Is it not unaccountable that, in the midst of all my increased veneration1 for my patron, the first tumult2 of my emotion was scarcely subsided3, before the old question that had excited my conjectures4 recurred6 to my mind, Was he the murderer? It was a kind of fatal impulse, that seemed destined7 to hurry me to my destruction. I did not wonder at the disturbance8 that was given to Mr. Falkland by any allusion9, however distant, to this fatal affair. That was as completely accounted for from the consideration of his excessive sensibility in matters of honour, as it would have been upon the supposition of the most atrocious guilt10. Knowing, as he did, that such a charge had once been connected with his name, he would of course be perpetually uneasy, and suspect some latent insinuation at every possible opportunity. He would doubt and fear, lest every man with whom he conversed11 harboured the foulest12 suspicion against him. In my case he found that I was in possession of some information, more than he was aware of, without its being possible for him to decide to what it amounted, whether I had heard a just or unjust, a candid13 or calumniatory tale. He had also reason to suppose that I gave entertainment to thoughts derogatory to his honour, and that I did not form that favourable14 judgment15, which the exquisite16 refinement17 of his ruling passion made indispensable to his peace. All these considerations would of course maintain in him a state of perpetual uneasiness. But, though I could find nothing that I could consider as justifying18 me in persisting in the shadow of a doubt, yet, as I have said, the uncertainty19 and restlessness of my contemplations would by no means depart from me.
The fluctuating state of my mind produced a contention20 of opposite principles, that by turns usurped21 dominion22 over my conduct. Sometimes I was influenced by the most complete veneration for my master; I placed an unreserved confidence in his integrity and his virtue23, and implicitly24 surrendered my understanding for him to set it to what point he pleased. At other times the confidence, which had before flowed with the most plenteous tide, began to ebb25; I was, as I had already been, watchful26, inquisitive27, suspicious, full of a thousand conjectures as to the meaning of the most indifferent actions. Mr. Falkland, who was most painfully alive to every thing that related to his honour, saw these variations, and betrayed his consciousness of them now in one manner, and now in another, frequently before I was myself aware, sometimes almost before they existed. The situation of both was distressing29; we were each of us a plague to the other; and I often wondered, that the forbearance and benignity31 of my master was not at length exhausted32, and that he did not determine to thrust from him for ever so incessant33 an observer. There was indeed one eminent34 difference between his share in the transaction and mine. I had some consolation35 in the midst of my restlessness. Curiosity is a principle that carries its pleasures, as well as its pains, along with it. The mind is urged by a perpetual stimulus36; it seems as if it were continually approaching to the end of its race; and as the insatiable desire of satisfaction is its principle of conduct, so it promises itself in that satisfaction an unknown gratification, which seems as if it were capable of fully28 compensating37 any injuries that may be suffered in the career. But to Mr. Falkland there was no consolation. What he endured in the intercourse38 between us appeared to be gratuitous39 evil. He had only to wish that there was no such person as myself in the world, and to curse the hour when his humanity led him to rescue me from my obscurity, and place me in his service.
A consequence produced upon me by the extraordinary nature of my situation it is necessary to mention. The constant state of vigilance and suspicion in which my mind was retained, worked a very rapid change in my character. It seemed to have all the effect that might have been expected from years of observation and experience. The strictness with which I endeavoured to remark what passed in the mind of one man, and the variety of conjectures into which I was led, appeared, as it were, to render me a competent adept40 in the different modes in which the human intellect displays its secret workings. I no longer said to myself, as I had done in the beginning, “I will ask Mr. Falkland whether he were the murderer.” On the contrary, after having carefully examined the different kinds of evidence of which the subject was susceptible41, and recollecting43 all that had already passed upon the subject, it was not without considerable pain, that I felt myself unable to discover any way in which I could be perfectly44 and unalterably satisfied of my patron’s innocence45. As to his guilt, I could scarcely bring myself to doubt that in some way or other, sooner or later, I should arrive at the knowledge of that, if it really existed. But I could not endure to think, almost for a moment, of that side of the alternative as true; and with all my ungovernable suspicion arising from the mysteriousness of the circumstances, and all the delight which a young and unfledged mind receives from ideas that give scope to all that imagination can picture of terrible or sublime46, I could not yet bring myself to consider Mr. Falkland’s guilt as a supposition attended with the remotest probability.
I hope the reader will forgive me for dwelling47 thus long on preliminary circumstances. I shall come soon enough to the story of my own misery48. I have already said, that one of the motives49 which induced me to the penning of this narrative50, was to console myself in my insupportable distress30. I derive51 a melancholy52 pleasure from dwelling upon the circumstances which imperceptibly paved the way to my ruin. While I recollect42 or describe past scenes, which occurred in a more favourable period of my life, my attention is called off for a short interval53, from the hopeless misfortune in which I am at present involved. The man must indeed possess an uncommon54 portion of hardness of heart, who can envy me so slight a relief.— To proceed.
