When she woke the next morning she felt a great lightness ofheart. She recalled her last awakening1 at Givre, three daysbefore, when it had seemed as though all her life had gonedown in darkness. Now Darrow was once more under the sameroof with her, and once more his nearness sufficed to makethe looming2 horror drop away. She could almost have smiledat her scruples3 of the night before: as she looked back onthem they seemed to belong to the old ignorant timorous4 timewhen she had feared to look life in the face, and had beenblind to the mysteries and contradictions of the human heartbecause her own had not been revealed to her. Darrow hadsaid: "You were made to feel everything"; and to feel wassurely better than to judge.
When she came downstairs he was already in the oak-room withEffie and Madame de Chantelle, and the sense of reassurancewhich his presence gave her was merged5 in the relief of notbeing able to speak of what was between them. But there itwas, inevitably6, and whenever they looked at each other theysaw it. In her dread7 of giving it a more tangible8 shape shetried to devise means of keeping the little girl with her,and, when the latter had been called away by the nurse,found an excuse for following Madame de Chantelle upstairsto the purple sitting-room9. But a confidential10 talk withMadame de Chantelle implied the detailed11 discussion of plansof which Anna could hardly yet bear to consider the vaguestoutline: the date of her marriage, the relative advantagesof sailing from London or Lisbon, the possibility of hiringa habitable house at their new post; and, when theseproblems were exhausted12, the application of the same methodto the subject of Owen's future.
His grandmother, having no suspicion of the real reason ofSophy Viner's departure, had thought it "extremely suitable"of the young girl to withdraw to the shelter of her oldfriends' roof in the hour of bridal preparation. Thismaidenly retreat had in fact impressed Madame de Chantelleso favourably13 that she was disposed for the first time totalk over Owen's projects; and as every human eventtranslated itself for her into terms of social and domesticdetail, Anna had perforce to travel the same round again.
She felt a momentary14 relief when Darrow presently joinedthem; but his coming served only to draw the conversationback to the question of their own future, and Anna felt anew pang15 as she heard him calmly and lucidly16 discussing it.
Did such self-possession imply indifference17 or insincerity?
In that problem her mind perpetually revolved18; and shedreaded the one answer as much as the other.
She was resolved to keep on her course as though nothing hadhappened: to marry Darrow and never let the consciousness ofthe past intrude19 itself between them; but she was beginningto feel that the only way of attaining20 to this state ofdetachment from the irreparable was once for all to turnback with him to its contemplation. As soon as this desirehad germinated21 it became so strong in her that she regrettedhaving promised Effie to take her out for the afternoon.
But she could think of no pretext22 for disappointing thelittle girl, and soon after luncheon23 the three set forth24 inthe motor to show Darrow a chateau25 famous in the annals ofthe region. During their excursion Anna found it impossibleto guess from his demeanour if Effie's presence between themwas as much of a strain to his composure as to hers. Heremained imperturbably26 good-humoured and appreciative27 whilethey went the round of the monument, and she remarked onlythat when he thought himself unnoticed his face grew graveand his answers came less promptly28.
On the way back, two or three miles from Givre, she suddenlyproposed that they should walk home through the forest whichskirted that side of the park. Darrow acquiesced29, and theygot out and sent Effie on in the motor. Their way ledthrough a bit of sober French woodland, flat as a fadedtapestry, but with gleams of live emerald lingering here andthere among its browns and ochres. The luminous30 grey airgave vividness to its dying colours, and veiled the distantglimpses of the landscape in soft uncertainty31. In such asolitude Anna had fancied it would be easier to speak; butas she walked beside Darrow over the deep soundless flooringof brown moss32 the words on her lips took flight again. Itseemed impossible to break the spell of quiet joy which hispresence laid on her, and when he began to talk of the placethey had just visited she answered his questions and thenwaited for what he should say next...No, decidedly she couldnot speak; she no longer even knew what she had meant tosay...
The same experience repeated itself several times that dayand the next. When she and Darrow were apart she exhaustedherself in appeal and interrogation, she formulated33 with afervent lucidity34 every point in her imaginary argument. Butas soon as she was alone with him something deeper thanreason and subtler than shyness laid its benumbing touchupon her, and the desire to speak became merely a dimdisquietude, through which his looks, his words, his touch,reached her as through a mist of bodily pain. Yet thisinertia was torn by wild flashes of resistance, and whenthey were apart she began to prepare again what she meant tosay to him.
