They stood there for what seemed to the beadle at the bottom an intolerable time, the lady, evidently nobody certificated, with her cheek on the gentleman's hand, and he himself, as honest a man as ever wanted to get his tip and be done with it, kept waiting with nothing to do but curse and rattle1 his keys; and though it was summer the crypt was cold, and so would his feet be soon; and what could the world be coming to when people carried their caressings even into crypts? Becoming maddened by these delays the beadle cursed them both, their present, past, and future, roundly and thoroughly2 and also profanely—for by the accident of his calling he was very perfect in profanity—beneath his breath.
"I'm so sorry, so sorry," Ingeborg was murmuring, who did nothing by halves, neither penitence3, nor humility4, nor gratitude5.
"My worshipped child," whispered Ingram, immensely moved by this swift change in her, and changed as swiftly himself by the softness of her cheek against his hand.
"Oughtn't we to go to Venice to-night?" she asked, still standing6 in that oddly touching8 attitude of apology.
"Not to-night."
"But how can a picture get painted in just that little time?"
"Ah, but you know I'm good at pictures."
"But I can't stay a minute longer than Thursday. I have to be back on Saturday at the very latest."
"You'll see. It will all be quite easy."
"But to think that I forgot the picture!" she said, looking up at him shocked, while the ancient humility in which the Bishop9 had so carefully trained her descended10 on her once more, only four-fold this time, like a garment grown voluminous since last it was put on.
They had for some reason been talking in murmurs12, and the embittered13 beadle, losing his self-control, began to say things audibly. Strong in the knowledge of tourist ignorance when it came to real language in Italian, he said exactly what he thought; and what he thought was so monstrous14, so inappropriate to beadles and to the atmosphere of a crypt, besides being so extremely and personally rude, that it roused Ingram, who knew Italian almost better than the beadle—for his included scholarly by-ways in vituperation, strange and curious twists beyond the reach of the uneducated—to pour a sudden great burning blast of red-hot contumely down on to his head; and having done this he turned, and holding Ingeborg's hand led her up the steps again, leaving the beadle at the bottom, solitary15, shrivelled, and singed16.
They thought no more of crypts and beadles. They looked neither to the right nor to the left. Ingram held her by the hand all the way down the Cathedral, and the piazza17 when they came out on to it with its crowds of vociferating men and bell-ringing tramcars and sellers of souvenirs seemed to Ingeborg nothing now but a noisy irrelevance18. Whole strips of postcards were thrust unnoticed into her face. The purpose of her journey was the picture. Marvellous that she should have lost sight of it and of the wonder and pride of being needed for it—needed at last for anything, she who so profoundly had longed to be needed, but needed for this, as a collaborator19 actually, even though passive and humble20, in the creation of something splendid.
He put her into a cab and drove with her away from the fuss and din7. She was exquisite21 again to him, adorable altogether. The memory of the fret22 and hot irritation23 of the day was wiped out as though it had never been by that other memory of her sweet apology on the steps of the crypt. He told the driver, for it was towards evening, to take them to those gardens described by the guide-book as probably the finest public park in Italy; and presently, as they walked together in the remoter parts, the dusk dropped down like a curtain between them and the Sunday night crowd collecting round the fountains. Tall trees, and clumps24 of box, and rose-bushes shut out everything except mystery; and she in that quiet place of trickling25 water and dim flowers began again to talk to him as she had talked at Kökensee, softly, deliciously, about nothing except himself. It was like the shadow of a great rock in a thirsty land; it was infinite refreshment26 and relief.
She talked about the picture, with reverence27, adoringly. She told him how in the rush of new impressions she had been forgetting everything that really mattered, not only that greatest of them all, but the other things she had to thank him for besides—Italy, her unexpected holiday, due so entirely28 to him. She said, her husky voice softer than ever with gratitude, "You have been giving me happiness and happiness. You've heaped happiness on me with both your hands." She said, searching only for words that should be sweet enough, "Do you know I could cry to think of it all—of all you've been to me since you came to Kökensee. When I'm back there again, this time with you will be like a hidden precious stone, and when I'm stupid and thinking that life is dull I'll get it out and look at it, and it will flash colour and light at me."
"When you talk like that," said Ingram, greatly stirred, "it is as though a little soul had come back into a deserted29 and forgotten body."
"Is it?" she murmured, so glad that she could please him, perfectly30 melted into the one desire to make up.
"When you talk like that," he said, "life becomes a thing so happy that it shines golden inside. You have the soul I have always sought, the thing that comes through me like light through a stained-glass window, so that I am lit, so that my heart is all sweet fire."
"And you," said Ingeborg, picking up his image as she so often irritatingly did, only now it did not irritate him, and flinging it back with a fresh adornment31, "the thought of you, the memory of you when I've gone back to my everyday life, will be like a perfect rose-window in a grey wall."
