How Panurge consulteth with Herr Trippa.
Nevertheless, quoth Epistemon, continuing his discourse1, I will tell you what you may do, if you believe me, before we return to our king. Hard by here, in the Brown-wheat (Bouchart) Island, dwelleth Herr Trippa. You know how by the arts of astrology, geomancy, chiromancy3, metopomancy, and others of a like stuff and nature, he foretelleth all things to come; let us talk a little, and confer with him about your business. Of that, answered Panurge, I know nothing; but of this much concerning him I am assured, that one day, and that not long since, whilst he was prating5 to the great king of celestial6, sublime7, and transcendent things, the lacqueys and footboys of the court, upon the upper steps of stairs between two doors, jumbled8, one after another, as often as they listed, his wife, who is passable fair, and a pretty snug9 hussy. Thus he who seemed very clearly to see all heavenly and terrestrial things without spectacles, who discoursed10 boldly of adventures past, with great confidence opened up present cases and accidents, and stoutly11 professed12 the presaging13 of all future events and contingencies14, was not able, with all the skill and cunning that he had, to perceive the bumbasting of his wife, whom he reputed to be very chaste15, and hath not till this hour got notice of anything to the contrary. Yet let us go to him, seeing you will have it so; for surely we can never learn too much. They on the very next ensuing day came to Herr Trippa’s lodging16. Panurge, by way of donative, presented him with a long gown lined all through with wolf-skins, with a short sword mounted with a gilded17 hilt and covered with a velvet18 scabbard, and with fifty good single angels; then in a familiar and friendly way did he ask of him his opinion touching19 the affair. At the very first Herr Trippa, looking on him very wistly in the face, said unto him: Thou hast the metoposcopy and physiognomy of a cuckold,— I say, of a notorious and infamous20 cuckold. With this, casting an eye upon Panurge’s right hand in all the parts thereof, he said, This rugged21 draught22 which I see here, just under the mount of Jove, was never yet but in the hand of a cuckold. Afterwards, he with a white lead pen swiftly and hastily drew a certain number of diverse kinds of points, which by rules of geomancy he coupled and joined together; then said: Truth itself is not truer than that it is certain thou wilt23 be a cuckold a little after thy marriage. That being done, he asked of Panurge the horoscope of his nativity, which was no sooner by Panurge tendered unto him, than that, erecting24 a figure, he very promptly25 and speedily formed and fashioned a complete fabric26 of the houses of heaven in all their parts, whereof when he had considered the situation and the aspects in their triplicities, he fetched a deep sigh, and said: I have clearly enough already discovered unto you the fate of your cuckoldry, which is unavoidable, you cannot escape it. And here have I got of new a further assurance thereof, so that I may now hardily27 pronounce and affirm, without any scruple28 or hesitation29 at all, that thou wilt be a cuckold; that furthermore, thou wilt be beaten by thine own wife, and that she will purloin30, filch31 and steal of thy goods from thee; for I find the seventh house, in all its aspects, of a malignant32 influence, and every one of the planets threatening thee with disgrace, according as they stand seated towards one another, in relation to the horned signs of Aries, Taurus, and Capricorn. In the fourth house I find Jupiter in a decadence33, as also in a tetragonal aspect to Saturn34, associated with Mercury. Thou wilt be soundly peppered, my good, honest fellow, I warrant thee. I will be? answered Panurge. A plague rot thee, thou old fool and doting35 sot, how graceless and unpleasant thou art! When all cuckolds shall be at a general rendezvous36, thou shouldst be their standard-bearer. But whence comes this ciron-worm betwixt these two fingers? This Panurge said, putting the forefinger37 of his left hand betwixt the fore2 and mid38 finger of the right, which he thrust out towards Herr Trippa, holding them open after the manner of two horns, and shutting into his fist his thumb with the other fingers. Then, in turning to Epistemon, he said: Lo here the true Olus of Martial39, who addicted40 and devoted41 himself wholly to the observing the miseries42, crosses, and calamities43 of others, whilst his own wife, in the interim44, did keep an open bawdy-house. This varlet is poorer than ever was Irus, and yet he is proud, vaunting, arrogant45, self-conceited, overweening, and more insupportable than seventeen devils; in one word, (Greek), which term of old was applied46 to the like beggarly strutting47 coxcombs. Come, let us leave this madpash bedlam48, this hairbrained fop, and give him leave to rave49 and dose his bellyful with his private and intimately acquainted devils, who, if they were not the very worst of all infernal fiends, would never have deigned50 to serve such a knavish51 barking cur as this is. He hath not learnt the first precept52 of philosophy, which is, Know thyself; for whilst he braggeth and boasteth that he can discern the least mote53 in the eye of another, he is not able to see the huge block that puts out the sight of both his eyes. This is such another Polypragmon as is by Plutarch described. He is of the nature of the Lamian witches, who in foreign places, in the houses of strangers, in public, and amongst the common people, had a sharper and more piercing inspection54 into their affairs than any lynx, but at home in their own proper dwelling-mansions were blinder than moldwarps, and saw nothing at all. For their custom was, at their return from abroad, when they were by themselves in private, to take their eyes out of their head, from whence they were as easily removable as a pair of spectacles from their nose, and to lay them up into a wooden slipper55 which for that purpose did hang behind the door of their lodging.
