WITH a sigh of relief Susy drew the pins from her hat and threwherself down on the lounge.
The ordeal1 she had dreaded2 was over, and Mr. and Mrs. Vanderlynhad safely gone their several ways. Poor Ellie was not notedfor prudence3, and when life smiled on her she was given tobetraying her gratitude4 too openly; but thanks to Susy'svigilance (and, no doubt, to Strefford's tacit co-operation),the dreaded twenty-four hours were happily over. NelsonVanderlyn had departed without a shadow on his brow, and thoughEllie's, when she came down from bidding Nick good-bye, hadseemed to Susy less serene5 than usual, she became her normalself as soon as it was discovered that the red morocco bag withher jewel-box was missing. Before it had been discovered in thedepths of the gondola6 they had reached the station, and therewas just time to thrust her into her "sleeper," from which shewas seen to wave an unperturbed farewell to her friends.
"Well, my dear, we've been it through," Strefford remarked witha deep breath as the St. Moritz express rolled away.
"Oh," Susy sighed in mute complicity; then, as if to cover herself-betrayal: "Poor darling, she does so like what she likes!""Yes--even if it's a rotten bounder," Strefford agreed.
"A rotten bounder? Why, I thought--""That it was still young Davenant? Lord, no--not for the lastsix months. Didn't she tell you--?"Susy felt herself redden. "I didn't ask her--""Ask her? You mean you didn't let her!""I didn't let her. And I don't let you," Susy added sharply, ashe helped her into the gondola.
"Oh, all right: I daresay you're right. It simplifies things,"Strefford placidly7 acquiesced8.
She made no answer, and in silence they glided9 homeward.
Now, in the quiet of her own room, Susy lay and pondered on thedistance she had travelled during the last year. Strefford hadread her mind with his usual penetration10. It was true thatthere had been a time when she would have thought it perfectlynatural that Ellie should tell her everything; that the name ofyoung Davenant's successor should be confided11 to her as a matterof course. Apparently12 even Ellie had been obscurely aware ofthe change, for after a first attempt to force her confidenceson Susy she had contented13 herself with vague expressions ofgratitude, allusive14 smiles and sighs, and the pretty "surprise"of the sapphire15 bangle slipped onto her friend's wrist in theact of their farewell embrace.
The bangle was extremely handsome. Susy, who had anauctioneer's eye for values, knew to a fraction the worth ofthose deep convex stones alternating with small emeralds andbrilliants. She was glad to own the bracelet16, and enchantedwith the effect it produced on her slim wrist; yet, even whileadmiring it, and rejoicing that it was hers, she had alreadytransmuted it into specie, and reckoned just how far it would gotoward the paying of domestic necessities. For whatever came toher now interested her only as something more to be offered upto Nick.
The door opened and Nick came in. Dusk had fallen, and shecould not see his face; but something in the jerk of the door-handle roused her ever-wakeful apprehension17. She hurried towardhim with outstretched wrist.
"Look, dearest--wasn't it too darling of Ellie?"She pressed the button of the lamp that lit her dressing-table,and her husband's face started unfamiliarly out of the twilight18.
She slipped off the bracelet and held it up to him.
"Oh, I can go you one better," he said with a laugh; and pullinga morocco case from his pocket he flung it down among the scent-bottles.
Susy opened the case automatically, staring at the pearl becauseshe was afraid to look again at Nick.
"Ellie--gave you this?" she asked at length.
"Yes. She gave me this." There was a pause. "Would you mindtelling me," Lansing continued in the same dead-level tone,"exactly for what services we've both been so handsomely paid?""The pearl is beautiful," Susy murmured, to gain time, while herhead spun19 round with unimaginable terrors.
"So are your sapphires20; though, on closer examination, myservices would appear to have been valued rather higher thanyours. Would you be kind enough to tell me just what theywere?"Susy threw her head back and looked at him. "What on earth areyou talking about, Nick! Why shouldn't Ellie have given usthese things? Do you forget that it's like our giving her apen-wiper or a button-hook? What is it you are trying tosuggest?"It had cost her a considerable effort to hold his eyes while sheput the questions. Something had happened between him andEllie, that was evident-one of those hideous21 unforeseeableblunders that may cause one's cleverest plans to crumble22 at astroke; and again Susy shuddered23 at the frailty24 of her bliss25.
