"Who ne'er have loved, and loved in vain,
Can neither feel nor pity pain."
—Byron.
True to her promise, the next day Molly wraps herself up warmly and takes her way toward the wood that adjoins but does not belong to Brooklyn.
At first, from overmuch inactivity and spiritless brooding, a sort of languor—a trembling of the limbs—oppresses her; but presently, as the cold, crisp air creeps into her young blood, she quickens her steps, and is soon walking with a brisk and healthy motion toward the desired spot.
Often her eyes fill with unbidden tears, as many a well-remembered place is passed, and she thinks of a kindly1 word or a gay jest uttered here by lips now cold and mute.
There is a sadness in the wood itself that harmonizes with her thoughts. The bare trees, the fast-decaying leaves beneath her feet, all speak of death and change. Swinburne's exquisite2 lines rise involuntarily to her mind:
"Lo, the summer is dead, the sun is faded,
All the fruit of the day from all her branches
Gathered, neither is any left to gather.
All the flowers are dead, the tender blossoms,
All are taken away; the season wasted
Like an ember among the fallen ashes."
Seating herself upon a little grassy4 mound5, with her head thrown back against the trunk of a gnarled but kindly beech6, she waits her lover's coming. She is very early, almost by her own calculation half an hour must elapse before he can join her. Satisfied that she cannot see him until then, she is rapidly falling into a gentle doze7, when footsteps behind her cause her to start into a sitting posture8.
"So soon," she says, and, rising, finds herself face to face with—Philip Shadwell.
"You see, I have followed you," he says, slowly.
He does not offer to shake hands with her; he gives her no greeting; he only stands before her, suffering his eyes to drink in hungrily her saddened but always perfect beauty.
"So I see," she answers, quite slowly.
"You have been in trouble. You have grown thin," he says, presently, in the same tone.
"Yes."
She is puzzled, dismayed, at his presence here, feeling an unaccountable repugnance9 to his society, and a longing10 for his departure, as she notes his unwonted agitation,—the unknown but evident purpose in his eyes.
"When last we met," says Philip, with a visible effort at calmness, and with his great dark, moody11 eyes bent12 upon the ground, "you told me you—hated me."
"Did I? The last time? How long ago it seems!—years—centuries. Ah!"—clasping her hands in a very ecstasy13 of regret—"how happy I was then! and yet—I thought myself miserable14! That day I spoke15 to you" (gazing at him as one gazes at something outside and beyond the question altogether), "I absolutely believed I knew what unhappiness meant; and now——"
"Yes. You said you hated me," says the young man, still bent upon his own wrongs to the exclusion16 of all others. He is sorry for her, very sorry; but what is her honest grief for her beloved dead compared with the desperate craving17 for the unattainable that is consuming him daily,—hourly?
"I hardly remember," Molly says, running her slender fingers across her brow. "Well,"—with a sigh,—"I have fallen into such low estate since then that I think I have no power within me now to hate any one."
"You did not mean it, perhaps?" still painfully calm, although he knows the moments of grace are slipping surely, swiftly, trying vainly to encourage hope. "You said it, perhaps, in an instant of passion? One often does. One exaggerates a small offense18. Is it not so?"
"Yes,"—with her thoughts as far from him as the earth is from the heavens,—"it may be so."
"You think so? You did not mean it?" with a sudden gleam of misplaced confidence. "Oh! if you only knew how I have suffered since that fatal word passed your lips!—but you did not mean it. In time—who knows?—you may even bring yourself to care for me a little. Molly,"—seizing her hand,—"speak—speak, and say it will be so."
"No, no," exclaims she, at last, coming back to the present, and understanding him. "Never. Why do you so deceive yourself? Do not think it; do not try to believe it. And"—with a quick shudder19—"to speak to me so now,—at this time——"
"Perhaps, had I known you first, you might have loved me," persists he.
"I am sure not," replies she, gently but decidedly. "Your dark looks, your vehemence,—all—frighten me."
