How Panurge was made Laird of Salmigondin in Dipsody, and did waste his revenue before it came in.
Whilst Pantagruel was giving order for the government of all Dipsody, he assigned to Panurge the lairdship of Salmigondin, which was yearly worth 6,789,106,789 reals of certain rent, besides the uncertain revenue of the locusts1 and periwinkles, amounting, one year with another, to the value of 435,768, or 2,435,769 French crowns of Berry. Sometimes it did amount to 1,230,554,321 seraphs, when it was a good year, and that locusts and periwinkles were in request; but that was not every year.
Now his worship, the new laird, husbanded this his estate so providently2 well and prudently3, that in less than fourteen days he wasted and dilapidated all the certain and uncertain revenue of his lairdship for three whole years. Yet did not he properly dilapidate it, as you might say, in founding of monasteries4, building of churches, erecting5 of colleges, and setting up of hospitals, or casting his bacon-flitches to the dogs; but spent it in a thousand little banquets and jolly collations, keeping open house for all comers and goers; yea, to all good fellows, young girls, and pretty wenches; felling timber, burning great logs for the sale of the ashes, borrowing money beforehand, buying dear, selling cheap, and eating his corn, as it were, whilst it was but grass.
Pantagruel, being advertised of this his lavishness6, was in good sooth no way offended at the matter, angry nor sorry; for I once told you, and again tell it you, that he was the best, little, great goodman that ever girded a sword to his side. He took all things in good part, and interpreted every action to the best sense. He never vexed7 nor disquieted8 himself with the least pretence9 of dislike to anything, because he knew that he must have most grossly abandoned the divine mansion10 of reason if he had permitted his mind to be never so little grieved, afflicted11, or altered at any occasion whatsoever12. For all the goods that the heaven covereth, and that the earth containeth, in all their dimensions of height, depth, breadth, and length, are not of so much worth as that we should for them disturb or disorder13 our affections, trouble or perplex our senses or spirits.
He drew only Panurge aside, and then, making to him a sweet remonstrance14 and mild admonition, very gently represented before him in strong arguments, that, if he should continue in such an unthrifty course of living, and not become a better mesnagier, it would prove altogether impossible for him, or at least hugely difficult, at any time to make him rich. Rich! answered Panurge; have you fixed16 your thoughts there? Have you undertaken the task to enrich me in this world? Set your mind to live merrily, in the name of God and good folks; let no other cark nor care be harboured within the sacrosanctified domicile of your celestial17 brain. May the calmness and tranquillity18 thereof be never incommodated with, or overshadowed by any frowning clouds of sullen19 imaginations and displeasing20 annoyance21! For if you live joyful22, merry, jocund23, and glad, I cannot be but rich enough. Everybody cries up thrift15, thrift, and good husbandry. But many speak of Robin24 Hood25 that never shot in his bow, and talk of that virtue26 of mesnagery who know not what belongs to it. It is by me that they must be advised. From me, therefore, take this advertisement and information, that what is imputed27 to me for a vice28 hath been done in imitation of the university and parliament of Paris, places in which is to be found the true spring and source of the lively idea of Pantheology and all manner of justice. Let him be counted a heretic that doubteth thereof, and doth not firmly believe it. Yet they in one day eat up their bishop29, or the revenue of the bishopric — is it not all one?— for a whole year, yea, sometimes for two. This is done on the day he makes his entry, and is installed. Nor is there any place for an excuse; for he cannot avoid it, unless he would be hooted30 at and stoned for his parsimony31.
It hath been also esteemed32 an act flowing from the habit of the four cardinal33 virtues34. Of prudence35 in borrowing money beforehand; for none knows what may fall out. Who is able to tell if the world shall last yet three years? But although it should continue longer, is there any man so foolish as to have the confidence to promise himself three years?
What fool so confident to say,
That he shall live one other day?
