Indicates a Soul Prepared for Desperation
The month was August, four days before the closing of Parliament, and Diana fancied it good for Arthur Rhodes to run down with her to Copsley. He came to her invitation joyfully1, reminding her of Lady Dunstane’s wish to hear some chapters of THE CANTATRICE, and the MS. was packed. They started, taking rail and fly, and winding2 up the distance on foot. August is the month of sober maturity3 and majestic4 foliage5, songless, but a crowned and royal-robed queenly month; and the youngster’s appreciation6 of the homely7 scenery refreshed Diana; his delight in being with her was also pleasant. She had no wish to exchange him for another; and that was a strengthening thought.
At Copsley the arrival of their luggage had prepared the welcome. Warm though it was, Diana perceived a change in Emma, an unwonted reserve, a doubtfulness of her eyes, in spite of tenderness; and thus thrown back on herself, thinking that if she had followed her own counsel (as she called her impulse) in old days, there would have been no such present misery8, she at once, and unconsciously, assumed a guarded look. Based on her knowledge of her honest footing, it was a little defiant10. Secretly in her bosom11 it was sharpened to a slight hostility12 by the knowledge that her mind had been straying. The guilt13 and the innocence14 combined to clothe her in mail, the innocence being positive, the guilt so vapoury. But she was armed only if necessary, and there was no requirement for armour15. Emma did not question at all. She saw the alteration16 in her Tony: she was too full of the tragic17 apprehensiveness18, overmastering her to speak of trifles. She had never confided19 to Tony the exact nature and the growth of her malady20, thinking it mortal, and fearing to alarm her dearest.
A portion of the manuscript was read out by Arthur Rhodes in the evening; the remainder next morning. Redworth perceptibly was the model of the English hero; and as to his person, no friend could complain of the sketch21; his clear-eyed heartiness22, manliness23, wholesomeness—a word of Lady Dunstane’s regarding him,—and his handsome braced24 figure, were well painted. Emma forgave the insistance on a certain bluntness of the nose, in consideration of the fond limning25 of his honest and expressive26 eyes, and the ‘light on his temples,’ which they had noticed together. She could not so easily forgive the realistic picture of the man: an exaggeration, she thought, of small foibles, that even if they existed, should not have been stressed. The turn for ‘calculating’ was shown up ridiculously; Mr. Cuthbert Dering was calculating in his impassioned moods as well as in his cold. His head was a long division of ciphers27. He had statistics for spectacles, and beheld28 the world through them, and the mistress he worshipped.
‘I see,’ said Emma, during a pause; ‘he is a Saxon. You still affect to have the race en grippe, Tony.’
‘I give him every credit for what he is,’ Diana replied. ‘I admire the finer qualities of the race as much as any one. You want to have them presented to you in enamel29, Emmy.’
But the worst was an indication that the mania30 for calculating in and out of season would lead to the catastrophe31 destructive of his happiness. Emma could not bear that. Without asking herself whether it could be possible that Tony knew the secret, or whether she would have laid it bare, her sympathy for Redworth revolted at the exposure. She was chilled. She let it pass; she merely said: ‘I like the writing.’
Diana understood that her story was condemned32.
She put on her robes of philosophy to cloak discouragement. ‘I am glad the writing pleases you.’
‘The characters are as true as life!’ cried Arthur Rhodes. ‘The Cantatrice drinking porter from the pewter at the slips after harrowing the hearts of her audience, is dearer to me than if she had tottered33 to a sofa declining sustenance34; and because her creatrix has infused such blood of life into her that you accept naturally whatever she does. She was exhausted35, and required the porter, like a labourer in the cornfield.’
Emma looked at him, and perceived the poet swamped by the admirer. Taken in conjunction with Mr. Cuthbert Dering’s frenzy36 for calculating, she disliked the incident of the porter and the pewter.
‘While the Cantatrice swallowed her draught37, I suppose Mr. Dering counted the cost?’ she said.
‘It really might be hinted,’ said Diana.
The discussion closed with the accustomed pro38 and con9 upon the wart39 of Cromwell’s nose, Realism rejoicing in it, Idealism objecting.
Arthur Rhodes was bidden to stretch his legs on a walk along the heights in the afternoon, and Emma was further vexed40 by hearing Tony complain of Redworth’s treatment of the lad, whom he would not assist to any of the snug41 little posts he was notoriously able to dispense42.
‘He has talked of Mr. Rhodes to me,’ said Emma. ‘He thinks the profession of literature a delusion43, and doubts the wisdom of having poets for clerks.’
‘John–Bullish!’ Diana exclaimed. ‘He speaks contemptuously of the poor boy.’
‘Only inasmuch as the foolishness of the young man in throwing up the Law provokes his practical mind to speak.’