"Once assured of your love, I could change all that," he perseveres21, unwisely, in a low tone, his passionate22, gloomy eyes still fixed23 upon the ground, his foot uneasily stirring the chilled blades of grass beneath him. "In such a case, what is it I could not do? Molly, will you not take pity on me? Will you not give me a chance?"
"I cannot. Why will you persist? I tell you, if we two were to live forever, you are the very last man I should ever love. It is the kindest thing I can do for you to speak thus plainly."
"Kind!"—bitterly; "can you be kind? With your fair, soft face, and your angel eyes, you are the most bitterly cruel woman I ever met in my life. I curse the day I first saw you! You have ruined my happiness."
"Philip, do not speak like that. You cannot mean it. In a few short months you will forget you have ever uttered such words,—or felt them. See, now,"—laying the tips of her fingers kindly upon his arm,—"put away from you this miserable fancy, and I will be your friend—if you will."
"Friend!" retorts he, roughly. "Who that had seen and loved you could coldly look upon you as a friend? Every thought of my heart, every action of my life, has you mixed up in it. Your face is burned into my brain. I live but in recollection of you, and you speak to me of friendship! I tell you," says Philip, almost reducing himself again to calmness through intensity24 of emotion, "I am fighting for my very existence. I must and will have you."
"Why will you talk so wildly?"—turning a little pale, and retreating a step: "you know what you propose, to be impossible."
"There is nothing impossible, if you will only try to look upon me more kindly."
"Am I to tell you again," she says, still gently, but with some natural indignation, "that if I knew you for ever and ever, I could not feel for you even the faintest spark of affection of the kind you mean! I would not marry you for all the bribes25 you could offer. It is not your fault that it is so, nor is it mine. You say 'try' to love you. Can love be forced? Did ever any one grow to love another through trying? You know better. The more one would have to try, the less likely would one be to succeed. Love is free, and yet a very tyrant26. Oh, Philip, forget such vain thoughts. Do not waste your life hoping for what can never be."
"It shall be," cries he, vehemently27, suddenly, with an unexpected movement catching29 her in his arms. "Molly, if I cannot buy your love, let me at least buy yourself. Remember how you are now situated30. You do not yet know the horrors of poverty—real poverty; and I—at least I have prospects31. Herst will be mine beyond all doubt (who can be preferred before me?), and that old man cannot live forever. Think of your sister and all her children; I swear I will provide for all; not one but shall be to me as my own, for your sake. You shall do what you like with me. Body and soul I am yours for good or evil. Let it be for good."
"How dare you speak to me like this?" says Molly, who has tried vainly to escape from his detested32 embrace during the short time it has taken him to pour forth33 his last words. "Let me go instantly. Do you hear me, Philip?—release me."
Her blue eyes have turned almost black with a little fear and unlimited34 anger, her lips are white but firm, her very indignation only making her more fair.
"I will, when you have given me some ground for hope. Promise you will consider my words."
"Not for a single instant. When a few moments ago I hinted how abhorrent35 you are to me, I spoke truly; I only lied when I tried to soften36 my words. I would rather ten thousand times be dead than your wife. Now I hope you understand. Your very touch makes me shudder."
She ceases, more from want of breath than words, and a deep silence falls between them. Even through the bare and melancholy37 trees the wind has forgotten to shiver. Above, the clouds, rain-filled, scud38 hurriedly. A storm is in the air. Upon Philip's face a deadlier storm is gathering39.
"Have you anything more to say?" he asks, an evil look coming into his eyes. Not for a second has he relaxed his hold.
Molly's heart sinks a little lower. Oh! if Tedcastle would only come! yet with a certain bravery she compels herself to return without flinching40 the gaze of the dark passionate face bent above hers. She knows every limb in her body is trembling, that a deadly sickness is creeping over her, yet by a supreme41 effort she maintains her calmness.
"Nothing," she answers, quietly, with just a touch of scorn. "I should have thought I had said enough to convince any man. Now will you let me go home? You cannot want to keep me here after what I have said."