Panurge had no sooner done speaking, when Herr Trippa took into his hand a tamarisk branch. In this, quoth Epistemon, he doth very well, right, and like an artist, for Nicander calleth it the divinatory56 tree. Have you a mind, quoth Herr Trippa, to have the truth of the matter yet more fully57 and amply disclosed unto you by pyromancy, by aeromancy, whereof Aristophanes in his Clouds maketh great estimation, by hydromancy, by lecanomancy, of old in prime request amongst the Assyrians, and thoroughly58 tried by Hermolaus Barbarus. Come hither, and I will show thee in this platterful of fair fountain-water thy future wife lechering and sercroupierizing it with two swaggering ruffians, one after another. Yea, but have a special care, quoth Panurge, when thou comest to put thy nose within mine arse, that thou forget not to pull off thy spectacles. Herr Trippa, going on in his discourse, said, By catoptromancy, likewise held in such account by the Emperor Didius Julianus, that by means thereof he ever and anon foresaw all that which at any time did happen or befall unto him. Thou shalt not need to put on thy spectacles, for in a mirror thou wilt see her as clearly and manifestly nebrundiated and billibodring it, as if I should show it in the fountain of the temple of Minerva near Patras. By coscinomancy, most religiously observed of old amidst the ceremonies of the ancient Romans. Let us have a sieve59 and shears60, and thou shalt see devils. By alphitomancy, cried up by Theocritus in his Pharmaceutria. By alentomancy, mixing the flour of wheat with oatmeal. By astragalomancy, whereof I have the plots and models all at hand ready for the purpose. By tyromancy, whereof we make some proof in a great Brehemont cheese which I here keep by me. By giromancy, if thou shouldst turn round circles, thou mightest assure thyself from me that they would fall always on the wrong side. By sternomancy, which maketh nothing for thy advantage, for thou hast an ill-proportioned stomach. By libanomancy, for the which we shall need but a little frankincense. By gastromancy, which kind of ventral fatiloquency was for a long time together used in Ferrara by Lady Giacoma Rodogina, the Engastrimythian prophetess. By cephalomancy, often practised amongst the High Germans in their boiling of an ass4’s head upon burning coals. By ceromancy, where, by the means of wax dissolved into water, thou shalt see the figure, portrait, and lively representation of thy future wife, and of her fredin fredaliatory belly-thumping blades. By capnomancy. O the gallantest and most excellent of all secrets! By axionomancy; we want only a hatchet61 and a jet-stone to be laid together upon a quick fire of hot embers. O how bravely Homer was versed62 in the practice hereof towards Penelope’s suitors! By onymancy; for that we have oil and wax. By tephromancy. Thou wilt see the ashes thus aloft dispersed63 exhibiting thy wife in a fine posture64. By botanomancy; for the nonce I have some few leaves in reserve. By sicomancy; O divine art in fig-tree leaves! By icthiomancy, in ancient times so celebrated65, and put in use by Tiresias and Polydamas, with the like certainty of event as was tried of old at the Dina-ditch within that grove66 consecrated67 to Apollo which is in the territory of the Lycians. By choiromancy; let us have a great many hogs68, and thou shalt have the bladder of one of them. By cheromancy, as the bean is found in the cake at the Epiphany vigil. By anthropomancy, practised by the Roman Emperor Heliogabalus. It is somewhat irksome, but thou wilt endure it well enough, seeing thou art destinated to be a cuckold. By a sibylline69 stichomancy. By onomatomancy. How do they call thee? Chaw-turd, quoth Panurge. Or yet by alectryomancy. If I should here with a compass draw a round, and in looking upon thee, and considering thy lot, divide the circumference70 thereof into four-and-twenty equal parts, then form a several letter of the alphabet upon every one of them; and, lastly, posit71 a barleycorn or two upon each of these so disposed letters, I durst promise upon my faith and honesty that, if a young virgin72 cock be permitted to range alongst and athwart them, he should only eat the grains which are set and placed upon these letters, A. C.U.C.K.O.L.D. T.H.O.U. S.H.A.L.T. B.E. And that as fatidically as, under the Emperor Valens, most perplexedly desirous to know the name of him who should be his successor to the empire, the cock vacticinating and alectryomantic ate up the pickles73 that were posited74 on the letters T.H.E.O.D. Or, for the more certainty, will you have a trial of your fortune by the art of aruspiciny, by augury75, or by extispiciny? By turdispiciny, quoth Panurge. Or yet by the mystery of necromancy76? I will, if you please, suddenly set up again and revive someone lately deceased, as Apollonius of Tyane did to Achilles, and the Pythoness in the presence of Saul; which body, so raised up and requickened, will tell us the sum of all you shall require of him: no more nor less than, at the invocation of Erictho, a certain defunct77 person foretold78 to Pompey the whole progress and issue of the fatal battle fought in the Pharsalian fields. Or, if you be afraid of the dead, as commonly all cuckolds are, I will make use of the faculty79 of sciomancy.