For some time after the explanation which had thus taken place between me and Mr. Falkland, his melancholy, instead of being in the slightest degree diminished by the lenient55 hand of time, went on perpetually to increase. His fits of insanity56 — for such I must denominate them for want of a distinct appellation57, though it is possible they might not fall under the definition that either the faculty58 or the court of chancery appropriate to the term — became stronger and more durable59 than ever. It was no longer practicable wholly to conceal60 them from the family, and even from the neighbourhood. He would sometimes, without any previous notice, absent himself from his house for two or three days, unaccompanied by servant or attendant. This was the more extraordinary, as it was well known that he paid no visits, nor kept up any sort of intercourse with the gentlemen of the vicinity. But it was impossible that a man of Mr. Falkland’s distinction and fortune should long continue in such a practice, without its being discovered what was become of him; though a considerable part of our county was among the wildest and most desolate61 districts that are to be found in South Britain. Mr. Falkland was sometimes seen climbing among the rocks, reclining motionless for hours together upon the edge of a precipice62, or lulled63 into a kind of nameless lethargy of despair by the dashing of the torrents64. He would remain for whole nights together under the naked cope of heaven, inattentive to the consideration either of place or time; insensible to the variations of the weather, or rather seeming to be delighted with that uproar65 of the elements, which partially66 called off his attention from the discord67 and dejection that occupied his own mind.
At first, when we received intelligence at any time of the place to which Mr. Falkland had withdrawn68 himself, some person of his household, Mr. Collins or myself, but most generally myself, as I was always at home, and always, in the received sense of the word, at leisure, went to him to persuade him to return. But, after a few experiments, we thought it advisable to desist, and leave him to prolong his absence, or to terminate it, as might happen to suit his own inclination69. Mr. Collins, whose grey hairs and long services seemed to give him a sort of right to be importunate70, sometimes succeeded; though even in that case there was nothing that could sit more uneasily upon Mr. Falkland than this insinuation as if he wanted a guardian71 to take care of him, or as if he were in, or in danger of falling into, a state in which he would be incapable72 of deliberately73 controlling his own words and actions. At one time he would suddenly yield to his humble74, venerable friend, murmuring grievously at the constraint75 that was put upon him, but without spirit enough even to complain of it with energy. At another time, even though complying, he would suddenly burst out in a paroxysm of resentment76. Upon these occasions there was something inconceivably, savagely77 terrible in his anger, that gave to the person against whom it was directed the most humiliating and insupportable sensations. Me he always treated, at these times, with fierceness, and drove me from him with a vehemence78 lofty, emphatical, and sustained, beyond any thing of which I should have thought human nature to be capable. These sallies seemed always to constitute a sort of crisis in his indisposition; and, whenever he was induced to such a premature79 return, he would fall immediately after into a state of the most melancholy inactivity, in which he usually continued for two or three days. It was by an obstinate80 fatality81 that, whenever I saw Mr. Falkland in these deplorable situations, and particularly when I lighted upon him after having sought him among the rocks and precipices82, pale, emaciated83, solitary84, and haggard, the suggestion would continually recur5 to me, in spite of inclination, in spite of persuasion85, and in spite of evidence, Surely this man is a murderer!
1 veneration | |
n.尊敬,崇拜 | |
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2 tumult | |
n.喧哗;激动,混乱;吵闹 | |
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3 subsided | |
v.(土地)下陷(因在地下采矿)( subside的过去式和过去分词 );减弱;下降至较低或正常水平;一下子坐在椅子等上 | |
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4 conjectures | |
推测,猜想( conjecture的名词复数 ) | |
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5 recur | |
vi.复发,重现,再发生 | |
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6 recurred | |
再发生,复发( recur的过去式和过去分词 ); 治愈 | |
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7 destined | |
adj.命中注定的;(for)以…为目的地的 | |
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8 disturbance | |
n.动乱,骚动;打扰,干扰;(身心)失调 | |
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9 allusion | |
n.暗示,间接提示 | |
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10 guilt | |
n.犯罪;内疚;过失,罪责 | |
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11 conversed | |
v.交谈,谈话( converse的过去式 ) | |
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12 foulest | |
adj.恶劣的( foul的最高级 );邪恶的;难闻的;下流的 | |
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13 candid | |
adj.公正的,正直的;坦率的 | |
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14 favourable | |
adj.赞成的,称赞的,有利的,良好的,顺利的 | |
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15 judgment | |
n.审判;判断力,识别力,看法,意见 | |
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16 exquisite | |
adj.精美的;敏锐的;剧烈的,感觉强烈的 | |
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17 refinement | |
n.文雅;高尚;精美;精制;精炼 | |
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18 justifying | |
证明…有理( justify的现在分词 ); 为…辩护; 对…作出解释; 为…辩解(或辩护) | |
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19 uncertainty | |
n.易变,靠不住,不确知,不确定的事物 | |
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20 contention | |
n.争论,争辩,论战;论点,主张 | |
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21 usurped | |
