Why the codpiece is held to be the chief piece of armour1 amongst warriors2.
Will you maintain, quoth Pantagruel, that the codpiece is the chief piece of a military harness? It is a new kind of doctrine3, very paradoxical; for we say, At spurs begins the arming of a man. Sir, I maintain it, answered Panurge, and not wrongfully do I maintain it. Behold4 how nature, having a fervent5 desire, after its production of plants, trees, shrubs6, herbs, sponges, and plant-animals, to eternize and continue them unto all succession of ages (in their several kinds or sorts, at least, although the individuals perish) unruinable, and in an everlasting7 being, hath most curiously8 armed and fenced their buds, sprouts9, shoots, and seeds, wherein the above-mentioned perpetuity consisteth, by strengthening, covering, guarding, and fortifying10 them with an admirable industry, with husks, cases, scurfs and swads, hulls11, cods12, stones, films, cartels, shells, ears, rinds, barks, skins, ridges13, and prickles, which serve them instead of strong, fair, and natural codpieces. As is manifestly apparent in pease, beans, fasels, pomegranates, peaches, cottons, gourds14, pumpions, melons, corn, lemons, almonds, walnuts15, filberts, and chestnuts16; as likewise in all plants, slips, or sets whatsoever17, wherein it is plainly and evidently seen, that the sperm18 and semence is more closely veiled, overshadowed, corroborated19, and thoroughly20 harnessed, than any other part, portion, or parcel of the whole.
Nature, nevertheless, did not after that manner provide for the sempiternizing of (the) human race; but, on the contrary, created man naked, tender, and frail21, without either offensive or defensive22 arms; and that in the estate of innocence23, in the first age of all, which was the golden season; not as a plant, but living creature, born for peace, not war, and brought forth24 into the world with an unquestionable right and title to the plenary fruition and enjoyment25 of all fruits and vegetables, as also to a certain calm and gentle rule and dominion26 over all kinds of beasts, fowls27, fishes, reptiles28, and insects. Yet afterwards it happening in the time of the iron age, under the reign29 of Jupiter, when, to the multiplication30 of mischievous31 actions, wickedness and malice32 began to take root and footing within the then perverted33 hearts of men, that the earth began to bring forth nettles34, thistles, thorns, briars, and such other stubborn and rebellious35 vegetables to the nature of man. Nor scarce was there any animal which by a fatal disposition36 did not then revolt from him, and tacitly conspire37 and covenant38 with one another to serve him no longer, nor, in case of their ability to resist, to do him any manner of obedience39, but rather, to the uttermost of their power, to annoy him with all the hurt and harm they could. The man, then, that he might maintain his primitive40 right and prerogative41, and continue his sway and dominion over all, both vegetable and sensitive creatures, and knowing of a truth that he could not be well accommodated as he ought without the servitude and subjection of several animals, bethought himself that of necessity he must needs put on arms, and make provision of harness against wars and violence. By the holy Saint Babingoose, cried out Pantagruel, you are become, since the last rain, a great lifrelofre,— philosopher, I should say. Take notice, sir, quoth Panurge, when Dame42 Nature had prompted him to his own arming, what part of the body it was, where, by her inspiration, he clapped on the first harness. It was forsooth by the double pluck of my little dog the ballock and good Senor Don Priapos Stabo-stando — which done, he was content, and sought no more. This is certified43 by the testimony44 of the great Hebrew captain (and) philosopher Moses, who affirmeth that he fenced that member with a brave and gallant45 codpiece, most exquisitely46 framed, and by right curious devices of a notably47 pregnant invention made up and composed of fig-tree leaves, which by reason of their solid stiffness, incisory notches48, curled frizzling, sleeked49 smoothness, large ampleness, together with their colour, smell, virtue50, and faculty51, were exceeding proper and fit for the covering and arming of the satchels52 of generation — the hideously53 big Lorraine cullions being from thence only excepted, which, swaggering down to the lowermost bottom of the breeches, cannot abide54, for being quite out of all order and method, the stately fashion of the high and lofty codpiece; as is manifest by the noble Valentine Viardiere, whom I found at Nancy, on the first day of May — the more flauntingly to gallantrize it afterwards — rubbing his ballocks, spread out upon a table after the manner of a Spanish cloak. Wherefore it is, that none should henceforth say, who would not speak improperly55, when any country bumpkin hieth to the wars, Have a care, my roister, of the wine-pot, that is, the skull56, but, Have a care, my roister, of the milk-pot, that is, the testicles. By the whole rabble57 of the horned fiends of hell, the head being cut off, that single person only thereby58 dieth. But, if the ballocks be marred59, the whole race of human kind would forthwith perish, and be lost for ever.
