CAMILLA remained in a state of accumulated distress1, that knew not upon what object most to dwell: her father, shocked and irritated beyond the mild endurance of his character; her brother, wantonly sporting with his family’s honour, and his own morals and reputation; her uncle, preparing for nuptials2 broken off without his knowledge; Edgar, by a thousand perversities of accident, of indiscretion, of misunderstanding, for ever parted from her;-rushed all together upon her mind, each combating for precedence, each individually foiled, yet all collectively triumphant3. Nor were even these her sole subjects of affliction: yet another cause was added, in debts contracted from mingled4 thoughtlessness, inexperience, and generosity5, augmented6 to she knew not what sum, and to be paid by she knew not what means. And this topic, which in itself seemed to her the least interesting, soon, by the circumstances with which it was connected, grew the most pressing of any. How, at a moment like this, could she make her purposed confession7 to her father, whose wounded mind demanded all she could offer of condolement? How call upon her uncle to be responsible for what she owed, when she now knew the enormous accounts preparing for him from Clermont, of which he was himself yet uninformed?
* * *
Lionel soon returned. ‘So it’s really all off?’ he cried; ‘dame Fortune, methinks, has a mind to give me a taste of her art that I shan’t easily forget. Eugenia would tell me no particulars. But, since things are thus, there is only one step left for poor Pillgarlick. I must whisk over to the Continent.’
‘To the Continent? without consulting my father? without–’
‘My father?–Why, you see he gives me up. He thinks–I thank him!-a little wholesome8 discipline will do me good. Don’t you understand what he means by seclusion9 from the world? A prison, my dear! a gaol10! However, I’m not quite of that opinion. I really think a man’s as well off in a little open air. So fare thee well, child. As soon as ever my dear uncle Relvil says good night, I’ll come home again, and wish you all good morning.’
‘Lionel! Lionel!–’
‘Well, well! I know it’s very wrong, and all that; so say nothing. Don’t distress me, I beg, for I hate to be hipped11. Besides, old Relvil don’t deserve much better; why can’t he behave like a man, and settle an annuity12 upon himself, and an old servant, and a dog, and a cat, and a parrot, and then let an honest young fellow see a little of the world handsomely, and like a gentleman? But your bachelor uncles, and maiden13 aunts, are the most tantalizing14 fellows and fellowesses in the creation.’
He then kissed her, and was going; but, earnestly detaining him, she conjured15 that he would let her first hint his design to their father, that at least it might be set aside, if it would still more deeply disturb him.
‘No, child, no; I know his way of reasoning already. He thinks every man should pay for what he owes, either with money or stripes. Now my poor dear little body is not of that opinion. And what would they get by having me shut up in prison? And I’ll defy ’em to cast me in any other damages. I’ve a few debts, too, of my own, that make me a little uneasy. I don’t mean to trades people; they can wait well enough; our credit is good: but a man looks horrid16 small, walking about, when he can’t pay his debts of honour. However, when I disappear, perhaps my father will take compassion17 upon my character. If not, the Relvil estate shall wipe off all in the long run.’
‘And is it possible, Lionel, thus lightly, thus negligently18, thus unmoved, you can plan such a journey? such an exile?’
‘Why what can I do? what can I possibly do? I am obliged to be off in my own defence. Unless, indeed, I marry little Miss Dennel, which I have once or twice thought of; for she’s a monstrous19 fool. But then she is very rich. How should you like her for a sister? Nay20, nay, I’m serious. Don’t shake your head as if I was joking. What do you think of her for my spouse21?’
‘She is a good girl, I believe, Lionel, though a simple one; and I should be sorry to see her unhappy; and how could either of you be otherwise, with contempt such as this?’
‘Bless thy heart, my little dear, what have husbands and wives to do with making one another unhappy? Prithee don’t set about forming thy notions of married people from the parsonage-house, and conclude a wife no better than a real rib22, sticking always close to a man’s side. You grow so horrid sententious, I really begin to believe you intend to take out your diploma soon, and put on the surplice my father meant for his poor son.’
‘Alas23, Lionel!-how changed, how hard-forgive me if I say how hard must you be grown, to be capable of gaiety and rattle24 at this period!’
‘You’ll die an old maid, Camilla, take my word for it. And I’m really sorry, for you’re not an ugly girl. You might have been got off. But come, don’t look so melancholy25 at a little silly sport. The world is so full of sorrow, my dear girl, so little visited by happiness, that chearfulness is almost as necessary as existence, in such a vale of tears.’
‘What can induce you to laugh, Lionel, at such words?’
‘I can’t help it, faith! I was thinking I spoke26 so like a parson’s son!’
Camilla cast up her eyes and hands: ‘Lionel,’ she cried, ‘what have you done with your heart? has it banished27 every natural feeling? has the affecting letter of the best of fathers, his cruel separation from the most excellent of mothers, and even your own dreadfully censurable28 conduct, served but to amuse you with ridicule29 and derision?’