‘He might take my word for the “young man’s” ability. I want him to have the means of living, that he may write. He has genius.’
‘He may have it. I like him, and have said so. If he were to go back to his law-stool, I have no doubt that Redworth would manage to help him.’
‘And make a worthy44 ancient Braddock of a youth of splendid promise! Have I sketched45 him too Saxon?’
‘It is the lens, and hot the tribe, Tony.’
THE CANTATRICE was not alluded46 to any more; but Emma’s disapproval47 blocked the current of composition, already subject to chokings in the brain of the author. Diana stayed three days at Copsley, one longer than she had intended, so that Arthur Rhodes might have his fill of country air.
‘I would keep him, but I should be no companion for him,’ Emma said.
‘I suspect the gallant48 squire49 is only to be satisfied by landing me safely,’ said Diana, and that small remark grated, though Emma saw the simple meaning. When they parted, she kissed her Tony many times. Tears were in her eyes. It seemed to Diana that she was anxious to make amends50 for the fit of alienation51, and she was kissed in return warmly, quite forgiven, notwithstanding the deadly blank she had caused in the imagination of the writer for pay, distracted by the squabbles of Debit52 and Credit.
Diana chatted spiritedly to young Rhodes on their drive to the train. She was profoundly discouraged by Emma’s disapproval of her work. It wanted but that one drop to make a recurrence53 to the work impossible. There it must lie! And what of the aspects of her household?—Perhaps, after all, the Redworths of the world are right, and Literature as a profession is a delusive54 pursuit. She did not assent55 to it without hostility to the world’s Redworths.—‘They have no sensitiveness, we have too much. We are made of bubbles that a wind will burst, and as the wind is always blowing, your practical Redworths have their crow of us.’
She suggested advice to Arthur Rhodes upon the prudence56 of his resuming the yoke57 of the Law.
He laughed at such a notion, saying that he had some expectations of money to come.
‘But I fear,’ said he, ‘that Lady Dunstane is very very ill. She begged me to keep her informed of your address.’
Diana told him he was one of those who should know it whithersoever she went. She spoke58 impulsively59, her sentiments of friendliness60 for the youth being temporarily brightened by the strangeness of Emma’s conduct in deputing it to him to fulfil a duty she had never omitted. ‘What can she think I am going to do!’
On her table at home lay, a letter from Mr. Warwick. She read it hastily in the presence of Arthur Rhodes, having at a glance at the handwriting anticipated the proposal it contained and the official phrasing.
Her gallant squire was invited to dine with her that evening, costume excused.
They conversed61 of Literature as a profession, of poets dead and living, of politics, which he abhorred62 and shied at, and of his prospects63. He wrote many rejected pages, enjoyed an income of eighty pounds per annum, and eked64 out a subsistence upon the modest sum his pen procured65 him; a sum extremely insignificant66; but great Nature was his own, the world was tributary67 to him, the future his bejewelled and expectant bride. Diana envied his youthfulness. Nothing is more enviable, nothing richer to the mind, than the aspect of a cheerful poverty. How much nobler it was, contrasted with Redworth’s amassing68 of wealth!
When alone, she went to her bedroom and tried to write, tried to sleep. Mr. Warwick’s letter was looked at. It seemed to indicate a threat; but for the moment it did not disturb her so much as the review of her moral prostration69. She wrote some lines to her lawyers, quoting one of Mr. Warwick’s sentences. That done, his letter was dismissed. Her intolerable languor70 became alternately a defeating drowsiness71 and a fever. She succeeded in the effort to smother72 the absolute cause: it was not suffered to show a front; at the cost of her knowledge of a practised self-deception. ‘I wonder whether the world is as bad as a certain class of writers tell us!’ she sighed in weariness, and mused73 on their soundings and probings of poor humanity, which the world accepts for the very bottom truth if their dredge brings up sheer refuse of the abominable74. The world imagines those to be at our nature’s depths who are impudent75 enough to expose its muddy shallows. She was in the mood for such a kind of writing: she could have started on it at once but that the theme was wanting; and it may count on popularity, a great repute for penetration76. It is true of its kind, though the dredging of nature is the miry form of art. When it flourishes we may be assured we have been overenamelling the higher forms. She felt, and shuddered77 to feel, that she could draw from dark stores. Hitherto in her works it had been a triumph of the good. They revealed a gaping78 deficiency of the subtle insight she now possessed79. ‘Exhibit humanity as it is, wallowing, sensual, wicked, behind the mask,’ a voice called to her; she was allured80 by the contemplation of the wide-mouthed old dragon Ego81, whose portrait, decently painted, establishes an instant touch of exchange between author and public, the latter detected and confessing. Next to the pantomime of Humour and Pathos82, a cynical83 surgical84 knife at the human bosom seems the surest talisman85 for this agreeable exchange; and she could cut. She gave herself a taste of her powers. She cut at herself mercilessly, and had to bandage the wound in a hurry to keep in life.