"As though we could be separated again. As though being in love with somebody miles away isn't just intolerable ache. Oh, my dear, why do you look at me?" he asked with a large simplicity32 of manner that made her ashamed of her surprise; "because I talk of being in love? Why shouldn't two people simply love each other and say so? And if I love you it isn't with the greedy possessive love I've had for women before, but as though the feeling one has for the light on crystals or for clear shining after rain, the feeling of beauty in deep and delicate things, has become personified and exalted33."
She made a little deprecating gesture. He was almost too kind to her; too kind. But nobody could reasonably object to being loved like crystals and clearness after rain. Robert couldn't possibly mind that.
She cast about for things to say back, shining things to match his, but he found them all first; it was impossible to keep up with him.
"You are delicate and fine, like translucent34 gold," he said. "And you are brave, and various, and alive. And you are full of sweet little fancies, little swirls35 of mood, kind eager things. Never in my life is there the remotest chance that I shall meet so good and deep a happiness as you again, and I put my heart once and for all between your dear cool little hands."
She felt bent36 beneath this generosity37, she who had been so tiresome38; and not only tiresome, but she who had had doubts, unworthy ones she now saw, round about breakfast time, for instance, piercing through her silly delight in Italy, as to whether she were giving even any satisfaction.
"I perceive," he went on, "I've never really loved before. I've played with dolls, and expressed myself to dummies—like a boy with a ball he must play with, and failing a playfellow he bumps it against a wall and catches it again. But you play back, my living dear heart—"
More and more was she invaded by a happy surprise. The things she had been doing without knowing it! All the right ones, apparently39, the whole time—playing back, coming up to his expectations; and moments such as those at the Borromean Islands, and when there were picture postcards, and just recently in the tea-room, had not in the least been what she supposed. She had not understood. She glowed to think she had not understood.
"I've been so wearied and distressed40 with life," he went on, talking in a low, moved voice. "It has seemed at last such an old hairy thing of jealousies41 and shame and disillusionments, and work falling short of its best, and endless coming and going of people, and me for ever left with a blunted edge. And now you come, you, and are like a great sweet wind blowing across it, and like clear skies, and a moon rising before sunset. It is as though you had taken up a brush and painted out the old ugly tangles42 and made a new picture of me in luminous11, clear watercolour."
Her surprise grew and grew, and her gladness that she had been mistaken.
"Those streaks," she thought. "He didn't really mean what he said about those streaks—"
"Somehow, though quite intelligent all along," continued Ingram, "I've been shallow and hard in my feelings about everything. Now I feel love like a deep soft river flowing through my heart. I love every one because I love you. I can set out to make people happy, I can do and say fine and generous things because of the love of you shining in my heart—"
"That beadle," she thought, "he didn't really mean what he said to that beadle—"
"You're what I've been looking for in women all my life," he went on. "You're the dream come true. I've only tried to love before. And now you've come, and made me love, which we all dream of doing, and given me love, which we all dream of getting—"
Her pleasure became tinged43 with a faint uneasiness, for she wouldn't have thought, left to herself, that she had been giving him love. Pastors44' wives didn't give love except to their pastors. Friendship, yes; she had given him warm friendship, and an abject45 admiration46 of his gifts, and pride, and gratefulness—oh, such pride and gratefulness—that he should like being with her and saying lovely things to her; but love? She had supposed love was reserved for lovers. Well, if he liked to call it love ... one must not be miss-ish it was very kind of him.... It was, also, more and more wonderful to her that she had been doing and being and giving all these things without knowing it. Her suddenly discovered accomplishments47 staggered her. "Is it possible," she thought with amazement48, "that I'm clever?"
And as if he had heard the word lovers in her mind he said it.
"Other lovers," he said, "are engaged perpetually in sycophantic49 adaptations—"
"In what?"
She thought he had been going to say engaged to be married, for though she had known even at Redchester, in spite of the care taken to shut such knowledge out, that the world included wicked persons who loved without engagements or marriages, sometimes indeed even without having been properly introduced, persons who were afterwards punished by the correctly plighted50 by not being asked to tea, they were, the Bishop informed an anxious inquirer once when he had supposed her out of the room, in God's infinite mercy numerically negligible.
"Us?" she echoed. Well, if one took the word in its widest sense.
"We fit," he said. "We fit, and reflect each other. I in your heart, you in my heart, like two mirrors that hang opposite one another for ever."
A doubt as to the expediency52 of so much talk of hearts and love crept into her mind, but she quieted it by remembering how much worse the Song of Solomon was—"And yet so respectable really," she said, continuing her thought aloud, "and all only about the Church."
