not think of love?” said Lilith—“and must I not respond to your innermost thought?”
“Not always do you so respond, Lilith!” said El-Râmi quickly, recovering himself a little, and glad of an opportunity to bring back his mind to a more scientific level. “Often you speak of things I know not,—things that perhaps I shall never know——”
“Nay, you must know,” said Lilith, with soft persistence51. “Every unit of life in every planet is bound to know its Cause and Final Intention. All is clear to me, and will be so to you, hereafter. You ask me of these things—I tell you,—but you do not believe me;—you will never believe me till—the end.”
“Beware the end!” The words echoed themselves so distinctly in El-Râmi’s mind that he could almost have fancied they were spoken aloud in the room. “What end?” he asked eagerly.
But to this Lilith answered nothing.
He looked at the small sensitive hand he held, and, stroking it gently, was about to lay it back on her bosom52, when all at once she pressed her fingers closely over his palm, and sat upright, her delicate face expressive53 of the most intense emotion, notwithstanding her closed eyes.
“Write!” she said in a clear penetrating54 voice that sent silvery echoes through the room—“write these truths to the world you live in. Tell the people they all work for Evil, and therefore Evil shall be upon them. What they sow, even that shall they reap,—with the measure they have used, it shall be measured to them again. O wild world!—sad world!—world wherein the pride of wealth, the joy of sin, the cruelty of avarice55, the curse of selfishness, outweigh56 all pity, all sympathy, all love! For this God’s law of Compensation makes but one return—Destruction. Wars shall prevail; plague and famine shall ravage57 the nations;—young children shall murder the parents who bore them; theft and rapine shall devastate58 the land. For your world is striving to live without God,—and a world without God is a disease that must die. Like a burnt-out star this Earth shall fall from its sphere and vanish utterly59—and its sister-planets shall know it no more. For when it is born again, it will be new.”
The words came from her lips with a sort of fervid60 eloquence61 which seemed to exhaust her, for she grew paler and paler, and her head began to sink backward on the pillow. El-Râmi gently put his arm round her to support her, and, as he did so, a kind of supernatural light irradiated her features.
“Believe me, O my belovëd, believe the words of Lilith!” she murmured. “There is but one law leading to all Wisdom. Evil generates Evil, and contains within itself its own retribution. Good generates Good, and holds within itself the germ of eternal reproduction. Love begets62 Love, and from Love is born Immortality63!”
Her voice grew fainter,—she sank entirely back on her pillow; yet once again her lips moved and the word “Immortality!” floated whisperingly like a sigh. El-Râmi drew his arm away from her, and at the same instant disengaged his hand from her clasp. She seemed bewildered at this, and for a minute or two felt in the air as though searching for some missing treasure,—then her arms fell passively on each side of her, seemingly inert64 and lifeless. El-Râmi bent over her half curiously, half anxiously,—his eyes dwelt on the ruby-like jewel that heaved gently up and down on her softly rounded bosom,—he watched the red play of light around it, and on the white satiny skin beneath,—and then,—all at once his sight grew dazzled and his brain began to swim. How lovely she was!—how much more than lovely! And how utterly she was his!—his, body and soul, and in his power! He was startled at the tenor65 of his own unbidden thoughts,—whence, in God’s name, came these new impulses, these wild desires that fired his blood? ... Furious with himself for what he deemed the weakness of his own emotions, he strove to regain66 the mastery over his nerves,—to settle his mind once more in its usual attitude of cold inflexibility67 and indifferent composure,—but all in vain. Some subtle chord in his mental composition had been touched mysteriously, he knew not how, and had set all the other chords a-quivering,—and he felt himself all suddenly to be as subdued and powerless as when his mysterious visitor, the monk from Cyprus, had summoned up (to daunt46 him, as he thought) the strange vision of an Angel in his room.
Again he looked at Lilith;—again he resisted the temptation that assailed68 him to clasp her in his arms, to shower a lover’s kisses on her lips, and thus waken her to the full bitter-sweet consciousness of earthly life,—till in the sharp extremity69 of his struggle, and loathing70 himself for his own folly71, he suddenly dropped on his knees by the side of the couch and gazed with a vague wild entreaty72 at the tranquil73 loveliness that lay there so royally enshrined.
“Have mercy, Lilith!” he prayed half aloud, and scarcely conscious of his words. “If you are stronger in your weakness than I in my strength, have mercy! Repel74 me,—distrust me, disobey me—but do not love me! Make me not as one of the foolish for whom a woman’s smile, a woman’s touch, are more than life, and more than wisdom. O let me not waste the labour of my days on a freak of passion!—let me not lose everything I have gained by long study and research, for the mere75 wild joy of an hour! Lilith, Lilith! Child, woman, angel!—whatever you are, have pity upon me! I dare not love you! ... I dare not!”
So murmuring incoherently, he rose, and, walking dizzily like a man abruptly76 startled from deep sleep, he went straight out of the room, never looking back once, else he might have seen how divinely, how victoriously77 Lilith smiled!
