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Chapter 32 The Crowning Victory
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That night about seven Ethel came into their room with a waste-paper basket she had bought for him, and found him sitting at the little toilet table at which he was to "write." The outlook was, for a London outlook, spacious1, down a long slope of roofs towards the Junction2, a huge sky of blue passing upward to the darkling zenith and downward into a hazy3 bristling4 mystery of roofs and chimneys, from which emerged signal lights and steam puffs5, gliding6 chains of lit window carriages and the vague vistas7 of streets. She showed him the basket and put it beside him, and then her eye caught the yellow document in his hand. "What is that you have there?"

He held it out to her. "I found it--lining my yellow box. I had it at Whortley."

She took it and perceived a chronological8 scheme. It was headed "SCHEMA," there were memoranda9 in the margin10, and all the dates had been altered by a hasty hand.

"Hasn't it got yellow?" she said.

That seemed to him the wrong thing for her to say. He stared at the document with a sudden accession of sympathy. There was an interval11. He became aware of her hand upon his shoulder, that she was bending over him. "Dear," she whispered, with a strange change in the quality of her voice. He knew she was seeking to say something that was difficult to say.

"Yes?" he said presently.

"You are not grieving?"

"What about?"

"_This_."

"No!"

"You are not--you are not even sorry?" she said.

"No--not even sorry."

"I can't understand that. It's so much--"

"I'm glad," he proclaimed. "_Glad."_

"But--the trouble--the expense--everything--and your work?"

"Yes," he said, "that's just it."

She looked at him doubtfully. He glanced up at her, and she questioned his eyes. He put his arm about her, and presently and almost absent-mindedly she obeyed his pressure and bent12 down and kissed him.

"It settles things," he said, holding her. "It joins us. Don't you see? Before ... But now it's different. It's something we have between us. It's something that ... It's the link we needed. It will hold us together, cement us together. It will be our life. This will be my work now. The other ..."

He faced a truth. "It was just ... vanity!"

There was still a shade of doubt in her face, a wistfulness.

Presently she spoke13.

"Dear," she said.

"Yes?"

She knitted her brows. "No!" she said. "I can't say it."

In the interval she came into a sitting position on his knees.

He kissed her hand, but her face remained grave, and she looked out upon the twilight14. "I know I'm stupid," she said. "The things I say ... aren't the things I feel."

He waited for her to say more.

"It's no good," she said.

He felt the onus15 of expression lay on him. He too found it a little difficult to put into words. "I think I understand," he said, and wrestled16 with the impalpable. The pause seemed long and yet not altogether vacant. She lapsed17 abruptly18 into the prosaic19. She started from him.

"If I don't go down, Mother will get supper ..."

At the door she stopped and turned a twilight face to him. For a moment they scrutinised one another. To her he was no more than a dim outline. Impulsively20 he held out his arms....

Then at the sound of a movement downstairs she freed herself and hurried out. He heard her call "Mother! You're not to lay supper. You're to rest."

He listened to her footsteps until the kitchen had swallowed them up. Then he turned his eyes to the Schema again and for a moment it seemed but a little thing.

He picked it up in both hands and looked at it as if it was the writing of another man, and indeed it was the writing of another man. "Pamphlets in the Liberal Interest," he read, and smiled.

Presently a train of thought carried him off. His attitude relaxed a little, the Schema became for a time a mere21 symbol, a point of departure, and he stared out of the window at the darkling night. For a long time he sat pursuing thoughts that were half emotions, emotions that took upon themselves the shape and substance of ideas. The deepening current stirred at last among the roots of speech.

"Yes, it was vanity," he said. "A boy's vanity. For me--anyhow. I'm too two-sided.... Two-sided?... Commonplace!

"Dreams like mine--abilities like mine. Yes--any man! And yet ...--The things I meant to do!"

His thoughts went to his Socialism, to his red-hot ambition of world mending. He marvelled22 at the vistas he had discovered since those days.

"Not for us--Not for us.

"We must perish in the wilderness23.--Some day. Somewhen. But not for us....

"Come to think, it is all the Child. The future is the Child. The Future. What are we--any of us--but servants or traitors24 to that?...

* * * * *

"Natural Selection--it follows ... this way is happiness ... must be. There can be no other."

He sighed. "To last a lifetime, that is.

"And yet--it is almost as if Life had played me a trick--promised so much--given so little!...

"No! One must not look at it in that way! That will not do! That will _not_ do.

"Career! In itself it is a career--the most important career in the world. Father! Why should I want more?

"And ... Ethel! No wonder she seemed shallow ... She has been shallow. No wonder she was restless. Unfulfilled ... What had she to do? She was drudge25, she was toy ...

"Yes. This is life. This alone is life! For this we were made and born. All these other things--all other things--they are only a sort of play....

"Play!"