"I wonder you are not afraid of me," says Shadwell, who is absolutely beside himself with anger. "Do not put unlimited faith in my forbearance. A worm, you know, will turn. Do you think you can goad42 a man to desperation and leave him as cool as when you began? I confess I am not made of such stuff. Do you know you are in my power? What is to prevent my killing43 you here, now, this moment?"
He speaks slowly, as though his breath comes with difficulty, so much has anger overmastered him; yet her eyes have never fallen before his, and he knows, in spite of his words, he has not the smallest mastery over her, he has gained no triumph.
"I wish you were dead," he goes on, in a compressed tone, "and myself too. To be sure, that if you were not mine you would never be another's, has in it a sweetness that tempts44 me. They say extremes meet. I hardly know, now, where my love for you ends, or where my hatred45 begins."
His violence terrifies Molly.
"Philip, be generous," she says, laying her hand against his chest with a vain attempt to break from him; "and—and—try to be calm. Your eyes have madness in them. Even if you were to kill me, what good would it do you? And think of the afterward46. Oh, what have I ever done to you that you should seek to—to—unnerve me like this?"
"'What have you done?' Shall I tell you? You have murdered me surely as though your knife had entered my heart. You have killed every good thought in me, every desire that might perhaps have had some element of nobleness in it. I was bad enough before I met you, I dare say; but you have made me ten times worse."
"It is all false. I will not listen to you,"—covering her ears with her hands. But he takes them down again, gently but determinedly47, and compels her to hear him.
"When you first came to Herst for your own amusement, to pass away the hours that perhaps hung a little heavily upon your hands, or to rouse a feeling of jealousy48 in the heart of Luttrell, or to prove the power you have over all men by the right of your fatal beauty, you played off upon me all the pretty airs and graces, all the sweet looks and tender words, that come so easy to you, never caring what torment49 I might have to endure when your dainty pastime had palled50 upon you. Day by day I was led to believe that I was more to you than those others who also waited on your words."
"That is false,—false. Your own vanity misled you."
"I was the one singled out to escort you here, to bear your messages there. Now and again you threw me flowers, not half so honeyed as your smiles. And when you had rendered me half mad—nay, I think wholly so—for love of you, and I asked you to be my wife, you asked me in return 'what I meant,' pretending an innocent ignorance of having done anything to encourage me."
"I do not think I have done all this," says Molly, with a little gasping51 sigh; "but if I have I regret it. I repent52 it. I pray your forgiveness."
"And I will grant it on one condition. Swear you will be my wife."
She does not answer. He is so vehement28 that she fears to provoke him further; yet nothing but a decided20 refusal can be given. She raises her head and regards him with a carefully-concealed shudder, and as she does so Luttrell's fair, beautiful face—even more true than beautiful, his eyes so blue and earnest, his firm but tender mouth—rises before her. She thinks of his devotion, his deep, honest love, and without thinking any further she says, "No," with much more decided emphasis than prudence53 would have permitted.
"'No!'" repeats he, furiously. "Do you still defy me? Are you then so faithful to the memory of the man who cast you off? Have you, perhaps, renewed your engagement with him? If I thought that,—if I was sure of that—— Speak, and say if it be so."
The strain is too great. Molly's brave heart fails her. She gives a little gasping cry, and with it her courage disappears. Raising her face in mute appeal to the bare trees, to the rushing, comfortless wind, to the murky54 sky, she bursts into a storm of tears.
"Oh, if my brother were but alive," cries she, in passionate protest, "you would not dare treat me like this! Oh, John, John, where are you? It is I, your Molly Bawn. Why are you silent?"
Her sobs55 fall upon the chilly56 air. Her tears drop through her fingers down upon the brown-tinged grass, upon a foolish frozen daisy that has outlived its fellows,—upon her companion's heart!
With a groan57 he comes to his senses, releases her, and, moving away, covers his face with his hands.
"Don't do that," he says. "Stop crying. What a brute58 I am! Molly, Molly, be silent, I desire you. I am punished enough already."
Hardly daring to believe herself free, and dreading59 a relapse on Philip's part, and being still a good deal over-strung and frightened, Miss Massereene sobs on very successfully, while even at this moment secretly reproaching herself in that she did not pocket her pride half an hour ago, and give way to the tears that have had such a fortunate effect.
