How the Lord of Suckfist pleaded before Pantagruel.
Then began the Lord Suckfist in manner as followeth. My lord, and you my masters, if the iniquity1 of men were as easily seen in categorical judgment2 as we can discern flies in a milkpot, the world’s four oxen had not been so eaten up with rats, nor had so many ears upon the earth been nibbled3 away so scurvily4. For although all that my adversary5 hath spoken be of a very soft and downy truth, in so much as concerns the letter and history of the factum, yet nevertheless the crafty7 slights, cunning subtleties8, sly cozenages, and little troubling entanglements9 are hid under the rosepot, the common cloak and cover of all fraudulent deceits.
Should I endure that, when I am eating my pottage equal with the best, and that without either thinking or speaking any manner of ill, they rudely come to vex10, trouble, and perplex my brains with that antique proverb which saith,
Who in his pottage-eating drinks will not,
When he is dead and buried, see one jot12.
And, good lady, how many great captains have we seen in the day of battle, when in open field the sacrament was distributed in luncheons13 of the sanctified bread of the confraternity, the more honestly to nod their heads, play on the lute14, and crack with their tails, to make pretty little platform leaps in keeping level by the ground? But now the world is unshackled from the corners of the packs of Leicester. One flies out lewdly15 and becomes debauched; another, likewise, five, four, and two, and that at such random16 that, if the court take not some course therein, it will make as bad a season in matter of gleaning17 this year as ever it made, or it will make goblets18. If any poor creature go to the stoves to illuminate19 his muzzle20 with a cowsherd or to buy winter-boots, and that the sergeants21 passing by, or those of the watch, happen to receive the decoction of a clyster or the fecal matter of a close-stool upon their rustling-wrangling-clutter-keeping masterships, should any because of that make bold to clip the shillings and testers and fry the wooden dishes? Sometimes, when we think one thing, God does another; and when the sun is wholly set all beasts are in the shade. Let me never be believed again, if I do not gallantly23 prove it by several people who have seen the light of the day.
In the year thirty and six, buying a Dutch curtail24, which was a middle-sized horse, both high and short, of a wool good enough and dyed in grain, as the goldsmiths assured me, although the notary25 put an &c. in it, I told really that I was not a clerk of so much learning as to snatch at the moon with my teeth; but, as for the butter-firkin where Vulcanian deeds and evidences were sealed, the rumour26 was, and the report thereof went current, that salt-beef will make one find the way to the wine without a candle, though it were hid in the bottom of a collier’s sack, and that with his drawers on he were mounted on a barbed horse furnished with a fronstal, and such arms, thighs27, and leg-pieces as are requisite28 for the well frying and broiling29 of a swaggering sauciness30. Here is a sheep’s head, and it is well they make a proverb of this, that it is good to see black cows in burnt wood when one attains31 to the enjoyment32 of his love. I had a consultation33 upon this point with my masters the clerks, who for resolution concluded in frisesomorum that there is nothing like to mowing34 in the summer, and sweeping35 clean away in water, well garnished36 with paper, ink, pens, and penknives, of Lyons upon the river of Rhone, dolopym dolopof, tarabin tarabas, tut, prut, pish; for, incontinently after that armour37 begins to smell of garlic, the rust22 will go near to eat the liver, not of him that wears it, and then do they nothing else but withstand others’ courses, and wryneckedly set up their bristles38 ‘gainst one another, in lightly passing over their afternoon’s sleep, and this is that which maketh salt so dear. My lords, believe not when the said good woman had with birdlime caught the shoveler fowl39, the better before a sergeant’s witness to deliver the younger son’s portion to him, that the sheep’s pluck or hog’s haslet did dodge40 and shrink back in the usurers’ purses, or that there could be anything better to preserve one from the cannibals than to take a rope of onions, knit with three hundred turnips41, and a little of a calf’s chaldern of the best allay42 that the alchemists have provided, (and) that they daub and do over with clay, as also calcinate and burn to dust these pantoufles, muff in muff out, mouflin mouflard, with the fine sauce of the juice of the rabble43 rout44, whilst they hide themselves in some petty mouldwarphole, saving always the little slices of bacon. Now, if the dice45 will not favour you with any other throw but ambes-ace46 and the chance of three at the great end, mark well the ace, then take me your dame47, settle her in a corner of the bed, and whisk me her up drilletrille, there, there, toureloura la la; which when you have done, take a hearty48 draught49 of the best, despicando grenovillibus, in despite of the frogs, whose fair coarse bebuskined stockings shall be set apart for the little green geese or mewed goslings, which, fattened50 in a coop, take delight to sport themselves at the wagtail game, waiting for the beating of the metal and heating of the wax by the slavering drivellers of consolation51.
