"Mrs Ramsay!" Lily cried, "Mrs Ramsay!" But nothing happened. Thepain increased. That anguish1 could reduce one to such a pitch of imbecility,she thought! Anyhow the old man had not heard her. He remainedbenignant, calm—if one chose to think it, sublime2. Heaven be praised, noone had heard her cry that ignominious3 cry, stop pain, stop! She had notobviously taken leave of her senses. No one had seen her step off herstrip of board into the waters of annihilation. She remained a skimpy oldmaid, holding a paint-brush.
And now slowly the pain of the want, and the bitter anger (to be calledback, just as she thought she would never feel sorrow for Mrs Ramsayagain. Had she missed her among the coffee cups at breakfast? not in theleast) lessened4; and of their anguish left, as antidote5, a relief that wasbalm in itself, and also, but more mysteriously, a sense of some onethere, of Mrs Ramsay, relieved for a moment of the weight that the worldhad put on her, staying lightly by her side and then (for this was MrsRamsay in all her beauty) raising to her forehead a wreath of whiteflowers with which she went. Lily squeezed her tubes again. She attackedthat problem of the hedge. It was strange how clearly she sawher, stepping with her usual quickness across fields among whose folds,purplish and soft, among whose flowers, hyacinth or lilies, she vanished.
It was some trick of the painter's eye. For days after she had heard of herdeath she had seen her thus, putting her wreath to her forehead and goingunquestioningly with her companion, a shade across the fields. Thesight, the phrase, had its power to console. Wherever she happened tobe, painting, here, in the country or in London, the vision would come toher, and her eyes, half closing, sought something to base her vision on.
She looked down the railway carriage, the omnibus; took a line fromshoulder or cheek; looked at the windows opposite; at Piccadilly, lamp-strung in the evening. All had been part of the fields of death. But alwayssomething—it might be a face, a voice, a paper boy crying STANDARD,NEWS—thrust through, snubbed her, waked her, required and got in theend an effort of attention, so that the vision must be perpetually remade.
Now again, moved as she was by some instinctive6 need of distance andblue, she looked at the bay beneath her, making hillocks of the blue barsof the waves, and stony7 fields of the purpler spaces, again she wasroused as usual by something incongruous. There was a brown spot inthe middle of the bay. It was a boat. Yes, she realised that after a second.
But whose boat? Mr Ramsay's boat, she replied. Mr Ramsay; the manwho had marched past her, with his hand raised, aloof8, at the head of aprocession, in his beautiful boots, asking her for sympathy, which shehad refused. The boat was now half way across the bay.
So fine was the morning except for a streak9 of wind here and there thatthe sea and sky looked all one fabric10, as if sails were stuck high up in thesky, or the clouds had dropped down into the sea. A steamer far out atsea had drawn11 in the air a great scroll12 of smoke which stayed therecurving and circling decoratively13, as if the air were a fine gauze whichheld things and kept them softly in its mesh14, only gently swaying themthis way and that. And as happens sometimes when the weather is veryfine, the cliffs looked as if they were conscious of the ships, and the shipslooked as if they were conscious of the cliffs, as if they signalled to eachother some message of their own. For sometimes quite close to the shore,the Lighthouse looked this morning in the haze15 an enormous distanceaway.
"Where are they now?" Lily thought, looking out to sea. Where was he,that very old man who had gone past her silently, holding a brown paperparcel under his arm? The boat was in the middle of the bay.
1 anguish | |
n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦,烦恼 | |
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2 sublime | |
adj.崇高的,伟大的;极度的,不顾后果的 | |
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3 ignominious | |
adj.可鄙的,不光彩的,耻辱的 | |
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4 lessened | |
减少的,减弱的 | |
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5 antidote | |
n.解毒药,解毒剂 | |
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6 instinctive | |
adj.(出于)本能的;直觉的;(出于)天性的 | |
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7 stony | |
adj.石头的,多石头的,冷酷的,无情的 | |
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8 aloof | |
adj.远离的;冷淡的,漠不关心的 | |
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9 streak | |
n.条理,斑纹,倾向,少许,痕迹;v.加条纹,变成条纹,奔驰,快速移动 | |
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10 fabric | |
n.织物,织品,布;构造,结构,组织 | |
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11 drawn | |
v.拖,拉,拔出;adj.憔悴的,紧张的 | |
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12 scroll | |
n.卷轴,纸卷;(石刻上的)漩涡 | |
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13 decoratively | |
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14 mesh | |
n.网孔,网丝,陷阱;vt.以网捕捉,啮合,匹配;vi.适合; [计算机]网络 | |
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15 haze | |
n.霾,烟雾;懵懂,迷糊;vi.(over)变模糊 | |
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