But her old training stood her in good stead. There had beenmore than one moment in her past when everything-somebodyelse's everything-had depended on her keeping a cool head and aclear glance. It would have been a wonder if now, when she felther own everything at stake, she had not been able to put up asgood a defence.
"What is it?" she repeated impatiently, as Lansing continued toremain silent.
"That's what I'm here to ask," he returned, keeping his eyes assteady as she kept hers. "There's no reason on earth, as yousay, why Ellie shouldn't give us presents--as expensive presentsas she likes; and the pearl is a beauty. All I ask is: forwhat specific services were they given? For, allowing for allthe absence of scruple26 that marks the intercourse27 of trulycivilized people, you'll probably agree that there are limits;at least up to now there have been limits ....""I really don't know what you mean. I suppose Ellie wanted toshow that she was grateful to us for looking after Clarissa.""But she gave us all this in exchange for that, didn't she?" hesuggested, with a sweep of the hand around the beautiful shadowyroom. "A whole summer of it if we choose."Susy smiled. "Apparently she didn't think that enough.""What a doting28 mother! It shows the store she sets upon herchild.""Well, don't you set store upon Clarissa?""Clarissa is exquisite29; but her mother didn't mention her inoffering me this recompense."Susy lifted her head again. "Whom did she mention?""Vanderlyn," said Lansing.
"Vanderlyn? Nelson?""Yes--and some letters ... something about letters .... What isit, my dear, that you and I have been hired to hide fromVanderlyn? Because I should like to know," Nick broke outsavagely, "if we've been adequately paid."Susy was silent: she needed time to reckon up her forces, andstudy her next move; and her brain was in such a whirl of fearthat she could at last only retort: "What is it that Ellie saidto you?"Lansing laughed again. "That's just what you'd like to findout--isn't it?--in order to know the line to take in making yourexplanation."The sneer30 had an effect that he could not have foreseen, andthat Susy herself had not expected.
"Oh, don't--don't let us speak to each other like that!" shecried; and sinking down by the dressing-table she hid her facein her hands.
It seemed to her, now, that nothing mattered except that theirlove for each other, their faith in each other, should be savedfrom some unhealable hurt. She was willing to tell Nickeverything--she wanted to tell him everything--if only she couldbe sure of reaching a responsive chord in him. But the scene ofthe cigars came back to her, and benumbed her. If only shecould make him see that nothing was of any account as long asthey continued to love each other!
His touch fell compassionately31 on her shoulder. "Poor child--don't," he said.
Their eyes met, but his expression checked the smile breakingthrough her tears. "Don't you see," he continued, "that we'vegot to have this thing out?"She continued to stare at him through a prism of tears. "Ican't--while you stand up like that," she stammered32, childishly.
She had cowered33 down again into a corner of the lounge; butLansing did not seat himself at her side. He took a chairfacing her, like a caller on the farther side of a stately tea-tray. "Will that do?" he asked with a stiff smile, as if tohumour her.
"Nothing will do--as long as you're not you!""Not me?"She shook her head wearily. "What's the use? You accept thingstheoretically--and then when they happen ....""What things? What has happened!"A sudden impatience34 mastered her. What did he suppose, afterall--? "But you know all about Ellie. We used to talk abouther often enough in old times," she said.
"Ellie and young Davenant?""Young Davenant; or the others ....""Or the others. But what business was it of ours?""Ah, that's just what I think!" she cried, springing up with anexplosion of relief. Lansing stood up also, but there was noanswering light in his face.
"We're outside of all that; we've nothing to do with it, havewe?" he pursued.
"Nothing whatever.""Then what on earth is the meaning of Ellie's gratitude?
Gratitude for what we've done about some letters--and aboutVanderlyn?""Oh, not you," Susy cried, involuntarily.
"Not I? Then you?" He came close and took her by the wrist.
"Answer me. Have you been mixed up in some dirty business ofEllie's?"There was a pause. She found it impossible to speak, with thatburning grasp on the wrist where the bangle had been. At lengthhe let her go and moved away. "Answer," he repeated.
"I've told you it was my business and not yours."He received this in silence; then he questioned: "You've beensending letters for her, I suppose? To whom?""Oh, why do you torment35 me? Nelson was not supposed to knowthat she'd been away. She left me the letters to post to himonce a week. I found them here the night we arrived .... Itwas the price--for this. Oh, Nick, say it's been worth it-sayat least that it's been worth it!" she implored36 him.
He stood motionless, unresponding. One hand drummed on thecorner of her dressing-table, making the jewelled bangle dance.