Very true it is, that the four oxen which are in debate, and whereof mention was made, were somewhat short in memory. Nevertheless, to understand the game aright, they feared neither the cormorant52 nor mallard of Savoy, which put the good people of my country in great hope that their children some time should become very skilful53 in algorism. Therefore is it, that by a law rubric and special sentence thereof, that we cannot fail to take the wolf if we make our hedges higher than the windmill, whereof somewhat was spoken by the plaintiff. But the great devil did envy it, and by that means put the High Dutches far behind, who played the devils in swilling54 down and tippling at the good liquor, trink, mein herr, trink, trink, by two of my table-men in the corner-point I have gained the lurch55. For it is not probable, nor is there any appearance of truth in this saying, that at Paris upon a little bridge the hen is proportionable, and were they as copped and high-crested as marsh56 whoops57, if veritably they did not sacrifice the printer’s pumpet-balls at Moreb, with a new edge set upon them by text letters or those of a swift-writing hand, it is all one to me, so that the headband of the book breed not moths59 or worms in it. And put the case that, at the coupling together of the buckhounds, the little puppies shall have waxed proud before the notary could have given an account of the serving of his writ58 by the cabalistic art, it will necessarily follow, under correction of the better judgment of the court, that six acres of meadow ground of the greatest breadth will make three butts60 of fine ink, without paying ready money; considering that, at the funeral of King Charles, we might have had the fathom61 in open market for one or two, that is, deuce ace. This I may affirm with a safe conscience, upon my oath of wool.
And I see ordinarily in all good bagpipes62, that, when they go to the counterfeiting63 of the chirping64 of small birds, by swinging a broom three times about a chimney, and putting his name upon record, they do nothing but bend a crossbow backwards65, and wind a horn, if perhaps it be too hot, and that, by making it fast to a rope he was to draw, immediately after the sight of the letters, the cows were restored to him. Such another sentence after the homeliest manner was pronounced in the seventeenth year, because of the bad government of Louzefougarouse, whereunto it may please the court to have regard. I desire to be rightly understood; for truly, I say not but that in all equity66, and with an upright conscience, those may very well be dispossessed who drink holy water as one would do a weaver’s shuttle, whereof suppositories are made to those that will not resign, but on the terms of ell and tell and giving of one thing for another. Tunc, my lords, quid juris pro11 minoribus? For the common custom of the Salic law is such, that the first incendiary or firebrand of sedition67 that flays68 the cow and wipes his nose in a full concert of music without blowing in the cobbler’s stitches, should in the time of the nightmare sublimate69 the penury70 of his member by moss71 gathered when people are like to founder72 themselves at the mess at midnight, to give the estrapade to these white wines of Anjou that do the fear of the leg in lifting it by horsemen called the gambetta, and that neck to neck after the fashion of Brittany, concluding as before with costs, damages, and interests.
After that the Lord of Suckfist had ended, Pantagruel said to the Lord of Kissbreech, My friend, have you a mind to make any reply to what is said? No, my lord, answered Kissbreech; for I have spoke6 all I intended, and nothing but the truth. Therefore, put an end for God’s sake to our difference, for we are here at great charge.
1 iniquity | |
n.邪恶;不公正 | |
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2 judgment | |
n.审判;判断力,识别力,看法,意见 | |
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3 nibbled | |
v.啃,一点一点地咬(吃)( nibble的过去式和过去分词 );啃出(洞),一点一点咬出(洞);慢慢减少;小口咬 | |
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4 scurvily | |
下流地,粗鄙地,无礼地 | |
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5 adversary | |
adj.敌手,对手 | |
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6 spoke | |
n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说 | |
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7 crafty | |
adj.狡猾的,诡诈的 | |
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8 subtleties | |
细微( subtlety的名词复数 ); 精细; 巧妙; 细微的差别等 | |
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9 entanglements | |
n.瓜葛( entanglement的名词复数 );牵连;纠缠;缠住 | |
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10 vex | |
vt.使烦恼,使苦恼 | |
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11 pro | |
n.赞成,赞成的意见,赞成者 | |
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12 jot | |
n.少量;vi.草草记下;vt.匆匆写下 | |
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13 luncheons | |
n.午餐,午宴( luncheon的名词复数 ) | |
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14 lute | |
n.琵琶,鲁特琴 | |
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15 lewdly | |
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16 random | |
adj.随机的;任意的;n.偶然的(或随便的)行动 | |
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17 gleaning | |