Go, get thee gone, quoth Panurge, thou frantic80 ass, to the devil, and be buggered, filthy81 Bardachio that thou art, by some Albanian, for a steeple-crowned hat. Why the devil didst not thou counsel me as well to hold an emerald or the stone of a hyaena under my tongue, or to furnish and provide myself with tongues of whoops82, and hearts of green frogs, or to eat of the liver and milt of some dragon, to the end that by those means I might, at the chanting and chirping83 of swans and other fowls84, understand the substance of my future lot and destiny, as did of old the Arabians in the country of Mesopotamia? Fifteen brace85 of devils seize upon the body and soul of this horned renegado, miscreant86 cuckold, the enchanter, witch, and sorcerer of Antichrist to all the devils of hell! Let us return towards our king. I am sure he will not be well pleased with us if he once come to get notice that we have been in the kennel87 of this muffled88 devil. I repent89 my being come hither. I would willingly dispense90 with a hundred nobles and fourteen yeomans, on condition that he who not long since did blow in the bottom of my breeches should instantly with his squirting spittle inluminate his moustaches. O Lord God now! how the villain91 hath besmoked me with vexation and anger, with charms and witchcraft92, and with a terrible coil and stir of infernal and Tartarian devils! The devil take him! Say Amen, and let us go drink. I shall not have any appetite for my victuals93, how good cheer soever I make, these two days to come,— hardly these four.
1 discourse | |
n.论文,演说;谈话;话语;vi.讲述,著述 | |
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2 fore | |
adv.在前面;adj.先前的;在前部的;n.前部 | |
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3 chiromancy | |
n.手相术 | |
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4 ass | |
n.驴;傻瓜,蠢笨的人 | |
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5 prating | |
v.(古时用语)唠叨,啰唆( prate的现在分词 ) | |
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6 celestial | |
adj.天体的;天上的 | |
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7 sublime | |
adj.崇高的,伟大的;极度的,不顾后果的 | |
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8 jumbled | |
adj.混乱的;杂乱的 | |
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9 snug | |
adj.温暖舒适的,合身的,安全的;v.使整洁干净,舒适地依靠,紧贴;n.(英)酒吧里的私房 | |
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10 discoursed | |
演说(discourse的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
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11 stoutly | |
adv.牢固地,粗壮的 | |
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12 professed | |
公开声称的,伪称的,已立誓信教的 | |
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13 presaging | |
v.预示,预兆( presage的现在分词 ) | |
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14 contingencies | |
n.偶然发生的事故,意外事故( contingency的名词复数 );以备万一 | |
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15 chaste | |
adj.贞洁的;有道德的;善良的;简朴的 | |
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16 lodging | |
n.寄宿,住所;(大学生的)校外宿舍 | |
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17 gilded | |
a.镀金的,富有的 | |
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18 velvet | |
n.丝绒,天鹅绒;adj.丝绒制的,柔软的 | |
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19 touching | |
adj.动人的,使人感伤的 | |
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20 infamous | |
adj.声名狼藉的,臭名昭著的,邪恶的 | |
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21 rugged | |
adj.高低不平的,粗糙的,粗壮的,强健的 | |
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22 draught | |
n.拉,牵引,拖;一网(饮,吸,阵);顿服药量,通风;v.起草,设计 | |
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23 wilt | |
v.(使)植物凋谢或枯萎;(指人)疲倦,衰弱 | |
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24 erecting | |
v.使直立,竖起( erect的现在分词 );建立 | |
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25 promptly | |
adv.及时地,敏捷地 | |
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26 fabric | |
n.织物,织品,布;构造,结构,组织 | |
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27 hardily | |
耐劳地,大胆地,蛮勇地 | |
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28 scruple | |
n./v.顾忌,迟疑 | |
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29 hesitation | |
n.犹豫,踌躇 | |
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30 purloin | |
v.偷窃 | |
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31 filch | |
v.偷窃 | |
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32 malignant | |
adj.恶性的,致命的;恶意的,恶毒的 | |
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33 decadence | |
n.衰落,颓废 | |
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34 Saturn | |
n.农神,土星 | |
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35 doting | |
adj.溺爱的,宠爱的 | |
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36 rendezvous | |
n.约会,约会地点,汇合点;vi.汇合,集合;vt.使汇合,使在汇合地点相遇 | |
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37 forefinger | |
n.食指 | |
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38 mid | |
adj.中央的,中间的 | |
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39 martial | |
adj.战争的,军事的,尚武的,威武的 | |