Of commutative justice, in buying dear, I say, upon trust, and selling goods cheap, that is, for ready money. What says Cato in his Body of Husbandry to this purpose? The father of a family, says he, must be a perpetual seller; by which means it is impossible but that at last he shall become rich, if he have of vendible36 ware37 enough still ready for sale.
Of distributive justice it doth partake, in giving entertainment to good — remark, good — and gentle fellows, whom fortune had shipwrecked, like Ulysses, upon the rock of a hungry stomach without provision of sustenance38; and likewise to the good — remark, the good — and young wenches. For, according to the sentence of Hippocrates, Youth is impatient of hunger, chiefly if it be vigorous, lively, frolic, brisk, stirring, and bouncing. Which wanton lasses willingly and heartily39 devote themselves to the pleasure of honest men; and are in so far both Platonic40 and Ciceronian, that they do acknowledge their being born into this world not to be for themselves alone, but that in their proper persons their acquaintance may claim one share, and their friends another.
The virtue of fortitude41 appears therein by the cutting down and overthrowing42 of the great trees, like a second Milo making havoc43 of the dark forest, which did serve only to furnish dens44, caves, and shelter to wolves, wild boars, and foxes, and afford receptacles, withdrawing corners, and refuges to robbers, thieves, and murderers, lurking45 holes and skulking46 places for cutthroat assassinators, secret obscure shops for coiners of false money, and safe retreats for heretics, laying them even and level with the plain champaign fields and pleasant heathy ground, at the sound of the hautboys and bagpipes47 playing reeks48 with the high and stately timber, and preparing seats and benches for the eve of the dreadful day of judgment49.
I gave thereby50 proof of my temperance in eating my corn whilst it was but grass, like a hermit51 feeding upon salads and roots, that, so affranchising myself from the yoke52 of sensual appetites to the utter disclaiming53 of their sovereignty, I might the better reserve somewhat in store for the relief of the lame54, blind, crippled, maimed, needy55, poor, and wanting wretches56.
In taking this course I save the expense of the weed-grubbers, who gain money,— of the reapers57 in harvest-time, who drink lustily, and without water,— of gleaners, who will expect their cakes and bannocks,— of threshers, who leave no garlic, scallions, leeks58, nor onions in our gardens, by the authority of Thestilis in Virgil,— and of the millers59, who are generally thieves,— and of the bakers60, who are little better. Is this small saving or frugality61? Besides the mischief62 and damage of the field-mice, the decay of barns, and the destruction usually made by weasels and other vermin.
Of corn in the blade you may make good green sauce of a light concoction63 and easy digestion64, which recreates the brain and exhilarates the animal spirits, rejoiceth the sight, openeth the appetite, delighteth the taste, comforteth the heart, tickleth the tongue, cheereth the countenance65, striking a fresh and lively colour, strengthening the muscles, tempers the blood, disburdens the midriff, refresheth the liver, disobstructs the spleen, easeth the kidneys, suppleth the reins66, quickens the joints67 of the back, cleanseth the urine-conduits, dilates68 the spermatic vessels69, shortens the cremasters, purgeth the bladder, puffeth up the genitories, correcteth the prepuce, hardens the nut, and rectifies70 the member. It will make you have a current belly71 to trot72, fart, dung, piss, sneeze, cough, spit, belch73, spew, yawn, snuff, blow, breathe, snort, sweat, and set taut74 your Robin, with a thousand other rare advantages. I understand you very well, says Pantagruel; you would thereby infer that those of a mean spirit and shallow capacity have not the skill to spend much in a short time. You are not the first in whose conceit75 that heresy76 hath entered. Nero maintained it, and above all mortals admired most his uncle Caius Caligula, for having in a few days, by a most wonderfully pregnant invention, totally spent all the goods and patrimony77 which Tiberius had left him.
