Just for a moment Mary felt inclined to disclose her identity. It warmed her heart and brought tears to her eyes to hear this kind of voice from the past. The wound of separation was too recent for Mary not to feel it keenly. The woman's face was so familiar, too; it reminded the girl oddly of somebody else, somebody that she did not like, but to whom for the moment she could not give a name.
Then Mary's pride came back to her and the natural impulse to confide1 in the woman was crushed down.
"I suppose I made a mistake," she said. "After all, it is not an uncommon2 thing to find chance likenesses to your friends in other people. You must find London a great change after being brought up in the country."
The woman sighed deeply and a look of pain came into her eyes. It was evident that she had felt the change far more cruelly than Mary had imagined. The girl longed to ask further questions, but she restrained her curiosity. Nor could Connie Colam throw any light on the subject after she returned. She knew very little about Mrs. Speed, except that she was a widow with a grown-up son, who had been a great trouble to her. The son appeared occasionally, and Mrs. Speed always seemed to be in deep distress3 afterwards. Mary was still debating the matter in her mind at bedtime. After breakfast the following morning there were more important matters to occupy her attention.
"Now you are going to show me what you can do," Connie said cheerfully. "I take it that you have come up here with a view to getting your own living. If you have any money----"
"You may get that idea out of your mind altogether," Mary smiled. "I have a very few pounds to keep me going for the present, and a little jewellery to fall back upon. I have not been used to this kind of life, and I shall probably find it trying at first. But I am going to succeed. We have lost our position socially and financially, and I would not be beholden to those who have taken our place. I need not say more than that."
"That is just as you please," Connie said somewhat coldly. "I see you are terribly proud and reserved, but you will grow out of that. And I like your face. But please don't make up your mind that it is a very easy thing for a girl to get her living in London. When you come to know the inside of a pawnshop, and share the last sixpence with a friend, you will be all the sweeter and better for it. Now show me your work."
Not without some pardonable pride, Mary displayed her drawings. There were pretty landscapes in water colours, studies of groups of flowers in oils, and the like, all the conventional kind of stuff that girls produce at finishing schools under the eye of some discreet4 and clever master. But they did not seem to impress Connie, who handled them with some contempt. Mary's sensitive face flushed.
"You do not seem to care for them," she said with a challenge in her voice.
"Oh, it isn't that," Connie replied. "It's the uselessness of the things. I daresay that a good many of your friends have seriously advised you take up art as a career."
"Two or three people," Mary protested, "who are in a position to judge."
"Oh, I know all about that," Connie said without ceremony. "It was just the same with me in the happy days. My dear Mary, that pretty, pretty stuff of yours is all very well to bring you in flattery from bazaar5 managers, but the milk-stool school of art is no good when you get into the market. Painters, real painters, mind, not daubers like us, find colour work dreadfully hard to sell. There isn't a dealer6 who would give you five shillings for what you have there. Could you do work like mine, for instance?"
"I'm afraid that I should not care to attempt it," Mary said coldly.
"There you go! Too vulgar for you, of course! You would never get the price of your lodgings7 out of your class of work, believe me. I know, because I tried it myself. But you will need to have your lesson like the rest of us, and I will give you the names of a few of the most likely dealers8 in London. You start off directly after breakfast and go the round of them. I shan't be back to luncheon9 because I've got an hour or two on one of the evening papers getting out sketches10 of a fashion plate for a lady's page."
Mary grasped eagerly at the suggestion. She wanted to prove that Connie was wrong. With her head high and heart full of hope, she set off presently.
On the whole, it was a morning to be remembered. It was hot and stuffy11, and Mary was not accustomed to the blistering12, trying heat of London pavements. She was tired and worn out and her head ached terribly by the time she got back. Nor was there any difference in the weight and contents of her portfolio13.
Alas14, for the blood of the Dashwoods! It was all the same to those flinty-hearted dealers. Mary might have been the meanest beggar in London for all the reception she met with. Struck by her distinguished15 appearance and haughty16 beauty, a cringing17 shop assistant or proprietor18 would probably ask her business, but what a change when the portfolio was produced! It was the same in one shop after another, contemptuous inspection19, rude denial, a suggestion that the shopkeeper had more rubbish already than he knew what to do with. The tears were at the back of Mary's eyes now; unconsciously her voice grew soft and pleading. One dealer, a little kinder than the rest, did suffer the drawings to be laid out before him.
"No use, my dear," he said with a sympathetic familiarity that, strange to say, Mary could not bring herself to resent. "Bless your soul, cheap lithographs20 and German reproductions have driven them out of the market. If you offered me the lot at half-a-crown each I couldn't take them. It'll save you a lot of trouble and disappointment if you put the whole batch21 on the fire. Why should I buy that group of flowers for five shillings when I can sell you a photogravure of Watts's for half the money? Your work has been out of date since the mid-Victorian period."
It was the same everywhere, not so kindly22 expressed. At one o'clock Mary returned to her lodgings utterly23 tired out and ready to cry in the bitterness of her disappointment. How hard people were to one another, she thought. It never occurred to her that this hardness had been her own great besetting24 sin in the past. She was even inclined to quarrel with Connie because the latter's prophecy had come so cruelly true.