点击
收听单词发音
收听单词发音 |
1
solely
|
|
| adv.仅仅，唯一地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
2
solitude
|
|
| n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
3
briefly
|
|
| adv.简单地，简短地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
4
meditation
|
|
| n.熟虑，（尤指宗教的）默想，沉思，（pl.）冥想录 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
5
curiously
|
|
| adv.有求知欲地；好问地；奇特地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
6
aspirations
|
|
| 强烈的愿望( aspiration的名词复数 )； 志向； 发送气音； 发 h 音 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
7
beckon
|
|
| v.(以点头或打手势)向...示意，召唤 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
8
miserable
|
|
| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
9
pathos
|
|
| n.哀婉，悲怆 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
10
maternity
|
|
| n.母性，母道，妇产科病房；adj.孕妇的，母性的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
11
grotesquely
|
|
| adv. 奇异地,荒诞地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
12
anguish
|
|
| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
13
wretches
|
|
| n.不幸的人( wretch的名词复数 )；可怜的人；恶棍；坏蛋 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
14
watchful
|
|
| adj.注意的，警惕的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
15
expended
|
|
| v.花费( expend的过去式和过去分词 )；使用（钱等）做某事；用光；耗尽 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
16
entirely
|
|
| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
17
moodily
|
|
| adv.喜怒无常地；情绪多变地；心情不稳地；易生气地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
18
auditor
|
|
| n.审计员，旁听着 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
19
stunned
|
|
| adj. 震惊的，惊讶的 动词stun的过去式和过去分词 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
20
solitary
|
|
| adj.孤独的，独立的，荒凉的；n.隐士 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
21
shudder
|
|
| v.战粟，震动，剧烈地摇晃；n.战粟，抖动 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
22
brink
|
|
| n.(悬崖、河流等的)边缘，边沿 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
23
mused
|
|
| v.沉思，冥想( muse的过去式和过去分词 )；沉思自语说（某事） | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
24
longing
|
|
| n.（for）渴望 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
25
acting
|
|
| n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
26
chamber
|
|
| n.房间，寝室；会议厅；议院；会所 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
27
bent
|
|
| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
28
rippling
|
|
| 起涟漪的，潺潺流水般声音的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
29
strand
|
|
| vt.使（船）搁浅，使（某人）困于（某地） | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
30
imprisoned
|
|
| 下狱，监禁( imprison的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
31
amazement
|
|
| n.惊奇，惊讶 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
32
veins
|
|
| n.纹理；矿脉( vein的名词复数 )；静脉；叶脉；纹理 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
33
subdued
|
|
| adj. 屈服的，柔和的，减弱的 动词subdue的过去式和过去分词 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
34
permeated
|
|
| 弥漫( permeate的过去式和过去分词 )； 遍布； 渗入； 渗透 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
35
possessed
|
|
| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
36
ailed
|
|
| v.生病( ail的过去式和过去分词 )；感到不舒服；处境困难；境况不佳 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
37
tingling
|
|
| v.有刺痛感( tingle的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
38
tremor
|
|
| n.震动，颤动，战栗，兴奋，地震 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
39
monk
|
|
| n.和尚，僧侣，修道士 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
40
recurred
|
|
| 再发生，复发( recur的过去式和过去分词 )； 治愈 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
41
placid
|
|
| adj.安静的，平和的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
42
confidingly
|
|
| adv.信任地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
43
loath
|
|
| adj.不愿意的；勉强的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
44
scattered
|
|
| adj.分散的，稀疏的；散步的；疏疏落落的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
45
daunted
|
|
| 使（某人）气馁，威吓( daunt的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
46
daunt
|
|
| vt.使胆怯，使气馁 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
47
queried
|
|
| v.质疑，对…表示疑问( query的过去式和过去分词 )；询问 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
48
perplexed
|
|
| adj.不知所措的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
49
quenchless
|
|
| 不可熄灭的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
50
agitation
|
|
| n.搅动；搅拌；鼓动，煽动 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
51
persistence
|
|
| n.坚持，持续，存留 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
52
bosom
|
|
| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
53
expressive
|
|
| adj.表现的，表达…的，富于表情的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
54
penetrating
|
|
| adj.（声音）响亮的，尖锐的adj.（气味）刺激的adj.（思想）敏锐的，有洞察力的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
55
avarice
|
|
| n.贪婪；贪心 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
56
outweigh
|
|
| vt.比...更重，...更重要 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
57
ravage
|
|
| vt.使...荒废，破坏...；n.破坏，掠夺，荒废 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
58
devastate
|
|
| v.使荒芜，破坏，压倒 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
59
utterly
|
|
| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
60
fervid
|
|
| adj.热情的；炽热的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
61
eloquence
|
|
| n.雄辩；口才，修辞 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
62
begets
|
|
| v.为…之生父( beget的第三人称单数 )；产生，引起 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
63
immortality
|
|
| n.不死，不朽 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
64
inert
|
|
| adj.无活动能力的，惰性的；迟钝的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
65
tenor
|
|
| n.男高音（歌手），次中音（乐器），要旨，大意 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
66
regain
|
|
| vt.重新获得，收复，恢复 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
67
inflexibility
|
|
| n.不屈性，顽固，不变性；不可弯曲；非挠性；刚性 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
68
assailed
|
|
| v.攻击( assail的过去式和过去分词 )；困扰；质问；毅然应对 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
69
extremity
|
|
| n.末端，尽头；尽力；终极；极度 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
70
loathing
|
|
| n.厌恶，憎恨v.憎恨，厌恶( loathe的现在分词)；极不喜欢 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
71
folly
|
|
| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
72
entreaty
|
|
| n.恳求，哀求 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
73
tranquil
|
|
| adj. 安静的, 宁静的, 稳定的, 不变的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
74
repel
|
|
| v.击退，抵制，拒绝，排斥 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
75
mere
|
|
| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
76
abruptly
|
|
| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
77
victoriously
|
|
| adv.获胜地，胜利地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
| 欢迎访问英文小说网 |