"What is so respectable? Come and sit on that seat by the bush covered with roses," he said. "Look—in this faint light they are as white and delicate as you."
"The Song of Solomon. It—just happened to come into my head. Things do," she added, beginning to lay hold of the first words that occurred to her, no longer at her ease.
She sat down on the edge of the seat where he put her.
"It's stone," she said nervously53, looking up at him, for he had taken a step back and was considering her, his head on one side. "Do you think it's good for us?"
"You beautiful little thing," he murmured, considering her. "You exquisite little lover."
Her hands gripped the edge of the seat more tightly. A sudden very definite longing54 for Robert seized her.
She tried again. "It's so kind of you, but—you know—but I don't think—"
"What don't you think, my dear, my discoverer, my creator, my restorer—"
"Oh, I know there was Solomon," she faltered, holding on to the seat, "saying things, too, and they meant something else, but—but isn't this different? Different because—well, I suppose through my not being the Church? I'm very sorry," she added apologetically, "that I'm not the Church—because then I suppose nothing would really matter?"
"You mean you don't want me to call you lover?"
"Well, I am married," she said, in the voice of one who apologised for drawing his attention to it. "There is no getting away from that."
"But we have got away from it," said Ingram, sitting down beside her and loosening the hand nearest him from its tight hold on the seat and kissing it, while she watched him in an uneasiness and dismay that now were extreme. "That's exactly what we have done. Oh," he went on, kissing her hand with what seemed to her a quite extraordinary emotion, "you brave, beautiful little thing, you must know—you can't not know—how completely and gloriously you have burned your ships!"
"Ships?" she echoed.
She stared at him a moment, then added with a catch in her breath:
"Which—ships?"
"Ingeborg, Ingeborg, my fastness, my safety, my darling, my reality, my courage—" said Ingram, kissing her hand between each word.
"Yes," she said, brushing that aside, "but which ships?"
"My strength, my helper, friend, sister, lover, unmerited mate—"
"Yes, but won't you leave off a minute? It—it would be convenient if you'd leave off a minute and tell me which ships?"
He did leave off, to look into her eyes in the dusk, eyes fixed56 on him in a concentration of questioning that left his epithets57 on one side as so much irrelevant58 lumber59.
"Little worshipful thing," he said, still gripping her hand, "did you really think you could go back? Did you really think you could?"
"Go back where?"
"To that unworthy rubbish heap, Kökensee?"
She stared at him. Their faces, close together, were white in the dusk, and their eyes looking into each other's were like glowing dark patches.
"Why should I not think so?" she said.
"Because, you little artist in recklessness, you've burned your ships."
"Please," she said, "do you mind telling me about the ships?"
"One of them was this."
"Was what?"
"Coming to Italy with me."
"You said heaps of people—"
"Oh, yes, I know—a man has to say things. And the other was writing that letter to Robert. If you'd left it at boots and Berlin!"
He laughed triumphantly61 and kissed her hand again.
"But that wouldn't have helped, either, really," he went on, "because directly the ten days were up and you hadn't come back he'd have known—"
"Hadn't come back?"
"Oh, Ingeborg—little love, little Parsifal among women, dear divine ignorance and obtuseness—I adore you for believing the picture could be done in a week!"
"But you said—"
"Oh, yes, yes, I know—a man has to say things at the beginning—"
"What beginning?"
"Of this—of love, happiness, all the wonders of joy we're going to have—"
"Please, do you mind not talking about those other things for a minute? Why do you tell me I can't go back, I can't go home?"
"They wouldn't have you. Isn't it ridiculous—isn't it glorious?"
"What, not have me home? They wouldn't have me? Who wouldn't? There isn't a they. I've only got Robert—"
"He wouldn't. After that letter he couldn't. And Kökensee wouldn't and couldn't. And Glambeck wouldn't and couldn't. And Germany, if you like, wouldn't and couldn't. The whole world gives you to me. You're my mate now for ever."
She watched him kissing her hand as though it did not belong to her. She was adjusting a new thought that was pushing its way like a frozen spear into her mind, trying to let it in, seeing, she could not keep it out, among all those happy thoughts so warmly there already about Ingram and her holiday and the kindness and beauty of life, without its too cruelly killing62 too many of them too quickly. "Do you mean—" she began; then she stopped, because what was the use of asking him what he meant? Quite suddenly she knew.
An immense slow coldness, an icy fog, seemed to settle down on her and blot63 out happiness. All the dear accustomed things of life, the small warm things of quietness and security, the everyday things one nestled up to and knew, were sliding away from her. "So that," she heard herself saying in a funny clear voice, "there's only God?"
"How, only God?" he asked, looking up at her.
"Only God left who wouldn't call it adultery?"
The word in her mouth shocked him.