But Connie was not in yet, and therefore Mary had to fight out her trouble alone. Still, she had learned already a deeper and more important lesson than she was aware of. She began to see that there was a world beyond the narrow limit of the Dashwood horizon. There were other men and women living in the world quite as worthy25 of respect. Mary took her sketches and dropped them one by one slowly into the empty grate. Then she put a match to them and watched them burn away to ashes. It was a full and complete confession26 of failure, and Mary felt all the better for it. She rang the bell for a glass of milk to drink with her frugal27 meal that was already set out on the table.
Nobody came in reply to her ring. Mary was not aware that it was an understood thing in a general way that nobody rang the bell except at stated times such as just after breakfast and the like. In houses of that class the lodgers28 were expected to be away all day more or less. Otherwise, they were really obliged to look after themselves. After the third ring Mary went downstairs to investigate.
So far as she could judge the house was deserted29. The dingy30 first floor smelt31 horribly of cheap, stale, cigar smoke. The sordidness32 of the whole thing struck Mary with peculiar33 and unpleasant force. It was all so totally different to what she had been accustomed to. She wondered where Mrs. Speed was to be found.
Then voices came from the dining-room, voices raised in anger. A man and a woman there were quarrelling violently. It seemed to Mary that the man's voice was familiar to her, but she could not be quite certain as yet.
She made up her mind to go down into the basement--the dark, warm basement that seemed to reek34 with the ghastly smells of bygone meals. Mary wondered how people could live in an atmosphere like that. She was standing35 in doubt at the head of the kitchen stairs when from the dining-room she heard her own name.
There was no mistaking the allusion36 to Dashwood. Quite naturally Mary stood to listen. It was the man in the dining-room who was speaking.
"I tell you I must have it," he said. "What reason have you got to be fond of the name of Dashwood? It never brought us any good. If Ralph Dashwood had not been a fool, and you had played your cards right, you might be living at the dower house now, with a handsome income and a staff of servants to wait upon you."
The woman made some kind of reply that Mary could not quite catch, though she knew by the choke in the voice that she was sobbing37. The man resumed.
"I tell you I must have it," he said. "No use to tell me that you haven't got the letters; for I have seen them in your possession. It's a letter sent from Lady Dashwood to her son and the date is 9th September, 1884. Now you make a note of that, please. If I don't have it, I shall find myself in serious trouble. What game am I playing? I'm playing for more money than you ever dreamed of."
"Money!" the woman said bitterly, "that is always your cry. But it has not prevented you from taking all mine. And I owe three quarters' rent, which has to be paid tomorrow. If it isn't paid tomorrow, I shall be sold up and turned into the street."
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1
confide
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| v.向某人吐露秘密 | |
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uncommon
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| adj.罕见的，非凡的，不平常的 | |
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distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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discreet
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| adj.(言行)谨慎的；慎重的；有判断力的 | |
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bazaar
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| n.集市，商店集中区 | |
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dealer
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| n.商人，贩子 | |
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lodgings
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| n. 出租的房舍, 寄宿舍 | |
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dealers
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| n.商人( dealer的名词复数 )；贩毒者；毒品贩子；发牌者 | |
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luncheon
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| n.午宴，午餐，便宴 | |
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sketches
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| n.草图( sketch的名词复数 )；素描；速写；梗概 | |
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stuffy
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| adj.不透气的，闷热的 | |
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blistering
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| adj.酷热的；猛烈的；使起疱的；可恶的v.起水疱；起气泡；使受暴晒n.[涂料] 起泡 | |
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portfolio
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| n.公事包；文件夹；大臣及部长职位 | |
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alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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distinguished
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| adj.卓越的，杰出的，著名的 | |
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haughty
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| adj.傲慢的，高傲的 | |
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cringing
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| adj.谄媚，奉承 | |
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proprietor
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| n.所有人；业主；经营者 | |
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19
inspection
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| n.检查，审查，检阅 | |
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lithographs
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| n.平版印刷品( lithograph的名词复数 ) | |
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batch
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| n.一批(组，群)；一批生产量 | |
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kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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besetting
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| adj.不断攻击的v.困扰( beset的现在分词 )；不断围攻；镶；嵌 | |
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worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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confession
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| n.自白，供认，承认 | |
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frugal
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| adj.节俭的，节约的，少量的，微量的 | |
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lodgers
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| n.房客，租住者( lodger的名词复数 ) | |
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deserted
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| adj.荒芜的，荒废的，无人的，被遗弃的 | |
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dingy
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| adj.昏暗的，肮脏的 | |
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smelt
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| v.熔解，熔炼；n.银白鱼，胡瓜鱼 | |
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sordidness
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| n.肮脏；污秽；卑鄙；可耻 | |
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peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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reek
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| v.发出臭气；n.恶臭 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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allusion
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| n.暗示，间接提示 | |
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sobbing
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| <主方>Ⅰ adj.湿透的 | |
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