Metaphors86 were her refuge. Metaphorically87 she could allow her mind to distinguish the struggle she was undergoing, sinking under it. The banished88 of Eden had to put on metaphors, and the common use of them has helped largely to civilize89 us. The sluggish90 in intellect detest91 them, but our civilization is not much indebted to that major faction92. Especially are they needed by the pedestalled woman in her conflict with the natural. Diana saw herself through the haze93 she conjured94 up. ‘Am I worse than other women?’ was a piercing twithought. Worse, would be hideous95 isolation96. The not worse, abased97 her sex. She could afford to say that the world was bad: not that women were.
Sinking deeper, an anguish98 of humiliation99 smote100 her to a sense of drowning. For what of the poetic101 ecstasy102 on her Salvatore heights had not been of origin divine? had sprung from other than spiritual founts? had sprung from the reddened sources she was compelled to conceal103? Could it be? She would not believe it. But there was matter to clip her wings, quench104 her light, in the doubt.
She fell asleep like the wrecked105 flung ashore106.
Danvers entered her room at an early hour for London to inform her that Mr. Percy Dacier was below, and begged permission to wait.
Diana gave orders for breakfast to be proposed to him. She lay staring at the wall until it became too visibly a reflection of her mind.
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joyfully
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| adv. 喜悦地, 高兴地 | |
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winding
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| n.绕，缠，绕组，线圈 | |
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maturity
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| n.成熟；完成；(支票、债券等)到期 | |
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majestic
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| adj.雄伟的，壮丽的，庄严的，威严的，崇高的 | |
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foliage
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| n.叶子，树叶，簇叶 | |
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appreciation
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| n.评价；欣赏；感谢；领会，理解；价格上涨 | |
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homely
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| adj.家常的，简朴的；不漂亮的 | |
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misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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con
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| n.反对的观点，反对者，反对票，肺病；vt.精读，学习，默记；adv.反对地，从反面；adj.欺诈的 | |
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defiant
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| adj.无礼的，挑战的 | |
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bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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hostility
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| n.敌对，敌意；抵制［pl.］交战，战争 | |
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guilt
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| n.犯罪；内疚；过失，罪责 | |
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innocence
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| n.无罪；天真；无害 | |
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armour
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| （=armor）n.盔甲；装甲部队 | |
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alteration
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| n.变更，改变；蚀变 | |
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tragic
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| adj.悲剧的，悲剧性的，悲惨的 | |
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apprehensiveness
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| 忧虑感，领悟力 | |
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confided
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| v.吐露（秘密，心事等）( confide的过去式和过去分词 )；（向某人）吐露（隐私、秘密等） | |
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malady
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| n.病，疾病(通常做比喻) | |
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sketch
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| n.草图；梗概；素描；v.素描；概述 | |
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heartiness
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| 诚实，热心 | |
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manliness
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| 刚毅 | |
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braced
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| adj.拉牢的v.支住( brace的过去式和过去分词 )；撑牢；使自己站稳；振作起来 | |
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limning
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| v.画( limn的现在分词 )；勾画；描写；描述 | |
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expressive
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| adj.表现的，表达…的，富于表情的 | |
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ciphers
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| n.密码( cipher的名词复数 )；零；不重要的人；无价值的东西 | |
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beheld
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| v.看，注视( behold的过去式和过去分词 )；瞧；看呀；（叙述中用于引出某人意外的出现）哎哟 | |
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enamel
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| n.珐琅，搪瓷，瓷釉；(牙齿的)珐琅质 | |
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mania
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| n.疯狂；躁狂症，狂热，癖好 | |
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catastrophe
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| n.大灾难，大祸 | |
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condemned
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| adj. 被责难的, 被宣告有罪的 动词condemn的过去式和过去分词 | |
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tottered
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| v.走得或动得不稳( totter的过去式和过去分词 )；踉跄；蹒跚；摇摇欲坠 | |
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sustenance
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| n.食物，粮食；生活资料；生计 | |
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exhausted
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| adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的 | |
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frenzy
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| n.疯狂，狂热，极度的激动 | |
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draught
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| n.拉，牵引，拖；一网（饮，吸，阵)；顿服药量，通风；v.起草，设计 | |
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pro
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| n.赞成，赞成的意见，赞成者 | |
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wart
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| n.疣，肉赘；瑕疵 | |
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vexed
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| adj.争论不休的；（指问题等）棘手的；争论不休的问题；烦恼的v.使烦恼( vex的过去式和过去分词 )；使苦恼；使生气；详细讨论 | |
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snug
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| adj.温暖舒适的，合身的，安全的；v.使整洁干净，舒适地依靠，紧贴；n.（英）酒吧里的私房 | |
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dispense
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| vt.分配，分发；配(药)，发(药)；实施 | |
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delusion
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| n.谬见，欺骗，幻觉，迷惑 | |
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worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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sketched
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| v.草拟（sketch的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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alluded
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| 提及，暗指( allude的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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disapproval
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| n.反对，不赞成 | |
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gallant