Just at this juncture60, Luttrell, clearing a stile that separates him from them, appears upon the scene. His dismay on seeing Molly in tears almost obliterates61 the displeased62 amazement63 with which he regards Philip's unexpected appearance.
"Molly," he calls out to her, even from the distance, some undefined instinct telling him she will be glad of his presence. And Molly, hearing him, raises her head, and without a word or cry runs to him, and flings herself into the fond shelter of his arms.
As he holds her closely in his young, strong, ardent64 embrace, a great peace—a joy that is almost pain—comes to her. Had she still any lingering doubts of her love for him, this moment, in which he stands by her as a guardian65, a protector, a true lover, would forever dispel66 them.
"You here," says Luttrell, addressing Philip with a frown, while his face flames, and then grows white as Shadwell's own, "and Miss Massereene in tears! Explain——"
"Better leave explanation to another time," interrupts Philip, with insolent67 hauteur68, his repentant69 mood having vanished with Luttrell's arrival, "and take Miss Massereene home. She is tired."
So saying, he turns coolly on his heel, and walks away.
Luttrell makes an angry movement as though to follow him; but Molly with her arms restrains him.
"Do not leave me," she says, preparing to cry again directly if he shows any determination to have it out with Shadwell. "Stay with me. I feel so nervous and—and faint."
"Do you, darling?" Regarding her anxiously. "You do look pale. What was Shadwell saying to you? Why were you crying? If I thought he——"
"No, no,"—laying five hasty, convincing little fingers on his arm,—"nothing of the kind. Won't you believe me? He only reminded me of past days, and I was foolish, and—that was all."
"But what brought him at all?"
"To see me," says Molly, longing yet fearing to tell him of Philip's unpardonable behavior. "But do not let us talk of him. I cannot bear him. He makes me positively70 nervous. He is so dark, so vehement, so—uncanny!"
"The fellow isn't much of a fellow, certainly," says Luttrell, with charming explicitness71.
For the mile that lies between them and home, they scarcely speak,—walking together, as children might, hand in hand, but in a silence unknown to our household pests.
"How quiet you are!" Molly says, at length awakening72 to the fact of her lover's dumbness. "What are you thinking about?"
"You, of course," he answers, with a rather joyless smile. "I have received my marching orders. I must join my regiment73 in Dublin next Saturday."
"And this is Tuesday!" Aghast at the terrible news. "Oh, Teddy! Could they not have left us together for the few last days that remain to us?"
"It appears they could not," replies he, with a prolonged and audible sigh.
"I always said your colonel was a bear," says Miss Massereene, vindictively74.
"Well, but you see, he doesn't know how matters stand; he never heard of you," replies Luttrell, apologetically.
"Well, he ought to know; and even if he did, he would do it all the more. Oh, Teddy! dear Teddy!"—with a sudden change of tone, thoroughly75 appreciated by one individual at least,—"what shall I do without you?"