‘Camilla,’ cried he, taking her hands, ‘you wrong me! you think I have no feeling, because I am not always crying. However, shall I tell you the truth? I hate myself! and so completely hate myself at this moment, that I dare not be grave! dare not suffer reflection to take hold of me, lest it should make life too odious30 for me to bear it. I have run on from folly31 to wickedness for want of thought; and now thought is ready to come back, I must run from that, for want of fortitude32. What has bewitched me, I know no more than you; but I never meant to play this abominable33 part. And now, if I did not flog up my spirits to prevent their flagging, I suppose I should hang or drown. And, believe me, if I were condemned34 to the galleys35, I should think it less than I deserve; for I hate myself, I repeat–I honour my father, though I have used him so ill; I love my mother,-for all her deuced severity,-to the bottom of my soul; I would cut off my left arm for Lavinia and Eugenia; and for thee, Camilla, I would lop off my right!–But yet, when some frolic or gambol36 comes into my way, I forget you all! clear out of my memory you all walk, as if I had never beheld37 you!’
Camilla now embraced him with a deluge38 of tears, entreated39 him to forgive the asperity40 his seeming want of all feeling had drawn41 from her, and frequently to write to her, and acquaint her how he went on, and send his direction for her answers; that so, at least, their father might know how he employed himself, and have the power to give him counsel.
‘But how, my poor Lionel,’ she added, ‘how will you live abroad? How will you even travel?’
‘Why as to how I shall live there, I don’t know; but as well as I deserve easily: however, as to how I shall get there, look here,’ taking from his pocket a handful of guineas, ‘that good little Eugenia has given me every thing, even to the last half crown, that she had at Southampton, to help me forward.’
‘Dear excellent, ever generous Eugenia! O that I could follow her example! but alas! I have nothing!-and worse than nothing!’
They then affectionately embraced each other, and parted.
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distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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nuptials
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| n.婚礼；婚礼( nuptial的名词复数 ) | |
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3
triumphant
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| adj.胜利的，成功的；狂欢的，喜悦的 | |
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mingled
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| 混合，混入( mingle的过去式和过去分词 )； 混进，与…交往[联系] | |
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generosity
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| n.大度，慷慨，慷慨的行为 | |
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Augmented
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| adj.增音的 动词augment的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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confession
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| n.自白，供认，承认 | |
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wholesome
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| adj.适合；卫生的；有益健康的；显示身心健康的 | |
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seclusion
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| n.隐遁，隔离 | |
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gaol
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| n.(jail)监狱；(不加冠词)监禁；vt.使…坐牢 | |
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hipped
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| adj.着迷的，忧郁的 | |
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annuity
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| n.年金；养老金 | |
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maiden
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| n.少女，处女；adj.未婚的，纯洁的，无经验的 | |
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14
tantalizing
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| adj.逗人的；惹弄人的；撩人的；煽情的v.逗弄，引诱，折磨( tantalize的现在分词 ) | |
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conjured
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| 用魔术变出( conjure的过去式和过去分词 )； 祈求，恳求； 变戏法； （变魔术般地） 使…出现 | |
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16
horrid
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| adj.可怕的；令人惊恐的；恐怖的；极讨厌的 | |
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compassion
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| n.同情，怜悯 | |
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negligently
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monstrous
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| adj.巨大的；恐怖的；可耻的，丢脸的 | |
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nay
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| adv.不；n.反对票，投反对票者 | |
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21
spouse
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| n.配偶(指夫或妻) | |
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rib
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| n.肋骨，肋状物 | |
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alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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rattle
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| v.飞奔，碰响；激怒；n.碰撞声；拨浪鼓 | |
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melancholy
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| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
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26
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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27
banished
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| v.放逐，驱逐( banish的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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censurable
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| adj.可非难的，该责备的 | |
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ridicule
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| v.讥讽，挖苦；n.嘲弄 | |
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30
odious
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| adj.可憎的，讨厌的 | |
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31
folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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32
fortitude
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| n.坚忍不拔；刚毅 | |
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33
abominable
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| adj.可厌的，令人憎恶的 | |
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34
condemned
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| adj. 被责难的, 被宣告有罪的 动词condemn的过去式和过去分词 | |
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35
galleys
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| n.平底大船，战舰( galley的名词复数 )；（船上或航空器上的）厨房 | |
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gambol
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| v.欢呼，雀跃 | |
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beheld
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| v.看，注视( behold的过去式和过去分词 )；瞧；看呀；（叙述中用于引出某人意外的出现）哎哟 | |
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38
deluge
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| n./vt.洪水，暴雨，使泛滥 | |
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39
entreated
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| 恳求，乞求( entreat的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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asperity
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| n.粗鲁，艰苦 | |
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41
drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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