She knew he could not be with her without being aware ofthis inner turmoil36, and she hoped he would break the spellby some releasing word. But she presently understood thathe recognized the futility37 of words, and was resolutely38 benton holding her to her own purpose of behaving as if nothinghad happened. Once more she inwardly accused him ofinsensibility, and her imagination was beset40 by tormentingvisions of his past...Had such things happened to himbefore? If the episode had been an isolated41 accident--"amoment of folly42 and madness", as he had called it--she couldunderstand, or at least begin to understand (for at acertain point her imagination always turned back); but if itwere a mere35 link in a chain of similar experiments, thethought of it dishonoured43 her whole past...
Effie, in the interregnum between governesses, had beengiven leave to dine downstairs; and Anna, on the evening ofDarrow's return, kept the little girl with her till longafter the nurse had signalled from the drawing-room door.
When at length she had been carried off, Anna proposed agame of cards, and after this diversion had drawn44 to itslanguid close she said good-night to Darrow and followedMadame de Chantelle upstairs. But Madame de Chantelle neversat up late, and the second evening, with the amiablyimplied intention of leaving Anna and Darrow to themselves,she took an earlier leave of them than usual.
Anna sat silent, listening to her small stiff steps as theyminced down the hall and died out in the distance. Madamede Chantelle had broken her wooden embroidery45 frame, andDarrow, having offered to repair it, had drawn his chair upto a table that held a lamp. Anna watched him as he sat withbent head and knitted brows, trying to fit together thedisjoined pieces. The sight of him, so tranquilly46 absorbedin this trifling47 business, seemed to give to the quiet rooma perfume of intimacy48, to fill it with a sense of sweetfamiliar habit; and it came over her again that she knewnothing of the inner thoughts of this man who was sitting byher as a husband might. The lamplight fell on his whiteforehead, on the healthy brown of his cheek, the backs ofhis thin sunburnt hands. As she watched the hands her senseof them became as vivid as a touch, and she said to herself:
"That other woman has sat and watched him as I am doing.
She has known him as I have never known him...Perhaps he isthinking of that now. Or perhaps he has forgotten it all ascompletely as I have forgotten everything that happened tome before he came..."He looked young, active, stored with strength and energy;not the man for vain repinings or long memories. Shewondered what she had to hold or satisfy him. He loved hernow; she had no doubt of that; but how could she hope tokeep him? They were so nearly of an age that already shefelt herself his senior. As yet the difference was notvisible; outwardly at least they were matched; but ill-health or unhappiness would soon do away with this equality.
She thought with a pang of bitterness: "He won't grow anyolder because he doesn't feel things; and because hedoesn't, I SHALL..."And when she ceased to please him, what then? Had he thetradition of faith to the spoken vow50, or the deeper piety51 ofthe unspoken dedication52? What was his theory, what his innerconviction in such matters? But what did she care for hisconvictions or his theories? No doubt he loved her now, andbelieved he would always go on loving her, and was persuadedthat, if he ceased to, his loyalty53 would be proof againstthe change. What she wanted to know was not what he thoughtabout it in advance, but what would impel54 or restrain him atthe crucial hour. She put no faith in her own arts: she wastoo sure of having none! And if some beneficent enchanterhad bestowed55 them on her, she knew now that she would haverejected the gift. She could hardly conceive of wanting thekind of love that was a state one could be cozened into...
Darrow, putting away the frame, walked across the room andsat down beside her; and she felt he had something specialto say.
"They're sure to send for me in a day or two now," he began.
She made no answer, and he continued: "You'll tell me beforeI go what day I'm to come back and get you?"It was the first time since his return to Givre that he hadmade any direct allusion56 to the date of their marriage; andinstead of answering him she broke out: "There's somethingI've been wanting you to know. The other day in Paris I sawMiss Viner."She saw him flush with the intensity57 of his surprise.
"You sent for her?""No; she heard from Adelaide that I was in Paris and shecame. She came because she wanted to urge me to marry you.
I thought you ought to know what she had done."Darrow stood up. "I'm glad you've told me." He spoke49 with avisible effort at composure. Her eyes followed him as hemoved away.
"Is that all?" he asked after an interval58.
"It seems to me a great deal.""It's what she'd already asked me." His voice showed her howdeeply he was moved, and a throb59 of jealousy60 shot throughher.
"Oh, it was for your sake, I know!" He made no answer, andshe added: "She's been exceedingly generous...Why shouldn'twe speak of it?"She had lowered her head, but through her dropped lids sheseemed to be watching the crowded scene of his face.
"I've not shrunk from speaking of it.""Speaking of her, then, I mean. It seems to me that if Icould talk to you about her I should know better----"She broke off, confused, and he questioned: "What is it youwant to know better?"The colour rose to her forehead. How could she tell himwhat she scarcely dared own to herself? There was nothingshe did not want to know, no fold or cranny of his secretthat her awakened61 imagination did not strain to penetrate;but she could not expose Sophy Viner to the base fingeringsof a retrospective jealousy, nor Darrow to the temptation ofbelittling her in the effort to better his own case. Thegirl had been magnificent, and the only worthy62 return thatAnna could make was to take Darrow from her without aquestion if she took him at all...