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| adj.英勇的，豪侠的；(向女人)献殷勤的 | |
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squire
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| n.护卫, 侍从, 乡绅 | |
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amends
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| n. 赔偿 | |
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alienation
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| n.疏远；离间；异化 | |
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debit
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| n.借方，借项，记人借方的款项 | |
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recurrence
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| n.复发，反复，重现 | |
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delusive
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| adj.欺骗的，妄想的 | |
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assent
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| v.批准，认可；n.批准，认可 | |
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prudence
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| n.谨慎，精明，节俭 | |
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yoke
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| n.轭；支配；v.给...上轭，连接，使成配偶 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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impulsively
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| adv.冲动地 | |
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friendliness
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| n.友谊，亲切，亲密 | |
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conversed
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| v.交谈，谈话( converse的过去式 ) | |
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abhorred
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| v.憎恶( abhor的过去式和过去分词 )；（厌恶地）回避；拒绝；淘汰 | |
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prospects
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| n.希望，前途(恒为复数) | |
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eked
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| v.（靠节省用量）使…的供应持久( eke的过去式和过去分词 )；节约使用；竭力维持生计；勉强度日 | |
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procured
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| v.（努力）取得， （设法）获得( procure的过去式和过去分词 )；拉皮条 | |
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insignificant
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| adj.无关紧要的，可忽略的，无意义的 | |
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tributary
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| n.支流；纳贡国；adj.附庸的；辅助的；支流的 | |
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amassing
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| v.积累，积聚( amass的现在分词 ) | |
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prostration
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| n. 平伏, 跪倒, 疲劳 | |
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languor
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| n.无精力，倦怠 | |
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drowsiness
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| n.睡意；嗜睡 | |
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smother
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| vt./vi.使窒息；抑制；闷死；n.浓烟；窒息 | |
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mused
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| v.沉思，冥想( muse的过去式和过去分词 )；沉思自语说（某事） | |
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abominable
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| adj.可厌的，令人憎恶的 | |
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impudent
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| adj.鲁莽的，卑鄙的，厚颜无耻的 | |
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penetration
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| n.穿透，穿人，渗透 | |
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shuddered
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| v.战栗( shudder的过去式和过去分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动 | |
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gaping
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| adj.口的；张口的；敞口的；多洞穴的v.目瞪口呆地凝视( gape的现在分词 )；张开，张大 | |
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possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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allured
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| 诱引，吸引( allure的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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ego
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| n.自我，自己，自尊 | |
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pathos
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| n.哀婉，悲怆 | |
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cynical
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| adj.(对人性或动机)怀疑的，不信世道向善的 | |
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surgical
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| adj.外科的，外科医生的，手术上的 | |
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talisman
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| n.避邪物，护身符 | |
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86
metaphors
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| 隐喻( metaphor的名词复数 ) | |
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metaphorically
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| adv. 用比喻地 | |
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88
banished
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| v.放逐，驱逐( banish的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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civilize
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| vt.使文明，使开化 (=civilise) | |
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90
sluggish
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| adj.懒惰的，迟钝的，无精打采的 | |
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detest
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| vt.痛恨，憎恶 | |
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faction
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| n.宗派，小集团；派别；派系斗争 | |
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haze
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| n.霾，烟雾；懵懂，迷糊；vi.(over)变模糊 | |
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conjured
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| 用魔术变出( conjure的过去式和过去分词 )； 祈求，恳求； 变戏法； （变魔术般地） 使…出现 | |
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hideous
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| adj.丑陋的，可憎的，可怕的，恐怖的 | |
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isolation
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| n.隔离，孤立，分解，分离 | |
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abased
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| 使谦卑( abase的过去式和过去分词 )； 使感到羞耻； 使降低（地位、身份等）； 降下 | |
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anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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humiliation
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| n.羞辱 | |
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100
smote
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| v.猛打，重击，打击( smite的过去式 ) | |
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101
poetic
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| adj.富有诗意的，有诗人气质的，善于抒情的 | |
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102
ecstasy
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| n.狂喜，心醉神怡，入迷 | |
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103
conceal
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| v.隐藏，隐瞒，隐蔽 | |
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104
quench
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| vt.熄灭，扑灭；压制 | |
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105
wrecked
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| adj.失事的，遇难的 | |
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ashore
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| adv.在(向)岸上，上岸 | |
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