This was the motive60 which incited61 the goodly writer Galen, Lib. I. De Spermate, to aver62 with boldness that it were better, that is to say, a less evil, to have no heart at all than to be quite destitute63 of genitories; for there is laid up, conserved64, and put in store, as in a secessive repository and sacred warehouse65, the semence and original source of the whole offspring of mankind. Therefore would I be apt to believe, for less than a hundred francs, that those are the very same stones by means whereof Deucalion and Pyrrha restored the human race, in peopling with men and women the world, which a little before that had been drowned in the overflowing66 waves of a poetical67 deluge68. This stirred up the valiant69 Justinian, L. 4. De Cagotis tollendis, to collocate his Summum Bonum, in Braguibus, et Braguetis. For this and other causes, the Lord Humphrey de Merville, following of his king to a certain warlike expedition, whilst he was in trying upon his own person a new suit of armour, for of his old rusty70 harness he could make no more use, by reason that some few years since the skin of his belly71 was a great way removed from his kidneys, his lady thereupon, in the profound musing72 of a contemplative spirit, very maturely considering that he had but small care of the staff of love and packet of marriage, seeing he did no otherwise arm that part of the body than with links of mail, advised him to shield, fence, and gabionate it with a big tilting73 helmet which she had lying in her closet, to her otherwise utterly74 unprofitable. On this lady were penned these subsequent verses, which are extant in the third book of the Shitbrana of Paltry75 Wenches.
When Yoland saw her spouse76 equipp’d for fight,
And, save the codpiece, all in armour dight,
My dear, she cried, why, pray, of all the rest
Is that exposed, you know I love the best?
Was she to blame for an ill-managed fear,—
Or rather pious77, conscionable care?
Wise lady, she! In hurlyburly fight,
Can any tell where random78 blows may light?
Leave off then, sir, from being astonished, and wonder no more at this new manner of decking and trimming up of myself as you now see me.
1 armour | |
(=armor)n.盔甲;装甲部队 | |
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2 warriors | |
武士,勇士,战士( warrior的名词复数 ) | |
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3 doctrine | |
n.教义;主义;学说 | |
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4 behold | |
v.看,注视,看到 | |
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5 fervent | |
adj.热的,热烈的,热情的 | |
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6 shrubs | |
灌木( shrub的名词复数 ) | |
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7 everlasting | |
adj.永恒的,持久的,无止境的 | |
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8 curiously | |
adv.有求知欲地;好问地;奇特地 | |
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9 sprouts | |
n.新芽,嫩枝( sprout的名词复数 )v.发芽( sprout的第三人称单数 );抽芽;出现;(使)涌现出 | |
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10 fortifying | |
筑防御工事于( fortify的现在分词 ); 筑堡于; 增强; 强化(食品) | |
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11 hulls | |
船体( hull的名词复数 ); 船身; 外壳; 豆荚 | |
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12 cods | |
n.鳕鱼(cod的复数形式)v.哄骗,愚弄(cod的第三人称单数形式) | |
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13 ridges | |
n.脊( ridge的名词复数 );山脊;脊状突起;大气层的)高压脊 | |
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14 gourds | |
n.葫芦( gourd的名词复数 ) | |
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15 walnuts | |
胡桃(树)( walnut的名词复数 ); 胡桃木 | |
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16 chestnuts | |
n.栗子( chestnut的名词复数 );栗色;栗树;栗色马 | |
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17 whatsoever | |
adv.(用于否定句中以加强语气)任何;pron.无论什么 | |
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18 sperm | |
n.精子,精液 | |
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19 corroborated | |
v.证实,支持(某种说法、信仰、理论等)( corroborate的过去式 ) | |
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20 thoroughly | |
adv.完全地,彻底地,十足地 | |
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21 frail | |
adj.身体虚弱的;易损坏的 | |
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22 defensive | |
adj.防御的;防卫的;防守的 | |
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23 innocence | |
n.无罪;天真;无害 | |
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24 forth | |
adv.向前;向外,往外 | |
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25 enjoyment | |
n.乐趣;享有;享用 | |
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26 dominion | |
n.统治,管辖,支配权;领土,版图 | |
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27 fowls | |
鸟( fowl的名词复数 ); 禽肉; 既不是这; 非驴非马 | |
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28 reptiles | |