But, instead of observing the sumptuous78 supper-curbing laws of the Romans — to wit, the Orchia, the Fannia, the Didia, the Licinia, the Cornelia, the Lepidiana, the Antia, and of the Corinthians — by the which they were inhibited79, under pain of great punishment, not to spend more in one year than their annual revenue did amount to, you have offered up the oblation80 of Protervia, which was with the Romans such a sacrifice as the paschal lamb was amongst the Jews, wherein all that was eatable was to be eaten, and the remainder to be thrown into the fire, without reserving anything for the next day. I may very justly say of you, as Cato did of Albidius, who after that he had by a most extravagant81 expense wasted all the means and possessions he had to one only house, he fairly set it on fire, that he might the better say, Consummatum est. Even just as since his time St. Thomas Aquinas did, when he had eaten up the whole lamprey, although there was no necessity in it.
1 locusts | |
n.蝗虫( locust的名词复数 );贪吃的人;破坏者;槐树 | |
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2 providently | |
adv.有远虑地 | |
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3 prudently | |
adv. 谨慎地,慎重地 | |
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4 monasteries | |
修道院( monastery的名词复数 ) | |
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5 erecting | |
v.使直立,竖起( erect的现在分词 );建立 | |
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6 lavishness | |
n.浪费,过度 | |
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7 vexed | |
adj.争论不休的;(指问题等)棘手的;争论不休的问题;烦恼的v.使烦恼( vex的过去式和过去分词 );使苦恼;使生气;详细讨论 | |
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8 disquieted | |
v.使不安,使忧虑,使烦恼( disquiet的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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9 pretence | |
n.假装,作假;借口,口实;虚伪;虚饰 | |
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10 mansion | |
n.大厦,大楼;宅第 | |
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11 afflicted | |
使受痛苦,折磨( afflict的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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12 whatsoever | |
adv.(用于否定句中以加强语气)任何;pron.无论什么 | |
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13 disorder | |
n.紊乱,混乱;骚动,骚乱;疾病,失调 | |
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14 remonstrance | |
n抗议,抱怨 | |
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15 thrift | |
adj.节约,节俭;n.节俭,节约 | |
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16 fixed | |
adj.固定的,不变的,准备好的;(计算机)固定的 | |
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17 celestial | |
adj.天体的;天上的 | |
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18 tranquillity | |
n. 平静, 安静 | |
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19 sullen | |
adj.愠怒的,闷闷不乐的,(天气等)阴沉的 | |
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20 displeasing | |
不愉快的,令人发火的 | |
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21 annoyance | |
n.恼怒,生气,烦恼 | |
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22 joyful | |
adj.欢乐的,令人欢欣的 | |
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23 jocund | |
adj.快乐的,高兴的 | |
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24 robin | |
n.知更鸟,红襟鸟 | |
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25 hood | |
n.头巾,兜帽,覆盖;v.罩上,以头巾覆盖 | |
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26 virtue | |
n.德行,美德;贞操;优点;功效,效力 | |
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27 imputed | |
v.把(错误等)归咎于( impute的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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28 vice | |
n.坏事;恶习;[pl.]台钳,老虎钳;adj.副的 | |
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29 bishop | |
n.主教,(国际象棋)象 | |
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30 hooted | |
(使)作汽笛声响,作汽车喇叭声( hoot的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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31 parsimony | |
n.过度节俭,吝啬 | |
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32 esteemed | |
adj.受人尊敬的v.尊敬( esteem的过去式和过去分词 );敬重;认为;以为 | |
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33 cardinal | |
n.(天主教的)红衣主教;adj.首要的,基本的 | |
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34 virtues | |
美德( virtue的名词复数 ); 德行; 优点; 长处 | |
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35 prudence | |
n.谨慎,精明,节俭 | |
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36 vendible | |