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收听单词发音
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1
rattle
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| v.飞奔，碰响；激怒；n.碰撞声；拨浪鼓 | |
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thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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penitence
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| n.忏悔，赎罪；悔过 | |
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humility
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| n.谦逊，谦恭 | |
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gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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din
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| n.喧闹声，嘈杂声 | |
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touching
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| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
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bishop
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| n.主教，（国际象棋）象 | |
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descended
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| a.为...后裔的，出身于...的 | |
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luminous
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| adj.发光的，发亮的；光明的；明白易懂的；有启发的 | |
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murmurs
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| n.低沉、连续而不清的声音( murmur的名词复数 )；低语声；怨言；嘀咕 | |
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embittered
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| v.使怨恨，激怒( embitter的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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monstrous
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| adj.巨大的；恐怖的；可耻的，丢脸的 | |
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solitary
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| adj.孤独的，独立的，荒凉的；n.隐士 | |
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singed
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| v.浅表烧焦( singe的过去式和过去分词 )；（毛发）燎，烧焦尖端[边儿] | |
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piazza
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| n.广场；走廊 | |
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irrelevance
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| n.无关紧要；不相关；不相关的事物 | |
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collaborator
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| n.合作者，协作者 | |
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humble
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| adj.谦卑的，恭顺的；地位低下的；v.降低，贬低 | |
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exquisite
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| adj.精美的；敏锐的；剧烈的，感觉强烈的 | |
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fret
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| v.(使)烦恼；(使)焦急；(使)腐蚀，(使)磨损 | |
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irritation
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| n.激怒，恼怒，生气 | |
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clumps
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| n.（树、灌木、植物等的）丛、簇( clump的名词复数 )；（土、泥等）团；块；笨重的脚步声v.（树、灌木、植物等的）丛、簇( clump的第三人称单数 )；（土、泥等）团；块；笨重的脚步声 | |
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25
trickling
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| n.油画底色含油太多而成泡沫状突起v.滴( trickle的现在分词 )；淌；使)慢慢走；缓慢移动 | |
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refreshment
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| n.恢复，精神爽快，提神之事物；（复数）refreshments:点心，茶点 | |
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reverence
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| n.敬畏，尊敬，尊严；Reverence:对某些基督教神职人员的尊称；v.尊敬，敬畏，崇敬 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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deserted
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| adj.荒芜的，荒废的，无人的，被遗弃的 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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adornment
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| n.装饰；装饰品 | |
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simplicity
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| n.简单，简易；朴素；直率，单纯 | |
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exalted
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| adj.(地位等)高的，崇高的；尊贵的，高尚的 | |
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translucent
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| adj.半透明的；透明的 | |
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swirls
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| n.旋转( swirl的名词复数 )；卷状物；漩涡；尘旋v.旋转，打旋( swirl的第三人称单数 ) | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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generosity
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| n.大度，慷慨，慷慨的行为 | |
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tiresome
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| adj.令人疲劳的，令人厌倦的 | |
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apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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distressed
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| 痛苦的 | |
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jealousies
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| n.妒忌( jealousy的名词复数 )；妒羡 | |
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tangles
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| （使）缠结， （使）乱作一团( tangle的第三人称单数 ) | |
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43
tinged
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| v.（使）发丁丁声( ting的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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pastors
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| n.（基督教的）牧师( pastor的名词复数 ) | |
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abject
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| adj.极可怜的，卑屈的 | |
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admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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accomplishments
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| n.造诣；完成( accomplishment的名词复数 )；技能；成绩；成就 | |
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48
amazement
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| n.惊奇，惊讶 | |
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49
sycophantic
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| adj.阿谀奉承的 | |
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50
plighted
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| vt.保证，约定（plight的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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51
heed
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| v.注意，留意；n.注意，留心 | |
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52
expediency
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| n.适宜；方便；合算；利己 | |
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53
nervously
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| adv.神情激动地，不安地 | |
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54
longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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55
faltered
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| （嗓音）颤抖( falter的过去式和过去分词 )； 支吾其词； 蹒跚； 摇晃 | |
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56
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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57
epithets
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| n.（表示性质、特征等的）词语( epithet的名词复数 ) | |
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58
irrelevant
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| adj.不恰当的，无关系的，不相干的 | |
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59
lumber
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| n.木材，木料；v.以破旧东西堆满；伐木；笨重移动 | |
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60
tightened
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| 收紧( tighten的过去式和过去分词 )； （使）变紧； （使）绷紧； 加紧 | |
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61
triumphantly
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| ad.得意洋洋地；得胜地；成功地 | |
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62
killing
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| n.巨额利润；突然赚大钱，发大财 | |
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63
blot
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| vt.弄脏（用吸墨纸）吸干；n.污点，污渍 | |
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