n.爬行动物,爬虫( reptile的名词复数 ) | |
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29 reign | |
n.统治时期,统治,支配,盛行;v.占优势 | |
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30 multiplication | |
n.增加,增多,倍增;增殖,繁殖;乘法 | |
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31 mischievous | |
adj.调皮的,恶作剧的,有害的,伤人的 | |
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32 malice | |
n.恶意,怨恨,蓄意;[律]预谋 | |
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33 perverted | |
adj.不正当的v.滥用( pervert的过去式和过去分词 );腐蚀;败坏;使堕落 | |
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34 nettles | |
n.荨麻( nettle的名词复数 ) | |
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35 rebellious | |
adj.造反的,反抗的,难控制的 | |
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36 disposition | |
n.性情,性格;意向,倾向;排列,部署 | |
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37 conspire | |
v.密谋,(事件等)巧合,共同导致 | |
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38 covenant | |
n.盟约,契约;v.订盟约 | |
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39 obedience | |
n.服从,顺从 | |
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40 primitive | |
adj.原始的;简单的;n.原(始)人,原始事物 | |
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41 prerogative | |
n.特权 | |
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42 dame | |
n.女士 | |
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43 certified | |
a.经证明合格的;具有证明文件的 | |
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44 testimony | |
n.证词;见证,证明 | |
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45 gallant | |
adj.英勇的,豪侠的;(向女人)献殷勤的 | |
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46 exquisitely | |
adv.精致地;强烈地;剧烈地;异常地 | |
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47 notably | |
adv.值得注意地,显著地,尤其地,特别地 | |
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48 notches | |
n.(边缘或表面上的)V型痕迹( notch的名词复数 );刻痕;水平;等级 | |
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49 sleeked | |
使…光滑而发亮( sleek的过去式 ) | |
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50 virtue | |
n.德行,美德;贞操;优点;功效,效力 | |
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51 faculty | |
n.才能;学院,系;(学院或系的)全体教学人员 | |
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52 satchels | |
n.书包( satchel的名词复数 ) | |
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53 hideously | |
adv.可怕地,非常讨厌地 | |
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54 abide | |
vi.遵守;坚持;vt.忍受 | |
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55 improperly | |
不正确地,不适当地 | |
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56 skull | |
n.头骨;颅骨 | |
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57 rabble | |
n.乌合之众,暴民;下等人 | |
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58 thereby | |
adv.因此,从而 | |
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59 marred | |
adj. 被损毁, 污损的 | |
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60 motive | |
n.动机,目的;adv.发动的,运动的 | |
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61 incited | |
刺激,激励,煽动( incite的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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62 aver | |
v.极力声明;断言;确证 | |
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63 destitute | |
adj.缺乏的;穷困的 | |
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64 conserved | |
v.保护,保藏,保存( conserve的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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65 warehouse | |
n.仓库;vt.存入仓库 | |
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66 overflowing | |
n. 溢出物,溢流 adj. 充沛的,充满的 动词overflow的现在分词形式 | |
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67 poetical | |
adj.似诗人的;诗一般的;韵文的;富有诗意的 | |
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68 deluge | |
n./vt.洪水,暴雨,使泛滥 | |
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69 valiant | |
adj.勇敢的,英勇的;n.勇士,勇敢的人 | |
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70 rusty | |
adj.生锈的;锈色的;荒废了的 | |
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71 belly | |
n.肚子,腹部;(像肚子一样)鼓起的部分,膛 | |
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72 musing | |
n. 沉思,冥想 adj. 沉思的, 冥想的 动词muse的现在分词形式 | |
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73 tilting | |
倾斜,倾卸 | |
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74 utterly | |
adv.完全地,绝对地 | |
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75 paltry | |
adj.无价值的,微不足道的 | |
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76 spouse | |
n.配偶(指夫或妻) | |
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77 pious | |
adj.虔诚的;道貌岸然的 | |
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78 random | |
adj.随机的;任意的;n.偶然的(或随便的)行动 | |
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