篡夺,霸占( usurp的过去式和过去分词 ); 盗用; 篡夺,篡权 | |
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22 dominion | |
n.统治,管辖,支配权;领土,版图 | |
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23 virtue | |
n.德行,美德;贞操;优点;功效,效力 | |
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24 implicitly | |
adv. 含蓄地, 暗中地, 毫不保留地 | |
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25 ebb | |
vi.衰退,减退;n.处于低潮,处于衰退状态 | |
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26 watchful | |
adj.注意的,警惕的 | |
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27 inquisitive | |
adj.求知欲强的,好奇的,好寻根究底的 | |
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28 fully | |
adv.完全地,全部地,彻底地;充分地 | |
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29 distressing | |
a.使人痛苦的 | |
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30 distress | |
n.苦恼,痛苦,不舒适;不幸;vt.使悲痛 | |
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31 benignity | |
n.仁慈 | |
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32 exhausted | |
adj.极其疲惫的,精疲力尽的 | |
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33 incessant | |
adj.不停的,连续的 | |
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34 eminent | |
adj.显赫的,杰出的,有名的,优良的 | |
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35 consolation | |
n.安慰,慰问 | |
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36 stimulus | |
n.刺激,刺激物,促进因素,引起兴奋的事物 | |
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37 compensating | |
补偿,补助,修正 | |
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38 intercourse | |
n.性交;交流,交往,交际 | |
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39 gratuitous | |
adj.无偿的,免费的;无缘无故的,不必要的 | |
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40 adept | |
adj.老练的,精通的 | |
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41 susceptible | |
adj.过敏的,敏感的;易动感情的,易受感动的 | |
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42 recollect | |
v.回忆,想起,记起,忆起,记得 | |
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43 recollecting | |
v.记起,想起( recollect的现在分词 ) | |
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44 perfectly | |
adv.完美地,无可非议地,彻底地 | |
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45 innocence | |
n.无罪;天真;无害 | |
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46 sublime | |
adj.崇高的,伟大的;极度的,不顾后果的 | |
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47 dwelling | |
n.住宅,住所,寓所 | |
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48 misery | |
n.痛苦,苦恼,苦难;悲惨的境遇,贫苦 | |
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49 motives | |
n.动机,目的( motive的名词复数 ) | |
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50 narrative | |
n.叙述,故事;adj.叙事的,故事体的 | |
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51 derive | |
v.取得;导出;引申;来自;源自;出自 | |
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52 melancholy | |
n.忧郁,愁思;adj.令人感伤(沮丧)的,忧郁的 | |
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53 interval | |
n.间隔,间距;幕间休息,中场休息 | |
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54 uncommon | |
adj.罕见的,非凡的,不平常的 | |
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55 lenient | |
adj.宽大的,仁慈的 | |
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56 insanity | |
n.疯狂,精神错乱;极端的愚蠢,荒唐 | |
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57 appellation | |
n.名称,称呼 | |
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58 faculty | |
n.才能;学院,系;(学院或系的)全体教学人员 | |
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59 durable | |
adj.持久的,耐久的 | |
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60 conceal | |
v.隐藏,隐瞒,隐蔽 | |
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61 desolate | |
adj.荒凉的,荒芜的;孤独的,凄凉的;v.使荒芜,使孤寂 | |
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62 precipice | |
n.悬崖,危急的处境 | |
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63 lulled | |
vt.使镇静,使安静(lull的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
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64 torrents | |
n.倾注;奔流( torrent的名词复数 );急流;爆发;连续不断 | |
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65 uproar | |
n.骚动,喧嚣,鼎沸 | |
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66 partially | |
adv.部分地,从某些方面讲 | |
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67 discord | |
n.不和,意见不合,争论,(音乐)不和谐 | |
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68 withdrawn | |
vt.收回;使退出;vi.撤退,退出 | |
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69 inclination | |
n.倾斜;点头;弯腰;斜坡;倾度;倾向;爱好 | |
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70 importunate | |
adj.强求的;纠缠不休的 | |
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71 guardian | |
n.监护人;守卫者,保护者 | |
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72 incapable | |
adj.无能力的,不能做某事的 | |
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73 deliberately | |
adv.审慎地;蓄意地;故意地 | |
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74 humble | |
adj.谦卑的,恭顺的;地位低下的;v.降低,贬低 | |
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75 constraint | |
n.(on)约束,限制;限制(或约束)性的事物 | |
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76 resentment | |
n.怨愤,忿恨 | |
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77 savagely | |
adv. 野蛮地,残酷地 | |
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78 vehemence | |
n.热切;激烈;愤怒 | |
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79 premature | |
adj.比预期时间早的;不成熟的,仓促的 | |
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80 obstinate | |
adj.顽固的,倔强的,不易屈服的,较难治愈的 | |
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81 fatality | |
n.不幸,灾祸,天命 | |
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82 precipices | |
n.悬崖,峭壁( precipice的名词复数 ) | |
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83 emaciated | |
adj.衰弱的,消瘦的 | |
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84 solitary | |
adj.孤独的,独立的,荒凉的;n.隐士 | |
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85 persuasion | |
n.劝说;说服;持有某种信仰的宗派 | |
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