adj.可销售的,可被普遍接受的n.可销售物 | |
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37 ware | |
n.(常用复数)商品,货物 | |
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38 sustenance | |
n.食物,粮食;生活资料;生计 | |
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39 heartily | |
adv.衷心地,诚恳地,十分,很 | |
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40 platonic | |
adj.精神的;柏拉图(哲学)的 | |
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41 fortitude | |
n.坚忍不拔;刚毅 | |
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42 overthrowing | |
v.打倒,推翻( overthrow的现在分词 );使终止 | |
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43 havoc | |
n.大破坏,浩劫,大混乱,大杂乱 | |
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44 dens | |
n.牙齿,齿状部分;兽窝( den的名词复数 );窝点;休息室;书斋 | |
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45 lurking | |
潜在 | |
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46 skulking | |
v.潜伏,偷偷摸摸地走动,鬼鬼祟祟地活动( skulk的现在分词 ) | |
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47 bagpipes | |
n.风笛;风笛( bagpipe的名词复数 ) | |
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48 reeks | |
n.恶臭( reek的名词复数 )v.发出浓烈的臭气( reek的第三人称单数 );散发臭气;发出难闻的气味 (of sth);明显带有(令人不快或生疑的跡象) | |
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49 judgment | |
n.审判;判断力,识别力,看法,意见 | |
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50 thereby | |
adv.因此,从而 | |
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51 hermit | |
n.隐士,修道者;隐居 | |
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52 yoke | |
n.轭;支配;v.给...上轭,连接,使成配偶 | |
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53 disclaiming | |
v.否认( disclaim的现在分词 ) | |
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54 lame | |
adj.跛的,(辩解、论据等)无说服力的 | |
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55 needy | |
adj.贫穷的,贫困的,生活艰苦的 | |
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56 wretches | |
n.不幸的人( wretch的名词复数 );可怜的人;恶棍;坏蛋 | |
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57 reapers | |
n.收割者,收获者( reaper的名词复数 );收割机 | |
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58 leeks | |
韭葱( leek的名词复数 ) | |
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59 millers | |
n.(尤指面粉厂的)厂主( miller的名词复数 );磨房主;碾磨工;铣工 | |
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60 bakers | |
n.面包师( baker的名词复数 );面包店;面包店店主;十三 | |
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61 frugality | |
n.节约,节俭 | |
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62 mischief | |
n.损害,伤害,危害;恶作剧,捣蛋,胡闹 | |
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63 concoction | |
n.调配(物);谎言 | |
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64 digestion | |
n.消化,吸收 | |
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65 countenance | |
n.脸色,面容;面部表情;vt.支持,赞同 | |
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66 reins | |
感情,激情; 缰( rein的名词复数 ); 控制手段; 掌管; (成人带着幼儿走路以防其走失时用的)保护带 | |
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67 joints | |
接头( joint的名词复数 ); 关节; 公共场所(尤指价格低廉的饮食和娱乐场所) (非正式); 一块烤肉 (英式英语) | |
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68 dilates | |
v.(使某物)扩大,膨胀,张大( dilate的第三人称单数 ) | |
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69 vessels | |
n.血管( vessel的名词复数 );船;容器;(具有特殊品质或接受特殊品质的)人 | |
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70 rectifies | |
改正,矫正( rectify的第三人称单数 ); 精馏 | |
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71 belly | |
n.肚子,腹部;(像肚子一样)鼓起的部分,膛 | |
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72 trot | |
n.疾走,慢跑;n.老太婆;现成译本;(复数)trots:腹泻(与the 连用);v.小跑,快步走,赶紧 | |
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73 belch | |
v.打嗝,喷出 | |
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74 taut | |
adj.拉紧的,绷紧的,紧张的 | |
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75 conceit | |
n.自负,自高自大 | |
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76 heresy | |
n.异端邪说;异教 | |
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77 patrimony | |
n.世袭财产,继承物 | |
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78 sumptuous | |
adj.豪华的,奢侈的,华丽的 | |
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79 inhibited | |
a.拘谨的,拘束的 | |
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80 oblation | |
n.圣餐式;祭品 | |
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81 extravagant | |
adj.奢侈的;过分的;(言行等)放肆的 | |
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