She lifted her eyes to his face. "I think I only wanted tospeak her name. It's not right that we should seem soafraid of it. If I were really afraid of it I should haveto give you up," she said.
He bent39 over her and caught her to him. "Ah, you can't giveme up now!" he exclaimed.
She suffered him to hold her fast without speaking; but theold dread was between them again, and it was on her lips tocry out: "How can I help it, when I AM so afraid?"
收听单词发音 |
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awakening
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| n.觉醒，醒悟 adj.觉醒中的；唤醒的 | |
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looming
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| n.上现蜃景（光通过低层大气发生异常折射形成的一种海市蜃楼）v.隐约出现，阴森地逼近( loom的现在分词 )；隐约出现，阴森地逼近 | |
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scruples
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| n.良心上的不安( scruple的名词复数 )；顾虑，顾忌v.感到于心不安，有顾忌( scruple的第三人称单数 ) | |
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timorous
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| adj.胆怯的，胆小的 | |
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merged
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| （使）混合( merge的过去式和过去分词 )； 相融； 融入； 渐渐消失在某物中 | |
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inevitably
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| adv.不可避免地；必然发生地 | |
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dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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tangible
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| adj.有形的，可触摸的，确凿的，实际的 | |
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sitting-room
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| n.（BrE）客厅，起居室 | |
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confidential
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| adj.秘（机）密的，表示信任的，担任机密工作的 | |
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detailed
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| adj.详细的，详尽的，极注意细节的，完全的 | |
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exhausted
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| adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的 | |
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favourably
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| adv. 善意地，赞成地 =favorably | |
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momentary
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| adj.片刻的，瞬息的；短暂的 | |
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pang
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| n.剧痛，悲痛，苦闷 | |
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lucidly
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| adv.清透地，透明地 | |
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indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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revolved
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| v.（使）旋转( revolve的过去式和过去分词 )；细想 | |
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intrude
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| vi.闯入；侵入；打扰，侵扰 | |
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attaining
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| （通常经过努力）实现( attain的现在分词 )； 达到； 获得； 达到（某年龄、水平、状况） | |
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germinated
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| v.（使）发芽( germinate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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pretext
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| n.借口，托词 | |
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luncheon
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| n.午宴，午餐，便宴 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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chateau
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| n.城堡，别墅 | |
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imperturbably
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| adv.泰然地，镇静地，平静地 | |
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appreciative
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| adj.有鉴赏力的，有眼力的；感激的 | |
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promptly
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| adv.及时地，敏捷地 | |
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acquiesced
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| v.默认，默许( acquiesce的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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luminous
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| adj.发光的，发亮的；光明的；明白易懂的；有启发的 | |
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uncertainty
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| n.易变，靠不住，不确知，不确定的事物 | |
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moss
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| n.苔，藓，地衣 | |
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formulated
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| v.构想出( formulate的过去式和过去分词 )；规划；确切地阐述；用公式表示 | |
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lucidity
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| n.明朗，清晰，透明 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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turmoil
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| n.骚乱，混乱，动乱 | |
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futility
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| n.无用 | |
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resolutely
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| adj.坚决地，果断地 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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beset
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| v.镶嵌；困扰，包围 | |
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isolated
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| adj.与世隔绝的 | |
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folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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dishonoured
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| a.不光彩的，不名誉的 | |
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44
drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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45
embroidery
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| n.绣花，刺绣；绣制品 | |
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tranquilly
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| adv. 宁静地 | |
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trifling
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| adj.微不足道的；没什么价值的 | |
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intimacy
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| n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行 | |
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49
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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50
vow
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| n.誓(言)，誓约；v.起誓，立誓 | |
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51
piety
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| n.虔诚，虔敬 | |
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52
dedication
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| n.奉献，献身，致力，题献，献辞 | |
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53
loyalty
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| n.忠诚，忠心 | |
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54
impel
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| v.推动；激励，迫使 | |
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55
bestowed
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| 赠给，授予( bestow的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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56
allusion
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| n.暗示，间接提示 | |
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57
intensity
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| n.强烈，剧烈；强度；烈度 | |
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58
interval
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| n.间隔，间距；幕间休息，中场休息 | |
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59
throb
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| v.震颤，颤动；(急速强烈地)跳动，搏动 | |
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60
jealousy
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| n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌 | |
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61
awakened
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| v.（使）醒( awaken的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）觉醒；弄醒；（使）意识到 | |
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worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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