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收听单词发音
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1
kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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exquisite
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| adj.精美的；敏锐的；剧烈的，感觉强烈的 | |
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3
withered
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| adj. 枯萎的，干瘪的，（人身体的部分器官）因病萎缩的或未发育良好的 动词wither的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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grassy
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| adj.盖满草的；长满草的 | |
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mound
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| n.土墩，堤，小山；v.筑堤，用土堆防卫 | |
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beech
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| n.山毛榉；adj.山毛榉的 | |
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doze
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| v.打瞌睡；n.打盹，假寐 | |
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posture
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| n.姿势，姿态，心态，态度；v.作出某种姿势 | |
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9
repugnance
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| n.嫌恶 | |
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10
longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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moody
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| adj.心情不稳的，易怒的，喜怒无常的 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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13
ecstasy
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| n.狂喜，心醉神怡，入迷 | |
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14
miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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16
exclusion
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| n.拒绝，排除，排斥，远足，远途旅行 | |
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craving
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| n.渴望,热望 | |
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offense
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| n.犯规，违法行为；冒犯，得罪 | |
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shudder
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| v.战粟，震动，剧烈地摇晃；n.战粟，抖动 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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perseveres
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| v.坚忍，坚持( persevere的第三人称单数 ) | |
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passionate
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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intensity
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| n.强烈，剧烈；强度；烈度 | |
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bribes
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| n.贿赂( bribe的名词复数 )；向（某人）行贿，贿赂v.贿赂( bribe的第三人称单数 )；向（某人）行贿，贿赂 | |
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26
tyrant
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| n.暴君，专制的君主，残暴的人 | |
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vehemently
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| adv. 热烈地 | |
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vehement
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| adj.感情强烈的；热烈的；(人)有强烈感情的 | |
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catching
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| adj.易传染的，有魅力的，迷人的，接住 | |
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situated
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| adj.坐落在...的，处于某种境地的 | |
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prospects
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| n.希望，前途(恒为复数) | |
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32
detested
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| v.憎恶，嫌恶，痛恨( detest的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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unlimited
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| adj.无限的，不受控制的，无条件的 | |
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abhorrent
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| adj.可恶的，可恨的，讨厌的 | |
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soften
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| v.(使)变柔软；(使)变柔和 | |
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melancholy
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| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
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38
scud
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| n.疾行；v.疾行 | |
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gathering
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| n.集会，聚会，聚集 | |
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40
flinching
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| v.（因危险和痛苦）退缩，畏惧( flinch的现在分词 ) | |
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41
supreme
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| adj.极度的，最重要的；至高的，最高的 | |
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goad
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| n.刺棒，刺痛物；激励；vt.激励，刺激 | |
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43
killing
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| n.巨额利润；突然赚大钱，发大财 | |
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44
tempts
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| v.引诱或怂恿（某人）干不正当的事( tempt的第三人称单数 )；使想要 | |
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45
hatred
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| n.憎恶，憎恨，仇恨 | |
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46
afterward
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| adv.后来；以后 | |
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47
determinedly
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| adv.决意地；坚决地，坚定地 | |
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48
jealousy
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| n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌 | |
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49
torment
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| n.折磨；令人痛苦的东西(人)；vt.折磨；纠缠 | |
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50
palled
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| v.（因过多或过久而）生厌，感到乏味，厌烦( pall的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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51
gasping
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| adj. 气喘的, 痉挛的 动词gasp的现在分词 | |
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52
repent
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| v.悔悟，悔改，忏悔，后悔 | |
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53
prudence
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| n.谨慎，精明，节俭 | |
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54
murky
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| adj.黑暗的，朦胧的；adv.阴暗地，混浊地；n.阴暗；昏暗 | |
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55
sobs
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| 啜泣（声），呜咽（声）( sob的名词复数 ) | |
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56
chilly
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| adj.凉快的，寒冷的 | |
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57
groan
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| vi./n.呻吟，抱怨；(发出)呻吟般的声音 | |
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58
brute
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| n.野兽，兽性 | |
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59
dreading
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| v.害怕，恐惧，担心( dread的现在分词 ) | |
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60
juncture
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| n.时刻，关键时刻，紧要关头 | |
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61
obliterates
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| v.除去( obliterate的第三人称单数 )；涂去；擦掉；彻底破坏或毁灭 | |
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62
displeased
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| a.不快的 | |
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63
amazement
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| n.惊奇，惊讶 | |
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64
ardent
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，强烈的，烈性的 | |
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65
guardian
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| n.监护人；守卫者，保护者 | |
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66
dispel
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| vt.驱走，驱散，消除 | |
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67
insolent
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| adj.傲慢的，无理的 | |
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68
hauteur
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| n.傲慢 | |
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69
repentant
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| adj.对…感到悔恨的 | |
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70
positively
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| adv.明确地，断然，坚决地；实在，确实 | |
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71
explicitness
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72
awakening
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| n.觉醒，醒悟 adj.觉醒中的；唤醒的 | |
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73
regiment
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| n.团，多数，管理；v.组织，编成团，统制 | |
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vindictively
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| adv.恶毒地；报复地 | |
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75
thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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