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40 addicted | |
adj.沉溺于....的,对...上瘾的 | |
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41 devoted | |
adj.忠诚的,忠实的,热心的,献身于...的 | |
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42 miseries | |
n.痛苦( misery的名词复数 );痛苦的事;穷困;常发牢骚的人 | |
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43 calamities | |
n.灾祸,灾难( calamity的名词复数 );不幸之事 | |
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44 interim | |
adj.暂时的,临时的;n.间歇,过渡期间 | |
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45 arrogant | |
adj.傲慢的,自大的 | |
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46 applied | |
adj.应用的;v.应用,适用 | |
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47 strutting | |
加固,支撑物 | |
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48 bedlam | |
n.混乱,骚乱;疯人院 | |
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49 rave | |
vi.胡言乱语;热衷谈论;n.热情赞扬 | |
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50 deigned | |
v.屈尊,俯就( deign的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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51 knavish | |
adj.无赖(似)的,不正的;刁诈 | |
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52 precept | |
n.戒律;格言 | |
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53 mote | |
n.微粒;斑点 | |
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54 inspection | |
n.检查,审查,检阅 | |
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55 slipper | |
n.拖鞋 | |
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56 divinatory | |
adj.占卦的 | |
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57 fully | |
adv.完全地,全部地,彻底地;充分地 | |
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58 thoroughly | |
adv.完全地,彻底地,十足地 | |
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59 sieve | |
n.筛,滤器,漏勺 | |
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60 shears | |
n.大剪刀 | |
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61 hatchet | |
n.短柄小斧;v.扼杀 | |
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62 versed | |
adj. 精通,熟练 | |
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63 dispersed | |
adj. 被驱散的, 被分散的, 散布的 | |
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64 posture | |
n.姿势,姿态,心态,态度;v.作出某种姿势 | |
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65 celebrated | |
adj.有名的,声誉卓著的 | |
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66 grove | |
n.林子,小树林,园林 | |
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67 consecrated | |
adj.神圣的,被视为神圣的v.把…奉为神圣,给…祝圣( consecrate的过去式和过去分词 );奉献 | |
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68 hogs | |
n.(尤指喂肥供食用的)猪( hog的名词复数 );(供食用的)阉公猪;彻底地做某事;自私的或贪婪的人 | |
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69 sibylline | |
adj.预言的;神巫的 | |
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70 circumference | |
n.圆周,周长,圆周线 | |
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71 posit | |
v.假定,认为 | |
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72 virgin | |
n.处女,未婚女子;adj.未经使用的;未经开发的 | |
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73 pickles | |
n.腌菜( pickle的名词复数 );处于困境;遇到麻烦;菜酱 | |
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74 posited | |
v.假定,设想,假设( posit的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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75 augury | |
n.预言,征兆,占卦 | |
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76 necromancy | |
n.巫术;通灵术 | |
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77 defunct | |
adj.死亡的;已倒闭的 | |
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78 foretold | |
v.预言,预示( foretell的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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79 faculty | |
n.才能;学院,系;(学院或系的)全体教学人员 | |
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80 frantic | |
adj.狂乱的,错乱的,激昂的 | |
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81 filthy | |
adj.卑劣的;恶劣的,肮脏的 | |
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82 whoops | |
int.呼喊声 | |
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83 chirping | |
鸟叫,虫鸣( chirp的现在分词 ) | |
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84 fowls | |
鸟( fowl的名词复数 ); 禽肉; 既不是这; 非驴非马 | |
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85 brace | |
n. 支柱,曲柄,大括号; v. 绷紧,顶住,(为困难或坏事)做准备 | |
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86 miscreant | |
n.恶棍 | |
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87 kennel | |
n.狗舍,狗窝 | |
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88 muffled | |
adj.(声音)被隔的;听不太清的;(衣服)裹严的;蒙住的v.压抑,捂住( muffle的过去式和过去分词 );用厚厚的衣帽包着(自己) | |
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89 repent | |
v.悔悟,悔改,忏悔,后悔 | |
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90 dispense | |
vt.分配,分发;配(药),发(药);实施 | |
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91 villain | |
n.反派演员,反面人物;恶棍;问题的起因 | |
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92 witchcraft | |
n.魔法,巫术 | |
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93 victuals | |
n.食物;食品 | |
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