n.拾落穗,拾遗,落穗v.一点点地收集(资料、事实)( glean的现在分词 );(收割后)拾穗 | |
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18 goblets | |
n.高脚酒杯( goblet的名词复数 ) | |
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19 illuminate | |
vt.照亮,照明;用灯光装饰;说明,阐释 | |
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20 muzzle | |
n.鼻口部;口套;枪(炮)口;vt.使缄默 | |
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21 sergeants | |
警官( sergeant的名词复数 ); (美国警察)警佐; (英国警察)巡佐; 陆军(或空军)中士 | |
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22 rust | |
n.锈;v.生锈;(脑子)衰退 | |
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23 gallantly | |
adv. 漂亮地,勇敢地,献殷勤地 | |
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24 curtail | |
vt.截短,缩短;削减 | |
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25 notary | |
n.公证人,公证员 | |
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26 rumour | |
n.谣言,谣传,传闻 | |
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27 thighs | |
n.股,大腿( thigh的名词复数 );食用的鸡(等的)腿 | |
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28 requisite | |
adj.需要的,必不可少的;n.必需品 | |
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29 broiling | |
adj.酷热的,炽热的,似烧的v.(用火)烤(焙、炙等)( broil的现在分词 );使卷入争吵;使混乱;被烤(或炙) | |
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30 sauciness | |
n.傲慢,鲁莽 | |
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31 attains | |
(通常经过努力)实现( attain的第三人称单数 ); 达到; 获得; 达到(某年龄、水平、状况) | |
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32 enjoyment | |
n.乐趣;享有;享用 | |
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33 consultation | |
n.咨询;商量;商议;会议 | |
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34 mowing | |
n.割草,一次收割量,牧草地v.刈,割( mow的现在分词 ) | |
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35 sweeping | |
adj.范围广大的,一扫无遗的 | |
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36 garnished | |
v.给(上餐桌的食物)加装饰( garnish的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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37 armour | |
(=armor)n.盔甲;装甲部队 | |
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38 bristles | |
短而硬的毛发,刷子毛( bristle的名词复数 ) | |
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39 fowl | |
n.家禽,鸡,禽肉 | |
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40 dodge | |
v.闪开,躲开,避开;n.妙计,诡计 | |
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41 turnips | |
芜青( turnip的名词复数 ); 芜菁块根; 芜菁甘蓝块根; 怀表 | |
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42 allay | |
v.消除,减轻(恐惧、怀疑等) | |
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43 rabble | |
n.乌合之众,暴民;下等人 | |
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44 rout | |
n.溃退,溃败;v.击溃,打垮 | |
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45 dice | |
n.骰子;vt.把(食物)切成小方块,冒险 | |
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46 ace | |
n.A牌;发球得分;佼佼者;adj.杰出的 | |
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47 dame | |
n.女士 | |
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48 hearty | |
adj.热情友好的;衷心的;尽情的,纵情的 | |
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49 draught | |
n.拉,牵引,拖;一网(饮,吸,阵);顿服药量,通风;v.起草,设计 | |
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50 fattened | |
v.喂肥( fatten的过去式和过去分词 );养肥(牲畜);使(钱)增多;使(公司)升值 | |
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51 consolation | |
n.安慰,慰问 | |
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52 cormorant | |
n.鸬鹚,贪婪的人 | |
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53 skilful | |
(=skillful)adj.灵巧的,熟练的 | |
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54 swilling | |
v.冲洗( swill的现在分词 );猛喝;大口喝;(使)液体流动 | |
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55 lurch | |
n.突然向前或旁边倒;v.蹒跚而行 | |
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56 marsh | |
n.沼泽,湿地 | |
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57 whoops | |
int.呼喊声 | |
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58 writ | |
n.命令状,书面命令 | |
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59 moths | |
n.蛾( moth的名词复数 ) | |
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60 butts | |
笑柄( butt的名词复数 ); (武器或工具的)粗大的一端; 屁股; 烟蒂 | |
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61 fathom | |
v.领悟,彻底了解 | |
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62 bagpipes | |
n.风笛;风笛( bagpipe的名词复数 ) | |
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63 counterfeiting | |
n.伪造v.仿制,造假( counterfeit的现在分词 ) | |
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64 chirping | |
鸟叫,虫鸣( chirp的现在分词 ) | |
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65 backwards | |
adv.往回地,向原处,倒,相反,前后倒置地 | |
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66 equity | |
n.公正,公平,(无固定利息的)股票 | |
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67 sedition | |
n.煽动叛乱 | |
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68 flays | |
v.痛打( flay的第三人称单数 );把…打得皮开肉绽;剥(通常指动物)的皮;严厉批评 | |
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69 sublimate | |
v.(使)升华,净化 | |
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70 penury | |
n.贫穷,拮据 | |
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71 moss | |
n.苔,藓,地衣 | |
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72 Founder | |
n.创始者,缔造者 | |
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