"How many letters?""I don't know ... four ... five ... What does it matter?""And once a week, for six weeks--?""Yes.""And you took it all as a matter of course?""No: I hated it. But what could I do?""What could you do?""When our being together depended on it? Oh, Nick, how couldyou think I'd give you up?""Give me up?" he echoed.
"Well--doesn't our being together depend on--on what we can getout of people? And hasn't there always got to be some give-and-take? Did you ever in your life get anything for nothing?" shecried with sudden exasperation37. "You've lived among thesepeople as long as I have; I suppose it's not the first time--""By God, but it is," he exclaimed, flushing. "And that's thedifference--the fundamental difference.""The difference!""Between you and me. I've never in my life done people's dirtywork for them--least of all for favours in return. I supposeyou guessed it, or you wouldn't have hidden this beastlybusiness from me."The blood rose to Susy's temples also. Yes, she had guessed it;instinctively, from the day she had first visited him in hisbare lodgings38, she had been aware of his stricter standard. Buthow could she tell him that under his influence her standard hadbecome stricter too, and that it was as much to hide herhumiliation from herself as to escape his anger that she hadheld her tongue?
"You knew I wouldn't have stayed here another day if I'd known,"he continued.
"Yes: and then where in the world should we have gone?""You mean that--in one way or another--what you call give-and-take is the price of our remaining together?""Well--isn't it," she faltered39.
"Then we'd better part, hadn't we?"He spoke40 in a low tone, thoughtfully and deliberately41, as ifthis had been the inevitable42 conclusion to which theirpassionate argument had led.
Susy made no answer. For a moment she ceased to be conscious ofthe causes of what had happened; the thing itself seemed to havesmothered her under its ruins.
Nick wandered away from the dressing-table and stood gazing outof the window at the darkening canal flecked with lights. Shelooked at his back, and wondered what would happen if she wereto go up to him and fling her arms about him. But even if hertouch could have broken the spell, she was not sure she wouldhave chosen that way of breaking it. Beneath her speechlessanguish there burned the half-conscious sense of having beenunfairly treated. When they had entered into their queercompact, Nick had known as well as she on what compromises andconcessions the life they were to live together must be based.
That he should have forgotten it seemed so unbelievable that shewondered, with a new leap of fear, if he were using the wretchedEllie's indiscretion as a means of escape from a tie alreadywearied of. Suddenly she raised her head with a laugh.
"After all--you were right when you wanted me to be yourmistress."He turned on her with an astonished stare. "You--my mistress?"Through all her pain she thrilled with pride at the discoverythat such a possibility had long since become unthinkable tohim. But she insisted. "That day at the Fulmers'--have youforgotten? When you said it would be sheer madness for us tomarry."Lansing stood leaning in the embrasure of the window, his eyesfixed on the mosaic43 volutes of the floor.
"I was right enough when I said it would be sheer madness for usto marry," he rejoined at length.
She sprang up trembling. "Well, that's easily settled. Ourcompact--""Oh, that compact--" he interrupted her with an impatient laugh.
"Aren't you asking me to carry it out now?""Because I said we'd better part?" He paused. "But thecompact--I'd almost forgotten it--was to the effect, wasn't it,that we were to give each other a helping44 hand if either of ushad a better chance? The thing was absurd, of course; a merejoke; from my point of view, at least. I shall never want anybetter chance ... any other chance ....""Oh, Nick, oh, Nick ... but then ...." She was close to him,his face looming45 down through her tears; but he put her back.
"It would have been easy enough, wouldn't it," he rejoined, "ifwe'd been as detachable as all that? As it is, it's going tohurt horribly. But talking it over won't help. You were rightjust now when you asked how else we were going to live. We'reborn parasites46, both, I suppose, or we'd have found out some waylong ago. But I find there are things I might put up with formyself, at a pinch--and should, probably, in time that I can'tlet you put up with for me ... ever .... Those cigars at Como:
do you suppose I didn't know it was for me? And this too?
Well, it won't do ... it won't do ...."He stopped, as if his courage failed him; and she moaned out:
"But your writing--if your book's a success ....""My poor Susy--that's all part of the humbug47. We both know thatmy sort of writing will never pay. And what's the alternativeexcept more of the same kind of baseness? And getting more andmore blunted to it? At least, till now, I've minded certainthings; I don't want to go on till I find myself taking them forgranted."She reached out a timid hand. "But you needn't ever, dear ...
if you'd only leave it to me ...."He drew back sharply. "That seems simple to you, I suppose?