His eyes came back to the Schema. His hands shifted to the opposite corner and he hesitated. The vision of that arranged Career, that ordered sequence of work and successes, distinctions and yet further distinctions, rose brightly from the symbol. Then he compressed his lips and tore the yellow sheet in half, tearing very deliberately26. He doubled the halves and tore again, doubled again very carefully and neatly27 until the Schema was torn into numberless little pieces. With it he seemed to be tearing his past self.

"Play," he whispered after a long silence.

"It is the end of adolescence," he said; "the end of empty dreams...."

He became very still, his hands resting on the table, his eyes staring out of the blue oblong of the window. The dwindling28 light gathered itself together and became a star.

He found he was still holding the torn fragments. He stretched out his hand and dropped them into that new waste-paper basket Ethel had bought for him.

Two pieces fell outside the basket. He stooped, picked them up, and put them carefully with their fellows.

The End


点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 spacious YwQwW     
adj.广阔的,宽敞的
参考例句:
  • Our yard is spacious enough for a swimming pool.我们的院子很宽敞,足够建一座游泳池。
  • The room is bright and spacious.这房间很豁亮。
2 junction N34xH     
n.连接,接合;交叉点,接合处,枢纽站
参考例句:
  • There's a bridge at the junction of the two rivers.两河的汇合处有座桥。
  • You must give way when you come to this junction.你到了这个路口必须让路。
3 hazy h53ya     
adj.有薄雾的,朦胧的;不肯定的,模糊的
参考例句:
  • We couldn't see far because it was so hazy.雾气蒙蒙妨碍了我们的视线。
  • I have a hazy memory of those early years.对那些早先的岁月我有着朦胧的记忆。
4 bristling tSqyl     
a.竖立的
参考例句:
  • "Don't you question Miz Wilkes' word,'said Archie, his beard bristling. "威尔克斯太太的话,你就不必怀疑了。 "阿尔奇说。他的胡子也翘了起来。
  • You were bristling just now. 你刚才在发毛。
5 puffs cb3699ccb6e175dfc305ea6255d392d6     
n.吸( puff的名词复数 );(烟斗或香烟的)一吸;一缕(烟、蒸汽等);(呼吸或风的)呼v.使喷出( puff的第三人称单数 );喷着汽(或烟)移动;吹嘘;吹捧
参考例句:
  • We sat exchanging puffs from that wild pipe of his. 我们坐在那里,轮番抽着他那支野里野气的烟斗。 来自辞典例句
  • Puffs of steam and smoke came from the engine. 一股股蒸汽和烟雾从那火车头里冒出来。 来自辞典例句
6 gliding gliding     
v. 滑翔 adj. 滑动的
参考例句:
  • Swans went gliding past. 天鹅滑行而过。
  • The weather forecast has put a question mark against the chance of doing any gliding tomorrow. 天气预报对明天是否能举行滑翔表示怀疑。
7 vistas cec5d496e70afb756a935bba3530d3e8     
长条形景色( vista的名词复数 ); 回顾; 展望; (未来可能发生的)一系列情景
参考例句:
  • This new job could open up whole new vistas for her. 这项新工作可能给她开辟全新的前景。
  • The picture is small but It'shows broad vistas. 画幅虽然不大,所表现的天地却十分广阔。
8 chronological 8Ofzi     
adj.按年月顺序排列的,年代学的
参考例句:
  • The paintings are exhibited in chronological sequence.这些画是按创作的时间顺序展出的。
  • Give me the dates in chronological order.把日期按年月顺序给我。
9 memoranda c8cb0155f81f3ecb491f3810ce6cbcde     
n. 备忘录, 便条 名词memorandum的复数形式
参考例句:
  • There were memoranda, minutes of meetings, officialflies, notes of verbal di scussions. 有备忘录,会议记录,官方档案,口头讨论的手记。
  • Now it was difficult to get him to address memoranda. 而现在,要他批阅备忘录都很困难。
10 margin 67Mzp     
n.页边空白;差额;余地,余裕;边,边缘
参考例句:
  • We allowed a margin of 20 minutes in catching the train.我们有20分钟的余地赶火车。
  • The village is situated at the margin of a forest.村子位于森林的边缘。
11 interval 85kxY     
n.间隔,间距;幕间休息,中场休息
参考例句:
  • The interval between the two trees measures 40 feet.这两棵树的间隔是40英尺。
  • There was a long interval before he anwsered the telephone.隔了好久他才回了电话。
12 bent QQ8yD     
n.爱好,癖好;adj.弯的;决心的,一心的
参考例句:
  • He was fully bent upon the project.他一心扑在这项计划上。
