How Chitterlings are not to be slighted by men.
You shake your empty noddles now, jolly topers, and do not believe what I tell you here, any more than if it were some tale of a tub. Well, well, I cannot help it. Believe it if you will; if you won’t, let it alone. For my part, I very well know what I say. It was in the Wild Island, in our voyage to the Holy Bottle. I tell you the time and place; what would you have more? I would have you call to mind the strength of the ancient giants that undertook to lay the high mountain Pelion on the top of Ossa, and set among those the shady Olympus, to dash out the gods’ brains, unnestle them, and scour1 their heavenly lodgings2. Theirs was no small strength, you may well think, and yet they were nothing but Chitterlings from the waist downwards3, or at least serpents, not to tell a lie for the matter.
The serpent that tempted4 Eve, too, was of the Chitterling kind, and yet it is recorded of him that he was more subtle than any beast of the field. Even so are Chitterlings. Nay5, to this very hour they hold in some universities that this same tempter was the Chitterling called Ithyphallus, into which was transformed bawdy6 Priapus, arch-seducer of females in paradise, that is, a garden, in Greek.
Pray now tell me who can tell but that the Swiss, now so bold and warlike, were formerly7 Chitterlings? For my part, I would not take my oath to the contrary. The Himantopodes, a nation very famous in Ethiopia, according to Pliny’s description, are Chitterlings, and nothing else. If all this will not satisfy your worships, or remove your incredulity, I would have you forthwith (I mean drinking first, that nothing be done rashly) visit Lusignan, Parthenay, Vouant, Mervant, and Ponzauges in Poitou. There you will find a cloud of witnesses, not of your affidavit-men of the right stamp, but credible8 time out of mind, that will take their corporal oath, on Rigome’s knuckle-bone, that Melusina their founder9 or foundress, which you please, was woman from the head to the prick-purse, and thence downwards was a serpentine10 Chitterling, or if you’ll have it otherwise, a Chitterlingdized serpent. She nevertheless had a genteel and noble gait, imitated to this very day by your hop-merchants of Brittany, in their paspie and country dances.
What do you think was the cause of Erichthonius’s being the first inventor of coaches, litters, and chariots? Nothing but because Vulcan had begot11 him with Chitterlingdized legs, which to hide he chose to ride in a litter, rather than on horseback; for Chitterlings were not yet in esteem12 at that time.
The Scythian nymph, Ora, was likewise half woman and half Chitterling, and yet seemed so beautiful to Jupiter that nothing could serve him but he must give her a touch of his godship’s kindness; and accordingly he had a brave boy by her, called Colaxes; and therefore I would have you leave off shaking your empty noddles at this, as if it were a story, and firmly believe that nothing is truer than the gospel.
1 scour | |
v.搜索;擦,洗,腹泻,冲刷 | |
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2 lodgings | |
n. 出租的房舍, 寄宿舍 | |
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3 downwards | |
adj./adv.向下的(地),下行的(地) | |
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4 tempted | |
v.怂恿(某人)干不正当的事;冒…的险(tempt的过去分词) | |
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5 nay | |
adv.不;n.反对票,投反对票者 | |
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6 bawdy | |
adj.淫猥的,下流的;n.粗话 | |
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7 formerly | |
adv.从前,以前 | |
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8 credible | |
adj.可信任的,可靠的 | |
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9 Founder | |
n.创始者,缔造者 | |
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10 serpentine | |
adj.蜿蜒的,弯曲的 | |
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11 begot | |
v.为…之生父( beget的过去式 );产生,引起 | |
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12 esteem | |
n.尊敬,尊重;vt.尊重,敬重;把…看作 | |
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