Well, men are different." He walked toward the dressing-tableand glanced at the little enamelled clock which had been one ofher wedding-presents.
"Time to dress, isn't it? Shall you mind if I leave you to dinewith Streffy, and whoever else is coming? I'd rather like along tramp, and no more talking just at present except withmyself."He passed her by and walked rapidly out of the room. Susy stoodmotionless, unable to lift a detaining hand or to find a finalword of appeal. On her disordered dressing-table Mrs.
Vanderlyn's gifts glittered in the rosy48 lamp-light.
Yes: men were different, as he said.
收听单词发音 |
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ordeal
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| n.苦难经历，（尤指对品格、耐力的）严峻考验 | |
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dreaded
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| adj.令人畏惧的；害怕的v.害怕，恐惧，担心( dread的过去式和过去分词) | |
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prudence
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| n.谨慎，精明，节俭 | |
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gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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serene
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| adj. 安详的，宁静的，平静的 | |
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gondola
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| n.威尼斯的平底轻舟；飞船的吊船 | |
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placidly
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| adv.平稳地，平静地 | |
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acquiesced
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| v.默认，默许( acquiesce的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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glided
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| v.滑动( glide的过去式和过去分词 )；掠过；（鸟或飞机 ） 滑翔 | |
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penetration
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| n.穿透，穿人，渗透 | |
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confided
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| v.吐露（秘密，心事等）( confide的过去式和过去分词 )；（向某人）吐露（隐私、秘密等） | |
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apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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contented
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| adj.满意的，安心的，知足的 | |
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allusive
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| adj.暗示的；引用典故的 | |
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sapphire
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| n.青玉，蓝宝石；adj.天蓝色的 | |
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bracelet
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| n.手镯，臂镯 | |
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apprehension
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| n.理解，领悟；逮捕，拘捕；忧虑 | |
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twilight
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| n.暮光，黄昏；暮年，晚期，衰落时期 | |
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spun
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| v.纺，杜撰，急转身 | |
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sapphires
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| n.蓝宝石，钢玉宝石( sapphire的名词复数 )；蔚蓝色 | |
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hideous
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| adj.丑陋的，可憎的，可怕的，恐怖的 | |
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crumble
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| vi.碎裂，崩溃；vt.弄碎，摧毁 | |
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shuddered
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| v.战栗( shudder的过去式和过去分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动 | |
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frailty
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| n.脆弱；意志薄弱 | |
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bliss
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| n.狂喜，福佑，天赐的福 | |
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scruple
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| n./v.顾忌，迟疑 | |
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intercourse
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| n.性交；交流，交往，交际 | |
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doting
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| adj.溺爱的，宠爱的 | |
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exquisite
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| adj.精美的；敏锐的；剧烈的，感觉强烈的 | |
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sneer
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| v.轻蔑；嘲笑；n.嘲笑，讥讽的言语 | |
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compassionately
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| adv.表示怜悯地，有同情心地 | |
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stammered
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| v.结巴地说出( stammer的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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cowered
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| v.畏缩，抖缩( cower的过去式 ) | |
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impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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torment
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| n.折磨；令人痛苦的东西(人)；vt.折磨；纠缠 | |
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implored
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| 恳求或乞求（某人）( implore的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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exasperation
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| n.愤慨 | |
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lodgings
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| n. 出租的房舍, 寄宿舍 | |
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faltered
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| （嗓音）颤抖( falter的过去式和过去分词 )； 支吾其词； 蹒跚； 摇晃 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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deliberately
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| adv.审慎地；蓄意地；故意地 | |
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inevitable
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| adj.不可避免的，必然发生的 | |
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mosaic
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| n./adj.镶嵌细工的，镶嵌工艺品的，嵌花式的 | |
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44
helping
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| n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的，辅助的 | |
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45
looming
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| n.上现蜃景（光通过低层大气发生异常折射形成的一种海市蜃楼）v.隐约出现，阴森地逼近( loom的现在分词 )；隐约出现，阴森地逼近 | |
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46
parasites
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| 寄生物( parasite的名词复数 )； 靠他人为生的人； 诸虫 | |
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humbug
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| n.花招，谎话，欺骗 | |
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rosy
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| adj.美好的，乐观的，玫瑰色的 | |
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