  • We bent over backward to help them.我们尽了最大努力帮助他们。
13 spoke XryyC     
n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说
参考例句:
  • They sourced the spoke nuts from our company.他们的轮辐螺帽是从我们公司获得的。
  • The spokes of a wheel are the bars that connect the outer ring to the centre.辐条是轮子上连接外圈与中心的条棒。
14 twilight gKizf     
n.暮光,黄昏;暮年,晚期,衰落时期
参考例句:
  • Twilight merged into darkness.夕阳的光辉融于黑暗中。
  • Twilight was sweet with the smell of lilac and freshly turned earth.薄暮充满紫丁香和新翻耕的泥土的香味。
15 onus ZvLy4     
n.负担;责任
参考例句:
  • The onus is on government departments to show cause why information cannot bedisclosed.政府部门有责任说明不能把信息公开的理由。
  • The onus of proof lies with you.你有责任提供证据。
16 wrestled c9ba15a0ecfd0f23f9150f9c8be3b994     
v.(与某人)搏斗( wrestle的过去式和过去分词 );扭成一团;扭打;(与…)摔跤
参考例句:
  • As a boy he had boxed and wrestled. 他小的时候又是打拳又是摔跤。
  • Armed guards wrestled with the intruder. 武装警卫和闯入者扭打起来。 来自《简明英汉词典》
17 lapsed f403f7d09326913b001788aee680719d     
adj.流失的,堕落的v.退步( lapse的过去式和过去分词 );陷入;倒退;丧失
参考例句:
  • He had lapsed into unconsciousness. 他陷入了昏迷状态。
  • He soon lapsed into his previous bad habits. 他很快陷入以前的恶习中去。 来自《简明英汉词典》
18 abruptly iINyJ     
adv.突然地,出其不意地
参考例句:
  • He gestured abruptly for Virginia to get in the car.他粗鲁地示意弗吉尼亚上车。
  • I was abruptly notified that a half-hour speech was expected of me.我突然被通知要讲半个小时的话。
19 prosaic i0szo     
adj.单调的,无趣的
参考例句:
  • The truth is more prosaic.真相更加乏味。
  • It was a prosaic description of the scene.这是对场景没有想象力的一个描述。
20 impulsively 0596bdde6dedf8c46a693e7e1da5984c     
adv.冲动地
参考例句:
  • She leant forward and kissed him impulsively. 她倾身向前,感情冲动地吻了他。
  • Every good, true, vigorous feeling I had gathered came impulsively round him. 我的一切良好、真诚而又强烈的感情都紧紧围绕着他涌现出来。
21 mere rC1xE     
adj.纯粹的;仅仅,只不过
参考例句:
  • That is a mere repetition of what you said before.那不过是重复了你以前讲的话。
  • It's a mere waste of time waiting any longer.再等下去纯粹是浪费时间。
22 marvelled 11581b63f48d58076e19f7de58613f45     
v.惊奇,对…感到惊奇( marvel的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • I marvelled that he suddenly left college. 我对他突然离开大学感到惊奇。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • I marvelled at your boldness. 我对你的大胆感到惊奇。 来自《简明英汉词典》
23 wilderness SgrwS     
n.杳无人烟的一片陆地、水等,荒漠
参考例句:
  • She drove the herd of cattle through the wilderness.她赶着牛群穿过荒野。
  • Education in the wilderness is not a matter of monetary means.荒凉地区的教育不是钱财问题。
24 traitors 123f90461d74091a96637955d14a1401     
卖国贼( traitor的名词复数 ); 叛徒; 背叛者; 背信弃义的人
参考例句:
  • Traitors are held in infamy. 叛徒为人所不齿。
  • Traitors have always been treated with contempt. 叛徒永被人们唾弃。
25 drudge rk8z2     
n.劳碌的人;v.做苦工,操劳
参考例句:
  • I feel like a real drudge--I've done nothing but clean all day!我觉得自己像个做苦工的--整天都在做清洁工作!
  • I'm a poor,miserable,forlorn drudge;I shall only drag you down with me.我是一个贫穷,倒运,走投无路的苦力,只会拖累你。
26 deliberately Gulzvq     
adv.审慎地;蓄意地;故意地
参考例句:
  • The girl gave the show away deliberately.女孩故意泄露秘密。
  • They deliberately shifted off the argument.他们故意回避这个论点。
27 neatly ynZzBp     
adv.整洁地,干净地,灵巧地,熟练地
参考例句:
  • Sailors know how to wind up a long rope neatly.水手们知道怎样把一条大绳利落地缠好。
  • The child's dress is neatly gathered at the neck.那孩子的衣服在领口处打着整齐的皱褶。
28 dwindling f139f57690cdca2d2214f172b39dc0b9     
adj.逐渐减少的v.逐渐变少或变小( dwindle的现在分词 )
参考例句:
  • The number of wild animals on the earth is dwindling. 地球上野生动物的数量正日渐减少。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • He is struggling to come to terms with his dwindling authority. 他正努力适应自己权力被削弱这一局面。 来自辞典例句


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